Oh, God.

The faint voices of Jace and Clary follow after him as he leaves the room, the single thought on Alec's mind being Magnus.

Magnus has been in the institute.

The single thought nearly paralizes him there and then but he refuses to give up before he finds Magnus.

He goes through the pile of bodies – dead bodies – feeling sick after the numbers just keeps on increasing. Werewolves, vampires, seelies and even the shadowhunters that were killed in valentine's name – the still bodies are cowering the grounds of the instititue and Alec can't help thinking what if the next one will be Magnus.

He can't stop thinking about it and at one point he's starting to lose breath as he runs down the halls. His vision starts to cloud itself and his will alone let's him to keep on moving. To keep on searching.

He doesn't know how much time passes since he had started his search, but no sooner the light starts to shine from the windows that are not cowered with blood and he knows it's morning already.

Morning already and he still hasn't found Magnus.

People are moving around the institute, people who are not dead – some going in, some out and Alec finds himself swimming with the flow, rushing down the stairs outside.

His eyes are frantic. He's checking everyone that passes by but he just can't find him.

He doesn't know why this is happening. He should be here. Somewhere!

How can he not find him? He had gone through every single bloody body in the institute, he had asked anyone who could still speak, he had tried everything…!

And he just can't. He can't breathe. He can't think. The windpipe in his throat is closing in and he's nearly collapsing while he lets the people pass by his standing still frame.

At one point he starts thinking that maybe it's not that he can't find Magnus, but that he is not able to see him. Maybe Alec can't see him because the blast of the Soul Sword had been so strong that there's just nothing left of Magnus anymore. Or maybe it's because Magnus is so magical... Alec always repeated it himself that Magnus was a very magical being. He's not like the others. He's different from werewolves or vampires, or even seelies. Magnus is magic. All in and out. What if... what if Alec now can't see him because he's just a bloody smear on the wall.

His head starts to swim together with the increase of his breathing. What if Jace and Clary knew that and just didn't tell him? Because they knew Alec couldn't handle the truth so they lied to him, letting him go on this wild goose chase when in truth it's all for nothing. Magnus is already gone.

He could barely feel the strength in his legs anymore. He couldn't do this. He couldn't handle such truth. If something really did happen to Magnus... he just... he can't-no, he won't-he can't be-

And then there's a firm hand on his arm, spinning him around and he's there. Magnus. Not a bloody smear on the wall. Not even in imediate danger. But actually here. Before Alec. Standing and alive and breathing and Alec's body takes charge of its own – enveloping Magnus in his arms, clutching him close to his body and just feeling.

He's really here. Breathing. And Alec is starting to breathe again.

They pull away in a short while and Alec feels himself blurting out all his worries, how he really thought something could've happened to him.

But he doesn't say that. Doesn't finish the sentence. He can't. His words get stuck in his throat and Magnus takes it upon himself to reassure him that he took Madzie with him and that they're both safe.

Alec is half listening. He can feel himself nodding absentmindedly. It's good, the fact that Madzie is safe is very good. She had saved him after all. Well, more like spared. But still. He's glad that the warlock child is safe. But... that's not what's the most important right now. Because Alec still can't calm down. He can see Magnus looking at him with a worried frown on his forehead but he just can't calm down. He's a stuttering mess.

"On every mission I've ever been before, I've never felt that type of fear. Ever." He takes a few short breaths in because despite his burning lungs he has to keep on. He's not finished yet. Magnus has to know. "Not knowing if you're alive or dead... I was terrified," he admits and waits for something, it mostly only comes as a confirmation of what he already knew. Loosing Magnus now would damage him beyond his current comprehension. He never knew he could feel this way. It was such a foreign feeling to him still but something so unbearably precious that he couldn't imagine parting with.

"So was I," Magnus replies, extending his right hand to brush a few calming strokes against Alec's arm in comfort but Alec can't help thinking that this isn't it.

He can't help feeling that Magnus just doesn't get it. He doesn't get it just how important this revealation is to Alec. Just what it means to him. And he's afraid that he's such a novice at relationships that maybe it's impossible for him to relay the message crystal clear. If anytime, it's this time when Alec is cursing his own inexperience in relationships, because, if he had at least a bit more experience, maybe now he would be able to say the right words, which would show Magnus just how much he really means to Alec. How much he came to care for the man, how much he's loved.

And then he's breathing hard for another different reason. Because he had found it. This must be it. These are the words that would finally be able to tell Magnus how much he means to him. It's scary on a whole new scale, down right terrifying having to say those words out loud and he fails the first try only getting till Magnus's name but he doesn't give up, pushing on. Because if there's one thing he can do for sure is march head on in the most difficult situation and make what needs to happen happen.

And then they're out. The three little words of I love you are out of his mouth and he's waiting. For a moment there the whole world seems to slow down and only him and Magnus existing in the bubble those words have created. He thinks something should be happening right now but he's not sure what. He doesn't know what to expect-

Expect he doesn't have to. Because Magnus is saying it back. He's telling Alec that he loves him all the same and then Alec has no more control over his body as it surges forward towards Magnus, towards his salvation, towards the softness of his lips.

In all the times they've been intimate, Alec thinks this is the one time when they truly did make love happen. And he knows that this love is real.

It's all very overwhelming when they pull apart but Alec can now breathe. His heart is still racing but no longer in danger of stopping, but rather a heart filled with love, relief happiness and gratitude.

They find themselves into another embrace. This time longer and even more meaningful - they hug with a promise to each other.

And if this's the feeling of what truly being at home feels like – he wants to never let it go.

Hi, guys. This is my first Shadowhunters fic so let me know what you thought of it ^^