According to...Balthazar

Neo shook his head, he stared at the marble floor from where he lay on the edge of the red-silk sheeted bed. Balthazar's words once again rang in his head, "You're stupid. You are useless, Neo. You can't make up your own damn mind." Red eyes and melting skin accompanying the words in his mind, those words being said only a few minutes ago, he wished his random Sight would go away sometimes. Especially when Balthazar got mad at him, which was often lately.

He knew it was bad, but Balthazar was a Demon or half one anyway, what was he supposed to do? There was nothing, he'd tried his own magic to get away, it hadn't worked. 'Most of the time I forget that I even have magic because none of it works on Balthazar. I'm not nearly strong enough for that, for anything magic related really.' Magic, that's what cousin John was for, he still didn't know why the Exorcist hadn't done something, anything.

Weeks ago Midnite had looked at him, when he had walked into the backroom with Balthazar. Midnite, of course, knew how bad it was and had tried to stop it. It hadn't worked then, either, if Midnite couldn't who could ? Since he had run into Smith earlier, he was having doubts again.

Flashback

He walked out of the dark-brown/black BZR building after one of Balthazar's meetings. About an hour ago, he hadn't been able to decide if he'd wanted to go so Bal had called him, "Difficult, too hard to please. No wonder no one else wants you. Plus, you're always late, maybe if you died again you'd be on time for once."

As those words echoed in his head, he had literally run into the ex-Agent. Even though, he should have fallen, Smith caught him. Just that would have made him gasp from the sheer surprise, he'd probably have fallen if he'd gotten hit with a feather.

Fingers tilted his chin and that familiar dark voice, "Mr. Anderson.", except it wasn't mocking and there was something in those ice-blue eyes...something he hadn't seen since he started going out with Balthazar.

Dimly, he heard himself reply, "It's Neo. Why does he always do that ? It's not fair."

"What do you mean ? Balthazar ?"

'Why hasn't Smith let go of me yet ? It's not a tight grip, if doesn't feel like he wants to kill me.'

"You know about him, about ... us ?"

Neo found himself waiting to be insulted, like Balthazar almost always did when he asked a question.

Smith tilted his own head down slightly and growled while he flinched, "Yes, I know. Your cousin, Constantine, found me and told me about him, I don't like him. You deserve so much better than a half-Demon. Look at yourself, Neo, you're incredible, the things that you have done, you're the most powerful human in the Matrix. You beat me so easily, you weren't even trying. Mind, I was not trying my hardest either. Neo, you're beautiful, do you even realize how many people must look at you every day and wish they had you ? Every single one of them is better for you than him. Even I would be better for you than him."

'Why couldn't John have come and helped me ? But, it feels good to have it be Smith, I didn't realize I actually missed him this badly.' Unknown to all, except John he had long had a crush on Smith. John couldn't help reminding him whenever they met.

Smith must've seen his flinch because the other was running his finger-tips over his cheek-bone and he could hardly believe that Smith thought that about him. Him, of all people, even though they had fought so many times over the years. The last, their so far final fight, the one in the rain two years ago. For some reason Neo had missed their fighting it was something he had cherished, only realising that when it was over. He couldn't believe that Smith thought he was beautiful, Balthazar never said anything like that anymore. According to Balthazar he was as stupid as he was pretty. Over all the years he had never seen the icy eyes look less cold. Apart from the color they looked warm, like Smith really meant it.

The Ex-Agent continued, "I couldn't stop thinking about you, after I woke up, again. I couldn't help wondering what had happened to you. When I heard that Balthazar had taken you, I knew it would not be good. Especially, when Midnite told me about your last appearance with Balthazar. Midnite told me you don't even joke about his accent anymore. Two years ago, seeing all those other people's memories of you, I know you're funny. I thought quite a few things were hilarious when you said them to me, even when they were insults. What I mean, is you're everything to me and I couldn't realise that until a few months ago. I love you, Neo."

Suddenly, he was jerked away as Balthazar snarled, "Get away from him, Smith ! Unless you want me to kill you, oh...wait you can't die only get deleted. You're only six-hundred years old, you don't know anything. I'm guessing our dear, precious Johnny-boy sent you ? Did you appreciate Neo when you had him, Smith ? Oh, wait you never did."

Smith's eyes turning colder, much colder, like a prehistoric glaicer, "You're older than when Rome was real, Balthazar. Yet you can't appreciate the best thing you don't deserve, so fuck you. It doesn't matter, I was looking for him anyway, Midnite and Constantine only helped me."

Meanwhile, he was left staring at Smith as Balthazar grabbed him which was just before the stench of sulfur engulfed them. They disappeared just as Smith reached for him and they appeared miles away in Balthazar's bedroom.

End Flashback

Now he was back where he'd started, at Balthazar's insulting him, the millenia old half-Demon hadn't said anything nice in months. He hadn't had a reason to joke about Midnite's accent, lately. 'Smith, Smith loves me. Loves me, without threats or bribing ! Just Smith saying he loves me and couldn't stop thinking about me, Smith of all beings.'

If he left Balthazar to go to Smith, at least, he seemed to geniunely care, he missed seeing Smith and he was quite honestly sick of Balthazar. 'Balthazar who always insults me even worse than Smith's ever done, than Smith would've ever dreamed of. Balthazar who tried to bargain me off, so a more powerful half-breed wouldn't kill him.'

Even back when they fought Smith never would have thought of that, Neo was sure. It would be so much better if he left Balthazar for Smith. The half-Demon exclaimed suddenly, "Don't you dare think about it !"

"What? Think about leaving ? I already am."

Balthazar snarled at him, the dark-gray eyes turned red from anger, "Do you think I wasn't listening to the lies he was saying ? You're horrible at fighting and, even worse, at telling jokes, you always give them away before you're done telling them. Not even Johnny-boy likes you enough to rescue you from me. That's saying something even Constantine, who absolutely loathes me, who's actually related to you thinks you belong with me."

"You're saying according to you, Balthazar, that Smith's interested in me for what I'm not ? However, I seriously, seriously, doubt that John thinks I belong with you."

'I don't belong to Balthazar, but, but if I do leave he'll go after Smith. I don't want that, not when I know what he feels about me. Does Balthazar love me ? Has he been doing things to say it and I haven't noticed ? Should I leave or stay ?'

"Exactly. I'm surprised everyday you can get up, you're weak. Maybe I should do Heaven a favour and just kill you. It's quite obvious why Constantine thinks that, you're a spineless little idiot. You've always got to have me help you or make up your mind for you. Heaven always pick's either the stupid ones or the weak ones. They got both in you and Johnny-boy, now you better still be here when I get back !"

Balthazar turned and left the lavish bedroom for the living/main-room, slamming the out-door with demonic force. Wary, he walked through the main room over to the door, mentally reaching out to sense if Balthazar had put wards up. Metal spikes dotted the main room along with the expensive, white leather furniture. The half-breed hadn't thank God.

As expected when he tried using normal force to open the door it didn't work. So, he resorted to using his whole focus-enhanced strength and it budged a bit. He smiled at that and tried again, at the same time pushing magic into the door. It flew open and his back hit the black wall, a few feet away from one of Balthazar's steel spikes. The half-demon always threatened to do worse than kill him with those all the time. For a second, he stared from the spike across the room at the open dark-mahogany door.

'A reason to leave him in the past, can I do it ? Can I really leave and go to Smith ? If John would help I'm sure Balthazar wouldn't come after us. Would he help ? John and Midnite had helped Smith find me after all. Surely they'd help, at least, John would, wouldn't he ?'

Slowly, he caught his breath, pulled his magic back in, got up ... and left. Uncertain of anything and knowing nothing, but the fact that he needed to leave. Somehow, he ended up in a little grocery store with a Half-angel as clerk. The dark gray feathers curled towards and around him in a spiritual calm.

"You know he doesn't love you, you know that he's wrong. Leave Balthazar, he won't hurt you anymore. We won't let him, but you have to leave first - Neo you don't belong to him. You belong to God, you've done so much good for everyone, even though you were never in the old world. Smith was right about you, Balthazar doesn't deserve or appreciate you. "

He blinked as a random image appeared in his mind, the courtyard where he had met Smith, before they fought for the third time. 'Huh ? I thought that link disappeared years ago.' Intrigued, he felt along the link toward Smith and felt the love and concern...all for him. It was almost mentally papable, it was more of a force than an energy.

Most of the time the images and dreams had no relavant meaning to him, and though he had tried, he had never managed to find the people in them. Maybe, like the half-Angel suggested those were from the world before the Matrix. It seemed like there were hardly any recent visions to help him, except the old happy ones.

With his mind now made up, he turned and left the store. For the first time, in a while, he knew exactly where to go, to the courtyard, to Smith. It must have been Heaven's help because after he saw a tan-skinned man with dark-red hair what felt like seconds later he was in the courtyard.

Felt a real smile appear as he saw Smith, no more bribes or threats from Balthazar. The ex-Agent turned as he walked up, an obviously relieved look on the tanned face. They'd never be able to figure out who started it, but they were in the middle of a deep kiss when he dimly felt John's aura. Reluctantly, he pulled away from Smith to look at his cousin.

John muttered as he ran a hand through his hair, "Glad you're all right, I would've helped but, I was on a case in Chicago until a few days ago. I'm sorry, I'm a damned idiot, because I didn't think Balthazar would actually go after you, To-Neo. I should have known he would, that fucking hell sucker goes after everybody connected to me."

That phrase got a chuckle from him and he replied, "Well, according to Balthazar ... Hell is nice." It was one of the first things Balthazar ever said to him. Which had been well before they started dating.

Smith growled, "Well, according to me he can go back to Hell, if it's so nice."

Laughter after he replied, "That's exactly what I said."

It was nice to feel safe in general, but, even more with the ex-Agent beside him. Like he had dreamed for the last two years and ignored because as far as he had known Smith was gone. Except that Smith wasn't gone, he was safe and John wasn't snarking about his feelings for 'Ice-eyes'. For once everything was going right and Neo hoped as they walked away that it would last.