a/n: This sort of just fell out of me! It didn't turn out how I expected it to at all! There are hints of Fai/Kuro in this. And SPOILERS for pretty much everything up to Manga chapter 126 I think. Also, if you don't care about spoilers and are reading this anyway, you might be confused since I don't spell everything out (Fai vampire!). AH!
Anyway, I don't own anything here, I hardly own the plot (I wish I owned Fai) so don't sue.
Also, review ok?
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Time to Run.
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'This is the last time,' he promised himself. 'This is the last time I use it.'
It was the same every time, really. He tried to limit himself but he just could not stop. It was like breathing to him, it flowed through his veins and fed his heart.
His magic was a terrible thing, a malicious disease that ate away at anything it touched. It festered in his soul and screamed to be let out. The magic sustained him, it gave him long life, and it granted him the power to transverse through worlds.
And while he could travel to anywhere he wished, do anything he pleased he could never circumvent himself.
And so he acted. He became the perfect person, one without temper, one without hate, one without power. He hid from himself, shielding with sunny smiles and twinkling laughs. He was invincible! He was unconquerable! He was the best!
He was not real.
It took work, and sometimes he slipped up, but he always pasted his grin back on. He pushed through and all the while he was being eaten from the inside.
He lived in a castle that shimmered with all the colors of the rainbow when the sun shined. He lived in a country where the people were content to be content, and where the king was not questioned when he did questionable things. He was the self-animated puppet who proudly displayed his skills when his master waved his fingers. He dazzled! He deferred arguments before they came to pass! He concluded treaties with a wave of destruction! He decimated!
And all the while he smiled.
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It was interesting, obeying orders from someone other than oneself. His magic squirmed inside him, ruffled irritated feathers. It could not escape. Secure behind the king's will and whim, it burned the Mage. Ravenously greedy, it broke through Fai's willpower and the king relished the beast he had unleashed.
Fai knew something must be done.
And so he ripped open a hole in the Universe and went to visit the witch. When he stepped through the tear he found himself sitting in her living room and becoming an unwilling member of a tea party she was conducting.
Later, as he told his story- full of animated arms and sunny smiles and acting- he watched her watch him and smile that unnerving, nauseous smile. He didn't like her, he realized. He didn't like how her keen eyes pierced into him. How she seemed to know what his problem was, although he glossed everything over.
She named the price, smiling that fake smile. He knew she was hiding he was the only one who should be allowed to hide behind smiles.
Unfair! His mind cried.
Unjust! How could she do this to him?
How cruel! He smiled.
His back hurt! That dimensional bitch had fucked him over. Yet, at least the tattoo was pretty, and now he controlled the magic and the magic did not control him.
"If ever you lose this tattoo…" She had warned. But he wasn't going to lose it.
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He looked in the mirror and watched a smile slid on. He felt nauseous, he felt tired. He wanted to sleep for a very very long time. But he would not be the one to sleep.
He was envious of the king really. And as the magic ripped through him, billowing out his sleeves and decimating the palaces decorated rooms, his mind screamed.
Unfair!
How cruel!
But sealed away in a sleep that was not a sleep, the king could not reply. Fai knew he was a light sleeper, knew he could not stay here. He wanted to kill Ashura! He wanted to destroy him! His magic burned in his veins and writhed behind the seal on his back.
"…Your price…" a voice reminded.
Fai sighed. Alas, he could not kill Ashura. But he could not stay here, if he made too much noise Ashura would wake and then there would be hell to pay.
He had to run, his mind was screaming for escape.
'You can't hide in the same place forever!' it cried. 'You will be found for sure! You must run!'
Run, run, run – like an animal, it was survival instinct at its best.
So, with the trap set, he went off. Preparing to hide from someone other than himself for a change. But he knew he needed insurance.
He would have to visit that witch again.
Unfair! His mind cried out.
Unjust! His heart twisted.
His magic surged against the seal and Fai smiled.
He was still smiling as he broke through the Universal wall into the witch's world. He was still smiling when she named the price. He had been prepared after all. It was the only thing that mattered.
"I guess it can't be helped..." His mind screamed. His magic writhed in ecstasy.
Fai laughed, an actor! And the world was his stage! All worlds were his stage and he was confident enough to know he would never again use his magic.
He relished the sense of adventure he felt from the boy and his love, but he was wary of the other man. Something within him called out- Danger! Danger! And so he was particularly careful to smile brightly at the ninja and call him distractingly cute little names.
Kuro-puu!
Kuro-chii!
Kuro-rin!
And nonsense like that. And really, it was funny seeing the apathetic man turn red with anger. And Fai could almost say he was having a good time, except that would be a lie and he'd never yet lied to himself.
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His mask got worn over time. And Fai discovered that traveling though worlds took time.
It was inevitable really. The outcome of the situation. It was like a conventional formula that had been written by the God's and could not be denied.
Fai slipped up.
Not only was Kurogane the most annoyingly perceptive person he had ever met- thank you dimensional bitch for that! - he was also a very strong weakness to Fai. Sometimes around the man he could feel his smile slide off, and he scrambled for the glue he needed to secure it. And while he was insuring that his smile stayed on, Kurogane kept pulling and pulling. That man was so insistent and Fai could not resist!
But it had been the boy who had really made him see things. Syaoran was not who he thought he was, Fai's magic had picked up on that right away. And yet, he could not say a word. He could not put more pressure onto the very precarious situation.
And yet, he had used his magic! The one thing he said he would never use!
"No, not magic." He had insisted. "Not the sort of magic I would do."
He had not destroyed anything! His mind fought against the power welling up inside. He was not a bad person! He had just saved both Sakura and Syaoran! And Kurogane!
Ah, that man. Inquires, inquires, inquires. It was not fair! He had just stumbled into using magic and now Kuro-chii was questioning him!
"I hate people like you." Ah. Good.
His heart hurt, and yet Fai smiled. Maybe there was a chance...
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But no, the tide had shifted, the sea had changed and there was a raging storm on the horizon. And that boy Syaoran, that boy who was not really a boy, who was so close to being human- that boy disappeared.
And Fai, inevitably, slipped up. Again.
He had known he would be unsuccessful. He did not want to destroy the child- that he could do easily, yes but he did not want to-. And so Fai quite suddenly found himself to be dying.
Broken and bleeding and being swept away. His mind shouted in ecstasy, what was left of his magic pounded in rage. He was free! His cage was gone! He did not have to hide! He was so tired of running…
That man could not even allow him to die in peace!
Unfair! His mind shouted. Unjust!
"SHUT UP!" Kurogane roared.
'Well,' Fai's lips did not smile but his heart did. He opened his mouth to drink. 'At least I'm not alone.'
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Owari.
And Review.