Hi there, it's ya girl starting another fic. This is the Once psychiatric hospital fic no one asked for but I'm giving. I've been in psychiatric hospitals quite a few times, but I am from the UK so I'm sorry if there are things that are wrong. Some of the things that happen are pulled from my own experience but the characters stories etc are mine. In particular Emma will be kinda based on me, and she will go through things I have. I hope I can do it justice. There are trigger warnings because of the nature of the fic and they are; graphic suicide attempts, self-harm( graphic also), eating disorders, multiple disorders that touch on anxiety, depression, hallucinations, voices and delusions. Other things touched on will be sexual abuse against a minor, maybe past rape, anger issues, smoking and I'll add more if they come up. Thanks for reading but if this stuff does trigger you please be careful and click off, I'd rather you feel okay than read a fic just so I get views. Lots of love.
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Emma was tapping her foot the entire way to Storybrooke Psychiatric Court, an adult psychiatric facility.
She had turned eighteen half a year ago and wasn't her first rodeo in such a place.
It was certainly her first time getting there alone though.
She'd been brought into accident and emergency almost five days earlier, unconscious and very ill.
The months before had been full of pain and back and forths between wanting to die and wanting to enjoy life.
In the end, the former had won out.
She'd hoarded her anti-depressants and anti-psychotics for a couple of weeks. When she'd deemed there were enough, she'd packed her bag with them and walked out of her house.
She'd sat in the place she'd chosen for a few hours before typing out some notes on her phone.
She'd taken the tablets, washed down with vodka she'd stolen from her parents drinks cupboard and laid down.
She didn't remember anything from then till two days later.
A passer-by had found her and called an ambulance, staying with her until they got there. The man had saved her life. She would've choked on her own vomit if he hadn't been there.
She'd woken up to beeps of machines, severely confused.
They told her she'd been in a coma for over a day and had come around into the second day.
She didn't remember being awake before, though she had vague memories of her mother holding her hand.
They told her she'd had seizures and had been given medicine to combat the pills she took. Her vitals weren't good, and she'd have to stay for at least three days.
She couldn't quite believe she'd done it. It was like another person had been in her body.
The emergency psych staff had spoken to her and in no uncertain terms had told her that if she didn't voluntary go to the facility, she would be sectioned and sent there anyway.
She knew from experience that voluntary meant less time in hospital and meant that she would be allowed leave sooner too so she opted for that.
Then three days later, with her vitals and bloods better, they ordered her a taxi and drove her to Storybrooke Court.
The hospital paid for the taxi, and Emma wasn't in the mood to see her parents so she didn't mind.
The taxi driver knew enough about what had happened and she made sure to avoid all questions he asked.
Why did you do it? You're too young. Bullshit like that really annoyed the blonde.
At the facility, they took her bag to be checked and showed her to her room.
It was bare, with a bed, desk, cabinet and wardrobe and a small washroom and toilet. There were grids over the windows and the whole place seemed dark. But that might've been her mood.
It was dinner time when she arrived so after being shown her room, she was directed to the dining area.
Emma took one look at the food and shook her head, rolling her eyes and instead pushing the doors to the outside area.
There was a small garden and two benches, where a couple of people were sat smoking.
She'd been dying for a cigarette for days, but hadn't had any money or opportunity to buy her own. Her mother would likely bring some during her visit.
Emma sauntered over to the two girls, clearing her throat.
"Didn't feel like the shit they call food either?" the blonde asked.
One of the girls, dark haired and tall laughed. "Hell no."
Emma smiled and swallowed. "Hey so, I'm sorry to bother you, but I just came in and I haven't had a cig in days. Can I borrow one?"
The dark haired girl hummed sympathetically. "I know that feeling. Here," she offered a couple to her.
"Thank you." Emma smiled and took them, taking the offered lighter too.
As she lit up, she grinned wryly at the brunette. "Didn't think lighters were allowed. They took mine."
The girl shrugged. "I've been here a while. And I still have to ask for it when I'm coming out for a smoke. It's stupid."
Emma snorted. "Couldn't agree more." she handed the lighter back and enjoyed the fumes as she inhaled. "Ah, good shit right there."
The brunette laughed and nodded. "The first cig in here is the best. I'm Regina."
"Emma." she nodded back, eyes barely rising as she saw the lines littering her arms. Nothing new to her.
The blonde looked over at the other girl, tilting her head in question.
"This is Belle. Doesn't talk too much, but she's great." Regina squeezed the brown haired girls shoulder.
Belle only lifted her head and smiled weakly at Emma before looking back down.
"So what do you guys do for fun around here? Gotta admit, having some girls my age around for once is a nice change. My last hospital was full of older people."
Regina chuckled. "Again, I hear you. Makes for a duller stay to be the only one your age." Regina stubbed out her cigarette and lit another. "And for fun? What we would call fun, nothing. What they call fun is a game of monopoly or drawing a picture." she snorted.
Emma rolled her eyes and leaned against the wooden shelter. The first cigarette had been great but she still didn't feel good so she was a little lightheaded.
Regina raised an eyebrow and gently moved herself and Belle down the bench. "Here, sit down before you pass out. That always warrants a trip to the hospital and I have a feeling you just got outta there."
Emma chuckled as she sat down, crossing her legs and lighting the second cigarette she'd been given. "That easy to tell, huh?"
"You have your bracelet on still." The brunette snorted.
"Ah, fair enough." Emma shook her head.
"Not your first time either?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Nah, not by a long shot."
Emma nodded. "Understood."
They sat in quite s comfortable silence for the remainder of their cigarette before standing, Regina's arm around Belle as they headed back inside.
Emma knew from experience that after dinner, they'd bring out the desserts. They tried to encourage everyone to have actual food first but it was often shit anyways. She always grabbed extra dessert.
"I'm gonna see if they have anything good, you coming?" the blonde asked.
Regina stiffened just slightly and shook her head. "Nah, I'm good."
Ah. Emma hadn't immediately noticed how thin the girl was but it made sense now.
"No problem. See you around."
"I hope so." Regina hummed, "feel free to come grab me if you want a cigarette before you get some."
"I will, thanks." Emma smiled and headed into the dining area, stopping to read the schedule on the wall.
She had to admit they had better activities than her last hospital and some of them even sounded pretty good.
Pottery, animal therapy, music therapy.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Plus she'd be seeing her parents tomorrow.
For now, she grabbed some cake and headed down to her room for a while.
Her bag had been put on her bed, but she didn't have a whole lot of anything till her mom and dad came.
Someone had brought her some of those hospital pyjamas, a toothbrush, shampoo and body wash in one and some toothpaste.
She sighed and sat on the bed as she ate her cake, the silence almost stifling.
She was allowed her phone but no charger so it was dead already, that meant music and talking to anyone outside the hospital was out.
She reluctantly headed into the washroom and started the shower.
She felt a little better as she washed off the grime of the last five days.
Clean and with wet hair, she pulled on the mint green pyjamas and left her room.
She headed to the small kitchen and made a cup of coffee before sitting in the communal area.
She didn't see Regina or Belle, unfortunately.
There was a dark haired boy sat across from her, headphones over his ears and guitar in his lap.
He was actually pretty good, and Emma found herself closing her eyes as she listened.
Eventually the boy stopped and Emma opened her eyes. "That was pretty good."
The boy flushed a little, pulling off his headphones and handing them to a passing orderly.
Emma knew headphones weren't allowed outside the communal area.
"Thanks." The boy said quietly. He wasn't wearing a jacket and Emma could note cuts on the boys arms too.
"Helps to have something to do with your hands, yeah?"
"Sometimes." The boy shrugged, getting up from his seat and leaving without another word.
Emma wasn't too perturbed, she'd seen it all before and some guys just weren't big talkers.
"Emma?" the orderly who had taken the headphones approached her.
She was tall and beautiful, a red strip in her hair.
"Hey." The blonde murmured, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm Ruby, one of the support workers around her. The doctor won't be here till tomorrow, so your assessment will wait till the morning."
"Yeah, sure." Emma sighed, shrugging.
"Is there anything you need or want to ask about?"
The blonde held out her phone. "My charger was in my bag, can you charge this for me?"
"Sure, the white one? I'll put your name on it. When you're ready for it, just knock at the office."
Emma nodded. "Yeah, thanks."
"Do you want to talk?"
"Not at all."
Ruby smiled and stood. "Come grab me if you want anything. I'll be here till the morning."
Emma nodded and looked away from her. When she'd left, the blonde stood and sighed.
She always hated this part.
She walked quickly into the arts room, grabbed a pencil and pen, hiding them in the waistband of her pants.
She walked quickly to her room and shut the door.
Checks for new patients were every fifteen minutes so that gave her fourteen to do what she needed to.
She took the pen, snapping the lid and spending five minutes rubbing it against the wall to make it sharper.
She moved to the washroom, pulled down her pants and dug the sharp plastic into her thigh and drew it across.
It wasn't great but a little blood welled up and it was enough for now.
She exhaled shakily, closing her eyes at the burn as she did it again.
She pressed tissue paper to the scratches, pulled her pants up and hid the pen under her mattress.
She curled up under the thin blanket, noting for later that she'd have to ask for more. She ran cold.
With the stinging in her thigh, and emptiness in her chest, she fell asleep.
God knows what tomorrow would bring.