The star destroyer glided soundlessly through space as Kylo Ren sat on the edge of the bed in his quarters. In his hands he held the new mask that had just been delivered from the armory, his previous helmet having been left behind on Starkiller Base. It was of the same design and fine craftsmanship, but this one did not bear the same scars of battles past, evidence of so many planets beaten into submission and star systems forced to submit to the First Order.
"Is it adequate, Sir?" the filtered voice of the storm trooper at his side startled Ren out of his reverie. He tossed the helmet aside onto the bed next to him.
"It's fine. You're dismissed."
As the door hissed shut behind the retreating white figure, Ren reached for the mask again. He passed his thumb across the silver ridges around the eyes, felt the cool metal chill against his palms. He waited for the familiar feeling of self-satisfied pride that he usually felt when contemplating his mask. He knew it was frightening-that was the whole point of the thing. He'd relished the fear and loathing that this mask had brought to the face of more than one resistance pilot or insurgent villager. Putting the mask on had always been an essential part of getting himself prepared to do the work of the First Order-of continuing the work of his Grandfather.
But nothing came. Instead, he just felt empty, as he sat there and stared at it, the blank eye shield reflecting back his own gaze. And instead of the pride and the self-satisfaction and the fury, all he could think of was her voice. Her voice, shaking with fear but still defiant.
"That happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask."
Suddenly the fury welled up in him, and he flung the helmet across the room, where it banged against the wall and skidded off harmlessly.
What a fool, he thought, and he wasn't certain whether this was directed at himself or her, that filthy scavenger from Jakku. He had looked into her mind and he had seen her loneliness, and winced now to remember her joy at being an accomplice of the legendary Han Solo. How dare she, he thought furiously. How dare she think that a few days spent with Han Solo could possibly allow her to know him better than me?
His eyes darkened as he remembered the way she had called him a monster, spitting it at him as if she had the right to pass judgement. While those she would idolize, those heroes of the Resistance, they were the true monsters. He remembered it well, how he had been forgotten, neglected and ignored as a child, always shoved aside in favor of some new emergency, something more urgent. And she would call them comrades, and judge me.
He had to find her. With his blood simmering, he stumbled over to the large window in his quarters, and looked with both his eyes and the Force into the galaxy. She had left him there, on Starkiller Base, left him there to die as the earth split open between them. Left him there to die after he had offered to take this girl without any family under his wing, to teach her and train her.
But he was not dead, and he would show her what a creature he was, how truly monstrous he could be. She would see.