I am Cristina Yang
By gillian0809
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Master Shonda does.
Cristina has spent the night at Meredith's. Not because Burke kicked her out, but the words had hurt her so much. If she goes home she'll be emotional, Cristina Yang does not do emotions. She needs someone rational, someone who will catch her when she falls.
Cristina has been avoiding Burke all day, purposely didn't sign in any of Burke's surgeries or any patient that can relate to him. She has always been in control, with herself, with her studies, even with Colin. Until Burke showed up. He is her variety, the unknown x in the perfect formula.
Colin is easy, he's lonely and she's the top student. The overexposure between them can only lead to the bed. But she didn't regret it. She likes him yes, but love? No. It scares the hell out of her when he proposed. Three times, in fact. There's no future she can see in their relationship – only comfortable. It's comfortable to be with him. And that's it.
Meredith urges Cristina all day to talk to Burke after his n-th page. She ignores them all – knowing that she hasn't got any patient or surgery with him, there's only one reason, and Cristina Yang does not back down in battle – well only when he's in distress. But how can he doubt her like that? Like she betrayed him. If Burke thinks she's not worth it, fine, then she will not talk to him until he gets through he stupid mind.
It's been a busy day today. The fact that Burke wants to talk and the annoying Colin is lurking around to flirt with me. And Izzie Stevens. I try to avoid Burke and Colin all day, even bail out of Burke surgery as many as possible. Thank goodness for Meredith for trading. I can't face Burke right now, I don't think I can keep it professional and not to hurt Burke with a 10-blade.
Cristina lies on the bunk bed in the on-call room. Their on-call room. She tries to sleep but she can't. Memories keep floating back to her – The first encounter, the bliss. Twice in fact. God I miss Burke.
She hears the door opens and closes. The familiar aroma of masculinity awakens her sense. It's Burke, only he would know our little paradise.
"What do you want?" I asked.
Burke walks up to the side of the bed. "I…I only want to say…"
"No Burke, let me finish." I sat up in the bed. "I left Colin because I know there's no future between us. Yes he is charming and talented. But I know, I know that is not what I want. I want someone who can challenge me as his equals, not because I'm cute or adorable." Brushes back a loose hair behind my ear, I continue, "When I started with you I was attracted to your charm, and that flirting side that you would only reveal to me. I never, I never imagined I would fall in love with you. I tried not to, but I am," I swallow and control my emotions, holding them back in the dark room. "I'm in this for the long haul, Burke, and I'm happy. It makes me happy to see you happy. I don't need a ring or a certificate to proof that I love you."
Damn. I can feel the tears blurring my vision. "I open up to you and all I get is that your doubt that I'm in this for the education. Do you think you can force me to marry because you have skills to offer? I can get that from Colin. But I said yes to you." One tear slips out of my corner and I hate being vulnerable in front of Burke. Now a second one joins in and more falls.
"And you have to be Preston Burke, the perfect God that places his expectations on me. And you know what? That's enough. Now it's time for you to be my expectation." More tears flow and my anger rises as well. "I am Cristina Yang, I am who I am and the last time I check, I'm not married to you yet. If you want this, you have to try harder." I take a deep breath to calm any emotions. "And right now, I just want to sleep, with you."
Burke sits down next to Cristina and don't know what to do next. He wants to hug her, to tell her he's sorry, that he's being silly and being jealous. She's right, the words have been harsh and unreasonable.
Cristina lies back down on the bed, pulling Burke along with her. She puts her head on his chest and snuggles under his chin.
"Burke, you know Colin is going to challenge you, right?"
"Yea, but you're worth it. After all, you are Cristina Yang." Burke smiles and pulls Cristina closer, and both start drifting to sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day, and Preston Burke will not back down any challenge. Even if he's THE Colin Marlowe.