Just a One Shot homour piece that came to me intially when walking around Coles in Sydney. I don't own the Twilight Saga but pay homage to the alter of Stephanie Meyer as she does!

Set somewhere in between 'Twilight' and 'New Moon'. Bella and Charlie both come down with the summer flu. Edward offers to go food grocery shopping for Bella after the cupboards run bare.

Bella gently closed Charlies bedroom door, not that she would wake him; he was sleeping more soundly than the dead. The thought of the ice cold vampire waiting in her bed propelled Bella stumbling towards her room. Edward had drawn the curtains against the harsh daylight that hurt her head and was lying, still, on top of her duvet. She feebly crawled up on top of the duvet, pushing as much of her body against him as possible. She moaned in relief as he snaked one hand under her and placed it against the back of her neck. What could only be described as a purr escaped from her as Edward placed his free hand over her forehead.

"Oh, do you have any idea how good that feels?"

"Love, you're so hot, I feel warm."

"I'm just going to rest her a while and then I need to get up and go to the store."

Edward stiffened. "You're not going anywhere. You need to rest and get better."

"Edward, there is no food in the house. Not everyone can go two weeks without eating."

"No, you are staying here. I'll go to the supermarket. Alice will come with me, she likes doing the human things. Where is the list?"

"I'll write you one." Bella mumbled.

xxxx

Edward waited until Bella was sound asleep with a wrapped ice pack under her heck. Alice was waiting for him beside his Volvo, a wide smile on her face. "No need to look so excited Alice, its just food shopping. Not the same going to a mall."

"I know but Esme doesn't ask me to go when she goes shopping for human food at our house. Do you ever eat with Bella?"

"No and she doesn't expect me to. Charlie accepts that I don't like to hurt Esme's feelings by not eating at home."

"Ah, the web of lies we weave." They had arrived at Thriftsave and Edward handed Alice a basket before taking one himself. "Let start with the fruit and vegetables."

Alice looked around the supermarket, which was busy being a Saturday mid-morning. They were mostly staring into space except for the few that were staring, having never seen the Cullens in the supermarket. "Why does everyone look like they don't want to be here?" Alice exclaimed in disbelief.

"No one does. Grocery shopping is a human necessity that everyone hates to do." He paused and pointed subtly to a woman who had a scowl on her face. "She thinks that being here today is worse than hell and would rather be anywhere else."

"Weird people."

Edward led the way over to the punnets of strawberries that were on special. "Alice, you should try these. We used to have these when I was human in an ice cream sundae at the diner. They were my favourite part. They are strawberries and I remember them tasting so sweet and tart." Alice looked slightly perplexed. "Think sweetness like blood but nowhere near as satisfying."

She picked a punnet up and ran her delicate fingers over the fruit, taking in the pits of the seeds before popping it into her mouth, stalk and all. "Oh, I see what you mean. Juicy!"

Edward was already making his way over to the melon pile, 2nd on Bella list. Beside it she had kindly written how to test if it was ripe or not. He threw a medium sized sugar melon at Alice who caught it seamlessly. "It's a melon and you need to test if it is ripe." She shook it against her ear like a maraca. "No like that. Bella wrote to press the top and if it gives slightly then it is ripe."

Alice turned the melon over in her hands and pressed with both fingers on the top. The melon gave a small cracking sound before exploding him her hands. She looked at Edward with a quizzical brow. "Too ripe?"Edward gave a small smirk. "Human strength remember Alice."

He picked up another melon and gave it a small press before placing it in the basket.

xxxx

He walked around the fruit and vegetable area picking up the various items on Bellas list, checking the labels to make sure he picked the right thing. He could hear the German national anthem being sung backwards behind him before feeling a prod in his back.

"Put 'em up." Alice demanded in a very convincing New York gangster accent before spoiling it with a ringing giggle.

Edward turned around and grabbed the offending object out of her hand. "What is this?" He stared at the semi-circular, green, ridged stick.

Alice shrugged. "Don't know, the label said Celery."

"Fruit or vegetable? It's not on Bellas list."

"Vegetable I think."

Edward took a quick bite while Alice's eyes opened wide in anticipation.

"Well fruit of vegetable?" She asked.

"Vegetable, defiantly. It's like eating carpet; all fibre and no substance." He's face twisted into a grimace.

"Did Emmett dare you?"

"Nope, Jasper. Esme had some samples sitting in her studio." He handed the stick back to Alice who threw it behind her into the bin without looking. "They didn't have half these foods when I was human."

"Careful Edward! You're showing your age now, all 107 years of it."

xxxx

So far they had managed the fruit and vegetable list and the bread list, now Edward wandered down the canned goods aisle as Alice stared in anticipation after him. So far Edward was not being an accommodating experimenter and Alice was getting bored. She scanned the list over his shoulder. "What is rice pudding? I mean I know what rice is and I know that pudding is English for dessert. But how do the two go together?"

Edward shrugged and picked up a can of the offending pseudo-Asian dessert. The label gave no clues away as all it showed was a bowl of white stuff in a bowl against a blue background. He looked around him before using his fingers to pry back the tin can lid. Alice and Edward peered over the edge to the white gooey mess in the tin. Edward hesitated before putting his two fingers into the goo and scooping out a small amount.

"Well?" Alice enquired.

Edward grimaced. "You remember when Emmett dared me to eat a muddy dirt pie when we helped Esme renovate the house in Ithaca?" Alice nodded. "That!"

Alice wrinkled her nose and then stared at Edward in almost exasperation. "You know, you need to start picking truth once in a while when we play 'Truth Or Dare.'"

xxxx

The list was nearly complete with only meat items, toothpaste and a box of rice cakes outstanding. Despite his reservations, his favourite sisters enthusiasm for all things human like had proven infectious. She had flitted around the aisles collecting what Bella needed and had had provided a running commentary of the people around the store. They were currently walking passed the meat fridges looking for Lamb shank. Alice picked up a sealed pack and weighted it in her hands.

"They're 0.02 kilograms out with the weight of this one." She turned it over in her hands. "Did you know that a shank is a leg of lamb? Says so right here on the packet. Doesn't look like any leg of lamb I've eaten. Where is all the wool?"

"They take all the wool off. Humans like their food presentable."

"Do you think we could ever exist on this instead of hunting?" Alice asked.

"Alice, we both know that it's no fun when it is already dead. Plus does it even look appealing to you?"

She studied the meat hunk surround by blood and water in its atmospherically sealed bag. "Nup, it just looks too weird. Ugh.." With that she threw the packet into the basket and made her way to aisle 10 where the description board read 'Cereals.' "Wow, Edward, you should come and see how many different types of rice cakes there are."

Edward shh'ed her under his breath and moved as quickly as present humans would allow. He found the rice packs that were usually in the Swan kitchen but they were quickly swiped from his hands by Alice.

"So these are made from rice like the pudding. Why are these solid?"

"Because its just rice and flavouring, no water."

She read the ingredients on the back of the packet. "How does anyone get any subsistence from these? They are so light."

"Bella is trying to get Charlie to lower his cholesterol."

Alice opened the packet and picked a cake out. She threw it across the aisle and it landed with a clatter. "See it didn't even break."

"I think that's the point Alice. Let's get the toothpaste and get out of here. I hate leaving Bella when she is sick."

xxxx

Edward was standing comparing two toothpastes not getting the difference between the two. Alice was a little way up the aisle from him turning a little cube over in her hands.

"Hey, Edward, what are these?" Alice asked up the aisle.

Horror flashed across Edwards face as he read the box Alice was holding through her mind. He could also hear the minds of the woman in the aisle turn towards him in wonder. "Ask Bella, I doubt they had them in Rosalies or Esmes day."

"Just tell me."

"They are used by woman during their menstrual cycle."

"I know that, I says so on the box. I meant how they work."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and his fore finger. "I know what you meant Alice." He muttered between gritted teeth. He could feel the woman staring at him now, all thinking pity for the poor guy and his mentally defunked sister. "Just put them in the basket and ask Bella…please."

She tossed the small box into the basket and followed Edward towards the checkout. They placed the open pack of rice cakes, an open tin of rice pudding and a demolished melon on to the conveyer belt. The bored looking checkout assistant looked up at them in confusion.

"We got a little peckish along the way." Alice innocently answered her face.

Edward filled the bags as quickly as human speed would allow before picking the three bags up himself and heading toward the car. Alice flitted to his side and slid the change into his back pocket.

"You know Edward, we should do this again, it was fun."

"Yeah sure, when snowballs survive in hell." Edward mumbled as he put the bags in the boot of the car, resisting the urge to drive off without Alice but he would get guilty and come back and get her. That meant more time way from Bella and Alice would be in a strop with him for the rest of the day. He just had to make sur ethat Bella never got sick again!

So let me know what thoughts. I had a bit of a laugh at this but then again i have a weird sense of humour and i was sick with the flu from White Water Rafting in New Zealand!

I have decided to write the sequel to To Live Is To Love before i post the story about Bellas time with the Volturi so it makes more sense! If you haven't got a clue what i am talking about please please read To Live Is To Love in my profile!

Nutty