Lena wrapped her fingers tightly around her balcony's railing. The sun had begun its descent below the horizon, and streams of red and gold deepened into a violet haze across a dimming sky. Isolated and alone on the top floor of L-Corp, the silence reverberated and the colors seemed blinding.
The sky began its transition into evening, and tiny flickers began to blink into existence. It was like a lightning storm, exhilarating and beautiful. Her brother had been so fascinated with the stars, and every night pointed out the constellations to her. Her favorite was Andromeda. Maybe it was the chains wrapped around the princess' outstretched hands as her parents prepared to sacrifice her to Cetus.
Every night, they would lay on the grass gazing up into the deep void of space. They'd tell tales and make up stories about life on other planets. He believed something existed out in the stars. They'd compare it to Star Wars, enthralled with the idea of a 'force' and alien civilizations. He would call her Leia and she would call him her own Luke Skywalker. So many dreams, so much hope, so much excitement….
In the end, he became Darth Vader.
Even as a kid, he had been obsessed with the force...
It was only natural that the obsession turned toward Superman.
Still, she missed the boy he was, his lopsided smiles and that glint to his eyes. But he had withdrawn and taken the stars with him and became a ghost from another life.
But maybe, if she called the sun, it would see her. After all, the sun is still a star….
And the sun—it never judged.
She leaned forward slightly over the edge, tilting her head to the sky. National City spread below, numerous skyscrapers and buildings looming all around her. Luminous and brilliant as the coming twilight signaled the arrival of dusk.
Lena saw the silhouette first, an outline of red and blue streaming past her balcony. When she squinted, she could make out the crimson cape billowing behind Supergirl—the same color as her crest. The crest that another man shared; the one that had etched itself into Lena's nightmares—that and her brother's feral eyes.
She sighed as the sky grew heavier, melting into the night. Heavy like the weight that pressed into her chest ever since her brother's descent into madness and her mother's incarceration.
Since her brother's downfall, her vision had dulled to grays—as if the world lost its color. Like a black and white movie from her mother's time, grayscale and less vibrant. She had stood with her chin held high, and defiance burning her chest. At least, that was what the media saw.
Her mother should have been proud. She had been the perfect Luthor. Even if she had testified against her brother.
And then her mother was arrested and the grays ceased to exist.
The days and nights had blurred, and unless she peered out a window, she couldn't tell one from the other. She was lost as if aboard a rudderless ship, drifting along an endless sea. A sea of lost time and memories-it waited to drown her in its murky depths. And maybe she'd let it. Maybe she'd walk along the edge a little while longer, her eyes squeezed shut.
She exhaled through tight lips and glanced at the article that had laid on her desk but was now held with a slight tremor in her grip. If the headline had vocal abilities, it would be a blowhorn, deafening in its sheer volume. The words were bold and without mercy.
Lena Luthor. An ungrateful orphan, or a brilliant mastermind?
Why had she brought the damned thing outside?
No matter how far she distanced herself from her last name, something always dragged her back. No one truly saw her. They saw a Luthor. She carried the weight of her family's crimes on her shoulders. Maybe she deserved it. She had not been enough to break her brother's insanity. And now, her mother walked down that same path.
Oh, she had tried to make them see reason. She had tried so hard, but in the end, it had not been enough.
She had never been enough.
And, the press painted her in a negative light.
Her fingers trembled, and she swallowed the lump in her throat. What had she expected? That the public would praise her for hindering her mother's plan? Lena had stopped xenocide, but her deeds went unnoticed.
Unbidden, a dry chuckle escaped her lips.
She would always be under scrutiny.
And no one really believed in her—they waited with baited breath for her to fall. She clenched her jaw against the empty ache in her chest. Besides her brother, no one had ever believed in her. They saw only what they wanted to see. Something sinister and vile.
Everyone, except one lone reporter: Kara.
Kara believed in her. Kara cared.
And, she needed Kara.
She wondered if Kara was working on an article, forced to work late because Snapper gave a new assignment and demanded a miracle. Lena disliked him. She disliked the way he constantly criticized her friend. That man couldn't spot talent if he walked over it.
A sudden yearning squeezed her heart. The cold muscle strained and constricted. And the ice that had protected her for so long thawed. She began to feel. Maybe Superman had shoved his fortress of solitude against the space between her ribs and pierced it with the fire from his eyes.
Would he draw joy from her suffering?
Her throat choked and she couldn't swallow. It was too much. She craved the cerulean blue eyes that shone with a fierce blaze. Like her sun. Another sun. And Kara did not know she yearned for her. Kara did not know... because she was just another illusion. Another mirage, tempting but always too far away. Just like the stars and the sun.
Because no matter how many times Lena screamed for Kara, she remained unreachable. Elusive. Kara would never notice her.
Lena blinked.
She was a Luthor and this pathetic need strangled her.
This infatuation will destroy everything.
Suddenly, Lena's chest felt tighter, her breath shot out of her. She gulped for air, but oxygen eluded her. The agony overwhelmed her. It wasn't physical pain, but the way her lungs begged for air and her pulse raced, it could be. She shuddered as each pulse sent adrenaline through her veins.
Her entire being radiated with the need to find Kara, to be with Kara. It was overpowering.
The need was intense and sweltering. She longed to touch Kara even the flames consumed her. She longed for that scent of lilac and strawberry that lingered long after Kara left the room, that scent charged with so much light.
And the darkness…It sought to devour her, to immerse her in grief thick like oil. It tightened around her neck like a noose. Yet, Kara had been able to cut through the cords with ease.
It was torture-this desire. It scared her. But, she wanted the dream. She wanted to wake up beside Kara each morning, the sun casting a golden glow around her hair. Her fingers tingled at the thought of running through each strand.
But, Lena was a Luthor. Who could ever love her?
Cold laughter rang from deep inside her mind. Her mother's laughter.
No one.
Lena gasped and that noose tightened...that imaginary noose, squeezing her chest until the life left her. It squeezed. It squeezed and squeezed, and a deep ache snapped through her.
Pinching her eyes shut, she welcomed the hidden calm beneath her lids. And then she opened them to the sky with a blur of red and blue.
Kara…
Kara…
Kara, why can't you love me?
Lena did not know when her thoughts became words, but her own voice startled her. The whisper tasted bitter on her lips. She had choked the words out and infused it with need. Longing. Everything she ever felt laced within the utterance of each word.
Supergirl froze in the air. Still as a statue, hovering above Catco. Lena sighed. Did the world cast a weight on Supergirl's shoulders as well? Was she also smothered by her own thoughts?
Supergirl spun, facing her as if she read her mind, and Lena's eyes widened.
No. Mind reading wasn't a super power.
Seconds passed. And then another moment passed while Supergirl hung in the air as if she were a fixture in an elaborate portrait.
Lena squinted her eyes but was unable to make out more than a blurred image. What caused the girl of steel to pause mid-flight? Had she forgotten something, something so urgent that she'd have to turn back? What could cast a ripple to her single-minded purposefulness?
Still, whatever reason Supergirl had to turn back vanished. She spun, and flew away, fading from sight.
Lena swallowed, not understanding why her bottom lip trembled. Nightfall would come soon, and then Lena would sleep alone, wishing to be wrapped in Kara's arms.
But, Lena was a Luthor, and a Luthor was not weak. A Luthor did not need love. Yet, Kara's image still burned into her mind, and Lena ached.
God, how she ached.
Lena longed for the sun to set its eyes upon her.