Cages
It would be ok if it wasn't him I could try but it wouldn't be worth it. I've lost my chance to ever be with him, nothing I can say or do will ever be able to make up for what I've done, what I've said. I've accepted it now but I think i'm a few months too late hes moved on he must've. I'm in a university studying how to play a game that i've grown to hate. Football has ruined my life why couldn't I appreciate the time I had, I always wanted more and I never thought… I still don't know what to do with my life, he said we all had a purpose and all we had to do was discover it but I haven't discovered mine. If you asked me what I wanted to be last year I'd say football but now it's like I have a new view on life, a view that is more real that I have ever experienced. And I hate it
I've been let out of my cage to all these new experiences that I want to be experiencing with him but he's gone. And it's my entire fault.
"Faggot"
"What did you just call me?"
"I called you a faggot!"
The words that changed my life, why did I have to say them, what did he do wrong. Just because his father loves him doesn't mean he's committed a crime why am I so jealous of him the perfect sister, parents, and friends. Why did I even care about what my father thought and why did I call him that.
"Tell him i'm sorry"
"Tell him yourself"
Why didn't I? One apology that's all why couldn't I listen to her. He hates me and I know it. The pile of unsent letters is getting larger I just need the courage to send them. They are all addressed and stamped there is about thirty and they all say the same thing
I'm sorry
I know you hate me
I should have told you sooner
All I ask is for you to believe me
And they all end the same way
I love you
I love you
I love you
And I know it now Patrick I love you I just need the courage to tell you. All those hours spent on the golf course the best hours of my life it was then that I was alive. But all that is over and I am not alive inside I pass each day with coffee and drugs hoping that I won't remember it, I only want to remember our days. And hope that our days are not yet spent, that they can be infinite.