Clary,
First, let me apologise for not saying goodbye, for if I had, I'm afraid I wouldn't have had the strength to leave, and I know that that's wrong. I couldn't bear to have walked away, you watching me, after all that's happened. It would be like watching my world fall to pieces. I couldn't see it and feel it, I knew it would be too much.
There's nothing to say that you don't already know, but I'm going to say it anyway. I love you. I have loved you ever since the first time I saw you in that coffee shop with Simon, laughing and talking, oblivious to the fact that he was about to tell you that he loved you. I hated it. For some reason, I knew it was wrong. I wanted it to be me. I wanted to be the one that made you laugh, made you smile.
And then it all came tumbling down, that night with Valentine. I thought he was wrong. I thought it was some kind of sick joke, but it wasn't. Even after that though, I couldn't convince myself it was wrong. That you were wrong, for me at least.
What I'm trying to say Clary, is…well, all the things I have never said to you before, I suppose. And that I'm so glad, so glad that I could have those moments with you. All of them, and that if things could never be different, I wouldn't change a minute of it.
But the thing is, I'm the only one who can beat him, and I have to try. I have to. I know how he works, I know how he lives. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me, of course I wouldn't, but it would be my dearest wish I you could just try…try to forgive me. Don't forget me, if the unthinkable does happen. But I mean what I said last night Clary, if there is a life after….that, ill love you then.
Yours Forever,
Jace.