Being dead is both bitter and sweet, Tolle decided.
The sweet part was finally being dead. No more having to worry about when he was going to die on the battlefield, no more worries at all, really. He was dead, and there wasn't anything left to worry about.
Except for Mirialla and the rest of his friends, which was the bitter part about having left life. He hated seeing Mirialla cry like that. He could no longer be there for them. Tolle could no longer be there to help them smile; they had to smile themselves now. They had to help each other smile. They had to do everything that he had done for them before.
It may have been a somewhat selfish thought, but Tolle had considered himself to be a linking thread in the group. Without him, it'd fall apart, and they'd all become depressed pessimists. That they had needed him to go on.
But he was proved wrong. Despite the bit where Mirialla went insane and tried to kill the Buster pilot and Sai had to restrain her, they had recovered and had gone on with life. Kira got over his confusion, Sai got over his jealousy, Mirialla got over her sorrow, and Kuzzey…
Well, he never really had anything to get over with. In a sort of sense, he had been the most normal of them all, and never really had any conflict, along with Tolle himself.
Tolle watched as the passing events went by. He watched as Fllay left the Archangel. He remembered hoping that it wouldn't sadden Kira when he returned from his supposed "death". Kira was strong though; he would manage, just like the rest of his friends. Or so he hoped. Kira could be unpredictable at times.
He watched as Orb was attacked by the Earth Alliance, and as the Archangel helped. He always had had a nagging suspicion that Orb's neutrality would one day cause trouble – now if only he had one of those hunches when he was about to die – but he hadn't ever expected the Archangel would defect from the Earth Alliance and join Orb. But it was an okay surprise, he supposed. Orb was still a pretty good nation. But still, it would cause trouble for the Archangel, having to fight against the Earth Alliance as well. Zaft had been hard enough to fend off.
He watched as the Justice pilot went in to help. Tolle remembered mentally joking about how everyone was being a traitor lately. First the Archangel defected the Earth Alliance, and now the Zaft pilot, whom had always caused them so much trouble with the Aegis, was betraying Zaft. Well, at least he was on their side – the extra help was always needed. And at least Kira didn't have to fight him anymore. If memory served him correctly, he had been Kira's best friend before the war. That must've been pretty hard to having to always fight him, Tolle decided. If he had to do it, he probably wouldn't have been able to stand it. He could never imagine having to fight Mirialla, Sai, Kira, or Kuzzey. It was just… wrong.
Tolle watched as all the other events went by in a blur, from the day that Kuzzey left to the day that the war ended. Fllay also died that day, and while Tolle did feel remorse for her death, he wasn't too happy about her being in the afterlife with him. He never really did forgive her for that comment she made about Coordinators in front of Kira. It seemed like Kira got all the grief during the war. Fighting his best friend, Fllay's comment, conflict of interest – Tolle was amazed how much Kira could take.
The others all made it through though, aside from Mu Fllaga – pity, he had been a good guy. But still, at least the others were alive; as lonely as Tolle was in the afterlife, he definitely didn't want his friends to join him up there. They deserved a second chance at life, and needed to live on to get over the war.
Now, Tolle still had to get over from being dead.