The Blaze on The Ocean
Hey, did you know...?
I dreamt about your death a hundred times.
I didn't quite believe what I was seeing at first, but it always felt like a distant memory.
Then I watched that fiercely burning sea again, and again, and again, night after night, until I realized that it was your sinking that I witnessed.
And the pain that came with the nightmare was always as horrible as the first.
I knew what my mind was trying to do.
"Remember."
"Remember Midway."
"You must not become complacent about your victories."
"Do you remember what happened the last time you did?"
"Don't you ever forget."
"What is it that is the most important to you...?"
"Your sustenance, your pride, your superior, your life...?"
"None of those things."
"That moment when your deck was burning in flames was when you realized that it is none of those things."
"It is her life."
"It is her life that you could not lose no matter what, and you did anyway, all because of your carelessness."
The dream that my mind kept replaying in my sleep always ended with those words.
You never asked why I wanted you to sleep next to me, but even if you did, I probably could not give you an honest answer.
It is because I would definitely cry my eyes out if I couldn't see you directly when the night terror struck.
All I need was catching a glimpse of your peaceful, sleeping face, and I would be alright, no matter how much I wanted to hug you and risk waking you up.
I just thought that one day, after the war was over, the dreams would stop.
I didn't want you to find out before it happened.
But of course something like that was nigh impossible to hide when you slept next to me every night.
It was the worst nightmare I had in weeks, everything seemed real and Haruna's panicked voice was still ringing in my ears.
I guessed you heard me scream in my sleep, because there was a worried tone in your voice when you woke me.
"Akagi-san...?"
And just like always, seeing you safe and sound calmed me down in an instant.
But I could not hide this from you any longer.
I told you everything about it, and you listened to me despite how tired you looked.
Even from back then, you had always spoiled me with your warmth and kindness.
It was too late when I realized how much I needed you in my life.
And then I was given this second chance... I could not lose you anymore.
That was probably why I kept having these dreams, to remind me that this chance was my last.
There were probably things that you wanted to say, but you seemed to know that at that time, words would not get rid of my worries.
So you held out your arms and clasped me in your embrace, letting the heat of your body... the gentle movement of your chest... and the steady beating of your heart... to do the rest of the talking.
Once again, you were drowning me in your love.
It was always overwhelming to my mind, like being submerged underwater, leaving no place for negative thoughts, just tranquility.
Your carresses had this magical effect on me, something that only you could provide and I could never live without.
You were the most loyal partner that I had ever known.
Even if the whole world betrayed me, even if every person that I loved gamed me for their personal gain, I knew you would be there, right beside me, ready to walk through any hell that I chose to pass through.
That was why it was difficult for me to tell just what kind of role that I played in your life.
I should've cared.
I should've thought that those little smiles you made were exclusively for me.
I should've doubted you when you gave me your share of bauxite because you were full.
I should've understood when you said boldly to me when we sortied, "I'm not giving this place to anyone."
I should've...known sooner.
"Akagi-san..."
Kaga-san...
Did you know...?
You had chosen the wrong person.
You could be happier with literally anyone else.
Not someone who would go to war until the day she was torpedoed to the bottom of the sea.
Not someone who could never lead a normal life without listening to the sounds of flying planes.
Not someone who was so blinded by her pride, she never saw how much you cared about her.
But why was it...
Why was it that you looked so happy when you were with me...?
Even now when you were holding me tight.
"Akagi-san..."
Why was it that you gave me the priviledge to feast my eyes on your rarest smiles...?
"I love you..."
Why was it that it was me that you chose to say those words to...?
And how was it that... those simple words could bring so much tears to my eyes...?
"S-sorry, I..."
I guessed the night terror turned me into an emotional wreck.
Though it was your tenderness, your kindheartedness that was truly breaking me inside.
"I...cannot live without Kaga-san."
This world would be just...empty without you.
Because you existed here beside me, loving me, supporting me, I could continue becoming the pride of the 1st Carrier Division.
I didn't know...how to repay you but you never seemed to expect anything in return.
Because... Because you also...
"...I cannot live without you either, Akagi-san."
Even if...Aircraft Carrier Akagi no longer had any worth...
She would always mean something to you, Aircraft Carrier Kaga.
That joy in your eyes was everything that I lived for.
I could not refuse you when your face got so much closer and you softly pressed your lips against mine.
The astounding sensation sucked the air out of my lungs.
I could feel you pulling me closer, tilting your head to the side, sliding the edges of our mouths together in barely controllable passion.
You were always overflowing with love, so much that I could not fathom the limits of it.
Those dark, bushy bangs that brushed my forehead... Those mesmerizing golden eyes that showered me with affection... And those protective arms that kept me safe at night... You surrendered them all to me.
I pulled you down with me to the bed, as you continued to mark my body with your heated kisses.
Gasps of pleasure poured out of my mouth when I felt the familiar dampness pooling between my thighs.
What is it that is the most important to you...?
"Akagi-san..." your soft whisper tickled my ear inbetween my heavy breaths, "Can I touch you...?"
The thing that I treasured the most in the world was this simple coincidence that the person whom you happened to fall in love with was me.
Me, who needs your warmth like I need air.
Me, whose sleeps are haunted by your dying smile.
Me, this broken pride of a carrier.
"Akagi-san..."
Being this close to you was something more beautiful than even the most amazing dreams...
"...You are my pride."
And it was worth all the nightmares I had.
A/N: Hey everyone, this is just something I whipped out really quick. Is it dedicated to Kiss Day? You can take it as that if you want lol. Oh and update of "Disassembled" is coming soon~
Hopefully you like this little piece of mine, R&R~!