Tilly Has A Big Secret

AT THE FLAT

"Hello and welcome! It's a veritable joy to see you all again! Well, to be fair, it's a joy to see anyone at the moment...no offence, you're lovely, obviously. But it's been deathly quiet here for the last few weeks, anyway, let me update you with the news...Stevie and I have been rehearsing every night for the Regional Quarter Finals of the ABBA Tribute Karaoke Extravaganza, which hasn't left me much time for anything else. And just as well really, because, Tilly seems to have disappeared off the face of the Earth. And yes, I know I find her hard work and everything, but she's my friend and I've been quite worried actually. She hasn't returned my calls, no texts, nothing on the email, weird! Also, Mum's away on a cruise and as for Gary, he's been incommunicado, although that's because we had an argument about his new menu...all I said was, and I meant it in a constructive and non critical sense, that he needed to double the size of the portions or the customers might think they've ordered from the children's menu. Oh, and I did suggest, (although I was definitely provoked!), that making a hamburger all fancy and calling it a 'steak hache' didn't necessarily mean it tasted any different to what you'd get at Burger King. Oh dear. I think I'd better make the first move and apologise to Gary, I hate not speaking to him every day, and having to make my own meals is a nightmare, it's got so bad that I've given up cooking entirely and I'm eating toast for every meal now. Right, no time like the present, I'll go down to the restaurant straight away!"

AT THE RESTAURANT

As Miranda walks into the restaurant, she spots Tilly sitting at a table, deep in conversation with Clive. Not wanting to intrude she grabs a mackintosh from the coat stand as a disguise and then joins a couple of posh girls sitting at the next table. She starts helping herself to their nachos, but suddenly realises that Clive and Tilly are talking about her.

Clive – "Have you spoken to Miranda yet?"

Tilly – "No, I keep trying to, but then I chicken out!"

Clive – "You must tell her and soon, time is of the essence!"

Tilly – "I know, stressing!"

Clive – "And if you're planning on having Miranda as a bridesmaid, you'll need to make sure she can come!"

Miranda can't believe what she's hearing!

Gary approaches her table and is surprised to see a third guest there, Miranda ducks behind a menu.

Gary – "What can I get you?"

Posh girl one – "Yah, I'll have the Nicoise."

Posh girl two – "Yah, Nicoise for me too."

They all stare at Miranda. She puts on a very deep posh voice.

Miranda – "Yah, yah, me too. (Reverts back to normal voice) And some French fries. (Realises her mistake and puts on deep posh voice again). A large portion. Thank you."

Gary looks confused and goes back to the bar.

Tilly – "Gary did offer to speak to her for me, he's so sweet, but I know it should be me."

Clive – "Besides, they've fallen out, haven't spoken in weeks."

Tilly – "Oh no, that makes things worse! I'd better go; I'll go and see Miranda at the shop."

Gary comes over to their table as Tilly gets up to leave.

Gary – "You're going?"

Tilly – "Yah, going to bite the bullet and speak to Queen Kong."

Gary – "Want me to come with you?"

Tilly – "Better not. Are you all ready for the big day?"

Gary – "Of course, I can't wait; it's going to be amazing!"

Gary hugs Tilly and she leaves.

Miranda's jaw drops; she watches Tilly leave and then glares at Gary and Clive who have gone back to the bar.

Posh girl one – "Can you go now?"

Miranda gets up sadly and leaves.

AT THE SHOP

Miranda arrives back at the shop, where Tilly and Stevie are chatting.

Tilly – "Of course, there's masses of wedmin, but I already have the dress from when I was engaged to Rupert."

Miranda walks in.

Tilly – "Hi."

Miranda – "Hello. Well, I can't stop…"

Miranda turns to leave again.

Tilly – "Wait Kong, I really need to speak to you."

Miranda – "Actually, I already know, Tilly. I can't believe you didn't talk to me about this."

Tilly – "Oh no, I didn't want you to find out before I had time to explain!"

Miranda – "Explain? How do you explain to someone who thought you were a friend, that you've betrayed them in the worst possible way! How could you? You knew what he meant to me!"

Tilly – "I know, I know, I feel awful, but it just happened. We were both lonely and we bumped into each other and one thing just lead to another. And I have to get married quickly or Daddy will write me out of his will."

Miranda – "What? Oh this gets worse! You mean you're…you know…with child?"

Tilly – "Yes! But it's more than that Kong, I really do love him and he loves me. Please come to the wedding! I can't think of anyone I'd rather have as my bridesmaid. And even though things are difficult right now, I know Gary will be devastated if you don't come."

Miranda can't argue anymore, the situation is hopeless, and she realises that Tilly is trying extremely hard to make amends.

Miranda – "OK. Of course I'll come."

They hug and Tilly leaves.

Stevie – "I can't believe it! I had no idea! How did you find out?"

Miranda – "Overheard them all talking in the restaurant. Oh Stevie, this is the worst I've ever felt."

Stevie – "It'll be ok. I thought you were well over him anyway. Or is it just because she's getting married and you're not?"

Miranda – "Over him? Over him? I'll never be over him Stevie."

Miranda – "I'm going to have some lunch…toast…oh I hate this!"

Miranda stomps upstairs. Then stomps back downstairs again.

Miranda – "I have to speak to Gary!"

AT THE RESTAURANT

Miranda walks in and sees Gary clearing tables. He looks up.

Gary – "Miranda!"

Miranda – "Hi Gary, look, can we talk? I just saw Tilly."

Gary – "Yes, sure. Want some lunch? Someone ordered a Nicoise and large fries, then left."

Miranda – "Yes please!"

Clive overhears from the bar.

Clive – "I'll go."

Gary – "Thanks Clive."

Miranda – "I've just come to say, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to criticise."

Gary – "OK, thanks for saying that, I've really missed you!"

Miranda – "Really? Me too. So what's new with you?" (I'll try to be mature when he tells me.)

Gary – "Well…you said you saw Tilly, so I guess you've heard the news?"

Miranda nods, unable to trust herself to speak.

Gary – "So there's been loads to organise and that's kept me busy."

Miranda – "And you're happy?"

Gary – "Yes, really happy, apart from not having you around to talk to about things."

Miranda – "Sorry Gary, I just remembered, I'm supposed to be misting Mum's orchids, I'd better…I'd better go. Bye."

Miranda leaves as Clive comes back with the lunch.

Clive – "She must be upset, leaving without the food."

Gary – "Yeah."

Gary stares after Miranda and then runs out after her.

OUTSIDE

Gary – "Miranda, wait!"

Miranda, keeps going.

Gary – "Miranda!"

He catches up and grabs her hand to stop her.

Gary – "Miranda? Can't we talk? You're my best friend and I hate it when we argue, I really missed you these last few weeks. Are you upset about Tilly?"

Miranda – "Yes! Yes I am!"

Gary – "Look, if you'd rather I didn't..."

Miranda – "No – you have to go ahead with it, especially with Tilly's current situation."

Gary – "OK, but just say the word and I'll tell Tilly I can't do it. Look, I'd better get back to the restaurant. See you later?"

Miranda – "Sure."

Gary hugs Miranda and leaves. Miranda sinks onto a bench, emotionally exhausted.

"It just gets more and more complicated! Of course I'd rather it all wasn't happening, but I can't be responsible for Gary walking out on Tilly in her condition! Or can I? No! Stop it! Oh, it's all my fault, if I hadn't been horrible about his food, he'd never have been all alone, Tilly wouldn't have her claws into him, no, be nice! Oh I think I'll have a little sleep."

Miranda curls up on the bench and falls asleep. People passing by leave loose change, thinking she's a tramp.

THREE WEEKS LATER

AT THE CHURCH

The church is full and Miranda, wearing a truly beautiful and elegant bridesmaid dress, is following Tilly up the aisle. Penny is sitting alone in the third row and grabs Miranda to sit down next to her. Miranda sits and looks over to the back of Gary's head, just longing for things to have worked out differently. The vicar starts the service.

Vicar – "And so firstly, I must ask, if anyone here knows of any just cause why these two people should not be lawfully united in marriage. Please speak now or forever hold your piece."

Miranda looks around hopefully, but everyone is silent.

Vicar – "Then I'll begin..."

Miranda closes her eyes, she can't watch, but suddenly there's a voice in her ear.

"Budge up, there's nowhere else to sit!"

Miranda opens her eyes to see Gary trying to squeeze onto the bench next to her.

Miranda SCREAMS, frightening everyone in the church and mortifying Penny.

Miranda – "Sorry, sorry, I thought I saw a mouse!"

Gary – "Where? Where?" (Tucking his feet up onto the bench.)

Miranda looks to the front of the church; Tilly and Danny are standing there. DANNY! Danny? The truth dawns on Miranda. She whispers to Gary:

Miranda – "Gary, it's Danny!"

Gary – "Yes, I know."

Miranda – "I thought she was marrying YOU!"

Gary – "What? Why would you think that?"

Miranda – "You said!"

Gary – "No I didn't! I'm helping by doing the catering for the wedding reception."

Miranda – "Oh Gary, I can't believe it!"

Gary – "You look beautiful by the way."

Miranda cannot contain her relief any longer, she takes Gary's hand and they sneak out of the church.

OUTSIDE THE CHURCH

Miranda and Gary are standing hand in hand outside the church door.

Gary – "I can't believe you thought I was marrying Tilly!"

Miranda – "I know!"

Gary – "Would you ever like to do the big church wedding?"

Miranda – "Are you asking?"

Gary – "Yes. Actually I am. Will you marry me Miranda?"

Miranda – "Oh my god! Yes! YES!"

Gary smiles broadly. Then without any hesitation, he kisses her.

THE END