A/N: Roaming Reading Zizi and I spent about an hour discussing this as we rode home from apple picking in North Carolina. We were talking about blasphemous pairings in the Harry Potter fandom . . . and then somehow we got to this.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any characters affiliated. Harry Potter is the property of J.K. Rowling. I am not making any money off of this.
Least Likely
The final battle had just ended, and the world was safe once more. Voldemort's platinum-colored ash was breezing through the air, causing everyone to choke. They were all happy.
So it was now time to ride off into the sunset, mounted atop various animals. Harry's tiger-striped, yellow-and-silver ostrich, Eggroll, was clucking vehemently, catching the various rodents that fell from the sky. The emus and camels that were following them snatched the gerbils and others in their mouths as well; cackling as their meals squealed in pain and fright.
Hermione, Ron, and Ginny were all smiling, riding atop giant ant-shaped hot air balloons that were a brilliant yellow with violet speckled all over. Their magnificent stingers had the words 'Sugar Momma' painted in large, lime green letters all over them. Hermione's party hat was nearly falling off, and the drunken camels below looked up eagerly, hoping to be able to eat it as it fell.
The blue ice-cream cones that formed the baskets of the hot-air balloons were filled to the brim with mattress-shaped Hogwarts students, who were dropping frozen orange juice and sugar cubes from the sky.
"Nobody likes a sore loser, Voldy!" Dumbledore screeched as he unwrapped the plaid towel he had around his waist and threw it on his neck, revealing the plaid speedo beneath. The komodo dragon he was standing upon roared, and flexed its muscles, creating a ripple effect on its bright pink-yellow-and-green plaid skin.
Harry danced, his suddenly purple eyes sparking in the sunset. His fiery orange hair flew wildly about him, and contrasted marvelously with his wizards' robes, which were made of fresh seaweed and cattails (which also had 'Sugar Momma' written in green on the back). The pizza between his toes, which was topped with a hearty portion of anchovies and pineapple, fell out as he began to do the tango, and the purple and orange emus following him snapped it up.
But Snape and McGonagall paid no mind to this, as their enchanted love seat galloped behind Harry and co. They kissed passionately, and McGonagall rubbed Snape's red-and-gold spiked hair, feeling rather embarrassed for her new fiancée. His spiky 'do was nothing like her beautiful hair, styled up in a green and silver mohawk. But his clothes far outshone her pathetic hot pink towel – his hot pink leather overalls (decorated with hunter green triangles) were absorbing all the heat the sunset had to offer.
The fulgent olive-green aliens in the orange Buicks with plum colored bumpers followed warily, worried that Superman (who was zapping at them with chartreuse laser vision) would incinerate them before the reached city limits.
Roswell, New Mexico, had never seen anything stranger.