I still care about you
What might be the longest night of Alex´ life turned into day. He hadn´t slept for more than an hour and felt exhausted. The last 24 hours felt like a dream but it wasn´t. He had beaten up DeLuca near to death and he ended up here – in jail.
„Dr. Karev?" the guard came in. Alex looked up, his whole body was aching. „Somebody paid your caution. You´re free to go." The guard opened the door and looked at him expectingly. Alex stood up and moved slowly. „Who?" he asked. „I don´t know. A woman is waiting for you outside, let´s move.
When he came outside, he was blinded by the sun what only increased his headache. He was looking for Mer, could only be her. Probably he has scared away all other people. Alex walked to the parking lot and hesitated as he saw the car and woman Standing in front of it. That wasn´t Mer.
Jo was shocked when Alex came into her sight. She had expected him to look bad but definetly not that bad. He was pale, dark circles under his eyes, still wearing the blood covered clothes. But the most shocking was the scared and hopeless look in his eyes.
Alex stood still. Jo could imagine dealing with her and their messed up relationship wasn´t on his prority list at the moment. Jo walked towards him. „Meredith paid for you. She wanted to pick you up by herself. But after yesterday the hospital is a total chaos. She is at a board Meeting right now trying to save your ass. So she asked me to catch you."
Alex just looked at her with wide sad sad eyes but didn´t say a word or moved towards the car. „Alex, listen. It´s just a ride of 30 minutes. I will leave you alone once we got home but you can´t stay here. So let´s move." He didn´t say word, it seemed to her like his face had darkened even more at her words but moved in the car.
Jo handed him a coffee-to-go. „Thought you might need some coffee." She didn´t expected him to take it. But to her surprise he grabbed the cup. Jo noticed he only uses his left hand to open the door, to fasten the seat belt, to grab his coffee. While starting to drive she aked casually: „Did anybody check on your hand yesterday? Seems to hurt pretty bad." „Nope it´s nothing." He mumbled and stared out of the window.
„Listen, you are still a surgeon. If you can save your medical license you will need your hands. You have to do an X-Ray." Now Alex stared at her hatefully. „Oh come on Jo, don´t be stupid. Do you really believe I will work as a surgeon ever again?" He turned his look out of the window again. „I don´t know, Alex, and you don´t know either." She sighed.
They stopped at a traffic light. Jo looked at Alex´ hand. It was bloody and totally swollen, his fingers in an akward angle, looking like he couldn´t move them. Out of a sudden Jo stroke his Hand. Even this light touch caused Alex to wince. He looked at her with theese sad eyes and pulled his hand out of her reach. „Whatever, this isn´t your business anymore. You don´t have to care."
Jo started driving again. „No, Alex, no whatever. I still care about you. You ware the man I loved for five years now, my best friend. I don´t know if we can fix us but you will not push my away and destroy your career completly. I do care and because of that you will get an X-Ray. Now." She took the road to Seattle Prespetarian as she could imagine he couldn´t take going to their Hospital right now. In Alex head echoed „After all I still care." He has tried so hard to push her away so she couldn´t be the one leaving him for what he did. And there she was – still at his side at least for the moment.
After a quick check-up Alex´hand turned out to be broken. But they didn´t have to operate. It just needed local anesthetics to fix the broken bones in his Hand. After it they were free to go home.
Jo parked the car right in front of the loft and walked around it to open to door for Alex. Like always he didn´t tolerate the anesthetics well and she was only allowed to take him home by promising she would stay with him for the next 24 hours. Jo offered Alex a hand but he rejected it so she took a step back and let him leave the car on hos own. Alex failed tryping to find his balance so Jo reached his arm to steady him and helped him up the stairs.
In the loft Alex crashed at the couch and closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. Jo watched him sadly. He screwed up badly. She knew for Alex being a doctor was the most important thing in the world. The thing that helped him escape his creepy childhood, the thing that made him fight his demons everyday. She could only pray he wouldn´t lose his license.
Jo filled a glass with water, caught a muffin and put it on the couch table. She slightly touched his shoulder. „Alex? You have to eat something. The anesthetics will soon stop to work and you can´t take any pain killers without having eaten something."
He opened his eyes slowly. „You can go. Leave me alone. You don´t have to stay with a Monster like me." Alex didn´t want her to leave. But she would. He knew it. And maybe it wouldn´t hurt that much when he caused her to leave instead of being left alone.
„I am not going, Alex. Like I said earlier I still care." He sighed and groaned by sitting up. The numbness in his Hand went off, it hurt like hell. He bagan to shake. Jo put a blanket around his shoulders. „You should eat something, the pain will increase."
„Do you really think a muffin and some pain meds will help?" he screamed. „I am a monster, a monster. I tried so hard to become a good man and I ended up punching a man near to death. A few weeks ago I thought I could get everything I ever wanted, a wife, a Family, a house. But I screwed up like always. You wer completly right in turning me down. I am not a guy, someone should marry. I am a monster. So run. Save yourself!"
Tears came up to Alex´eyes. Jo never saw him so off guard in all theese years. She sat down next to him and pulled the blanket faster around his shoulders. „You are not a monster, Alex. Yeah, to be honest. You have scared the hell out of me. But you are not a monster. You did this because you care. You are the most caring person I know. And please, pretty please, don´t believe that you don´t deserve a wife, a family or a happy life. You deserve. You really derserve."
Alex looked up. His face wetted by his tears. „Are you gonna tell me why you didn´t want to marry me?" Jo sighed „I will, I promise. But I can´t do it now, you need to rest." To her surprise he accepted this and started to eat his muffin.
After eating the Muffin, Alex was less paler but still loked like a ghost. Suddenly he realized he was still blood covered. „I need a shower". Jo nodded „Don´t lock the door, I will get you clean clothes."
„Jo?" Alex looked at her desperatly. „I am so sorry, I really am." „I know, Alex, I am sorry too."
When Jo entered the bathroom Alex struggeld by drying his hair with his injured hand and groaned a little bit. Jo took the towel and helped him. He was standing in front of her, looking at the floor, deep in thoughts but it seemed like he realaxed a little bit by her touch. But as she finished he started to shake again. „I nearly punshed him to dead, I was this close." Jo took his hand. „But you haven´t."
She guided him to bed, made him lay down and handed him some pills. He took them without asking. „You have to sleep Alex. Your body needs the rest and you can´t do anything about what happened at the moment."
„Do you think we still have a chance Jo?" he asked quietly. „I´ll stay with you for the night Alex. In case you need anything." „Why? Why would you do that for me?" „Shut up, why wouldn´t I?"
She placed a kiss on his forehead as he closed his eyes.