TITLE: Just Because it Can Break, Doesn't Mean it's Made of Glass
RATING: PG-13/R
PAIRING: Harry/Draco with some Harry/Ginny (but not really)
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters, the wonderful J.K. Rowling does.
SUMMARY: Harry figures out pretty quickly that the person who understands him better than anyone else is Draco Malfoy.
WORD COUNT: 2156
A/N: Set during the last two books. Pretty much AU.
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An enemy is someone you feel hatred towards. That, at least, is what the dictionaries will always say. And it's true, he supposes, that such a definition is not completely inaccurate.
Except the dictionary doesn't tell you everything, no matter what Hermione says.
It doesn't tell you that an enemy is someone who knows you better than a friend ever could, simply because one must know everything about one's enemy in order to defeat them. The knowledge is a necessity, not an option. That's why he knows that Malfoy loves icing on anything, and detests massive chunks of fruit in his pie. That's why he knows that Malfoy is terrified of his father, but loves his mother whole heartedly, no matter how much he may try to conceal it.
That's why he knows that Malfoy feels all alone.
---
Draco's eyes light up when he sees the pastries on the table, each and every one of them covered in icing. He grabs one and rakes his finger over the top in a truly un-Malfoy-like fashion. But no one is looking so he sucks on his finger and smiles ever so slightly.
The smile is temporary. A second later he's Draco Malfoy again and he stares at his plate disdainfully.
Harry sees it all.
---
Harry doesn't tell his friends that sometimes he goes down to breakfast ridiculously early (before even Hermione's awake), so that he can see Malfoy. They never talk, never approach each other. They simply remain seated at their tables, and stare at one another as subtly as possible. He thinks that Dumbledore knows though, because whenever he sees Harry enter the Great Hall at such an hour, the twinkle in his eyes fades a little.
Draco and Harry sit facing each other every single time. They sit and stare and simultaneously think, "Help me."
Because Harry will never admit to his friends that he too feels all alone, and the only person in the world who understands this is the boy he hates (although he doesn't think it's hate anymore, not really).
The dictionary got it wrong. It didn't take him long to figure that one out.
But that doesn't mean he wants anyone to know just how fucked up things have become. He smiles at Dumbledore and quickly goes back to the tower in order to climb back into bed. There he waits and pretends to be asleep so that his friends can 'wake him up.' Half an hour later, he's Harry Potter again.
---
Help me. I'm scared because I have a destiny that I don't want and I can't stop it. Malfoy grabs onto his arm and rubs as though he's trying to scrub it out of him.
Harry thinks he understands as he discreetly brushes his fingers across his scar.
---
Talking about the future with Ginny is really exciting and fun to plan as they sit on the couch with their arms around each other, until he realizes that she's taking it all seriously. They're discussing the pros and cons of visiting France, of all places (the Eiffel Tower will be great, she'd said,like it's going to happen),when he sees it. Her eyes are lit up with anticipation and suddenly he can barely keep his dinner down. The bile burns his throat until he swallows and looks away.
She doesn't get it, he realizes. That this is a war. They're not going to have the perfect future together; they might not even live through the next day. And with that he feels his love for her lessen a little because it has to. He's the savior of the world and she's just a girl.
"What's wrong?" She asks, concern etching across her face.
He looks up again and surges forward, kissing her hard in a way he never has before. She kisses back for a second before pushing him away because it's all wrong. It's all very wrong because he's doomed and she doesn't understand.
He tells her calmly that it's over, and walks away when tears spring up in her eyes.
---
There was a time when Ron would have been angry at him for this. But they've all grown up too fast (trying to be soldiers at sixteen) and he gets it. When Harry tells him, Ron simply nods in this knowing way and looks out the window, away from him.
Suddenly, Harry feels like crying too.
---
It's when they're all leaving potions class that Harry finally breaks and asks him.
"Are you a death eater?" The question is quietly asked, but everyone hears it anyway. Snape beings to protest (Mr Potter, how dare you-) but Malfoy raises his hand and tells him he can handle it.
"What makes you think I would ever answer such a question, especially to the likes of you, Potter?" It's a standard answer, rehearsed over and over until the tone is just right. Harry knows because he's rehearsed too. None of it's real.
"You don't have to say anything. I'll know just by looking at you, won't I?"
Because enemies know each other better than friends. Malfoy knows this and still doesn't turn around, still doesn't look away.
And Harry sees it all. The fear, the disgust, the anger, just flashing across Malfoy's face for a split second. No one else would have caught it. Harry doesn't say anything, but gives a quick nod before walking away. One that only Malfoy would catch.
---
Hermione and Ron ask him afterwards if he knows the answer. He says yes but doesn't say what it is.
It's not time yet.
---
They meet once, just once in the Room of Requirement. They don't say anything, but simply approach each other until their bodies collide. After that it's a blur of hands and skin and clothes being ripped off. Harry worships the porcelain skin and then lets Draco inside him. It's surprisingly gentle and fucking heartbreaking because they're both broken boys with everything to lose.
When it's over, nothing is said. They dress and Draco gets up to leave first. Before he does, he gives Harry one last kiss and Harry finds something being jammed into his mouth. Before he can ask, Draco is gone and Harry is alone again. Funny, he thinks, how that is.
He spits into his hand and looks down. A key. Harry freezes as comprehension dawns.
The cabinet. It's a key to the fucking cabinet.
He has to admit that he didn't see this one coming.
---
"You're sure it's for the same cabinet?" Hermione asks doubtfully, and quickly looks over at Ron to see what he thinks before looking back.
As she should. He hasn't told them how Draco gave it to him.
"Yes." His voice is so certain that the doubt is immediately wiped away from both their faces. This is why they're best friends.
"Why would Malfoy give you a key to a cabinet? What's so important about a bleedingcabinet?"
Hermione looks thoughtful."What if there's one in the school?"
They follow Draco, distract his guards long enough to go inside. They see it (and Harry thinks Draco knows they're there).
It doesn't take long to figure out, not for Hermione. Ron wants to destroy it, Hermione wants to study it.
Harry wants to preserve it. So instead of breaking the cabinet, Hermione undoes all the work Malfoy has put into fixing the thing, so that he has to start all over again. Then she places a spell (a ridiculously complex one that she really should not know about) on it that has to be unraveled in order to start repairing it again in the first place. It could take a year, maybe more, to fix. It's a dangerous plan.
But it might just work.
---
"You didn't destroy it." These are the first words that Draco utters to them the next day. "Why not?"
Hermione looks at Ron and Ron looks at Hermione before they both turn back to Draco. Draco and Harry only look at each other.
Draco's eyes widen as he begins to understand. "You want them to come into the school. Home advantage. You want the battle to occur here so that you can prepare."
The battle will happen one way or another, Harry thinks.
Draco looks angry. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are that the Lord decided to delay his plans to let me repair the thing all over again? How difficult it was to convince him that no one knew, that a teacher had just stumbled on it and realized that it might be dangerous. Do you have any fucking idea?"
"Yes." And it's the truth. "I'm sorry." And that is too. Because Harry understands. Draco knows this and his eyes soften ever so slightly.
"You're smarter than I gave you credit for." And with that he walks off, robes sashaying in a way that only Snape and the Malfoy's could manage.
---
They don't see each other for a year as the 'Golden Trio' (this is apparently what they are called, he finds out, even though there's nothing golden about what they do) goes off to hunt down the Horcruxes.
He tries not to think about it, and just ignores the way his heart breaks with each step he takes. Funny, he thinks again, how that is. No one saw this one coming. He doesn't look back though.
The world needs Harry Potter right now, and so that is what he is.
---
What keeps him going is the thought that they will meet again soon. There's a Horcrux in the school, he just knows it, which means that Hogwarts is their next stop.
When they walk through the doors they are met with jovial slaps on the shoulder and hugs that knock the breath out of all of them. It's wonderful as long as you don't look into anyone's eyes.
Everyone's damaged now.
When he looks around he catches Malfoy's eyes, and he can't help but think that they look so old. This is what war has done to them.
---
They find the Horcrux (Rowena's head-thing, as Ron likes to call it) and destroy it. Thinking like Voldermort isn't as hard as it used to be.
It's the last one, except for Voldermort's snake. There's no point running anymore.
Harry meets Draco in an empty classroom and tells him to open it. The blond looks scared, terrified even, but Harry's sure that there's no choice left. Harry wraps his arms around Draco's waist and kisses the boy in what he hopes is a reassuring manner. He hears Draco's breath hitch as he holds back a sob. They could both die tonight, but it doesn't matter. They're Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. They have jobs to do.
He informs Dumbledore that the battle starts tonight and an announcement is made. The younger children are quickly ushered back home. The older children and the teachers stay. Harry thanks all the gods out there that they had time to prepare, time to train in the past year. They knew this was coming.
They're an army now, and they're as ready as they'll ever be.
---
Bodies litter the floor, and he knows there was no escaping this. People were always going to die (Colin, Pansy, George) but he knows that the casualties are fewer then they would have been if Draco hadn't defected.
The castle's a battlefield, torn apart and broken just like the people inside. The bodies are placed in the middle of the Great Hall, but the injured are everywhere, strewn about like a tornado had blown through. He steps into a pool of blood and walks into the bathroom to scrub his hands. There's blood on them now that doesn't want to come off, no matter how pink the water becomes.
He's still Harry Potter, but he's not the same Harry Potter anymore. He thinks that even though they saved it in the end, the world's still ending.
---
"So. How was your year?" Draco asks, and Harry almost chokes on his drink. He finds it amazing how Draco could make want to laugh during a memorial service (to all those who died fighting the brave fight, McGonagall had said, as if any of them had had a choice).
"Fantastic. Yours?" He sees Draco bite down a smile.
"Uneventful, really." They look at each other.
And it's awful because there's nothing funny about death (or war, for that matter), but that is when they start laughing. They laugh so hard that tears stream down their faces and their stomachs clench in pain.
(Which is apparently okay because soon enough everyone else begins laughing too, even though they don't know what about.)
It's contagious and wonderful and Draco's eyes are twinkling in a way they never have before. Free, Harry thinks, he's finally free. We all are.
The world will survive.