Chapter 1

Broken

I woke up screaming. The dream was the same as ever. I wandered alone in the woods, lost, looking for the one thing that had made my life worth living. I would remember what I was looking for then realise why I was looking. That was when the screaming would begin. Charlie didn't bother to check on me anymore, it had happened every night for over three months now.

Despair crashed all around me as I tried in vain to control my sobs. My breathing was uneven, but it began to slow after a while. The tears finally dried out as the sun started to shine through my curtains.

I got up, took a shower and went to get breakfast. I ate my toast slowly, trying to waste time. Charlie sat opposite me, not commenting on my pained screeching. He looked up.

'What do you fancy doing this weekend?' he asked suddenly. I shrugged.

'I don't know. I was thinking of writing that essay, then redrafting it.' I answered. This was the only thing I had to look forward to.

'Look, Bell's, I know this is hard. But you can't just stop living your life because of-' I cut him off

'NO, Dad you don't get it. I need to handle this my way. I don't want to talk about it, hear about it or be reminded. I just can't move on b-because…' I broke down. The pain overflowed the hole the departure had left and consumed me. He was at my side.

'Bella, shhh. It's ok. I'm sorry. Everything will be fine.'

The day passed sluggishly. At lunch Angela sat next to me. She didn't talk but waited till I had finished eating then said 'Will you come for a walk with me?' I nodded and we both got up and left the crowded cafeteria and she led the way to one of the damp picnic benches. She sat and gestured to me to join her.

'Look, I'm really sorry about this, but I couldn't think of any other way…' she trailed off, staring over my shoulder into the forest.

'What's up?' I asked.

'Ok. Well. Your in pain, I know and I'm so sorry, but there must have been a reason behind all this. From what little I know I know that he wouldn't do that to you. He couldn't. The reason must have been huge. Maybe it might help you to let go.' she stopped and didn't look at me, almost as if to give me privacy. She continued.

'I know it's hard to talk about, but I'm always here. That's why we are sitting here instead of in there. I will always be your friend, no matter what you go through…' she finished.

'Whoa whoa whoa. Hold up. You think he left for a reason?'

'Yes.'

'Then why did he say…' I couldn't continue, my voice was going to crack.

'To protect you. To make you forget. I don't know.'

'You know, I think that might make sense… but I don't know,' I looked at her, trying to connect the puzzle pieces in my mind.

'He loved you, Bella and for all we know still does.'

'I…doubt it.' I answered slowly. I had never admitted this to anyone before.

The bell rang for class and we walked off to biology in silence.

Broken

I stared out the window. I wasn't sure how much longer I could stand this.

'Is there no other way…?' Alice asked, touching my shoulder.

'There is one… but then I… it could kill me.'

'If it gets her back in your arms it's worth it.'