"There's nothing you can do, Harry...nothing...He's gone." Remus whispered his hand dead weight upon Harry's shoulder and he was sinking.
"I could not exist." Harry replied because no matter how many times people tried to cover up the truth, it was his fault. Hermione could say that his parents in any situation would have died for him, that it was fate and it was cruel and unfair. Ron could say that it was all Snape's fault and when it came time for the final battle he would kill him for all that he had caused. He knew what they didn't that they wrought their own futures that fate didn't exist and that you couldn't count on anyone but yourself to give it to you straight. No one could ever know him like they wanted to, and they kept on trying and he didn't understand why. What was good enough about him to want to know? He brought destruction with him; he got the people he loved killed. He only ever caused grief.
Grief was tied to anger it was tied so tight that he couldn't even separate the two anymore. Because now as he stroked the hair out of Sirius' dead eyes watching as strands came unstuck from their place in the liquid that would soon dry, he wanted to kill Bellatrix Lestrange. He wanted to torture her and have her beg for death because Sirius deserved to be alive, after all he had been through this was such a- such a pathetic way to die. So Harry stood anger tied to grief flowing through his veins.
"Harry no!" He heard Remus shout but he didn't understand, he had been grown up when Lily and James died he had time to cope to heal. Harry had no time. Seconds were precious and he couldn't waste them with thought. He started running and he flew literally flew through the Department of Mysteries. He was out of the circular room before it could begin to spin and he was racing to the elevators, racing time. He screamed at their human pace when he could fly and he was wasting golden moments. When the doors opened onto the entrance hall and he saw Bellatrix running, he was possessed.
He tried to kill her. He wanted to kill her. He might have hidden this fact from everyone but later in the dark he knew the only reason he didn't was that he was too weak.
He was too weak to kill Voldemort that first time, to kill Pettigrew when he had the chance, too weak to save himself by loving Ginny, too weak to understand this trap that got his godfather killed. He knew now that he would never be able to defeat Voldemort, but he was going to die trying.
A/N: The bold part at the beginning is a quote from the Harry Potter books.