Dante found himself alone with a dark wood... He had just left his girlfriend, the She-Wolf, trying to find hope in his life. The she-wolf was kind to him, but too lusty for his own good. She might as well have been a prostitute as far as Dante viewed her, especially in comparison to the one he was truly looking for, the one he could only find on the True Way. Dante knew he had to leave the She-Wolf after he discovered the app FindTheWriteOne, a dating app for male writers. Dante's profile read "Just a lost man looking for his master ;)." He added the winky face to show he was just playing around, but to also make the reader know he was a flirtatious beast. Dante swiped past profile and profile, laughing at the Shakespeare impostors ("Lol don't they know he hasn't even existed yet!"), gagging at the lip licking peasants, and shuddering as he passed the profiles that showed a little too much skin ("um those ankles were not necessary..."). He was getting bored flipping past all these terrible people, until he glimpsed a profile he almost skipped. A handsome man, with curly hair and quite a fabulous nose, was staring at him out of his tablet (which was literally a rock). Who was this gorgeous man? Dante looked at the profile, and gasped aloud. It read "Master looking for an apprentice... I can take you to a place hotter than my bedroom ;)." It was an exact match! Dante was that apprentice, this stranger was his master! And they both used winky faces, obviously proving further that they were indeed meant to be. The writer's name was Virgil - oh of course! Dante had heard of this smart poet; he had been talked about for centuries. Wait - centuries... how was he still around? Dante tried to contact him, but a message flashed on the screen, "Sorry, but this match just isn't right - your booty call has long been dead!"DEAD?! How on earth could Dante have a relationship with a dead guy? That's necrophilia, and Dante just wasn't into that... Dante began to cry. He had finally discovered the man of his dreams, an intelligent, gorgeous, seductive poet named Virgil, and of course it was just his luck that he was dead. Dante sobbed and sobbed until all of a sudden his tears were interrupted by flashing white lights. Dante thought he was about to faint, when he looked up and saw, standing above him, Virgil. He gasped. Virgil winked. "Hey sexy, how can I be of service?" Dante was flabbergasted. How was this possible? Virgil was dead, long dead. Virgil sensed confusion in his eyes, and explained that he was basically a spirit... that arrived to take Dante someplace smoking hot. "I saw your profile.. you're much cuter in person," Virgil said flirtatiously, eying Dante's big nose and fashionable wreath. The two exchanged more formal hellos, but not much needed to be said, as they both felt a spark - they knew this was already love. Virgil asked if he could take Dante on one hell of journey - and how could Dante ever resist? After Dante spontaneously agreed, Virgil replied, "things are about to get really hot," and with a wink, the two left and re-appeared on the outer circle of Hell.
Flash forward to several circles later, and Dante really had no idea why Virgil was taking him, or how long it would last. "Hey V, how many levels of hellare there?" Dante asked. "There are 9 levels of hell, but Dante - there are 69 levels of paradise."