Chapter I
It was a peaceful day at the Smash Mansion...or so it was.
"PIT COME QUICK!" Sonic shouted from the garage. "There's a black widow!"
"Aw sweet!" Pit entered the garage in no hurry. "Scarlett Johannson is here?"
"No...I'm not referring to a superhero or anything. I need to to assist me in killing this."
Sonic pointed to the black widow, which was hiding underneath a wheelbarrow.
"I don't think we should kill that spider," stated Pit.
"Whaddaya mean, we shouldn't kill it?" frowned Sonic.
"It could be a mother..."
"That's good. We'll kill the spider's babies once we're through with killing it!"
"She's not an it, she's a her!" Pit rushed over to the black widow and shielded it from Sonic. "I won't let you lay a finger on her!"
"You're making a huge mistake here..."
Meta Knight, who happened to walk by, saw what was going on as he passed by. He shook his head as he entered the living room of the mansion.
"What's going on over there?" asked Robin, who was sitting on a sofa, reading his spellbook.
"Sonic and Pit are in the garage are arguing over whether or not they should kill a stupid spider," explained Meta Knight.
"We have a garage?"
"Good thing I wasn't the only one here who thought that..."
Back in the garage, Pit stood up as he held the black widow in one hand, and petting it with the other.
"From this day forth, I'll keep this dear spider under my watch!" he announced.
"This is so disappointing," Sonic facepalmed as he shook his head in disgust.
Pit took the black widow to his room placed it - erm, her - in a box.
"I'll call you...Zoey!" Pit named the spider.
"Yo, Pit, I need your help!" Link entered Pit's room. "I need a pseudo name."
"What for?"
"King Dedede is having a party, and he won't invite me and Marth. So we're gonna disguise as Waddle Dees, and enter the party. Right now we need some good names."
"Uh..."
"Got any suggestions? Also, why are you about to start a tea party?"
"None of your business."
"Woah Pit, that's a awesome name! Those Waddle Dees will never see it through! All I need now is a fake name for Marth..."
Link belched out of the blue, and didn't even excuse himself.
"Manners, please?" Pit scolded Link.
"Yet another awesome name! Thanks Pit, you're the best!"
Link happily shook Pit's hand before he left the room - skipping.
"Weirdo," Pit smirked.
Link and Marth - both in Waddle Dee disguises - made their way to King Dedede's party, which was held inside a tent of sorts. A Waddle Doo was at the entrace.
"You stay here; I'll see if this Waddle Doo is easy to breeze by," Link told Marth.
"Don't take too long, I'm burning up in this thing!" said Marth.
So Link trotted over to the Waddle Doo, who was serving as a bodyguard.
"Name sir," Waddle Doo said to Link.
"None of your business," responded Link.
"Is that how you gonna be?! Where are your manners?!"
"Far from here."
A while later, Link returned to Marth, after the Waddle Doo took his costume off and beat him senseless.
"He saw though my disguise," moaned Link.
"Told you this was a bad idea," remarked Marth.
Back to Pit. The lad was outside at a swingset, pushing his new pet spider Zoey on a swing. Dark Pit walked by, and perceived Pit pushing an imaginary being.
"Watcha doing, playing with your imaginary friend?" Dark Pit mocked his counterpart.
"Zoey's not imaginary, she's an eight-legged friend!" defended Pit.
"You're still hanging out with that dumb spider? Sonic was right, you have lost your mind..."
"That's what you think!"
While Pit was arguing with his doppelganger, Lucas walked over to the swingset and sat on a swing...the same swing Zoey was on.
"ZOEY!" Pit screamed when he saw Lucas sit on the swing. "NOOOO!"
The winged lad rushed to the swing, pushing Lucas off and searching for Zoey.
"You killed Zoey!" Pit sobbed. Lucas felt somewhat remorseful.
"I'm sorry?" he apologized.
"Don't feel sorry, you murderous fiend!"
"Yeah, I'll just leave now..." Lucas got up and awkwardly walked off.
"Man, what a dweeb..." Dark Pit shook his head at a sobbing Pit.
Later that day, everyone in the Smash Mansion was invited (or in this case, forced) to attend Zoey's funeral.
"Zoey was a good spider..." Pit wiped away tears as he reminisced on the short time he had with his pet spider.
"You're taking this a little too far," Diddy Kong said to Pit.
"No I'm not."
"Okay then, guess you'll have to find out on your own..."
"Pit I need to speak with you for a minute," Snake grabbed Pit and escorted him to the front of the mansion. "Lucas wasn't responsible for killing your pet spider."
"He wasn't?!" Pit's eyes widened.
"Your spider happened to crawl off the swing and crawled away. And then..."
"What happened next?"
"...Falco stepped on her!"
"That monster! I will find him and give him a piece of my mind!"
Pit searched through the Smash Mansion for Falco, wearing a bandanna around his head and arming himself with a Nerf gun. He spotted Pac-Man exiting his room.
"Where is Falco?" Pit interrogated the yellow man.
"How am I supposed to know?" Pac-Man shrugged.
"LIES!" Pit fired at Pac-Man. The yellow man collapsed to the ground, like he was seriously injured or something.
"Looks like the end for me..." Pac-Man heaved as Pit continued his search.
Soon enough, he found Falco in the bathroom. The falcon was busy washing his hands, when...
"HIYAH!" Pit roundhouse kicked Falco in the face, knocking him to the floor.
"What in the heck?" Falco rubbed his beak as he got up. Pit set up Falco in an Attitude Adjustment, and performed the move as he threw Falco out of the bathroom window.
"My car!" Captain Falcon shrieked from outside. Pit heavily exhaled as Snake entered the bathroom.
"The murderer has been taken care of," Pit told Snake.
"Too bad it was the wrong one," chuckled Snake.
"Say what...?"
"Lucas was responsible for killing your pet spider this whole time. I just wanted to mess with you, that's all."
Snake received an Attitude Adjustment, courtesy of Pit.