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His arms were snaked underneath her red blouse, around her waist, holding her tightly against him. One of her hands was gripping his hair while the other held the back of his neck. Their mouths were fused together, moving rhythmically. He moved to kiss her neck and her eyes fluttered open for a second before his lips came crashing back to hers. They kissed, clutching each other and rocking to the music that blasted through the Gryffindor common room.
They were oblivious to everyone else and all Lily could do was watch. It felt like her heart was being torn to shreds, then put back together and torn again, each time more excruciating. There was a painful knot in her stomach, as if an iron fist had wrapped its fingers around her guts and squeezed mercilessly; she was close to being physically sick. But she couldn't look away. Not now. Not after what she'd seen, the way he was holding her, the way he was touching her, the way he was looking at her…
"Lily, stop staring. You're not doing yourself any favours by watching James stick his tongue down that tart's mouth", Marlene appeared, with a disgusted expression etched on her face and she handed Lily a mug of Butterbeer which she refused. "Drink! You'll feel better"
"No Mar…to be honest, I feel pretty sick"
Marlene tucked her dark curls behind her ears and considered this for a moment, before asking, "Why?"
Looking surprised, Lily responded, "You know why"
"No I want you to tell me why. You and James, you're not dating. So, technically, he's allowed to snog every girl in this room if he wants"
It was the truth, but she still felt the sting. "God, Mar, I'm such an idiot. I've turned him down numerous times over the years and this year, well, I finally let him in didn't I? And I let myself look at him the way I thought he'd looked at me over the years. I told you, I just can't help it. I've fallen for the idiot. And how ironic, it looks like he's over me" her voice was bitter and Marlene's expression became sympathetic.
"Ah, I know Lily; I just wanted to hear you say it. But the thing is, James doesn't know how you feel and if he doesn't know that then-"
"But I tried telling him! I dropped so many hints", she was exasperated now, her hand flying and flinging Butterbeer on Peter who was dancing nearby. She lowered her voice, "I mentioned the end of year Gryffindor party to him so many times, I told him how I was worried Amos would ask me if he realised I didn't have a date. I mentioned the new outfit I was planning to wear and asked if he'd like it. This stupid dress" she scratched viciously at the emerald, velvet dress that she had picked out, wanting to rip it off. It was suffocating now. Marlene's eyes grabbed hers, comfortingly and Lily looks up, choking a sob. "I held his hand as we were patrolling and I kissed him on the cheek just a few nights ago. And he goes and does this?" Lily pointed across the room and noticed how much more intertwined they are now. How Melanie's top buttons were now open…
She was fuming now. How dare he? Before she could change her mind or have logic take over, she strode furiously over to James and Melanie and pulled James back by harshly tugging his hair. She felt glad to hear him yelp in pain and he turned with an equally furious expression to match hers.
"Jheeze…what the hell-Lily, what on earth are you playing at?" his face now held confusion and Melanie glared at her from behind him.
"Fuck you Potter" and she dumped her glass of Butterbeer over his head, letting the glass fall as well. She heard James swear profanities as his head made contact with it.
Ignoring the shocked faces of her fellow Gryffindors, she marched out of the common room resolutely. Her nose felt warm and her eyes dampened as the tears she'd been holding in began to seep their way out. She brushed them away harshly; she wasn't going to let him get to her. It was only when she had reached the end of the second corridor that she heard someone running up to her.
"Oi! Evans, what the hell was that about?"
She turned around to face him and was pleased to see that he was still damp. Her fists were clenched at her sides as her voice came out as a shout.
"And what do you want Potter?"
"Fuck Evans, you attack me in the common room, drown me in your drink and give me half a concussion with your mug and you expect me to take it lying down?" he growled back "what made you act this way?"
When Lily didn't respond, he continued with a lower voice "I thought we were getting along" he had stopped shouting and his voice was almost sad. It made Lily choke.
"We…we were. But you had to go mess it up. God, Potter, are you that thick? Don't you know?" she was crying now but she didn't care.
"Know what? I'm not that great at Legilimency in case you didn't notice" he responded coolly.
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hands before asking, "Why did you come with her?"
James looked momentarily confused, "Melanie? Well, she'd been hanging around moaning about how she had no one to take her, so I just asked her. Seemed like it'd be a laugh", he shrugged non-committedly.
Lily sighed and dropped her eyes to the floor; she was emotionally drained and couldn't take any more of this. The pining, wanting and needing had become physically painful. "You didn't ask me"
Seconds passed, minutes, before she looked up to meet his hazel eyes, which were wide in shock. His mouth opened and closed as if he couldn't decide what to say.
"But you said you didn't want to go with anyone random, just to go with your friends" he responded with strained voice.
"Yeah, my friend. I was kinda hoping you'd pick up on that. Especially after I hugged you a few nights ago" when he didn't respond, she continued-might as well get it over with.
"Honestly, I think it's okay now James. I had no right. Just go back to the party", tiredly, she turned away before his voice rang out urgently.
"No wait, Lily, wait, what do you mean?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
He shook his head, "No. I need you to say it"
She exhaled, before closing her eyes for a moment. "I like you, I've liked you for ages now. I've wanted you for so long, needed you really. But I guess, you stopped wanting me"
Shocked, it took a moment for James to grasp what she was saying, before he responded frantically. "What? No, no, I need you too Lily. Lily, look at me. Please, Lily" he had walked closer to her now and she looked up to see her looking down at her with a desperate look on his face.
It would have been easy now, to let him close the gap, put his arms around her and pull her to his chest. Lily would have let him kiss her and she would have stood on her tiptoes and tugged gently at his hair to bring him closer. But his lips were swollen and had traces of pink lip-gloss and he smelled faintly of perfume.
She stepped back, "Your top shirt buttons are undone"
He inhaled sharply, "Lily, what you saw, that was nothing. Merlin, I'm an idiot, but that meant nothing at all. There is nothing going on between me and Melanie. There could never be, no one could ever be anything to me when you're everything" his voice was pleading now, "I'm sorry"
Lily turned away again, ignoring the tug of her heart which was pulling her in the direction of the messy-haired boy. Stifling a sob, she replied, "I know. And I'm sorry too", before walking away.