A/N: This is my first Treasure Planet fic, hurray. I wrote it at the beginning of the year but hesitated to post it here since it's for a select kind of audience. This fic contains slashy m/m action going down and BL-style writing. If you don't know what slash is, or this turns you off, you now have the option to get lost. Mostly this fic is Braeden/Jim but there is another pairing mentioned, though not by name. (: Braeden is not a male mary sue, and he will not dance happily off into the sunset with the main character. Now that you know all that, please enjoy the fic! 8D

Always On Your Mind

Jim sighed as he leaned back against his closed door. He was finally alone in his dark room. He shrugged out of his white academy jacket, yawning as he hung it up. Pausing, he glanced over at his dresser. Jim bit his lip and got down to open the very last drawer of it. He reached far into the back and pulled out a small bag. He took out a dusty dark-colored jacket from it and held it close a second. Jim took a deep breath and swore it still smelled like the Legacy. Slipping into it, he pulled it tight around himself as he stood, and strode over to the mirror. He felt like it would somehow always be too big on him.

"This looks better on me." he muttered to himself. It was true that he was happier ... and he learned alot thanks to his journey ... but he couldn't just let go of the past, of everything he was so easily. His hand drifted to the back of his neck. He missed that dumb rattail. But it wasn't a "proper" haircut for the academy. The only comfort he had was that the rules said he was allowed to grow his hair back out once he was in school. But he had to have a "normal" one for the entrance ceremony and all.

Was this the course he had charted? Or was he just trying to make his mother happy? To make up for all the times he screwed up in the past?

Jim sat down on his bed and snuggled into his old jacket, wondering what the real answer was.

An impatient beeping noise reminded Jim that he really needed to cut the whole goodbye thing short and get on the transport that was going to take him to school. He hugged his mother for the last time and then spent the next few minutes removing BEN's grip on his legs.

"I'm gonna miss ya, Jimmy!"

"I'll miss you too, BEN. Really." he smiled at his family. Morph snuggled up against his chin, making soft sniffling noises.

"I'm gonna miss you alot, Morph." he said under his breath.

"Miss you, miss you." Morph repeated, sadly. He wasn't allowed to take Morph to school. They had a strict 'no pet' rule in the dorms. He had really wanted to take the pink shapeshifter with him, if only to have someone familiar to talk to. And ... and because Morph was really all he had left of -

A whistle blew, interrupting his thoughts. He picked up his bag and started up the gangplank. He paused halfway up, and waved back quickly. Then Jim turned and ran the rest of the way up.

His life was about to change again, and he just had to go for it without any more doubts.

Shifting his bag to his opposite shoulder, Jim sighed. He was definitely lost. He had been wandering around campus for at least a half an hour trying to find the right dorm. The academy was much bigger than he thought it would be. He stared down at the papers he held which included a small (and un-helpful) map, grumbling to himself. And then he promptly ran into another boy.

"Oh - sorry." Jim half-muttered, looking up.

"No problem." the other boy just laughed. He had bright blonde hair and Jim swore his eyes were violet colored. He was wearing street clothes and had at least 4 different piercings in his right ear alone. Considering how strict Jim knew the rules were, he was a little surprised.

"You're a first year, right? You seem a little ... lost." the blonde spoke up again.

"Well ... I hate to admit it, but yeah. I'm totally lost." Jim conceded with a sheepish grin.

"Lemme see ..." the other boy looked at his papers quickly and smiled. "Aha, well, looks like you're in the same dorm house as me. It's not too far. Follow me."

"Alright .. thanks alot!"

"Mmhmm. Oh, I'm Braeden Rose, by the way." he said as they were walking.

"I'm Jim Hawkins."

"Nice to meet you, Jim."

"Can I ask you something?" the dark-haired boy said after a moment.

"What's that?"

"I thought there was a dress code here. So why ..." Jim gestured to Braeden's outfit.

"Yeah, there is. But the rules are more like .. guidelines anyway."

"Guidelines?" Jim looked skeptical.

"Okay, I'll tell you how it works. Outside of classes, you can pretty much wear what you want as long as it's not too strange or crazy looking. When I go to class, I have to brush my hair back, wear my uniform and take out most of my earrings. It's annoying but it's better than getting detention."

"I like how they don't really tell you that when they send you information about the school."

"It's a trick they use on all the first years, honestly. None of them end up bringing much in the way of regular clothing so they have to wear their uniforms all the time for the first quarter. I think the headmaster gets a kick out of torturing kids or something." Braeden joked. "Aaaand we're here."

The blonde led Jim inside a small building that was packed with people running here and there. He didn't have much of a chance to look around though, thanks to that. They passed a doorway that led into a huge room with benches and tables and chairs. It was already crammed full of loud students.

"That's the common room, where everyone hangs out!" Braeden yelled over the noise.

"Obviously!" Jim shouted back.

They turned a few corners and ended up in a dark, cool stairway, where it was much quieter.

"You can get to the dorm rooms from the main stairway in the entrance hall or here. I like this way better myself. Less twittering idiots."

They climbed the stairs to the second floor and entered a brightly lit hallway that seemed to have an endless amount of doors. Braeden glanced over Jim's shoulder to look at the dark-haired boy's papers again. Jim felt the blonde's breath on his neck, as Braeden seemed to linger a moment longer then he had to. Jim froze for a second but before he could decide what was happening, the other boy was walking towards a nearby door.

"Your introduction sheet says this is your room. Hopefully they got the numbers right. The office robot had them all mixed up last year and boy, was that a mess ... - er, you coming?"

Jim was standing dazed a moment but recovered quickly. "Right, right." He walked over and opened the door, finding out that whoever his roommate was hadn't arrived yet.

Braeden smirked at his turned back. "Soooo .. you'll find a key to the door in your desk on your side of the room. Your roommate will have a copy of it in his desk too. I think that's it for now ... I'll let you get settled in and all. But I'll be back later."

"Uh, Braeden? Thank you. I would have been wandering around for at least another hour or something if you hadn't helped me."

"Heh. I'm always happy to help a cute boy." Braeden ruffled Jim's hair playfully before walking off.

Jim fixed his hair as he ducked inside the room and shut the door. 'Does Braeden maybe ... like guys?'

He decided thinking too hard on this little revelation was a bad idea and instead focused on putting his things away.

A black haired third year spoke up as Braeden strolled past. "What a cutie you caught! Is he going to be your new plaything?"

The blonde stopped and turned. "Maybe. We'll have to see. Don't you just love first years? They're the best to tease."

"Tell me how it goes, sweetheart."

"You know I will, Ryan."

The pair grinned at each other before Braeden continued his way down the hall.

Jim was sitting at one of the lunch tables a few weeks later with his head lying on an open textbook when he saw someone sit down across from him. Of course it was Braeden.

"You stalking me?" he asked teasingly, looking up with his eyes but not moving.

"Maybe I am." Braeden grinned, a bit of a flirty tone in his voice. "Anyway, it looks like you're too in love with your book there to notice me anyway. Or did you accidentally glue it to your face or something?"

Sighing, Jim sat up more and rested his elbows on the table. "I didn't think school would be this hard. Well, I wasn't really doing that great of a job back in regular school either .. but yeah. I didn't apply myself or whatever."

"It's okay, everyone always feels overwhelmed at first. You're a smart kid, you'll get the hang of it." Braeden smiled again, this time reassuringly.

"Yeah, I hope anyway."

"So, how are you getting along with your roommate?"

"Oh geeze, him." Jim made a sort of disgusted face. "He's not actually in the room much. He definitely has a girlfriend who goes to the school near ours. I'm sure he's spending most of his time with her."

"Yuck. Er ... sounds annoying. Does he come in late at night too?"

Jim nodded, taking a sip of the juice he had sitting near by. "I'm really surprised he hasn't gotten caught yet."

"Having girlfriends is very against the rules. I guess they don't care as much if you don't bring them back to the dorms though." Braeden seemed a little lost in thought a moment.

The younger boy played with the pencil he had lying near his books, tapping it against the page and not looking up as he spoke. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"What?" Braeden looked up suddenly.

"Girlfriend? Do you have one?"

"Oh, ew no."

"Afraid of breaking the rules?"

"Please." Braeden grinned at this. "No ... no, Jim. I'm just not .. into girls."

"Oooh. I see."

"Well, what about you?"

"Me?"

"You into girls or guys or what?"

"Uh .. uh .." Jim turned red at this question. That definitely wasn't something he could answer honestly.

"Nevermind. It's okay. But really. You know, you can tell me anything. When you want to, I mean. I won't judge."

"R-right. Thanks."

"No prob. It's what friends are for." The bell rang then and they both looked up.

"I've got a class now so I gotta go." Jim quickly pushed his books into a pile. "I'll see ya later, okay?"

"Sure." Braeden watched Jim leave with a bit of confused look on his face.

'He must like guys but then .. what was with that really awkward moment?' he thought to himself.'Does he already like someone back home? ... Oh well, what does it matter to me?'

The lights in the library were dim, and the place was all but deserted, and still Jim sat at one of the tables. He wasn't even really looking at the book that lay open in front of him. He was staring at nothing in particular because his mind was somewhere else. He spent the last hour reading about Treasure Planet again. The book was more factual and less fairytale-like than the storybook he had read as a child, but it still took him back to that trip. It really seemed like it wasn't that far off .. like he had been on the ship just the day before.

"Young man .. " said a robotic voice near him.

He jumped and looked over. "What?"

"You're going to have to run to make it back to your dorm before curfew, you know."

Jim glanced up at the clock quickly and realized the librarian robot was right.

"Oh, great. Thanks, though. See ya!" he grabbed his school bag and took off out the door.

The librarian picked up the book and smiled at it before shutting it. "He's definitely a dreamer ..."

Jim ducked around the corner into the back stairwell of the dorm house just before one of the teachers looking for tardy students came down the hall. Grinning to himself, he ran up the steps quickly. He peeked around the corner into his own hall and it was deserted. Then, Jim heard soft footsteps behind him and before he could turn, he felt arms reach around his waist and pull him back.

"Gotcha!" Braeden whispered loudly in his ear, hugging him close.

"Brae! Geeze, you almost gave me a heart attack." The younger boy turned his head back to glare at his friend, but instead found himself awkwardly close to the blonde.

Braeden leaned forward just a little and Jim felt his heart skip a beat. Was he going to try to kiss - then abruptly, the older boy just let him go and he tripped a few steps forward.

"Heh, you make the funniest noises when you're surprised." Braeden walked forward and ruffled his hair again, like on the day they first met. "Get to bed, we have school tomorrow." Then with one of his usual grins, he walked off up the next flight of stairs to his floor.

Jim ran a hand through his hair, which had luckily been growing quickly over the few months that had elapsed. He didn't get Braeden sometimes. It was bad enough his friend was sending him so many mixed signals ... he was starting to get confused himself on how he exactly felt about the blonde. Or maybe ... he was just reading into it too much. He had never really had a good friend his own age before. Maybe this was normal? He shrugged and trudged off down towards his dorm room.

Braeden stared up at the poster on the bulletin board announcing the annual dance the school hosted in which they invited the girls from the academy near by. He just frowned at it and walked off. Most of the student body was in a twitter, trying to find dates before other guys did and all that. He didn't like social events and he definitely wasn't remotely interested in dancing with a girl. On the other hand, he did kind of wish he could take Jim. He thought the younger boy would look so handsome, under the lights, looking up at him as -

The blonde stopped for a moment in his tracks before rolling his eyes at himself and continuing to walk. Jim was his friend, just his friend. And once he had gotten what he wanted, they probably wouldn't talk anymore and that'd be the end of it. As usual.

... Then why did he feel like something was completely and utterly wrong this time?

The night of the dance, Braeden came into the seemingly deserted dorm house. He hadn't seen Jim scurrying off with the rest of the first years to the main hall, so he assumed the other boy must be back here somewhere. The blonde silently came into the empty common room and found what he was looking for. He dropped his jacket into a chair and smiled at the dark-haired boy who was gazing out the window at the night sky.

"Still hanging around here, Jim?"

"Oh, Brae. Yeah. I'm not into group functions, or whatever." Most, if not all, of their dorm was off at the dance.

"Yeah, me either, of course. I was stealing some stuff from the fridge. They just got some strawberries. Want one?"

"Sure, I guess."

The blonde came and sat next to Jim on the cushioned bench he was seated on, handing him a strawberry. The dark-haired boy ate it slowly, still looking out the window.

"You miss being out there, huh?" Braeden recalled a few of the stories Jim had told him about being on a voyage before.

"Yeah I do ... I miss - alot of stuff." The younger boy seemed lost in thought and Braeden though it might be a good idea to take advantage of the moment, them being alone in the dark common room.

"Hey Jim ..."

"Hmmm ... ?" The dark-haired boy turned and found Braeden had moved closer.

"Wanna share this with me?" He held two strawberries connected by a stem.

"... Sure?"

Braeden moved even closer to Jim and slipped one of the strawberries inside the other boy's mouth. He looked surprised but didn't back away. The blonde-haired boy bit into the other strawberry and pressed a finger to the side of Jim's face, noticing he was blushing. Smirking, Braeden took away the stems left over from the fruit and set them aside, his face still close to Jim's. He leaned in slowly and let their lips meet. The dark-haired boy melted into the kiss.

Jim's mind felt fuzzy and seemed completely out of sorts. 'Braeden's a guy!' he reminded himself, stupidly.

'And since when did that ever matter?' Another part of his mind said in reply.

It didn't matter. And he knew it. If it mattered he wouldn't have fallen in love a long time before this. But love for his friend? He didn't exactly .. love Braeden. He liked Braeden alot. He had a good time with him .. but .. Ugh. Why couldn't he say no? Why did he feel like he was losing this battle? Maybe he really did want-

The blonde slid his hands under Jim's jacket, pushing it off his shoulders. Jim helped shrug it off, looking back at his friend with hazy eyes. Something held Braeden back a second but he tried to ignore it as he pushed his hand up the other boy's shirt now, and kissed him harder then before. Jim made a soft noise against his lips, leaning back on his elbows on the soft bench. Braeden moved over him, pressing against the other boy, and yet still, that tugging feeling persisted. Like he was doing some wrong. He had literally seduced lots of boys, this shouldn't be any different. Shaking his head, the blonde pushed up Jim's black shirt and kissed down his chest. The dark-haired boy moaned, threading his fingers into Braeden's soft hair. The other boy's lips drifted down over his stomach and finally got to the waist of his pants. The blonde began to push them down a bit and undo them .. but he kept hesitating. He almost wanted Jim to push him away ... to get control of himself and tell him to stop.

Why wasn't Jim doing that? Why? ... and Braeden couldn't figure out why he even cared when he usually wouldn't at all.

He looked up, and saw Jim's face in the moonlight coming from the window. It was still the slightest shade of pink, his eyes were mostly closed, his expression soft, like he was not thinking of anything else but Braeden. And the blonde realized he couldn't go on.

"Jim .. I .. I'm sorry .."

".. W-what?"

"I can't .. I'm sorry, I was wrong, I'm such an idiot." Braeden pulled away, standing up, feeling the dark-haired boy's blue eyes follow him as he strode across the room to get his discarded jacket.

"But -"

"No, Jim, please, don't say anything else .. I understand if you hate me now, this was stupid, and really .. I have to go - I have to."

"I don't - " The younger boy started, but Braeden had already taken off. "- hate you. I'm just confused." Jim finished the sentence to himself. He sat up and shivered, pulling back on his own jacket. Holding it tight around himself, he got up to leave the drafty common room. Someone would probably come back soon anyway. And he had to go figure out what the hell just happened between him and Braeden. And that was something he'd rather do alone.

Braeden kept running when he left Jim and didn't stop. He finally had to sit down when he couldn't catch his breath and found himself near the academy gates. The wind rattled through the trees as he collapsed to the side of the path. His vision seemed a bit blurred as he gasped for air. It was like he had tried to outrun whatever it was that was bothering him so badly. But he knew he couldn't. He couldn't just treat Jim like all the other boys that he seduced and slept with. The younger boy was more than that to him .. more than a plaything. More than just someone to tease. He had kept pretending to himself that's all it was, but it really wasn't. And it hadn't been for awhile. He had fallen for Jim, and he had fallen hard. He just didn't want to admit it to himself. And the fact that he was in love with the younger boy meant that for once, he wanted Jim to love him back. And unless that happened, there was no way he could sleep with Jim without hating himself forever for it.

"I'm so fucking stupid .. stupid .. I swear." Braeden let himself fall backwards as he sighed, remembering something an upperclassman he had been friends with told him.

"When you find the one guy you actually love .. you wouldn't be able to kiss him without it feeling wrong. And that's how you'll know."

"Sure, sure, whatever, Brian. Like that'd ever happen to me, right?" Braeden replied at the time.

Brian just grinned. "You'd be surprised."

"Isn't there one thing in your life that you really want that you haven't already fucked up?" he asked himself out loud, staring up at the stars.

It was too late for all of that now, he knew. It had been too late years ago.

And it was too late now.

Jim had just pulled on his old jacket the next morning, which was thankfully a weekend, when he heard a knock at his door.

"Come in?"

Braeden poked his head in the door, looking to see if Jim's roommate was around. "He's gone?"

"As usual ..."

"Oh. Right." The blonde ducked in, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it. "Uh, I guess I owe you an explanation about last night."

The younger boy frowned at him. "You think?"

"Did I piss you off that much?"

"It was just confusing. You're my friend, right? So, what exactly happened?"

"See ... Jim ... I'm .."

"What? You're .. what?"

Braeden shrugged a little sadly, looking ashamed of himself as he dropped into a chair. "I'm kind of like a playboy. I like cute guys .. but I'm not into commitment or anything. I'm not the only one, really. Alot of the older guys do it too .. we pick on the first years. It's not like we're trying to be cruel, it's all in fun."

"... don't you ever think about the feelings of the other person?"

"That's just it. I never have before. I make friends with the new kids, I sleep with them, and then I take off and move on. It's always been just that. It's easier to have fun if you don't let yourself get attached. Love is a joke, right? It just gets you hurt."

"Maybe so, Brae ... in fact I pretty much think the same thing. But I haven't given up on it yet. And I'm not comforting myself by sleeping with every good looking guy I see because I can't face reality."

Braeden didn't look up or say anything. He knew it was the truth. He was running from the hurt he had felt when he lost his first love ... and trying to erase the pain of that memory everytime he slept with someone else. But there was no real way to get away from it. All he was doing was treating people the same way he had been treated. How could he have been so selfish .. so stupid?

There was a short silence before Jim spoke again. "What made you stop? Last night .. what was it?"

The older boy buried his face in his hands. ".. I don't want to talk about it."

Jim went over and pushed Braeden's hands away from his face. He knelt by the chair and looked into the blonde's violet eyes, searching them. "For once, try being honest with me, Brae."

"I .. I fell in love with you, Jim. I promised myself I wouldn't. But last night I knew there was no way I could treat you like the other boys I was with. You're someone special."

Jim swallowed hard. The similar words echoed back into the past painfully. He took the blonde's hand in his own, squeezing it. "I know exactly how you feel ... too well, really."

"But .. there's someone else, right?" Braden concluded, trying to blink back the tears that threatened to spill over. "I can see it. There's something missing in you .. there's a part of you that's not complete."

Jim smiled a bit sheepishly. "You hit the nail on the head there."

"He doesn't know, does he?"

The dark-haired boy blushed. "No ... I never got the nerve to say anything."

Braeden leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Jim's shoulders. "I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve to ever have to cross paths with me."

The younger boy reached up and hugged him back. "Don't think of it like that ... you're the first person I ever admitted that to, you know. ... I'm not sure I could talk to anyone else about it. You're my best friend, Braeden."

The blonde hid his face against Jim and gripped his jacket tighter. A muffled 'thanks' came from him.

Jim just patted him on the back. His feet were starting to hurt and fall asleep but he stayed kneeling in that position to comfort Braeden.

After all ... that's what friends were for, right?

It was finally time for the first seasonal break of the school year, and Jim was packing to go visit home. He had to admit he actually did miss the old Benbow and everyone back there. There was a soft tap against the doorframe and he looked back. Of course Braeden stood there, smiling.

"Excited to go back?"

"A little. Aren't you going home?"

Braeden frowned and came over to Jim's bed and sat down next to his bag. "No. Even if there really was somewhere for me to go, I wouldn't want to go back."

The dark-haired boy looked over at him, pushing his bag aside and sitting by his friend. "You never explained to me what exactly happened."

"Er ... well ... I guess I can tell you."

"Of course!" Jim playfully punched Braeden in the arm and the blonde smiled for a split second.

"Well, I don't know my parents at all. I grew up living with my uncle. And he didn't want to talk about them at all. I still don't really have much of clue where they are, or what they're doing. If they're even alive that is. I don't even know that much. But since I never knew them, I don't really miss them either. And then when I was fourteen or so, I met this guy - an older guy."

"Oh .. ?"

"And that was really a bad idea from the start. I was naive, I was young. And I thought he loved me. He made all these promises. I was going to go away with him to another planet and we'd live happily ever after and all that. And I believed him up until the night I was supposed to escape with him." Braeden looked away. He hadn't spoken to anyone of this in years, and it was painful to re-live out loud.

"... what happened?"

"I found out he had left earlier that afternoon. Without me. Of course. He didn't want some immature moron tagging along after him, mumbling stuff about true love. It was stupid of me. Completely and utterly stupid. That was my first and pretty much last brush with anything that was love."

Jim put an arm around Braeden and sighed. "I didn't really help, did I?"

"No, no, Jim." The blonde leaned in towards his friend and rested his head on the dark-haired boy's shoulder. "You helped me more then anyone else I've ever met. Let's just leave it at that for now, okay?"

"Alright." There was a short silence before Jim spoke up again. "What about your uncle? You don't want to visit him?"

"Not really. He wouldn't care if I was there or not."

"Do you wanna come back with me then?"

"... Really?"

"Yeah, sure. My family would love you."

Braeden thought about it and then shook his head. "Maybe next break. I think I need to be by myself for a little while. But next time for sure."

"I'm holding you to that." The younger boy smiled at the blonde.

Braeden stood at the school gates, watching Jim leave for home.

"Have a nice trip. I'll be here when you get back."

"You better be." The younger boy smiled, picking up his bag and throwing the strap over his shoulder.

"Hey .. Jim ..."

"Hm?"

"Promise me something, okay?"

"What's that?"

"That guy .. back home .. the one you like ..."

Jim turned red and just looked at Braeden in confusion.

"If you see him again ... promise me you'll tell him how you feel ... okay?"

"But .. why?"

"You deserve to be happy. And from what I can tell, he's the only one that can do it. So tell him."

The younger boy smiled. "Alright. It's really about time anyway .. really."

"Good. Now get going already!"

"Bye, Braeden. And thanks." Jim waved and took off, making it to the transport just in time. This time, when he went home ... things were going to change.

... Or at least he was going to do his best to see that they did.

The End

A/N: Part two is being written as we speak! Keep an eye out for it. :3