Lavi was completely bored, not that he didn't love books, but sitting in the library for 3 hour was just…..boring, for lack of a better word (or to bored to think of one). He had been down in the canteen for a fair while, doing his level best to drive Kanda up the wall, which we all know isn't the most strenuous of tasks (merely to exist annoys him), but still by all means fun. That was of course until Allen had shown up for his wheelbarrow load of food, and of course had immediately stared a huge argument with Kanda, which quickly turned into all-out war, now Lavi could handle akuma, Noah, and all manner of evils (including the bookman kick) but Kanda and Allen squaring off just isn't something you want to be around for long, hence Lavi's now very bored state in the library. He decided a change in reading was in order and hence started to scan the shelves for something vaguely interesting, which he found in the form of a book of facts, sounds boring yes, but there was no way he could be more so than he was already, he lazily flicked trough the book skimming trough it and found that as the common saying goes, 'you can't judge a book by its cover', and that certainly rung true for this book, oh yes Lavi was going to love this certain little fact he'd found, and milk it for all its worth, then have it framed.
Lavi made his way back to the canteen -which was currently acting as a battle field- with a smug kind of smile on his face which if anyone happened to see would instantly know hat he was planning something, and quickly run for the hills. He arrived to a scene of utter devastation, small fires had broken out all over the show, and the general state was just…well…expected, seen as who was fighting in there. Lavi made his way calmly over to one of the few upright tables and sat his self down comfortably, completely ignore by the warring exorcists, which was just how he liked it. He off-handily noticed that most off the occupants of the rooms, consisting mainly of a few finders and scientists, as well as a worried looking Lenalee and Miranda, also a fairly placid looking Marie, this being a good thing since he wanted an audience.
At this point a fairly loud thud was heard, which as it turns out came from a certain moyashi who was now lying on his back with a deadly sharp looking Mungen at his throat. "Che, stupid fucking moyashi, can't even fight right" Kanda sneered from his very high and mighty position (at least in Kanda's opinion).
Allen glared back (which actually took the form of a rather cute pout) "Says the moron who can't even get my name right, for the last time it's A-L-L-E-N, Allen!"
"Che, and for the last time I don't give a damn you pathetic moyashi, your short, you've got fucked up hair, a freaky scar, and you can't even fucking fight, why the hell would I care to remember your name, face it I'm just plain better than you"
The sharp and somewhat cruel comment from Kanda was just what Lavi had been waiting for, and took the sullen silence of Allen's response to voice his own new found interesting fact.
"Did you know that statistically the English have far larger dicks than the Japanese? Actually the Japanese have some of the smallest"* Lavi was smirking from ear-to-ear with every word, looking intently for the explosive reaction that was sure to come.
He was greeted for at least a minute with shocked silence, a pin could be dropped a good 10 miles away and be easily heard by everyone in the room.
Allen was the first to break the silence with a snort followed by laughter that was bordering histerical, he looked to be having some considerable trouble just breathing, rolling around on the floor as he tried, it was also evident that most other occupants of the room were trying and failing miserably not to do the same, Lenalee being noticeably red in the face, and probably not just because of the content of the relevant fact. Kanda on the other hand had a look of absolutely mortified shock horror on his face -most probably being the most expression his face had ever shown- still completely unmoving. The next happening came directly from Kanda himself, with consisted of him grabbing the near dead with laughter Allen off the floor and dragging him out of the canteen in which Lavi later assumed to be the toilets, because there was no-way on earth the normally stoic Japanese was going to let this one slide. Needless to say Kanda didn't appear again for a week, and Allen was evidently more chipper than usual (seriously who could blame him). Yes, Lavi was going to have that page of the framed and forever memorised, and of course were there's one, there's more, and there is most certainly going to be some more interesting facts in that book, all he had to do now was find them. God help the rest of the order if he had already gotten Kanda.
*Don't hit me for Lavi's fact, probably not true, but I read it my self and just couldn't resist, although I most probably made a pigs-ear of this story, for which I am also sorry, I'm just generally poor at English (I got B at GCSE so be nice T.T). anyway any comments welcome, really, even mean and irrelevant ones, talk to me I'm a very bored person and it's raining outside T.T ( typical England and all).