Remorse
disclaimer :
Love, Rosie movie is property of Lionsgate; based on Where Rainbows End by Cecelia Ahern
warning :
AE!
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That was the last time Rosie talked with Alex.
Two years had passed.
Everything has changed, back at then. Rosie had developed her career in hotel management. She had very promising future. Katie also had grown up. She has become what her grandmother might call, Little Picasso. She loved doing artsy-things. Everything is better, now. Rosie could just live her life like nothing bad had happened.
But she couldn't. She was thankful for her life, about what she had gained. Still, she kept thinking about what she had lost. Never in awhile, didn't she think about reconciliation. She always thought about saying sorry and making up things. But she just couldn't bring herself. For a reason, Alex didn't do anything as well. He had sent her e-mail once, saying his sorry. But Rosie didn't see how an e-mail could fix what he just said before. She let his e-mail unreplied. And then Alex didn't try to convince her about his regret, further. Both of them, just simply stopped sending e-mails or post-cards. They stopped sharing any videos. It was just over. And Rosie couldn't make it up, she couldn't lie to herself that it actually tortured her.
A flash of another memory appeared before her eyes. One day, when Rosie had her day-off and she spent the day, staying in her room.
"Mom?" A sweet little voice crept in. A figure of Katie peered from the creak of the door. Rosie swept her cheeks. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, darling." She managed to say. Of course she wasn't. Katie was grown up enough to know that there was something off. Maybe smart enough to realize that it was something between her mother and Uncle Alex. It wasn't her first time to see her mother stared blankly at the windows as if she tried to foresee something, though.
"You should call Uncle Alex." Katie vocalized her thought while stepped in and then, sat beside her mother. Rosie cracked a smile not really looking at her.
"I really want to, Katie. But—" Some memories flashed before her eyes. It had been two years. Alex might have his baby born now. Probably a wedding too (of course, she had her wedding invitation sent; she hadn't came and neither her family), having his whole family, she guessed (strange to think that Rosie had no idea what was going on with Alex, now that she thought about that). There was quite a distance between them. No bridge would allow them to shorten the cliff. "—we just won't be same anymore."
Katie looked at her innocently. "Why?"
Why? Rosie shut her mouth. She had no answer for that question. Why? What had restrained her to contact Alex? What had restrained her from getting any words from him? Why?
"I don't know." Rosie spat the truth. Katie's round face turned to be confused.
"You don't know." She repeated it. Rosie shook her head. "You're just getting off with him."
"Yes."
And as Katie spoke, her words hit her as never before. "And you don't want to find out how to fix it? You've told me that your friendship is a treasure you should keep. You've told me, that having your best people behind your back is the best thing that could happen to you. And you're just getting off with Uncle Alex? Mom, what's wrong with you?"
Rosie couldn't defend herself. She could just snap at her daughter and told her to stay out her business but she couldn't. Everything Katie had said was right.
"Mom," Katie whispered as she touched her mother's arm. "You can't just let a simple problem ruined your friendship. You shouldn't let him go. He was the best thing that could happen to you."
"Not that simple." Rosie inhaled a deep breath, and then managed to say. "I just can't, Katie. He is my best friend, indeed. But bad things happen to anything. And it's just a bad thing to have lost Alex."
Katie shot her with an accusing look. As if at some points, her mother had disappointed her. "And is it unfixable?"
"Maybe." Rosie said. And it was hurtful to acknowledge it. "Maybe, it is."
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"—and now, opening speech from our new general manager, Rosie Dunne!"
Rosie shook her head, as if she had been accidentally slept when she sat on her chair. Her hazel eyes darted around, sigh of relief filled her in when she captured the picture of her mother and her daughter, Katie, both smiled encouragingly. Rosie set her face to her daily happy-mode, managed to close any box of sentimental feelings that had flashed her minutes before. It was the big day. The day she had waited for a whole of her life. She couldn't risk it, being messed up. She is slowly but sure, climbing her mountain of dreams. She had her beloved family witnessed the result of her effort. If only Alex was here too.
She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply. Not now. I shouldn't be distracted. I couldn't be.
She opened her eyes, managed to smile as wide as possible. And she stood up.
The MC gave her a microphone and she grabbed it steadily. She cleared her throat, ensured herself that her voice wouldn't come out as some of those crackly horrible sounds.
"Thank you, Lucia." She smiled and then darted her eyes around the room. "I am really honored to be appointed as the general manager of The Skywarp. I cannot express my endless gratitude for your faith in me, to—"
And her words stopped. Not only her words. But also the time. Or maybe the Earth has stopped its evolution, unnoticeably. Rosie had no idea. All that matter was what made her words swallowed back; what made her dropped her jaws in surprise.
Rosie blinked, tried to convince herself that what she saw was something real. Not some pieces of her fucking imagination or her wild and desperate fantasy. It felt like forever to get a confirmation. Until then she heard Katie shouted.
"UNCLE ALEX?!"
It was confirmed. It was real.
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There had to be an awkward silence that happened, if only Katie didn't seem too enthusiastic. Rosie couldn't produce any words since her long pause. She was too shocked by the sudden appearance of Alex. Afterwards, she just could apologize on her inability deliver her speech in proper length.
"You haven't said anything, Mom." Katie glanced towards her mother who still remained silent. Rosie gasped and smiled awkwardly toward his ex-best friend.
"I don't expect your presence." Alex raised his eyebrows. Rosie turned her reddish face, realized she said it in wrong way. "I mean, I didn't think you will be here."
"Katie told me about you." He smiled."Congratulations."
Rosie frowned secretly at her daughter, shot her with kind of 'so-this-is-your-plan' look. Katie didn't seem to regret it. She looked at Alex as if there was an unwritten agreement between them, Rosie did not know. Alex nodded slowly as response.
"We've been emailed for years."
Rosie choked on her wine. Her mother held out a napkin. "What?"
Katie shrugged. "Well, you're too stubborn to make up. So, I'm replying his e-mails."
She turned to her mother, shot her with an unspoken question, accusingly. Did you know about this too? She could only smile apologetically.
"Don't blame her, though." Alex cut off; when they saw Rosie face reddened and might explode anytime. "I am asking her to keep in touch, since you won't."
Katie touched her mother's sleeves. Soothed her. "He meant it when he wants to make up things, Mom."
The world's spinning before her eyes. It is? After all of these, after not talking for two years? After all of those moments both of them missed on each other's? And now he just appears, why wouldn't he do it sooner? A small voice crept inside her, snapped her back. And why wouldn't you? At least, he's making effort.
It was right. Alex had done his best. It was up to her to make his effort worth it or not.
"I didn't mean it." Alex stared straight into her eyes. There was a very noticeable bitterness in his voice. "I was too, you know, full of things at that day. I made meant comment I shouldn't say and I regret it forever. Especially, after I experienced myself—"
Rosie gasped. But, Katie took his part to explain. "He lost both of his wife and his child."
"Sally had serious internal bleeding and she should give a birth prematurely or I would lose both of her and the baby." Alex laughed bitterly. "I guessed we shouldn't make pre-assumption, don't we?"
Alex had that look again. The same sad look, which Rosie had seen when he finally found out that she had to struggle alone to raise her child. But this time, there was something more there. The look was sadder, as if he had went through indescribable suffering. Alone.
Alone, she realized. For a long time, Rosie was sure that Alex's life must be better than hers. He had his that bright future, indeed. It never occurred her that what had happened was an upside-down version. Alex had to survive through his miserable life while Rosie did not know anything and did not care.
"Alex." She said his name. And her voice was cracked as she spoke. "I am sorry."
"It wasn't your fault, Rosie." Alex waved his hands, as if to refuse an unnecessary apology.
"I wasn't being there. I was too selfish, a fucking ego-centrist—"
Her mother didn't mark her rude words. "We paid him a visit once."
"Why you didn't take me with you?" Rosie raised his voice. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I am asking them, not to." Alex took a deep inhale. "You are making your dream, and telling you these will not help you. I am glad, they're there for me as if you are there yourself."
Rosie bitted her lips. "Still, Alex. I am your—best friend. We haven't talked for fucking millennium, but I'm —how annoying I am—deserved to know. I could be there for you."
"You are here, Rosie." Alex smiled. "Everything takes times. This is a perfect time. When I finally deal with my sorrow. I don't regret it. And you shouldn't, either."
"I am sorry." Tears streamed slowly down on her face. Alex stood up, and approached her, gave her a hug. Rosie sobbed over his shoulder. Remorse, guilt, and—strangely, relief, mixed as one.
"Sshh..."
Rosie knew there were many things she could not change: the past, the destiny, and those bad things that happen in life. She regretted a lot of things, but she knew that regret is always there to remind her that she shouldn't make the same mistake for a second time in the future. She probably had chosen the wrong decision by not reconciled with Alex early. She regretted it, indeed. But this remorse feeling made her to see things clearer. And she finally understood. Her daughter was absolutely right. You can't just let a simple problem ruined your friendship. You shouldn't let him go. He was the best thing that could happen to you. Alex was the best thing that could happen to her.
She couldn't stand any chance to lose him anymore. She wouldn't. Because, rather than write such an affectionate greetings in e-mail, she preferred to express them directly. And the time in which she had to swallow back his imaginary letter, has ended. Instead of saying 'With love, Rosie', now that he hugged her, she would say them loudly.
And this time, Alex would actually listen.
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** the end **
a/n :
[p.s: I am so sorry, Miss. I know you've told us to make it short (just how Rosie and Alex ended), but I just couldn't resist myself to make it as some kind of fanfiction (which I hope wouldn't affect the score of this assignment). I was too enjoying myself, writing stuffs like this. I have made it shorter than before though :'')]
those words above I put under my english class assignment. yes i wrote this for some kind of class project. my lecturer just gave her about an hour of watching the movie, i myself, haven't seen the ending of the original movie.