Chapter 1

At the first hint of sunrise Lucas Scott woke. Can never get a good night's sleep in this city, he thought to himself. He'd arrived in LA the night before and finally collapsed into his bed at around 2 o clock in the morning. There had been a mix up with hotel arrangements. His agent had booked a room at the Beverley Hilton but he couldn't stay there. That hotel held too many painful memories, one room in particular held too many painful memories.

"Peyton, I love you, and I want us to be together forever-"

"Luke wait" She placed her hands around the box that he was holding. "Okay"

"Look I know this is a bit sudden, okay?" He interrupted her. "But, you know, yesterday was a great day. And I'm sitting on the bus and I realise that none of my great days in my life matter without you. You're the one I want next to me when my dreams come true and you're the one I want next to me if they don't. As long as I have you nothing else matters."

"There's...It's just not as simple as all of that, okay?" She rose from her chair walking to the door, for a moment he grimaced, wondering if she was rejecting him Was she leaving him? Was she saying no? He put that thought to the back of his mind as she turned back to him. She looked almost scared. He stood to meet her. " There's a lot we have to talk about."

"I know but we'll figure out the details when we get back to Tree Hill" he reassured her.

"Okay. I know that's home for you. And I miss it sometimes, I do. But for me, Tree Hill is two dead moms and a physco-stalker and some really painful memories. You know I actually had to move out to Hollywood to get away from all the drama. So right now this is my home and the only thing that's missing is you."

"Then I'll move here" He approached her as he spoke. He would do anything for them to be together. He could understand her reluctance to move back home. She had been through more than most people experience in a life time in that small town. He was sure eventually he could convince her that it was right that they return home.

"Luke. Honey, Whitey believes in you and Nathan needs you. And if I ask you to walk away from you dream, you're going to wake up one day and resent me for it. The same way I would feel if you asked me to leave LA."

"Peyton... You...You get people coffee and deliver mail. You were doing more than that in Tree Hill." He knew those words hurt her. Earlier in the evening she had spoken with such enthusiasm and hope about her job. She believed it would lead her to achieve her dreams .He watched as looked to the floor.

"Well... I love you for believing that but I have to prove that to myself. I mean...You see that's the thing. We both have so much we want to do with our lives and we're only 19."

"And Nathan and Hayly were a lot younger than that" he retorted. Why was she so set against this? Why did it have to be one or the other?

"Okay. Well we see how easy that's been." He stared at her blankly, letting her words ink in. She wasn't choosing him. "Come on. In another year."

He turned away from her unsure what to say. "Peyton. We've seen each other 3 times in the last year. We go days without talking, we trade a few emails, we've already grown so far apart. Who knows where we'll be a year from now"

"Luke if you can't trust that our love can make it one year. I don't understand how we can be talking about forever right now." He looked at her, staring into her green eyes and for the first time, he couldn't understand her.

"You're saying no." The girl he loved didn't love him back. She didn't want him the same way he wanted her. She didn't need him like he needed her. She was saying to know spending the rest of the lives together. She said she needed a year to find her dreams. She was his dream.

"No." He sat down on the bed, knowing that any moment know his legs would just give in. She sat down next to him taking his arm. "Wait. I'm not saying no. I'm saying not now. I want to marry you someday."

Someday. He knew what someday meant: it meant settling for him. She'd settle for him someday. He pulled away. Peyton was his everything. She wasn't someone who he'd marry someday. Someday, he almost choked. He pulled away from her.

"Hey. Don't .Don't do that. Don't pull away from me. I want us to be together. I love you so much."

"Just not enough." He looked at the anguish on her face, he was sure he mirrored it.

"Oh god. Can we take this back. Can we pretend like you never woke up. Please."

"I don't think we can" He wasn't sure he could be with someone who didn't see him as their future.

"I'm afraid that this conversation is going to end with-"

"Goodbye" he finished for her.

"Oh Luke. Don't. Come here." She pushed him back so they both lay on the bed. He head on his shoulder and her hair resting against his neck. He tried to remember the last time he'd felt so helpless and safe all at the same time. "Our dreams are going to come true, Lucas. My music and your novel. It's going to happen, I know it."

As Lucas lay there he felt that his dream was dying and struggled to hold back the tears. She eventually fell asleep. He lay there for hours watching her sleep, memorizing her. As the sun began to rise he removed himself from the bed. Before he left, he placed one last kiss on her forehead and left the CD she had made him on the pillow. Then he walked out on Peyton Sawyer, the girl he was doomed to love forever.

He'd often wondered how she'd woken up. Had she looked for him? She knew she hadn't tried calling that morning. He'd kept his phone on but there was no call from her. No message. They had only spoken once since. He had invited her to his book signing in LA. He had wanted to tell her he'd made a mistake. That he would wait forever. To apologise, for not being patient. He still loved her. Everytime the door had opened he had looked for her but she hadn't shown up. That was his last visit to LA almost three years ago. It had been just as painful as the previous. It was then he'd realised what he'd lost and resigned himself to the fact he'd never get it back.

xxxxx

"Are you going to behave tonight?" Peyton ignored him; instead she chose to focus on her reflection in the mirror behind Tony. God I look like crap, she thought to herself. A small smile crept across her face as she wondered what Brooke would think if she saw Peyton's attire. She and Brooke Davis had been best friends since they were 8. They hadn't really been as close over the last few years. Peyton knew they now belonged to different worlds. She had seen Brooke's fashion magazine and knew it was only a small proportion of the success her friend had achieved. Brooke Davis had changed the world, Brooke Davis had succeeded. Peyton had failed and had lost everything. She wasn't willing to lose the perception of her that Brooke had. She couldn't survive Brooke knowing the person she was now.

"Are you listening to me? Do you understand me, Peyton? Don't pull any shit tonight. I owe this guy money." She looked back to him, standing in front of his desk in his tiny office at the back of the club.

"Then maybe you should sleep with him." Before she could take it back, she felt the back of his hand smack across her face and the familiar taste of blood on her lip. She stepped back wiping away the blood and went to turn and leave the room. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back towards him. She could feel his breath on her neck. Then he began to place kisses on her shoulder. She didn't try to struggle free of his grip. She knew better than that. She could control her body. It was her mouth she couldn't control and it frequently got her into trouble.

"Peyton. Don't try anything tonight. Just do your job and then I'll look after you."

"Could you look after me now?" She smiled at him, knowing that he would soon realise what she was suggesting. She turned to face him, laying her hands on his chest. "I need-"

"Peyton, don't I always look after you? Just promise me you'll be good." He walked away from her and began looking for something in his desk.

"I'll be good"

He tossed her the vial and sat down at his desk. She placed it safely in her bag and walked out slamming the door behind her.