I do not own Ben 10 AF, but it's all good in the neighborhood.
Memories and Reflections
Seven-year-old Kevin Levin sat down on the stoop leading to the porch of his home, a two bedroom house in the slums of the town, and heaved an audible sigh. His parents' vociferous shouts wafted from within the house, assaulting his ears. They were arguing about him again. He slipped a small hand through his dark messy hair and let his eyes roam past the metal fence around the perimeter of his home to the dilapidated and rundown houses surrounding him, the children playing across the street, and the stray dogs wandering the road. His dark eyes lifted to the azure sky and fell back to his hands and what power they possessed.
Ever since his new powers manifested themselves, everything had changed, for the worse. His father hit more often and degraded him on a daily basis, his mother just gazed at him with disgusted eyes and would barely speak to him other than to bark commands at him, and no more of the neighborhood children would play with him. It was like he was some sort of freak to everyone and it was all because of his strange powers. He raised his eyes when laughter reached his ears.
Two kids, Jamie Olsen and Carrie Shaw, around his age ran down the sidewalk kicking a soccer ball to each other while giggling merrily. Kevin's slumped form straightened and he gazed at them with attentive eyes. Man, they looked like they were having fun and he wanted in on the merrymaking.
Carrie, the superior kicker of the two, punted the ball over the fence and into the poorly mowed lawn of Kevin's home. Eagerly, he jumped from his seat, jogged to the motionless ball, and picked it up, flashing a genial smile at the two children outside the fence as he walked to the metal barrier. "Hi guys." He gripped the ball, flexing his thin fingers.
"Hi Kevin," Carrie answered, tugging on the toggled strings of her red hooded shirt uneasily. She'd heard the adults in the community whispering about Kevin's strange abilities to absorb energy and had seen the frightened glances they passed his way when he walked down the street. They were all afraid of him.
Jamie, a brawny red head three years Kevin's senior, glowered at the skinny kid standing behind the fence. "Don't talk to Kevin, Carrie. He's a freak. My mom says he should be put in a lab with the rest of the rats where he belongs." He said, an unpleasant expression on his freckled face.
Hurt passed through his lean body. "I'm not a freak!" He retorted.
The older boy scowled and then gave a smug smile, his green eyes glittering evilly. "Yes you are. That's why your mom and dad argue so much, cuz they can't agree on when to get rid of you."
Tears swam in his eyes. "You're lying! My mom and dad love me!"
Carrie, getting in on the fun because she didn't want Jamie to think she liked Kevin, folded her arms and pursed her lips. "If they love you so much then how come you ain't got any new shoes?"
Kevin looked down at his tattered and worn sneakers and back up at them. "My dad doesn't have a job, but he's looking for one everyday now and my mom…My mom has to stay home with me cuz I'm outta school now."
Jamie chortled maliciously. "You big dummy. How do you think you keep the lights, water on, and pay the rent and cable if your dad doesn't have a job?" He continued laughing.
Kevin's face turned red from embarrassment. Why was he laughing?
"Your daddy does have a job, stupid; he just gambles it away at the casino." A cruel smile that should have been beyond a child Jamie's age to display, crawled across his thin lips. "But who would want to spend their money on a freak like you." He took Carries wrist in his. "C'mon Carrie, let freak-boy have the ball. We don't want his germs." He led the young girl to the other side of the street.
Kevin hurled the ball across the yard and returned to his seat on the stoop. Hot tears cascaded down his cheeks. They all thought he was some sort of monster, the children at school, everyone in his community, his teachers, and probably even his parents. No one liked him, no one. He encircled his knees with his arms and buried his face in his thighs, and remained that way for more than half an hour.
"Kevin!" His mother's voice pierced the air. "Get in here now, boy!"
The sharp sound in her voice made his stomach churn. He hadn't done anything wrong today? Had he? Okay so he sucked a little energy from a light bulb, but he'd changed it before either of his parents noticed.
"Kevin!"
Obediently he stood and hurried into the house. Perhaps if he ran fast enough his mother would not take her frustration out on his body today. He peeked cautiously around the threshold of the kitchen, half expecting some type of object to come flying at his head. Nothing happened, so in he walked. "Yeah mom?"
Emma Levin, a thin dark-haired woman of short stature, stood with her back turned to him stirring the contents in the pot on the hot stove. She turned and regarded him with piercing eyes. "Get your filthy ass in the bathroom and wash up for dinner."
"Okay." He turned to run upstairs but bumped right into his father. "H-hi dad."
Jake Levin glared down at his son coldly and rolled his burly shoulders. "And get outta those clothes ya little shit."
Shakily, he took a glimpse at the bottle of beer in his father's right hand and hastily slid past the much heavier and stronger man. Swiftly, he bolted upstairs, washed up quickly, and ran into his messy room. He closed the door and stripped down to his underwear, stopping just for a moment to look in the mirror on his dresser. Blackened and purpled bruises mottled the pale skin of his chest and legs; some were fresh while others were from a few weeks ago. The new bruises still hurt, but he knew that if he didn't want anymore he would have to hurry and get dressed.
After dinner, he was sent to his room while his parents "discussed an important matter." But after an hour or so in his room he heard the sound of the television going, laughter, and the smell of popcorn. The teasingly magnificent aroma of chocolate cake drifted upstairs and into his nostrils. His mouth watered. God the cake smelled so good. He stopped looking through his comic book and entertained the outrageous notion of going downstairs and requesting a slice of cake, but a memory of six months ago entered his mind. Timidly he'd walked downstairs and asked his mother for a slice of cake, but instead of complying she threw the cake on the floor and told him to either lick it up or she would beat him. He, unfortunately, had no choice and did as he was told. Scowling disdainfully he got up from his bed and then closed the door, blocking out the scent.
Night fell over the city, bathing the rundown buildings of Spiller Street in moonlight. Kevin awakened to the sound of angry shouting. His mother's high pitched voice drowned beneath his father's bass tone. He could make out muffled swear words of every sort as he cowered beneath his covers. They were both angry. One of them would come beat him soon. At least you had four days Kevin.
His father screamed one last time at his mother and silence ensued. Then, the door to their room opened and soft footsteps advanced towards his room.
Kevin's eyes rounded in mock terror and he trembled uncontrollably.
His door creaked open.
His heart rate skyrocketed in numbing dread. The covers were yanked back, exposing his half dressed, shivering form. He balled into a knot to prepare himself for the oncoming pain, but it never came. A hard thin hand grasped his arm rigidly, and snatched him upright. It was his mother. He held a hand up to protect his face from her assault.
"Get up and get dressed." She snapped.
He regarded her casually clothed body curiously and raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong mom?"
Her brow knitted when she turned her eyes upon him. "Do as I say boy!"
Without any hesitation, he threw back the covers and found a dark shirt and torn jeans to put on. He followed her down the flight of stairs and into the night air outside. He stopped at their cobalt blue 1968 Pontiac Firebird and waited for her to unlock the door. "Where're we goin' mom?"
She jerked the door open and narrowed her eyes at her son. "Shut up and get in the car!" She growled authoritatively.
Compliantly, he opened the door, slipped onto the leather cream seats, and slammed the heavy door.
Emma glanced at him with obvious disgust and turned the ignition, causing the car to roar to life. She drove the car onto the deserted street.
Kevin stared out of the window of the speeding car at the trees that passed by in a blur. They had been riding for hours on end, since last night. And the scenery had long ago become unfamiliar to the young boy in the passenger seat. He looked over his shoulder at his mother.
Her jaw was set and her sharp eyes pointed forward, like they had been the entire time they had been traveling. It was as if she couldn't bear to look upon him.
"Mom?"
"What?"
"I gotta pee."
She reached down and turned the volume knob on the radio, causing rock and roll music to blare from the speakers. The little monster could wet himself for all she cared.
His bottom lip quivered and he returned his attention to the window. Insistently his bladder cried out to be relieved, but he knew better than to fulfill his urge to pee. If he urinated in his clothes it would stain the leather seats of his father's car, and his mother would take it out on his hide. He laid his head on the door and squeezed his legs together, holding his water for dear life.
They rode for an unknown amount of time before they ended up in another unfamiliar town. The car stopped beneath an overpass. Emma threw the car in park, allowing it to idle in place. "Get out." She commanded sternly.
Kevin regarded the graffiti sprawled across the columns of the bridge and the ominous shadow the bridge cast over it. It appeared to be a foreboding area to be in, like even in the day thugs and gangsters roamed its shadowy corners. "But mom—"
"Get out now Kevin." She repeated, her voice dropping into a low malicious growl.
A breath hitched in his chest. He knew why they were here on the bad side of town. She was going to abandon him. "A-are you goin' to leave me here?"
She simply passed an unconcerned glance his way. "Yes." She replied emotionlessly.
"But-but-but why? I—" His voice caught in his throat and his dark eyes darted rapidly from side to side. He didn't want to be alone, not when he had no one else to turn to. Being at home with his parents was better than being alone, even if they were abusive. "—I'm not getting outta the car."
Emma glared daggers at him and threw open her door. She got out and stomped around to his side, opening his door with a hard jerk. She wrenched him from the car by his collar.
"No! Mommy no! I don't wanna stay here please!" Vainly, he kicked and struggled against her iron-like grip.
She threw him to the concrete so hard, his teeth chattered. "Shut up you piece of shit!"
He winced from the pain, ignoring the throbbing in his head, and looked up at her with teary eyes. "But why mom?"
A malicious sneer crossed her face and she stared him straight in the eye. "Because Kevin, you're not human. You're an abomination, a useless waste of space, a freak! And no one, definitely not me or your father, want a freak of a son that's not even worth wasting our punches on." She ground out repulsively.
His eyes widened in horror at her calloused words, but still he jumped to his feet when she turned to leave. He locked his slender fingers around her wrist. "Mom please don't leave me here!" Hysteria possessed the young boy. "Please don't leave me here! I'm afraid mommy!" He held onto her wrist as if for dear life. "I'll be good, I promise. I promise!" Tears flowed down his cheeks in bounteous streams as he pleaded with her not to forsake him. But his heartrending pleas fell upon deaf ears.
With an expressionless face, Emma backhanded the thin child clinging to her.
Kevin landed on his butt holding his stinging cheek. "Mom ple—" He watched with terrified eyes as she got in the car and drove away. Water pooled in his eyes and the tears poured more readily as he watched the car pull away from him. He had no one. His teachers had him kicked out of school, his so-called friends shunned him, and now his parents had abandoned him. No one would ever love him because he was some sort of monstrosity, a freak of nature. His eyes narrowed. He was going to show them that he didn't need them that he could close off his heart because everyone had shut their hearts off from him. He erased the tears still seeping from his eyes away and stared after the car until it was no more than a speck.
I am a question to the world,
Not an answer to be heard,
Or a moment that's held in your arms.
And what do you think you'd ever say?
I won't listen anyway,
You don't know me.
And I'll never be what you want me to be.
Kevin awakened and sat up in his large bed. He remained there for a moment, simply gazing into empty space, and then finally threw back the dark bedcovers and stood. His eyes flicked to the calendar on the white wall of his room and involuntarily he walked to it, skimming his eyes over the picture of the Shelby GT above the numbers. "Nice." One day, he was going to own a Shelby GT with red candy stripes and Cobra engine. He smirked but it faltered when his eyes fell to the date. It was September 25th. An angry sigh escaped him. He couldn't believe it that after all these years, it still affected him. With quick strides he made his way to his walk-in closet and picked a pair of denim jeans and a dark shirt. He swept the closet with his eyes and made a mental note to buy a shirt that at least wasn't black.
He wiped the condensation from the bathroom mirror and proceeded to brush his teeth and shave the thin hint of a mustache that shadowed his upper lip. A smile crossed his lips when he sprayed the magnificent cologne on himself. Usually, he didn't wear cologne, but, hey, he had to look good for the ladies, a certain red head in particular. He got dressed, scrambled up some eggs to put on his grilled cheese toast, and headed out of the door to go drag racing to ease some of his steam or at least forget about the day. Affectionately he patted his car and got in, caressing the steering wheel lovingly. The GTO roared to life when he cranked it and then eased into a steady purr. He turned the knob on the radio, wishing his Tche Tche, an awesome alien band, collection had not been stolen. A rock song poured from his speakers, filling his ears. He gunned the engine, causing the car to race out of the parking lot of his apartment/garage and into the street.
Moments later, Kevin bobbed his head to the catchy beat of the song blaring unbidden through speakers. Images of his childhood flashed through his mind, the beatings, the swear words aimed at him, and the days and nights he spent protecting himself from the people on the streets that were all too happy to prey upon a young boy. He remembered those days and countless nights, being so afraid not only of the people on the streets, but his own strange powers. A sickening memory replayed in his mind:
Flashback:
Kevin ran down the alleyway at breakneck speed, but no matter how fast he moved the footsteps behind him drew closer. He stopped and took the left and ran down another filthy alley. Both his mind and heart raced at a dangerous rate. He was scared out of his mind.
"Ain't no use in running boy! I'll find you!" A gruff voice called out to him in the darkness of the night.
His body thudded against the concrete wall. "Oh no." A dead-end. He clawed at the concrete wall blocking his way to freedom frantically. God no. This could not be happening. He should have known better than to get involved with Doc, but he had wanted shelter so badly. Now, he wished he had never met him, because the thug wanted something in return. A shadow blocked the moonlight and Kevin turned, gazing at the huge man in unabashed terror. "Mister Doc, please." He huddled against the dead-end helplessly.
The large man smiled maliciously and ran a hand over his shaved head with a salami sized fist, rolling his massive shoulders. "What you go and run off for boy? I ain't gonna hurt ya." He advanced to the young panting boy in slow predatory steps. "All I want is payment for lettin' ya stay in my hovel for two nights."
Kevin trembled pitifully. "B-but I ain't got any money Doc." He answered truthfully.
Doc's beady green eyes narrowed and a cruel smile that Kevin was happy he couldn't see spread over his lips. "Then we'll find a way for you to pay me with those fresh little lips of yours."
Terror as cold as the far reaches of outer space dug into his quaking body. Then, instinct took over and he did the only thing that would enable him to defend himself from the ravages of the man standing a few feet away from him. He called upon his powers and let loose the energy stored in his thin body. White bolts of electricity jumped from his hands and surged into Doc, knocking the man to the ground. Inhuman shrieks left him and his muscular body convulsed violently as the energy Kevin had unleashed upon him snaked its way through him.
Horror claimed his features as he watched the spectacle of Doc's violent demise at his hands. He cowered for a few moments until it was over and crept timidly to the smoking carcass on the ground. Bile filled his stomach when the stench and sight of charred skin assailed his senses. But then, realization hit him. He had killed Doc. Everyone was afraid of Doc's foul temper and superior strength, but he, a boy not even a fraction of the behemoth's weight, had put him down without laying a hand on him. His eyes fell to his hands and he observed the energy still crackling across his fingers.
This power, the ability to hurt those bigger and stronger before they hurt him felt damn good. His eyes narrowed and he smirked. No one would ever hurt him again.
End Flashback:
Kevin remembered that night well, it was the day that the cowering, servile boy that was both ashamed and afraid of his powers was shed like a snake skin and the fearless, aggressive teenager that was both proud and embraced his abilities fully had been born. A sigh left him when his childhood flickered through his mind again. "Shit." He hated his childhood and he hated his parents for abandoning him, like he was some wayward piece of trash they could toss to the side. He combed his fingers through his raven locks and chewed his bottom lip. This day sucked. Wait. It was Saturday. Saturday the Tennysons and he usually went to the Smoothie King. "Damn." Did he really even want to see them today? Nah. No he wouldn't go get them; they'd just have to walk. An image of Gwen's disappointed and worried face prompted him to turn the car into the lane without warning. The drivers behind him honked their horns angrily.
"What the hell's your problem kid?" A very upset man driving an eighteen wheeler screamed at him.
Kevin flipped the man off and kept driving.
Later, Gwen stared at Kevin as he drove the car in silence. Something was wrong; Kevin was never this quiet, ever. He was usually insulting Ben or making some sarcastic comment by now, but today, nothing. Did he look angrier than usual or was it sadder? "Kevin?"
"What?"
"Is something wrong?" She asked in concern, trying to keep her eyes from trailing over his handsome face and the inky hair falling to the nape of his neck.
He visibly gripped the steering wheel. "No." He knew it. He knew he shouldn't have picked them up, because they would ask God knows how many questions until he finally burst and then Gwen would give him "the look".
Ben perked up when he got an idea. "Hey Kevin, did Gwen tell you I ripped my pants at soccer practice this morning?" They both waited for the sarcastic remarks, the laughter, and constant ribbing, but it never came.
"Tough luck, Ben." He mumbled stoically without taking his eyes off the road.
Ben and Gwen glanced at each other worriedly. "Okay who are you and what have you done with Kevin?" Gwen asked.
"Yeah and can we keep you?" Ben asked a little too enthusiastically.
Gwen shot him a smoldering glance and returned her attention back to Kevin. "Kevin what's wrong?" She asked with obvious concern.
He clinched his teeth. "I said nothing! God, could you for once just leave me alone and stop sticking your nose in my business!"
Plain hurt passed over her beautiful face.
"What are you getting mad at Gwen for she just wants to know what's wrong with you. It's not a frickin' crime ya know." Ben said in evident irritability, making sure to lean over in his seat so he could see Kevin's face.
"Shut up Tennyson!"
"Don't tell me to shut up! You shut up!"
Gwen watched their exchange until her patience wore thin. "Enough!" She said over them. "Both of you shut up!"
Both boys opened their mouths to protest but thought it better to remain silent when her emerald green eyes glowed pink.
Jeez, must be her time of the month, Kevin thought to himself.
They got smoothies but decided it was best they didn't stay after a poor guy accidentally wasted his smoothie on Kevin's car and Gwen had to keep him from pounding the young man into a greasy smear on the ground. Instead, they decided to go the movies but had to cancel because Ben's plumber's badge began to display alien activity nearby. Sure enough, they found a bunch of DNAliens screwing with some sort of alien tech in the forest and sprung into action.
Kevin dodged the thick, disgusting slime that the alien emitted from its mouth and slammed his metal coated fist into its hideous face, again and again, until it was unconscious. The head of the unconscious alien morphed into his father's face. Kevin's inky eyes rounded.
"What are you lookin' at ya scrawny runt?"
His eyebrows sloped downward and he jumped on top of the alien, beating it mercilessly, hand over fist. He didn't feel the gooey fluid from the alien covering his hand, or hear Ben and Gwen shouting at him to stop; all he knew was that he had to make his father's face disappear.
"Kevin!! Stop!! You're going to kill it!"
Gwen's voice broke through to him and he halted his assault. His eyes widened slightly when he perceived the purple goo staining his green knuckles and splattered across its face. He stood from the dirty ground on stiff legs and turned towards the car without uttering a single word.
Gwen stared after Kevin and then glanced back at her cousin. "Ben something's not right."
The young hero nodded in agreement. "This is weird, even for Kevin."
She gazed up at the trees towering over them. "We should finish the job."
Kevin buried his face in the steering wheel. What was wrong with him? Why all of a sudden was he thinking about his childhood and parents so hard? Why, after he had buried that weak child in him and the fact that his parents even existed in the recesses of his soul, did they resurface now? Why? He couldn't afford to keep losing it like this. Gwen and even that little twerp Ben would start to worry about him. Hell, he was Kevin Eleven, intergalactic black market dealer extraordinaire; he didn't need anybody to worry about him, because he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. So why did he want to curl up in one of Gwen's comforting embraces right now?
He stared out at the forest scenery absently until he heard the Tennysons' quiet talking. He shed the torment on his face and cranked the car. Get it together Kevin. "Where to now?" He asked when his two companions were safely in the car and they were riding down the road.
"How about Grandpa Max's secret spot?"
"Sounds good." He continued to drive the car in silence, supplying one worded answers to Gwen and Ben's inquiries. They dropped by their houses, retrieved bathing suits, and then continued their journey. The green and black striped GTO came to a stop in front of the thicket of bushes and the three teenagers disembarked.
"Cannonball!" Ben shouted before jumping into the water in a tight ball. Water splashed Kevin, but he ignored it.
Gwen, who wore a two piece green bikini suit, threw a thumbs down sign. "Weak. So weak." She stood on the rock. "I'll show you a cannonball." She got a running start, jumped into the air, tucked herself into a tight ball, and landed with a considerable splash in the pure blue water. She resurfaced and spit out a fountain of water. Both she and Ben gazed at expectantly Kevin, who never tired of showing them who was the Cannonball King.
He simply stayed in his spot on the ground and looked intently into the water at his reflection.
"Kevin?" Gwen asked while bobbing in the brook's peaceful waters.
"What?" He glanced up.
"Don't you wanna show us who the Cannonball King is?" Ben asked with a knit brow. "Cuz I'll be happy to take credit for the title."
He half-shrugged and returned his attention to his reflection, surprised to see that it had changed into the face of a child version of him. It looked at him with timid pools of obsidian.
"What are you afraid of Kevin? You thought you killed me, but I'm still here."
He darted his eyes up to the two cousins, but they didn't seem to hear it. Instead they splashed each other with water playfully. Jesus he was losing it. Out of pure frustration he hit the water, causing ripples to disturb the reflection, and when the water settled the reflection was back to normal.
Gwen turned her attention to him. "Kevin?" Water droplets trickled down her skin and dripped from her hair when she climbed out of the brook and onto the grassy bank. She walked to him and sunk to the ground. "Please tell me what's wrong Kevin." She pinched her lips when he turned his head so that she couldn't see his handsome face. "Don't keep this bottled up inside."
"Yeah. It's not healthy." Ben said as he performed a few lazy backstrokes.
Kevin pinched his bottom lip and clenched his fists. God why couldn't they just leave him alone? Why couldn't they let him hurt in peace? "I don't give a flyin' frag if it's not healthy. If I want to keep it bottled up then that's my choice! Stop tryin' to get me to bear my soul because I can't!" Angrily he got to his feet and stormed towards his car.
Gwen, undeterred, followed him. "I don't want you to bear your soul. I just want you to get whatever is eating at you off your chest." She explained in almost a plea.
"Why?!" He screamed over his shoulder.
"Because I care about you! I-I mean we care about you. We care about you. Right Ben?"
"Right." Ben answered sincerely.
"We care about you Kevin." Tentatively she closed the gap between them. "We just want to know, so we can help you."
He closed his eyes and his body trembled slightly. "My mom abandoned me ten years ago, today." His voice was so quiet so full of pain that Gwen put a hand over her heart.
She looked back at Ben, who stared at his former enemy's back sympathetically.
He kicked up a little dust. "This place sucks. Let's go."
The ride on the way home was silent, none of them knew what to say to ease the tense cloud hanging over the atmosphere. "Kevin—" Gwen started, but then stopped. She didn't know what to say next.
Ben folded his arms. "You should go to your hometown and confront your parents. That's the only way you're going to get over this."
"I am over it." He said snappishly.
"Oh yeah? Then how come you're so broody and extra moody. Face it Kevin, those bottled up feelings are coming back to haunt you. Only way I see for you to get on with your life is to confront it head-on." Ben spoke insightfully. He was tired of Kevin being all gloom and doom.
Kevin gripped the steering wheel so hard that all the blood drained from his knuckles. "I can't."
"Why? You scared?" Ben asked with a smug smile. He knew that Kevin hated when people said he was afraid, but felt like provoking him anyway.
The older boy abandoned his sight from the road and turned to the younger brunette in the backseat. "I'm Kevin Eleven boy, I ain't scared of nothing." He snarled at Ben. Why did the squirt always have to provoke him?
Gwen screamed when the car, unguided by its driver, drifted into the other lane. "Kevin! Watch the road!"
Kevin returned his attention to the road and swerved back into his designated lane, barely missing an oncoming pickup truck. "Jeez, Gwen stop screaming."
She glowered at him. "Well forgive me if I don't want to be in a car accident." Settling into her seat, she folded her arms and crossed her slender legs. "Ben's right though Kevin. Maybe instead of running you should face it, maybe then you can let it go."
"No way." No way was he going back to that god-forsaken place. He didn't want to see his parents. They could rot in hell for all he cared. He swerved the car to the side of the road. "I'm not afraid." He whispered and then got out of the car.
Gwen watched him sit down on the hood with caring eyes. His pain was her pain. She opened the heavy door, got out, and sat next to him. "I know you're not afraid Kevin. I just don't want to see you in pain anymore. I just want you to confront this, because I'm afraid if you don't it'll consume you."
Onyx eyes fell into emerald depths, perceiving the genuine concern and compassion in them. "I don't want to go back. I hate that place." He didn't know why, but he never felt like he had to be so tough around her, he could be himself.
"I know, but you have to so you can you can let it go." She interlocked her small hand with his and squeezed.
"No."
"Please, for me Kevin."
Shit. "Okay." He reluctantly agreed.
"I'll be with you the whole time."
"Just don't hold my hand."
Ben watched their backs as they talked quietly amongst each other. He strained his ears, trying to hear what they were saying, but it was to no avail. So, he resigned to waiting for the answer. "Well?" He asked when they entered the car and shut the doors.
Gwen gave a small smile. "We're going."
Ben patted Kevin's shoulder reassuredly as if to convey the words he didn't want to say.
"Yeah."
The next day at the crack of dawn Kevin picked up the Tennysons cousins and they started on their road trip. Kevin stared in the backseat at Ben, who was avidly playing his Gameboy Advance, and then at Gwen who stared silently out the window. Why in the hell did he agree to go? Because Gwen Tennyson, the object of his affection, had asked him to, staring up at him with those gorgeous eyes. Vivid images of his childhood plagued his mind torturing him. He remembered those days. The way his father's fist felt as it collided with his thin body or the sound of his mother's thick leather belt felt as it slammed into his flesh until bruises surfaced. His own screams, long since faded, filled his ears. The picture of his own lean body cringing in the corner rose into his mind, sickening him. He was no longer that trembling little boy curled into a fetal position pleading with his father to stop his rampage through profuse tears and a fat lip as his body ached from the thrashing. No he was not that kid anymore, he wasn't weak. Then how come a feeling of dread boiled in the pit of his belly?
And what do you think you'd understand?
I'm a boy no I'm a man.
You can't take me and throw me away.
And how can you learn what's never shown?
Yeah you stand here on your own.
They don't know me,
'Cause I'm not here.
The car's engine died down when Kevin turned the ignition. He sat in the car with his hands on the steering wheel, not wanting to leave the safety of his car to go into that place. God why did he agree to this? He was content with being haunted by his horrific childhood and
feelings of being unwanted. The slam of the door awakened him from his reverie. Gwen and Ben were already out of the car and walking through the fence.
Sighing heavily, he opened his door and shut it behind him, but couldn't go further than the fence. His heart rate skyrocketed and his palms began to sweat. Anxiously he stared at the house. It was different than he remembered with a fresh paint job that failed to cover up the loose shingles on the roof and cracks in the paneling. This was a dream. He couldn't be in this god-forsaken place again. Suddenly, he felt a seven year old boy again, half expecting his father to come outside holding a beer in hand, itching to use something as his punching bag. He sucked up his emotions and walked through the fence and onto the porch.
A rotund black lady with a jolly demeanor greeted them. "Why hello, can I help you?"
"That's not my mom." Kevin stated stolidly. Although, from the kindness swimming in her eyes and the smile on her face he secretly wished she had been.
"You must be the young lady I talked to on the phone this morning. Umm…Gwen was it?" She ran a hand through her long microbraids and let her eyes fall upon Kevin.
He looked away when he saw the understanding in her hazel eyes.
"Come on in."
Kevin took up the rear of the group and entered the cage he'd lived in for the first seven years of his life. He stopped abruptly as if glued to the floor and simply let his eyes roam over his surroundings. Each corner, every piece of furniture, every stair held the memory of an agonizing thrashing at the hands of one of his parents. His eyes expanded in horror. "God help me." He said inaudibly.
Gwen glanced back. "Are you okay?"
He shook his head. "Yeah." He stated untruthfully and strode to them. "So who are you and why are you here?"
"My name's Lena Thomas, I'm a live-in nurse." She led them out of the living room and towards the stairs.
"A live-in nurse?" Ben repeated.
"What, somebody dying or something?" He said with a hint of grim laughter in his voice.
Lena gave a curt nod. "Missus Levin."
Gwen gasped.
"Bummer." Kevin said coldly.
Gwen's eyes fell upon a picture of the Levin family. Mr. and Mrs. Levin were smiling broadly but the thin boy in the picture smiled faintly, as if it were forced, and looked out from the portrait almost pleadingly. Why had Kevin been so sad that day? Was it because his family was poor? She turned her head and continued up the stairs after Lena.
Kevin glanced at the portrait the paneled wall once and kept walking. Not even the pictures they took were real. Fake smiles, fake jokes, longs sleeves to conceal his bruises it was all fake.
"Missus Levin, you've got company." Lena said and disappeared down the hall.
Gwen and Ben entered the room before him.
"Have a seat." A weak rasping voice said politely.
Kevin entered the room and was surprised to see the woman before him. She was pale and frail-looking and looked considerably thin amidst the fluffy, velvet pillows that surrounded her. Could this be the same woman that smacked him across the head with the metal buckle of her belt because he shorted out her favorite lamp? Her eyes fell upon him and a tremor ran through him. Those eyes were still sharp, piercing, and concealed a cruel side he never wanted to get reacquainted with. Dammit why was he thinking this way? She couldn't hurt him anymore? He'd been so wrapped up in observing her that he had barely heard the introductions Gwen and Ben gave, until his name was spoken.
"Kevin?" Emma sat up and leaned against the thick pillows to support her frail body.
"Yeah, Emma, it's me." He answered impassively and sat in the straight backed chair against the far wall.
She pulled her thin chapped lips into a smile. "You've grown so tall." Her voice came out sugary sweet.
He crossed his arms, lifting his guard even higher. "Yeah, ten years will do that to you."
Ignoring his blatant sarcasm she turned her interest to the Tennysons. "These your friends?"
"Yeah."
Another saccharine smile passed her lips. "You should be a senior in high school by now." She looked up at the ceiling reminiscently. "Oh I remember that year. The prom, graduation, applying to colleges and all that jazz. Such an exciting year."
He sneered. "Actually, I got my GED when I was fifteen and went into business for myself."
"Oh." She said, appearing to be a tad pained at her son's stony behavior. Her eyes fell upon the beautiful Gwen Tennyson. "Your girlfriend is very pretty."
Gwen smiled coyly. "Thanks, but I'm not his girlfriend."
An evil expression rippled across her face momentarily. "Of course not." She regarded her sullen son and grinned. "Are you still a…"
He scowled. "A what, Emma? A freak?"
She narrowed her eyes at him until they were mere slits. "Well are you?"
He controlled the heavy sigh at the back of his throat. "If that's how you see it then yeah."
She leaned back in her pillows and let her disdainful gaze pierce him. "Pity."
Ben glanced at Gwen, who was silently seething in her seat. Jeez what a witch.
Kevin shook the word 'freak' off like water off a duck. "Where's Jake?"
She folded her bone-thin arms and flipped her dark hair from her eyes. "He left." A wheezing chortle escaped her. "Think he finally realized you weren't his."
Kevin narrowed his eyes and smiled insolently. "So Mister Olsen was right about you. Damn." Jami Olsen's dad had called his mom a slut of two trades, right in front of his face.
Her penetrating eyes blazed contemptuously but then died back to a lull. "Kevin, I know that not a day has gone by since I haven't regretted leaving you there."
"You mean since you were goin' to buy the farm pretty soon."
Again, her eyes smoldered, but this time they didn't die down. She was angry. "Kevin, come here son." She beckoned him with a long bony finger.
No. He remembered his mother deceitfulness. She was a snake, she would put on a kind face and let her voice become candy-like but when he approached her she would strike, sadistically inflicting wounding him. He was not falling for it, not this time.
Her eyes narrowed and stabbed into his. "Kevin!"
His eyes widened and he snapped to attention. All those years of being beaten manifested itself and he obediently stood and approached the bed.
The other two in the room could barely believe their eyes. They had never seen such mock fear on Kevin's face. Had he been beaten as a child?
He leaned over the bed so he could stare at her levelly. "What do you want?" He growled out, angry that he had let such fear control him. An involuntary flinch snaked through him when she ran a skeletal hand over his cheek.
"My beautiful boy. You are so special to me." She cooed in a honeyed tone.
"If I was so special then how come you abandoned me?"
She avoided answering the question. "I'm sorry son. I'm so sorry I abandoned you. There were so many times I wanted to come get you." She spoke just above a whisper.
His brow knitted and anger boiled inside of him. "Then why didn't you? I grew upon the street mom! Do you know what it kind of abuse a seven year old kid can encounter on the street? Every goddamned night for a year I cried myself to sleep because I thought no one would ever want me!" He shouted.
"I know Kevin."
Unadulterated anger and resentment crested inside of him and unable to keep it in any longer he let it out. "No! You don't know! You don't know about the constant fear, the dog-eat-dog rules of the street, the sleepless nights spent huddling in a cold alley hoping to high heaven that this a dream. You don't know what it's like to awaken to the sound of a drive-by shooting while you pray to God that the gangbangers and drug dealers roaming the streets don't find you on their turf!" He screamed, his voice straining against the tears choking him. "I tried to kill myself once, because I figured no one would ever want a freak a monstrosity like me and the world would be better without me. But then I realized that my parents were twisted jerk-offs and I went on with my life. So don't tell me you know, because you don't!" His voice trembled and tears flooded his eyes.
The Tennysons shot each other a sideways glance. Neither could help but feel compassion for their friend and loathing for his parents. Now, they knew why Kevin was so tough, he had never had a choice. Gwen turned her head as tears trickled down her cheek. Ben, seeing her distress, took her hand in his.
Emma chewed her bottom lip as if suppressing an outcry. "I'm sorry Kevin. I'm eternally sorry for everything that we did to you. The abuse and the abandonment. Can you ever forgive me?" She looked up at him hopefully.
The other two glanced at Kevin quietly, wondering what he would say.
Kevin searched himself. He didn't have to forgive her not with what they had done to him, but some part of him pitied her. All his life he had thought he was the weak one for crying
and cowering from his parents, but now he knew he was strong because he had survived. He was better than her, than him. They were the ones that were weak. So, he would be the strong one this time. "If you were really sorry you would've tried to find me, instead of conjuring up fake tears and kindness so you can look like the frickin' Carol Brady of mothers." He said the scorn in his voice as obvious as the color of his hair.
"But I am sorry Kevin." She clamped her fingers around the sleeve of his shirt.
He chuckled bitterly. "Spare me Emma. I know you're not sorry. So, keep your phony apology, cuz I don't need it." His eyes gazed through her as if she were nothing. "But I will forgive you cuz I've seen what I've needed to see. And you know what? I'm glad you didn't raise me, cuz I've got two friends that are more family to me than you or Jake ever were." He tossed a grin at Ben and Gwen over his shoulder.
They both returned his smile.
He stared back at his mother and leaned down a little more. "I pity you. You're a bitter, lonely, pathetic woman that's got two feet in the grave and you're gonna die that way, but I'll come to your funeral, because I'm better than you. But after that, I'm gonna forget you even existed." With those cutting words, he straightened, turned, and strode out of the room.
Ben hurried behind Kevin, he wanted to get the hell out of this house before he totally went alien on that old broad.
Emma let out an unearthly sound. "You're still a monster!"
Gwen's eyes blazed pink. "Kevin is not a monster! You and your husband are the monsters, abandoning your son, just because he was different. Animals do that type of stuff not humans. But you know what? Kevin turned out to be a good guy, sure he has a bad guy streak, but who knows what kind of psychotic murderer he would have grown up to be had you not abandoned him." She approached the bed and stared directly into Emma's eyes, cutting her down with a glance. "Thanks for the favor." She flipped her long red locks, turned on her heel, and left the room. When she made it outside she found her cousin and her crush already in the car, waiting patiently on her to show up. She walked to her designated side and got in the car.
Kevin looked in the rearview mirror at the house he grew up in. He was happy to be leaving that ninth level hell and the horrific memories that it held within its walls.
I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same.
They don't know me.
'Cause I'm not here.
They pulled into a nearby gas station in the uptown district of the city. Ben jumped out of the backseat of the car, nearly squishing his cousin's face into the dashboard, and bolted for the bathroom.
Kevin simply shook his head. Sometimes it was like Ben had a bladder the size of a pecan. He leaned over and without warning, wrapped Gwen up in a tight embrace. Softly he pressed a kiss to her forehead, smiling when her cheeks faintly reddened. "Thanks Gwen, I really needed that."
A girlish giggle fled her. "You're welcome."
He smiled at her smoothly and got out of the car. He grasped the gas pump and inserted into the tank and left. Hey, he was going to fill it up, so there was no need to monitor the price. Dodging, a car making its way to a pump he ran into the convenience store only to find Ben holding a handful of snacks in his arms: potato chips, chocolate bars, sodas, cheese crackers, and candy. Shaking his head, he grabbed two bags of beef jerky from a rack and made his way to the check-out counter. "I'll pay." He declared when Ben fumbled for his wallet.
Taking advantage of this rare gesture kindness, Ben grasped a couple packs of bubble gum from the counter. "Okay."
Kevin paid for the pile of snacks and his fuel which came out a little over a hundred and fifty dollars. The door dinged when they exited the convenience store and walked into the sunny day. "Thanks Ben."
Ben shrugged, causing the plastic bags he held in his hands to whisper. "No problem, it's what friends do. You'd have done the same thin for me."
He looked ahead. "A few weeks ago, nah. But now, maybe."
"Jeez did you guys buy one of everything?" She said when they got in the car with their bags of snacks.
Kevin gazed at her beautiful features for a moment, appreciating the way the sun shine off her hair like a halo. He smiled and cranked up the car and they roared away from the gas station.
And you see the things they never see,
All you wanted I could be.
Now you know me and I'm not afraid,
And I want to tell you who I am.
Can you help me be a man?
They can't break me as long as I know who I am.
Night fell over the land and when most living creatures were asleep, Kevin Levin still drove down the seemingly endless highway. He sipped his hot coffee and continued to drive down the road. Why did Ben and Gwen do this for him? Why did they come with him to face his mother? They didn't have to, after all she was his mother, but still they had tagged along to support him. Why? Because they were his friends, and that's what friends did, supported each other in their hour of need.
"I have friends." He said in almost disbelief. Never had he had friends in his life, not true friends. When he was a kid he had friends, but they had shunned him at the first sign of trouble. Ben and Gwen however didn't, hell they had accepted him back despite his track record of trying to kill one half of the duo. They became his family. The only one he had known. Shit, Ben even had the extremely annoying little brother role down pat and Gwen well for now her role was undecided.
Neon lights shining in the distance caught his drooping eyes. He focused and read the sign. In big red neon letter were the words 'Sleepy Inn' and just below was the smaller, but just as bright, word 'Vacancy'. He gunned the engine and pulled the car into the parking lot. He bolted into the hotel and to the front desk. Moments later he came out carrying a key that had the number 22 on its top. He opened the door to the driver's side, cut the car on, and turned the volume on the radio up to an insanely high level.
The two passengers jackknifed out of their sleep, panting hard as their hearts drummed in their chests. Both shot him murderous glances. "Kevin, what the hell?"
He turned the volume down to a tolerable level and crossed his arms. "Get out, I found us a hotel to bunk in for the night." He said while trying not to hold down his laughter and circled his way to the trunk and opened it, rummaging around in it for his suitcase.
Groaning and grumbling angrily the two got out and stood in the concrete, car filled parking lot. Gwen yanked the key from Kevin and stomped towards the hotel.
"Don't worry I'll get your duffel bag." He called after her, prompting her to turn to him and glower groggily.
Later Kevin, after having hid his newly started cd collection, walked into the hotel room. Ben and Gwen each lay sprawled across the beds. "Damn." No way was he sleeping with Ben. He cut his eyes slyly to Gwen. She would kill him if she found him in bed with her. Rolling his
shoulders, he stripped off his shirt and walked to the bed in which his former enemy slept peacefully, and got in. This was not right, dudes did not share the same bed, okay straight dudes didn't share the same bed. Ben moved, turned over, and snuggled into him.
"I miss you Mister Wubbles."
For a moment Kevin didn't push him away, because he was too busy trying to remember where he had heard that name from. Holy crap! His eyes broadened and then glittered prankishly; Mr. Wubbles was the name of Ben's stuffed dog toy. No way the kid still slept with his dog toy.
"I'll hold you when I get home." He said sleepily. "No I can't bring you a baseball cap."
Kevin chuckled until Ben put an arm around him. That was it, fun was over. He locked a hand around the sleeping boy's neck and squeezed, only enough to wake him.
Ben gagged and awakened. "Wha--?" He flailed sleepily when he realized he was being choked.
"Get off of me." He said menacingly.
He looked at the proximity that they shared and jumped away. "Ewww. God, I'm sorry Kev."
He let go. "Stay on your side of the bed." He warned. "Or else."
"Or else what?" He challenged, not in the mood for Kevin's threats.
A wicked smiled drawled across his mouth. "Or else I'll visit Mister Wubbles."
Without speaking a word he stared at him blankly and turned over, quickly drifting into slumber.
Kevin laughed smugly. Like he had said before, Tennyson was similar to an annoying little brother. His eyes fell upon the sleeping Gwen. She was beautiful even while she slept. Her red hair cascaded past her face in abundance, giving her the appearance of a sleeping angel, and those luscious lips relaxed as if begging him to kiss them. He smiled and cut off the lamp, darkening the room.
I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same.
They can't see me,
But I'm still here.
Kevin and a small crowd of people sat under the tarp listening as his Great Aunt Flo read his mother's eulogy. He however, wasn't listening to her words, instead he concentrated on the rain pouring down around them and Gwen's hand in his. His mother died two days after he left and unfortunately they had to come back to this ramshackle town and attend the funeral. Tears did not fall, because the sad thing about was that he could not mourn for a person that had treated him as nothing. His eyes fell to Gwenn who wore an ankle length black hooded cloak and Ben who wore a dark shirt and pants. He would cry if either of them died, but the people around never.
Flo finished her eulogy and took her place at the seat at the far end of the tent. The pallbearers strode solemnly to the casket and picked it up and began walking to the burial spot. They all stood simultaneously and filed out of the tent. Kevin popped the collar on his black buttoned up trench coat and followed behind his Great Aunt.
Ben opened an umbrella and continued to walk behind Kevin and his cousin. He usually wasn't one to get angry fast, but he found himself having to keep his temper when he saw the scornful sneers and abhorrent glances shot towards his friend.
"Can you believe the freak showed up?" Someone said.
He grit his teeth, calming himself so he didn't go Jetray on the woman.
Kevin could feel everyone's eyes boring into his back, but he ignored them. They wouldn't make him feel like a freak or less than human again. He felt Gwen give his hand a gentle squeeze. He smiled down at her and then back at Ben. These two were his true friends.
They can't tell me who to be,
'Cause I'm not what they see.
Yeah the world is sleepin',
While I keep on dreamin' for me,
And their words are just whispers and lies,
That I'll never believe.
"You didn't hafta come." He said quietly to Gwen while sloshing over the wet grass.
She walked around a puddle of grass and gazed up at him from under the rim of her hood and through the dribbling raindrops. "I know. But I wanted to come."
They shared a meaningful smile.
Ben nearly bit blood from his lip when someone said:
"I wonder if he's bagging the red-head."
"I wish he'd leave, he's contaminating the air around here."
He clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white. No wonder Kevin left this hellhole.
Kevin stared emotionlessly at the somber pallbearers as they sat his mother's down. A woman he knew to be his cousin stood and began to sing a haunting requiem as she tried to hold back her tears. Memories of his mother flashed through his mind with the quickness of at hyperspeed, but out of all the recollections, through the years he spent with her, none of them were pleasant.
I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch thing's I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change?
They're the ones that stay the same,
I'm the one now,
'Cause I'm still here.
The three of them broke off from the line of mourners and crying people and strode to the awaiting GTO. Kevin tossed a look over his shoulder at the scores of headstones lining the dismal and sepulchral cemetery and turned his gaze up at the gloomy sky, allowing the rain to pelt his face, as if cleansing his soul from his the wickedness he had suffered throughout his life. His spine tingled as if trying to alert him to someone's watchful eye. He surveyed the area and stopped when he saw a lone figure standing on the hill on the hill opposite the tarp. Who the hell is that? The figure was dressed in all black with a dark hat to hide his face. He raised an eyebrow curiously.
"Are you just going to stand out there in the rain?" Gwen asked impatiently. She was ready to blow this popsicle stand.
He turned away and got in the car, shutting the car door, and almost sighing when he felt the rain on his coat drip onto the floor. "Let's go." He threw the car into drive and screeched down the street. They rode in silence for a while, supposed giving him time to think. After all they had done to him, physical and verbal abuse, isolation, throwing him to the wolves on the street thus plunging him into a world where he had to fight constantly fight for survival, he had survived. They had not succeeded in breaking him; as a matter of fact he was strong because of it. He felt so much better now, like all that plagued him had been laid to rest with his mother's body. No, he was not good, because he would always be bad, but only as bad as he wanted to be.
Ben's stomach rumbled. "Can we go by Flappy Burgers? I'm starving."
"Me too." Gwen echoes. She undoes her hood and throws it in the backseat with Ben.
"Sure, but if either of you get one drop of food on my seats, you'll pay through the nose. Anadite or Omnitrix or not."
The brunette simply smiled, folding his leanly muscled arms. He had missed that familiar cantankerousness. "Glad to have you back Kev."
Kevin smiled into the rearview mirror, stopping at a traffic light. "Feels good to be back Tennyson." His eyes fell to Gwen when she touched his hand and pitch-black melted into bright green, drawing each into their own undertow momentarily until the light changed. He pressed the gas and then passed Gwen a wink. Maybe he'd figured her role in their little family after all.
I'm the one now,
'Cause I'm still here,
I'm still here,
I'm still here,
I'm still here.
Whooo! My first song fic I finally finished it. I finished this in one day (wipes sweat from brow). Man my fingers hurt. Anyhow, I hope you guys like it. Constructive criticism is always welcomed. Read and review please. Thank you.
Love ya