A/N: I don't know what this is. This is my first time writing and I apologise in advance for any spelling errors.
I do not own The 100 or any of these characters.
It had been at least two days since Bellamy and the rest of the 46 were rescued from Mount Weather. Clarke was happy, they were back and they were safe, but so many from the original 100 were gone. Harper and Monty had been stuck in cages and used like lab rats for their Mountain Men's own greed and Bellamy had been tortured because of her. She couldn't help but blame herself; it was her fault after all. Clarke had told him to go, because she was being weak, and she had never regretted anything more ever since. She took the easy way out, shutting out her emotions, when in reality it wasn't and isn't that easy.
As soon as Clarke saw Bellamy through the crowd, she felt like she couldn't breathe. He was covered in bruises all over his body, you could see scars forming and he looked so tired, both mentally and physically, that Clarke felt like she was going to throw up.
Bellamy was pushed to medical straight away and Abby was dismissing her, telling her to leave because there's no good she could do right now. "Let me help him, mom" Clarke said, her voice cracking and giving away her emotions. Clarke tried to get it together, for herself and for Bellamy, because to do this she needed to remain unattached.
"I promise I will do everything in my power to save him, okay?" Abby spoke reassuringly in a gentle tone and Clarke had faith in her mother and her abilities so she simply nodded.
Clarke sat down next to where Bellamy was lying, ignoring Abby, and held onto his hand for support, letting him know that she was there even if he was unconscious at this point. He would make it through this. Bellamy was a fighter, a survivor, and it was part of the reason she sent him to Mount Weather and believed in him the whole time.
He would be alright because Clarke needed Bellamy, she couldn't do this without him.
A week after his recovery, Octavia came barging into her brother's tent.
"What is it, O?" Bellamy asked tiredly, he could tell by the way his sister walked in unannounced with attitude bouncing in her step that she wanted something.
"When are you going to talk to Clarke?" She replied boldly, watching carefully for Bellamy's reaction because she knew it was a sensitive subject but damn it, those two needed to fix their problems.
Bellamy's pretty sure his heart skipped a beat at just hearing her name. He shook his head, trying to ignore his feelings right now especially under his sister's gaze before answering, "I have talked to Clarke." And he wasn't wrong, he had spoken to Clarke. Maybe a couple of words that were strictly towards anything business-related but that's all before Bellamy dismissed himself from her sympathetic eyes. Bellamy couldn't do it, couldn't make small talk and act as if everything was normal with her. He didn't want to hear her apologies when he knew she didn't mean them, his life was apparently worth the risk after all, he didn't mean that much like he thought. So Bellamy distanced himself from Clarke, needing to close his own heart off from his feelings if she only thought so little of him, but he kept a watchful eye. He could tell she was distraught and full of grief still and it hurt him not to be able to do anything, to hold her and soothe her worries but instead he watched from afar just in case she needed him.
"That's bullshit and you know it. Clarke's been dying to talk to you since you got back but you shrug her off like she means nothing to you. I get that you feel hurt and betrayed for what she said, I was angry at her for a while too, but she didn't mean it and you know it so go to talk to her and sort out your problems already." Octavia stated, clearly making her point before leaving the tent and Bellamy to his own thoughts.
Clarke sat alone at a table, not like there was anyone to accompany her anyway – Abby sat with Kane, who Clarke really didn't feel like dealing with right now, and Monty and Jasper sat on the other side, laughing at some joke they shared which she didn't want to interrupt, Octavia was out with Lincoln somewhere and her and Raven hadn't been on the best of terms for a while now. It was times like this where she missed Wells and Finn, people who she could always rely on no matter what. She also missed Bellamy even though she shouldn't, it's her fault that he won't talk to her and she should suffer the consequences no matter how much it made her heart ache.
As if on cue, someone sat down next to her. Clarke slightly turned her head away from her food to see who it was, probably Murphy or Miller or someone, and was surprised to see Bellamy gazing at her. Clarke didn't speak; she didn't want to ruin this moment and send Bellamy running again, he hardly had any contact with her right now and if he just wanted to sit in silence while he ate then she'd be content with that.
"Aren't you going to eat anything?" Bellamy asked with a tone of concern – was she listening correctly or is she just desperate? – while pointing at the plate of food that was left untouched in front of her. Abby had left it there before, trying to take care of her as always even though Clarke was fully capable of doing that herself.
"Not hungry." Clarke simply replied. She hadn't had an appetite since Finn had died, only eating small amounts every day to keep her alive.
Bellamy frowned and then sighed. "Damn it, princess. You can't just starve yourself, eat something already."
Clarke felt her stomach flutter with the reappearance of Bellamy's old name for her. It had started off an insult, something to mock her with, but some became a term of endearment that she welcomed. Following his orders, she swallowed down any arguments and ate some food from her plate for his sake. "You don't have to take care of me." Clarke said, something of which she was sure she repeated on a day to day basis now with her mom. Clarke wasn't a kid anymore and she had proved several times she could do things herself.
"Yeah, I know. You can take care of yourself. Hell, you could kick my ass right now if you wanted to." Bellamy replied with half a smile and Clarke automatically smiled back, this had been the happiest she's seen him in a while and like hell she wouldn't appreciate that. They both sat in silence for a while that wasn't awkward but nice for them both until Bellamy noticed Clarke's distress in her facial expressions. "What are you thinking about?" He said so gently that Clarke was almost unsure if she heard him right or was imagining it.
Clarke swallowed down tears that she knew were coming. She took a moment to reply and get her emotions in check. "I'm so sorry, Bellamy. I'm sorry for sending you away to Mount Weather, I'm so-"
Bellamy quickly cut off her words before she could finish. "Clarke, it's okay. You don't need to apologise. I understand."
Clarke's heart broke even more at that because no, it wasn't okay. How could he even think like that? "Let me finish," Clarke said, her voice cracking due to her emotions, and Bellamy just sighed and nodded, knowing that she had to get through this for them to be okay. "I told you that your life was worth the risk," Clarke pretended to not notice Bellamy flinch at that, but she did, "but I was wrong. Lexa told me that love was weakness so I sent you away and tried to forget everything I felt for you but I couldn't. You shouldn't have gone through what you did. You were tortured, Bellamy. Tortured. All that is going through my head is that it was my fault and I need to apologise even though that will never make it right." She finished, tears that betrayed her were rolling down her cheeks. Bellamy grabbed onto Clarke's small hand and gave it a small squeeze of support.
"I'm not going to lie, it hurt when you told me to go to Mount Weather," Bellamy said simply and Clarke nodded with sadness that was evident, "But I did anyway because I'd do anything for you. I don't blame you, Clarke. Don't beat yourself up about this. The torture was worth it if it meant the rest survived and that Octavia and you and everyone else was safe from the Mountain Men for good."
"Just promise me you won't do anything like that again. Don't put yourself in danger, no matter what I say." Clarke pleaded with him.
"I can't promise you that, Clarke." Bellamy replied with a sad smile. He hated seeing Clarke like this, she was always so strong and seeing her break down, especially over him, did things to his heart.
"You're so important to me, I don't know what I'd do without you. Bellamy,-" Clarke's words were stopped short again by Bellamy shushing her. He reached forward and put his hands on both sides of Clarke's face before kissing her forehead.
"We're going to be fine, don't you worry princess." Bellamy spoke softly before standing up to leave, not before giving Clarke a small smile of reassurance.
Bellamy would continue to be her knight and Clarke would continue to be the fearless leader that she is and sure, some days would be tough, but as long as they had each other they'd get through it.
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