Author's Notes: Hey all, here's my first FF8 fanfic, and I must say I am
quite proud of myself in this fiction. It's staring the usual cast as they
all work at... WAL-MART! This is based on my job as a cashier at a Wal-
Mart, and let me tell you, alot of the things you read in this fic actually
happen. People are strange... ANYWAY, it's a one shot deal, so don't expect
any more, but reviews will be gracious! *hint hint* Hope you like it! Oh,
and all the things inbetween the ... will be Squall's thoughts, just so
you know. ^^
Cid's Wally-World
(Welcome to Balamb City's local Wal-Mart! Where the shelves are always packed, the employees have attitudes, and the costumers are all but nice. It's open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! So stop on by!)
****
It was 6 o'clock in the morning, the night shift at his work was just about over, so Squall needed to get to the Wal-Mart as quickly as possible. He worked the day shift, and hated it very much. He, on several occations, requested the night shift, and for one reason only, LESS PEOPLE. Squall is not much of a "People Person", he hated tending to costumers, and only did so to keep his horrible job. His apartment in Balamb isn't cheep, and he liked it very much, it was roomy and drafty, just the way he liked things. It even had a balcony! But that cost him about $100 more dollars a month. No matter how hard he begged Head Manager Cid, he just couldn't get the night shift. Cid had said something like it would "build his character" to have to deal with people.
I don't care about my character... All I want to do is just make enough money to survive... He thought. He pulled into the parking lot, parking in his usual spot, the very far corner. He stepped out of his black car and stripped off his black leather coat with fuzzy stuff on the collar and threw it in the back seat, while grabbing his blue Wal-Mart vest, then closing the door. He sighed, Here's to another long ass day with mean as hell costumers. He cheered to himself putting on his vest, it seemed like putting on that horrid blue piece of cloth was like strapping on a ball and chain willingly. Running his hand through his unrully brown hair he headed to the store. Only to be met by someone he wished he hadn't.
"Hey Squall! Good mornin'!" Called a blonde man pushing a GIANT line of carts. He waved to Squall, and almost lost control of his herd. "Hey could you give me a hand here?" He asked hopefully.
Squall looked at Zell, and closed his blue eyes. Zell what a bafoon.
"Hey man are you gonna help me or what?!" Zell asked again.
Opening his eyes he saw Zell being pushed backwards by the line of carts. He smirked alittle. "No. I'm going to be late." He answered and walked into the Wal-Mart. Once inside he could hear Zell screaming for someone to help him, then a very loud crash. His smirk grew wider when he heard Selphie's voice yell at Zell.
"What did I tell you about trying to take so many carts at ONCE?!?!"
Squall headed for the back of the store. Once there, he grabbed his punch card that had his name, Squall Leonhart, on it and ran it though the little machine. It beeped to let Squall know it acknowledged him. Here we go. He headed for the front of the store again.
Even though he had been working in the Wal-Mart for a good year now, he still was positioned as a cashier. And man did he HATE being a cashier. With any other job in the store you could at least TRY to get away from the people, but being a cashier, you had no choice, you were stuck with having to help them. Squall knew that Head Manager Cid had him there on purpose, for the same reason, "to build character.". Squall growled to himself.
He turned his register on, and pulled the little string to turn on the light for register number 4. Luckly for him, there were still no costumers in the store, so he could just sit here and do nothing for at least an hour or so. 7:30 was usually when the first bunch of people started to come in, and then it became, in Squall's opinion, a living HELL.
The main speakers began to hum with the annoying static noise and on came Head Manager Cid's gruff yet humble voice. "Attention all Wal-Mart employees. Today we start yet another week, and hopefully this one will go without incident..." He paused, and a few voices were heard in the back ground, then Cid's voice came over the intercom, and it seemed rather annoyed. "I take back that last statement. It seems that our favorite cart boy/stocker has yet again injured himself. This time by running himself over with a line of carts." Cid stiffled a laugh. "Way to go Zell you've earned Wal-Mart's Klutz of the Year Award. Come pick it up at my office whenever you like." His voice dripped with sarcasm. "Well, lets just have a good day then. And remember everyone, SMILE" The intercom clicked off.
Squall groaned and leaned against the convayer belt, crossing his arms. This is going to be a VERY long day, I can just feel it... Just then Selphie's cheerful voice came over the intercom.
"Attention all you wonderful people here in our local Balamb Wal-Mart! I'm Selphie, like you didn't already know." She chuckled. "And I'll be in charge of the Wal-Mart radio today!"
Oh dear god no... Squall pleeded looking up at the sky.
"And in reply to a few things that Head Manager Cid just said, WAY TO GO ZELL!! We'll never be able to get the Wal-Mart No Accident Award if you keep this up! But that's ok, we don't really need it, we just care about your safety. Despite what the Security Committee says!" She paused, then continued. "Well, on to the radio shall we? I dedicate the first song of the day to two very special people! One being Head Manager Cid for the wonderful speech and telling us to SMILE! And two, being Squall Leonhart..."
Squall cringed, she was drawing attention to him. He didn't like that too much. Why me? What in the HELL did I do?
"Who should learn to SMILE alittle every now and then! You hear me Squall?! You need to cheer up! That's all, enjoy!" Her voice dissapeared and was replaced by a happy cheerful song entitled "Smile" by some people Squall didn't know.
Squall glarred in the direction that he knew Selphie was in. Why did she torment him? If she wanted him to cheer up, then why didn't she just leave him ALONE?! He closed his eyes and tried despirately to block out the horrible song.
"Put a smile on your face! Make the world a better place! Put a smile on your fa~ace. Say whatcha gonna do, say whatcha gonna do..."
Squall covered his ears. Dammit, I hate this song... He felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turned his head just enough to see who in the hell was bothering him. It was the Customer Service Manager, Quistis Trepe. What does she want? He growled in his head, putting his hands down he spoke monotonely. "What?"
"Why are you covering your ears?" She asked plainly, ignoring the tone of Squall's voice.
He glarred at her, then turned and said nothing. He heard her sigh, and in a more aggressive voice she asked again.
"Why were you covering your ears?" She tapped her foot.
"It's none of your--" He started but was cut off.
"Buisness, yes I know." She giggled slightly. Squall found it annoying. "But it's not going to stop me from asking. Just tell me, and I'll leave you alone." No you won't. Squall argued with her in his mind. Once I answer one of your stupid questions you'll be asking me stuff ALL THE TIME. I'm not stupid lady, I know how people think... He sighed, he would just answer the damn question, at least she'll leave him alone for a while.
"The song. It's annoying." Came his reply.
Quistis smiled. And opened her mouth to say something then stopped. She starred at the back of Squall's head for a moment then left. About time... Squall mussed.
****
A few hours passed and Squall found himself swamped with costumers. One by one, he checked them out, and sent them on their way. Some even tried to talk to him, but all they got were a few uncaring one word answers. Another hour passed, and soon Squall found himself in a major predicament. Here at his line were about 10 people wanting to check out, and get the hell out of this place, and all Squall really wanted to do now... Was go pee.
He had been holding it for about an hour now, and the chance to go never came. Damn it, we need more freaking cashier's in this god forsaken store... I can't do it alone! He crossed his legs awkwardly while scanning the long line of items this lady wished to purchase. Everytime he thought the lady had put all her items on the counter, she just seemed to keep producing them from nowhere. Where is she getting this stuff? Is she pulling it out of her ass or something?! Squall was getting impatient, he REALLY had to go. If he didn't hurry, he was going to piss in his pants... And the costumers in line were starting to grow impatient themselves.
"Hey!" One of the people towards the end of the line yelled up to Squall. "Yeah, you Scar Face!" The man said, reffering to Squall's scar which he got from Seifer while cutting open boxes in the back room. The two faught over something really stupid and Seifer took his razor and slashed Squall right between his nose and left eye, so in turn he did the same to Seifer. So now, they both had identical scars just on either side of their faces, Squall's on the left, and Seifer's on the right.
Squall looked up from checking and glarred at the man. "I'm going as fast as I can sir. You're going to have to wait." Squall stated trying not to let his anger get the best of him.
His stomache made a weird noise... and his urge to pee came even stronger, he couldn't take much more of this. Waddling his way over to the other side of his checking booth he picked up the phone and calmly said "Price check." over the intercom. A minute or two passed and he picked up the phone again. "Price... CHECK!" Still no one came.
Squall swollowed the lump in his throat. He could feel the heat rise in his face, his body was rejecting the fact that he had to hold it. Sweat formed on his brow, and he closed his eyes impatiently. Slowly now, not to disturb his bladder too much he picked up the phone one last time and yelled into it. "PRICE CHECK GOD DAMMIT!!" His voice echoed through the entire store, and everyone in his line looked at him with blank expressions. He looked at the costumers as a red tint formed on the bridge of his nose. He hadn't meant to let his voice get too loud. He shook it off, maybe if the costumer's are scared of him they won't talk to him.
Finally Quistis came trotting up, a look of disaproval on her face. "Squall, you shouldn't get so mad... What do you need a price check for?" she asked.
"I don't need a price check." He stated.
"Then... why?"
"Could you take over?" He asked dancing slightly.
"Squall, you know it's your job..." she looked at him curiously, she wondered why he was bouncing strangely when she noticed his legs crossed, she cocked an eyebrow. "Do you... have to relieve yourself?"
Squall nodded quickly, and Quistis smirked. "Okay." She stated. "Just don't pee on the floor on your way there." she giggled, getting a glare from Squall.
THANK GOD!! And he ran as fast as he could to the back of the store, zooming past Seifer, Raijin and Fujin. Making them blink. And leaving a cloud of dust to linger around Rinoa, who was in the Jewlry Department.
After "relieving" himself, Squall headed back to his cashier booth, but ran into some unexpected trouble. He groaned when he saw the Security Committee come strolling up to him. Great, just what I need. He glared at Seifer waiting for his expected comment.
"Well mute-boy." Seifer snickered. "I'm going to have to start calling you Pee-Wee--" He stopped short of his comment, thinking of how the name "Pee- Wee" sounded so familiar. Suddenly he remembered, Pee-Wee Herman... He jerked up right, and blushed slightly. So maybe Pee-Wee was a bad name... He decided to just ignore his own comment but when he got a surprised and confused look from Squall, the blush deepened. "Ok, so maybe Pee-Wee's a bad name, but that still doesn't excuse you of almost pissin' in your pants." He smirked at Squall's scowl. "In fact, I think I can see some pee stains on them pants of yours." His smirk grew, he was very proud of himself.
Squall's eyes went wide, he looked down and saw nothing that gave any clue that he pee'd in his pants. He would have to be looking pretty hard anyway to see any wet stains in my black leather pants... A light bulb lit above his head. This'll show him for making fun of me. "Uh... Seifer? These pants are black, and leather at that... You'd have to be looking very hard at my crotch to see if I had any stains..." he smirked at the Securtiy Committee.
Raijin jumped back and looked at Seifer questionably. "Is there something we don't know about you? Ya know?!"
Fujin snickered and said one word, like she always does. "GAY."
Seifer looked at his friends with a shocked face. "WHAT?! I've known you guys my WHOLE LIFE, and you think I'm GAY?!?!"
Zell came strolling up from behind with his hands in his pockets and a smug look on his face while whistling peacefully. He heard the whole conversation, but he was only half listening. He stopped abruptly, when he heard Seifer pretty much yell out that he was gay. Zell's eyes bugged out of his head and his hands flew out of his pockets and hung by his legs. "Seifer, you're GAY?!" He yelled laughing. Seifer turned to him with dread written on his face. Oh this couln't be anymore perfect. Now Zell will tell the whole store. Squall thought to himself. "Yeah, Zell, I caught him lookin' at my crotch." He added in, getting a glare from Seifer. Raijin and Fujin laughed.
"WHOA! This is BIG NEWS!" Zell said with a smirk. And he took off to find someone to tell.
"YOU CHICKEN-WUSS!! YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN SHOVE MY FOOT UP IT!!" Seifer yelled chasing after Zell.
"Hey Seifer, sorry man, I'm not that way!" Came Zells last comment as they went out of ear shot.
Squall grinned to himself. That was a lovely come back. Now Seifer will pay.
Squall went back to his booth and saw that Quistis had already gotten all the people that were waiting in line checked out. Squall sighed in relief. He took over once again, and continued his job.
****
Finally Squall's lunch time came. He headed to the back and up the stairs to the employee lounge, where he saw Irvine flirting with Rinoa. Squall grunted and headed to the corner to eat his lunch.
"Hey Squall? Did you hear that Seifer's gay?" Irvine asked casually.
"I've heard." Came Squall's reply.
"What do you mean you heard?" Rinoa asked. "I saw the whole thing, Squall. He hit on you didn't he?" Irvine chuckled.
"What of it?" Squall stated taking a bite out of his sandwhich.
"That would explain why he's so mean to you all the time." Irvine pondered.
"Yeah," Rinoa cut in, "He's FLIRTING with you!"
Squall almost choked on his sandwhich. Oh boy... what have I done?
"What about Zell?" Irvine asked.
"No, he just don't like Zell, but Squall here, he's got a crush on him." Rinoa giggled.
Squall didn't like where this was going. He would have to make something clear right now. "Well, I'm NOT gay. So I don't have anything to worry about." And he shoved the rest of his sandwhich in his mouth and went back to work.
****
Back down in his booth, he was checking out an older lady who only had a few items. He gave her the change, and she started to walk out, but Squall noticed she left with out her purchased items. He stared at them for a minute and seeing that no one else was in line, he grabbed the bag and ran after the old lady.
"Excuse me ma'am. You left these--" He said but was abruptly hit on the head with the old lady's purse.
"You little theif!! THEIF! THEIF!" the old lady screamed as she continued to hit Squall with her purse.
"I'm not a theif!" Squall yelled wincing after each blow. What has she got in that thing?! BRICKS?! "Don't you remember me? I'm the cashier! You left your stuff at my booth!"
The old lady stopped, and peered at Squall. He began to get alittle nervous. "It's just like all the stores I go to. All these lying youths. Just admit that you stole my stuff. Go on now, let's hear it!" she yelled.
Squall looked down at her confused. "Uh... ma'am. I'm not lying, and if I had stole your stuff, would I honestly be trying to return them?"
This only angered the lady even more. "Oh so you're making fun of an old woman!?" she started to hit him again with the purse.
Squall became angered by this and grabbed her purse from her. "Now ma'am--"
"HELP SOMEONE HELP ME!! HE'S ROBBING ME!" the old lady yelled.
Squall gave her back the purse and she began to hit him with it AGAIN. This time he grabbed her arm as gently as he could. "Please ma'am--"
"RAPE! RAPE!!" she yelled again.
Squall gave up, he let her go, dropped her stuff to the ground and headed back into the store. But the lady kept following him and hitting him with her purse.
Feeling like he was going to get a cuncution anytime now, he began to run away from the old lady. And she tried her best to chase after him.
"Get back here you young wipper-snapper!" she swung her purse again.
Squall ran even harder. He just had to get away from this crazy lady! He ran to the back of the store, and ran past Irvine who was working in the Sporting Goods section showing a costumer a rifle. He saw Squall zoom by and the old lady chasing him. And he couldn't help but laugh.
"Ah! Squall! You're such a ladies man!" He yelled after Squall.
****
Quistis noticed that Squall wasn't at his cashier booth. And looked around cocking an eyebrow. She would have to report this to Head Manager Cid. Then suddenly Squall came sprinting up one of the isles with an old lady following him, swinging her purse wildly. Quistis snickered. That was just one thing you don't see everyday.
Squall saw Quistis and figured that she could help him out. So he ran behind her and hid like a child hiding behind his mother to get away from their abusive father or something.
"Excuse me ma'am? Is there something I can help you with?" Quistis asked a BIG grin on her face. Squall was afraid of a little old lady. How cute.
"Yes, this young man here tried to rob me then rape me." The woman replied, she didn't even seem to have broken a sweat! She didn't have to even catch her breath! She must do this alot...
"E-excuse me?" Quistis said in disbelief. She looked back at Squall, who shook his head wildly in denial.
"I want to talk to your manager." the woman stated.
"I-I am the manager ma'am." Quistis replied.
"I want to talk to someone else!" the woman demanded.
"Okay..." Quistis said, walking over to the phone, leaving Squall to the mercy of the woman again. Quistis could hear the woman's purse smack Squall, she smirked. She dialed a number and on came Head Manager Cid's voice. "Hi, Head Manager Cid? Yeah, uh... we have a situation down here. Yeah. Uh-huh. Ok, gotcha. Be right up." She turned to the two and said to the woman. "If you'll just follow me ma'am we'll go up to see Head Manager Cid now."
"About time!" the woman yelled. And she began to follow Quistis.
Whew. Man I thought I was going to be beaten to death! Suddenly the woman stopped and walked back to Squall, grabbing his ear and dragging him along.
"You're comming with me sonny." she stated. Squall whinced and followed as best he could.
****
In Head Manager Cid's office, Quistis, Squall and the woman sat in chairs, the woman still beating Squall with her purse. But it didn't matter now, Squall was numb, he couldn't feel it anymore. Cid couldn't help but snicker.
"Now, ma'am, what could I help you with?" Cid asked.
The woman stopped her Squall beating for a moment, and tried to put on a sad puppy dog face. Which didn't work, sense she's old and wrinklely, so her puppy face turned out to be rather scary. Squall silently sighed with relief and looked at Cid with an annoyed and confused face. This made Cid snicker even more.
"This young man tried to steal my belongings and tried to rape me." She stated.
Cid coughed. And looked at Squall who shook his head again, the same way he did with Quistis. "Ok... Squall, can I have your side please?"
Squall swallowed. If I tell the truth, the lady will hit me again. But if I tell a lie, Head Manager Cid will fire me... "Um... well, she left her items at my booth, so I went to return them to her and she accused me of stealing them. Then she began to beat me--" he was interupted by a swing of the lady's purse, just bearly missing his nose. "Just like that sir, only she hit me... repeatedly. Then I took her purse from her to get her to stop hitting me... and she accused me of stealing her purse. So... I gave it back, and she--" again the lady swung her purse at him and this time it hit him square in the face. His eyes crossed stupidly, and he put his face in his hands. Spreading his fingers to look at the woman awaiting the next attack. This isn't going too well... And all Head Manager Cid and Quistis can do is laugh... Why me? He sighed, he would have to go faster to get the story over with and get the hell away from this lady. "Shehitmeagain,soIgrabbedherarm. Theshescreamedrape. SoIlethergoandranaway,butshefollowedmeandchasedmearoundthestorehittingmewith her--"Again, the woman hit him. "...GOD DAMNED PURSE!" He yelled at her, this just made her hit him again. He sighed and looked at Head Manager Cid for help. But found Cid laughing loudly. Squall snorted.
"I'm sorry my boy." he said inbetween laughs. "Ok, I'll take care of it from here, you may go."
Really? I can go? He felt like jumping for joy, and maybe even clicking his heals. But for reputation's sake and his own dignity, he refrained himself and just exited the room, dodging one last swing from the old lady, and tried not to make it look like he rushed out, even though he did.
****
When 6 o'clock came again that day, only this time in the evening, Squall headed back to the back room and grabbed his punch card once again, and ran it through the machine, it beeped and he left the back room. He headed straight for his car and tossed his blue vest in the back and grabbing his leather jacket. He drove home to his spacy apartment. And plopped down on his bed, not even bothering to change clothes. Damn this was one HELL of a day. I just hope I don't end up dreaming about Seifer hitting on me and that old lady beating me with her purse, while Zell runs around in the background screaming "Seifer's GAY!", and Rinoa laughing at me saying that Seifer's flirting with me, and Irvine telling me what a ladie's... and guy's man I am, for that matter... Selphie can be playing that god awful song too, and hell why not even put Quistis in all of this ASKING HER GOD DAMN QUESTIONS! While I'm pissing in my pants... Squall sighed, and rolled over on his bed. Better get my sleep tomorrow is another day...
The End
Author's Notes: Well? Did ya like it? Hope so, and don't forget to review! JA!
Cid's Wally-World
(Welcome to Balamb City's local Wal-Mart! Where the shelves are always packed, the employees have attitudes, and the costumers are all but nice. It's open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! So stop on by!)
****
It was 6 o'clock in the morning, the night shift at his work was just about over, so Squall needed to get to the Wal-Mart as quickly as possible. He worked the day shift, and hated it very much. He, on several occations, requested the night shift, and for one reason only, LESS PEOPLE. Squall is not much of a "People Person", he hated tending to costumers, and only did so to keep his horrible job. His apartment in Balamb isn't cheep, and he liked it very much, it was roomy and drafty, just the way he liked things. It even had a balcony! But that cost him about $100 more dollars a month. No matter how hard he begged Head Manager Cid, he just couldn't get the night shift. Cid had said something like it would "build his character" to have to deal with people.
I don't care about my character... All I want to do is just make enough money to survive... He thought. He pulled into the parking lot, parking in his usual spot, the very far corner. He stepped out of his black car and stripped off his black leather coat with fuzzy stuff on the collar and threw it in the back seat, while grabbing his blue Wal-Mart vest, then closing the door. He sighed, Here's to another long ass day with mean as hell costumers. He cheered to himself putting on his vest, it seemed like putting on that horrid blue piece of cloth was like strapping on a ball and chain willingly. Running his hand through his unrully brown hair he headed to the store. Only to be met by someone he wished he hadn't.
"Hey Squall! Good mornin'!" Called a blonde man pushing a GIANT line of carts. He waved to Squall, and almost lost control of his herd. "Hey could you give me a hand here?" He asked hopefully.
Squall looked at Zell, and closed his blue eyes. Zell what a bafoon.
"Hey man are you gonna help me or what?!" Zell asked again.
Opening his eyes he saw Zell being pushed backwards by the line of carts. He smirked alittle. "No. I'm going to be late." He answered and walked into the Wal-Mart. Once inside he could hear Zell screaming for someone to help him, then a very loud crash. His smirk grew wider when he heard Selphie's voice yell at Zell.
"What did I tell you about trying to take so many carts at ONCE?!?!"
Squall headed for the back of the store. Once there, he grabbed his punch card that had his name, Squall Leonhart, on it and ran it though the little machine. It beeped to let Squall know it acknowledged him. Here we go. He headed for the front of the store again.
Even though he had been working in the Wal-Mart for a good year now, he still was positioned as a cashier. And man did he HATE being a cashier. With any other job in the store you could at least TRY to get away from the people, but being a cashier, you had no choice, you were stuck with having to help them. Squall knew that Head Manager Cid had him there on purpose, for the same reason, "to build character.". Squall growled to himself.
He turned his register on, and pulled the little string to turn on the light for register number 4. Luckly for him, there were still no costumers in the store, so he could just sit here and do nothing for at least an hour or so. 7:30 was usually when the first bunch of people started to come in, and then it became, in Squall's opinion, a living HELL.
The main speakers began to hum with the annoying static noise and on came Head Manager Cid's gruff yet humble voice. "Attention all Wal-Mart employees. Today we start yet another week, and hopefully this one will go without incident..." He paused, and a few voices were heard in the back ground, then Cid's voice came over the intercom, and it seemed rather annoyed. "I take back that last statement. It seems that our favorite cart boy/stocker has yet again injured himself. This time by running himself over with a line of carts." Cid stiffled a laugh. "Way to go Zell you've earned Wal-Mart's Klutz of the Year Award. Come pick it up at my office whenever you like." His voice dripped with sarcasm. "Well, lets just have a good day then. And remember everyone, SMILE" The intercom clicked off.
Squall groaned and leaned against the convayer belt, crossing his arms. This is going to be a VERY long day, I can just feel it... Just then Selphie's cheerful voice came over the intercom.
"Attention all you wonderful people here in our local Balamb Wal-Mart! I'm Selphie, like you didn't already know." She chuckled. "And I'll be in charge of the Wal-Mart radio today!"
Oh dear god no... Squall pleeded looking up at the sky.
"And in reply to a few things that Head Manager Cid just said, WAY TO GO ZELL!! We'll never be able to get the Wal-Mart No Accident Award if you keep this up! But that's ok, we don't really need it, we just care about your safety. Despite what the Security Committee says!" She paused, then continued. "Well, on to the radio shall we? I dedicate the first song of the day to two very special people! One being Head Manager Cid for the wonderful speech and telling us to SMILE! And two, being Squall Leonhart..."
Squall cringed, she was drawing attention to him. He didn't like that too much. Why me? What in the HELL did I do?
"Who should learn to SMILE alittle every now and then! You hear me Squall?! You need to cheer up! That's all, enjoy!" Her voice dissapeared and was replaced by a happy cheerful song entitled "Smile" by some people Squall didn't know.
Squall glarred in the direction that he knew Selphie was in. Why did she torment him? If she wanted him to cheer up, then why didn't she just leave him ALONE?! He closed his eyes and tried despirately to block out the horrible song.
"Put a smile on your face! Make the world a better place! Put a smile on your fa~ace. Say whatcha gonna do, say whatcha gonna do..."
Squall covered his ears. Dammit, I hate this song... He felt a light tap on his shoulder. He turned his head just enough to see who in the hell was bothering him. It was the Customer Service Manager, Quistis Trepe. What does she want? He growled in his head, putting his hands down he spoke monotonely. "What?"
"Why are you covering your ears?" She asked plainly, ignoring the tone of Squall's voice.
He glarred at her, then turned and said nothing. He heard her sigh, and in a more aggressive voice she asked again.
"Why were you covering your ears?" She tapped her foot.
"It's none of your--" He started but was cut off.
"Buisness, yes I know." She giggled slightly. Squall found it annoying. "But it's not going to stop me from asking. Just tell me, and I'll leave you alone." No you won't. Squall argued with her in his mind. Once I answer one of your stupid questions you'll be asking me stuff ALL THE TIME. I'm not stupid lady, I know how people think... He sighed, he would just answer the damn question, at least she'll leave him alone for a while.
"The song. It's annoying." Came his reply.
Quistis smiled. And opened her mouth to say something then stopped. She starred at the back of Squall's head for a moment then left. About time... Squall mussed.
****
A few hours passed and Squall found himself swamped with costumers. One by one, he checked them out, and sent them on their way. Some even tried to talk to him, but all they got were a few uncaring one word answers. Another hour passed, and soon Squall found himself in a major predicament. Here at his line were about 10 people wanting to check out, and get the hell out of this place, and all Squall really wanted to do now... Was go pee.
He had been holding it for about an hour now, and the chance to go never came. Damn it, we need more freaking cashier's in this god forsaken store... I can't do it alone! He crossed his legs awkwardly while scanning the long line of items this lady wished to purchase. Everytime he thought the lady had put all her items on the counter, she just seemed to keep producing them from nowhere. Where is she getting this stuff? Is she pulling it out of her ass or something?! Squall was getting impatient, he REALLY had to go. If he didn't hurry, he was going to piss in his pants... And the costumers in line were starting to grow impatient themselves.
"Hey!" One of the people towards the end of the line yelled up to Squall. "Yeah, you Scar Face!" The man said, reffering to Squall's scar which he got from Seifer while cutting open boxes in the back room. The two faught over something really stupid and Seifer took his razor and slashed Squall right between his nose and left eye, so in turn he did the same to Seifer. So now, they both had identical scars just on either side of their faces, Squall's on the left, and Seifer's on the right.
Squall looked up from checking and glarred at the man. "I'm going as fast as I can sir. You're going to have to wait." Squall stated trying not to let his anger get the best of him.
His stomache made a weird noise... and his urge to pee came even stronger, he couldn't take much more of this. Waddling his way over to the other side of his checking booth he picked up the phone and calmly said "Price check." over the intercom. A minute or two passed and he picked up the phone again. "Price... CHECK!" Still no one came.
Squall swollowed the lump in his throat. He could feel the heat rise in his face, his body was rejecting the fact that he had to hold it. Sweat formed on his brow, and he closed his eyes impatiently. Slowly now, not to disturb his bladder too much he picked up the phone one last time and yelled into it. "PRICE CHECK GOD DAMMIT!!" His voice echoed through the entire store, and everyone in his line looked at him with blank expressions. He looked at the costumers as a red tint formed on the bridge of his nose. He hadn't meant to let his voice get too loud. He shook it off, maybe if the costumer's are scared of him they won't talk to him.
Finally Quistis came trotting up, a look of disaproval on her face. "Squall, you shouldn't get so mad... What do you need a price check for?" she asked.
"I don't need a price check." He stated.
"Then... why?"
"Could you take over?" He asked dancing slightly.
"Squall, you know it's your job..." she looked at him curiously, she wondered why he was bouncing strangely when she noticed his legs crossed, she cocked an eyebrow. "Do you... have to relieve yourself?"
Squall nodded quickly, and Quistis smirked. "Okay." She stated. "Just don't pee on the floor on your way there." she giggled, getting a glare from Squall.
THANK GOD!! And he ran as fast as he could to the back of the store, zooming past Seifer, Raijin and Fujin. Making them blink. And leaving a cloud of dust to linger around Rinoa, who was in the Jewlry Department.
After "relieving" himself, Squall headed back to his cashier booth, but ran into some unexpected trouble. He groaned when he saw the Security Committee come strolling up to him. Great, just what I need. He glared at Seifer waiting for his expected comment.
"Well mute-boy." Seifer snickered. "I'm going to have to start calling you Pee-Wee--" He stopped short of his comment, thinking of how the name "Pee- Wee" sounded so familiar. Suddenly he remembered, Pee-Wee Herman... He jerked up right, and blushed slightly. So maybe Pee-Wee was a bad name... He decided to just ignore his own comment but when he got a surprised and confused look from Squall, the blush deepened. "Ok, so maybe Pee-Wee's a bad name, but that still doesn't excuse you of almost pissin' in your pants." He smirked at Squall's scowl. "In fact, I think I can see some pee stains on them pants of yours." His smirk grew, he was very proud of himself.
Squall's eyes went wide, he looked down and saw nothing that gave any clue that he pee'd in his pants. He would have to be looking pretty hard anyway to see any wet stains in my black leather pants... A light bulb lit above his head. This'll show him for making fun of me. "Uh... Seifer? These pants are black, and leather at that... You'd have to be looking very hard at my crotch to see if I had any stains..." he smirked at the Securtiy Committee.
Raijin jumped back and looked at Seifer questionably. "Is there something we don't know about you? Ya know?!"
Fujin snickered and said one word, like she always does. "GAY."
Seifer looked at his friends with a shocked face. "WHAT?! I've known you guys my WHOLE LIFE, and you think I'm GAY?!?!"
Zell came strolling up from behind with his hands in his pockets and a smug look on his face while whistling peacefully. He heard the whole conversation, but he was only half listening. He stopped abruptly, when he heard Seifer pretty much yell out that he was gay. Zell's eyes bugged out of his head and his hands flew out of his pockets and hung by his legs. "Seifer, you're GAY?!" He yelled laughing. Seifer turned to him with dread written on his face. Oh this couln't be anymore perfect. Now Zell will tell the whole store. Squall thought to himself. "Yeah, Zell, I caught him lookin' at my crotch." He added in, getting a glare from Seifer. Raijin and Fujin laughed.
"WHOA! This is BIG NEWS!" Zell said with a smirk. And he took off to find someone to tell.
"YOU CHICKEN-WUSS!! YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN SHOVE MY FOOT UP IT!!" Seifer yelled chasing after Zell.
"Hey Seifer, sorry man, I'm not that way!" Came Zells last comment as they went out of ear shot.
Squall grinned to himself. That was a lovely come back. Now Seifer will pay.
Squall went back to his booth and saw that Quistis had already gotten all the people that were waiting in line checked out. Squall sighed in relief. He took over once again, and continued his job.
****
Finally Squall's lunch time came. He headed to the back and up the stairs to the employee lounge, where he saw Irvine flirting with Rinoa. Squall grunted and headed to the corner to eat his lunch.
"Hey Squall? Did you hear that Seifer's gay?" Irvine asked casually.
"I've heard." Came Squall's reply.
"What do you mean you heard?" Rinoa asked. "I saw the whole thing, Squall. He hit on you didn't he?" Irvine chuckled.
"What of it?" Squall stated taking a bite out of his sandwhich.
"That would explain why he's so mean to you all the time." Irvine pondered.
"Yeah," Rinoa cut in, "He's FLIRTING with you!"
Squall almost choked on his sandwhich. Oh boy... what have I done?
"What about Zell?" Irvine asked.
"No, he just don't like Zell, but Squall here, he's got a crush on him." Rinoa giggled.
Squall didn't like where this was going. He would have to make something clear right now. "Well, I'm NOT gay. So I don't have anything to worry about." And he shoved the rest of his sandwhich in his mouth and went back to work.
****
Back down in his booth, he was checking out an older lady who only had a few items. He gave her the change, and she started to walk out, but Squall noticed she left with out her purchased items. He stared at them for a minute and seeing that no one else was in line, he grabbed the bag and ran after the old lady.
"Excuse me ma'am. You left these--" He said but was abruptly hit on the head with the old lady's purse.
"You little theif!! THEIF! THEIF!" the old lady screamed as she continued to hit Squall with her purse.
"I'm not a theif!" Squall yelled wincing after each blow. What has she got in that thing?! BRICKS?! "Don't you remember me? I'm the cashier! You left your stuff at my booth!"
The old lady stopped, and peered at Squall. He began to get alittle nervous. "It's just like all the stores I go to. All these lying youths. Just admit that you stole my stuff. Go on now, let's hear it!" she yelled.
Squall looked down at her confused. "Uh... ma'am. I'm not lying, and if I had stole your stuff, would I honestly be trying to return them?"
This only angered the lady even more. "Oh so you're making fun of an old woman!?" she started to hit him again with the purse.
Squall became angered by this and grabbed her purse from her. "Now ma'am--"
"HELP SOMEONE HELP ME!! HE'S ROBBING ME!" the old lady yelled.
Squall gave her back the purse and she began to hit him with it AGAIN. This time he grabbed her arm as gently as he could. "Please ma'am--"
"RAPE! RAPE!!" she yelled again.
Squall gave up, he let her go, dropped her stuff to the ground and headed back into the store. But the lady kept following him and hitting him with her purse.
Feeling like he was going to get a cuncution anytime now, he began to run away from the old lady. And she tried her best to chase after him.
"Get back here you young wipper-snapper!" she swung her purse again.
Squall ran even harder. He just had to get away from this crazy lady! He ran to the back of the store, and ran past Irvine who was working in the Sporting Goods section showing a costumer a rifle. He saw Squall zoom by and the old lady chasing him. And he couldn't help but laugh.
"Ah! Squall! You're such a ladies man!" He yelled after Squall.
****
Quistis noticed that Squall wasn't at his cashier booth. And looked around cocking an eyebrow. She would have to report this to Head Manager Cid. Then suddenly Squall came sprinting up one of the isles with an old lady following him, swinging her purse wildly. Quistis snickered. That was just one thing you don't see everyday.
Squall saw Quistis and figured that she could help him out. So he ran behind her and hid like a child hiding behind his mother to get away from their abusive father or something.
"Excuse me ma'am? Is there something I can help you with?" Quistis asked a BIG grin on her face. Squall was afraid of a little old lady. How cute.
"Yes, this young man here tried to rob me then rape me." The woman replied, she didn't even seem to have broken a sweat! She didn't have to even catch her breath! She must do this alot...
"E-excuse me?" Quistis said in disbelief. She looked back at Squall, who shook his head wildly in denial.
"I want to talk to your manager." the woman stated.
"I-I am the manager ma'am." Quistis replied.
"I want to talk to someone else!" the woman demanded.
"Okay..." Quistis said, walking over to the phone, leaving Squall to the mercy of the woman again. Quistis could hear the woman's purse smack Squall, she smirked. She dialed a number and on came Head Manager Cid's voice. "Hi, Head Manager Cid? Yeah, uh... we have a situation down here. Yeah. Uh-huh. Ok, gotcha. Be right up." She turned to the two and said to the woman. "If you'll just follow me ma'am we'll go up to see Head Manager Cid now."
"About time!" the woman yelled. And she began to follow Quistis.
Whew. Man I thought I was going to be beaten to death! Suddenly the woman stopped and walked back to Squall, grabbing his ear and dragging him along.
"You're comming with me sonny." she stated. Squall whinced and followed as best he could.
****
In Head Manager Cid's office, Quistis, Squall and the woman sat in chairs, the woman still beating Squall with her purse. But it didn't matter now, Squall was numb, he couldn't feel it anymore. Cid couldn't help but snicker.
"Now, ma'am, what could I help you with?" Cid asked.
The woman stopped her Squall beating for a moment, and tried to put on a sad puppy dog face. Which didn't work, sense she's old and wrinklely, so her puppy face turned out to be rather scary. Squall silently sighed with relief and looked at Cid with an annoyed and confused face. This made Cid snicker even more.
"This young man tried to steal my belongings and tried to rape me." She stated.
Cid coughed. And looked at Squall who shook his head again, the same way he did with Quistis. "Ok... Squall, can I have your side please?"
Squall swallowed. If I tell the truth, the lady will hit me again. But if I tell a lie, Head Manager Cid will fire me... "Um... well, she left her items at my booth, so I went to return them to her and she accused me of stealing them. Then she began to beat me--" he was interupted by a swing of the lady's purse, just bearly missing his nose. "Just like that sir, only she hit me... repeatedly. Then I took her purse from her to get her to stop hitting me... and she accused me of stealing her purse. So... I gave it back, and she--" again the lady swung her purse at him and this time it hit him square in the face. His eyes crossed stupidly, and he put his face in his hands. Spreading his fingers to look at the woman awaiting the next attack. This isn't going too well... And all Head Manager Cid and Quistis can do is laugh... Why me? He sighed, he would have to go faster to get the story over with and get the hell away from this lady. "Shehitmeagain,soIgrabbedherarm. Theshescreamedrape. SoIlethergoandranaway,butshefollowedmeandchasedmearoundthestorehittingmewith her--"Again, the woman hit him. "...GOD DAMNED PURSE!" He yelled at her, this just made her hit him again. He sighed and looked at Head Manager Cid for help. But found Cid laughing loudly. Squall snorted.
"I'm sorry my boy." he said inbetween laughs. "Ok, I'll take care of it from here, you may go."
Really? I can go? He felt like jumping for joy, and maybe even clicking his heals. But for reputation's sake and his own dignity, he refrained himself and just exited the room, dodging one last swing from the old lady, and tried not to make it look like he rushed out, even though he did.
****
When 6 o'clock came again that day, only this time in the evening, Squall headed back to the back room and grabbed his punch card once again, and ran it through the machine, it beeped and he left the back room. He headed straight for his car and tossed his blue vest in the back and grabbing his leather jacket. He drove home to his spacy apartment. And plopped down on his bed, not even bothering to change clothes. Damn this was one HELL of a day. I just hope I don't end up dreaming about Seifer hitting on me and that old lady beating me with her purse, while Zell runs around in the background screaming "Seifer's GAY!", and Rinoa laughing at me saying that Seifer's flirting with me, and Irvine telling me what a ladie's... and guy's man I am, for that matter... Selphie can be playing that god awful song too, and hell why not even put Quistis in all of this ASKING HER GOD DAMN QUESTIONS! While I'm pissing in my pants... Squall sighed, and rolled over on his bed. Better get my sleep tomorrow is another day...
The End
Author's Notes: Well? Did ya like it? Hope so, and don't forget to review! JA!