Author's Note: This one was (once again) written for the Glee Fluff Meme in response to the prompt where Artie/Tina go on a double date with Finn/Rachel and Rachel is a total cockblock. LOL. I hope you enjoy my little interpretation. While I loved "Dream On" to pieces, I'm thinking I'll share a bit of fluff with my fellow Artina fans. It's heart healthy, haha.
Disclaimer: Post-"Dream On". Assume, for the purposes of this story that Rachel is back with Finn.
"Tee," Artie said, his voice muffled by the warm, soft skin of his girlfriend's neck. "Tina!"
"What?" she hissed, fingers tightening in the short strands of his hair.
"This is sad."
She craned back her neck to look at him, eyes dark beneath her lashes.
Focus, Abrams!
"Huh?"
"I said this is sad. This is definitely, by far, the saddest thing I have ever had to do and I had to ask my mom to get slushie stains out of my suspenders when I was 12."
"I know," Tina sighed. She carefully disentangled herself from him and got off of his lap, adjusting her plaid skirt.
They both glanced at their surroundings. Just a minute ago, they were frantically making out behind a rather poorly constructed miniature fiberglass castle, complete with drawbridge and plastic dragon. Artie placed his hands back on Tina's hips, and pulled her back to him again. She rewarded him by giving him a little sweet kiss. When she pulled away, he smiled his silly smile, the way he always did after they kissed.
Tina giggled into the warm night air that smelled like burnt popcorn and Astroturf.
"What?"
She just smirked mischievously at him and ran her fingers through his hair, scraping her nails playfully along his scalp. He tried not to groan.
"Your hair is all messed up," Tina whispered. He grinned and patted his hair into place.
"Your fault," he accused teasingly, his voice still husky.
"When do you think we'll be found out?"
"Oh, soon. You know Rachel."
As if on cue, Rachel's voice pulled them both out of their haze.
"Haven't they found that ball yet? What's taking so long?"
Artie and Tina sighed wearily.
Five days ago…
Tina was putting her schoolbooks back into her locker after glee practice when she noticed Finn. He casually leaned against the locker next to hers. Tina paused, the hand holding her science textbook hovering before the shelf. Finn Hudson, although a nice guy, didn't really talk to her much.
"Hey," she said.
"Hey, Tina. So you and Artie are like, going out right?"
"Yeah," Tina said cautiously, placing her book in her locker and shutting it.
"So…do you guys wanna double date?"
"Um…"
"With me and Rach," Finn added.
Tina thought of all the times Rachel criticized someone in glee, saying their dance moves weren't timed right, or they were too pitchy, and that one time she left the group in a huff just because Tina was given a solo.
"Well," Tina said quickly, not meeting Finn's eyes. "Artie and I can't make it this weekend. Um, he has a doctor's appointment and he always likes for me to go with him because he gets nervous and his parents gets anxious too and they're no help so I play with his little sister, Claire, while we're in the waiting room and afterwards we go to dinner, so basically we'll be out for all of Saturday," she said in a rush. She took a deep breath.
"I didn't tell you when the date was gonna be yet."
"Oh," Tina replied. Finn was okay, she guessed and Rachel for 1 hour three times a week was a chore but doable. But to hang out with her outside of school? She bit her lip nervously, and bowed her head, hiding behind her hair.
"Listen," Finn said, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "I know Rach…takes some getting used to. But I really want her to make more friends, you know? She's really trying, and…Well, I can't ask Santana or Brittany for obvious reasons, Quinn's out for sure, Mercedes and Kurt are kind of terrifying, so that leaves you and Artie. And Artie directed our music video, so…"
Tina started to make another excuse but at that point Rachel bounded up to the both of them, all inappropriately short skirt, knee socks and shiny hair and shoved what looked like a card in Tina's face.
"Tina. This is for you. I hope you can make it!" Rachel smiled brilliantly and Tina was convinced she practiced it in the mirror every morning. Rachel took Finn's hand and they both headed out, Finn turning around to give her a pointed look.
Tina opened the gold seal on the card.
You are cordially invited to a double-date with Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry *!
Date: This Saturday
Time: 7pm
Where: Putt-Putt Mini Golf
Dress Code: Casual
RSVP!
More alarming than the ivory cardstock that was more suited to a wedding, or the fancy gold seal, or even the stickers of frolicking kittens that dotted the invitation, was the fact that Rachel Berry made out formal invitations for a double date.
Tina frowned and shoved the card into her messenger bag.
McKinley students had just gotten back from spring break when Tina got the bright idea to include Artie in her dance number. When he had turned that down and she danced with Mike instead, she could tell he was devastated. He had become very subdued afterwards and he tried to put up a brave front, but it still broke her heart to see him like that.
Then, there were midterm exams to study for so they never really got to hang out on a date, or spend any quality time together outside of school for the past few weeks. This would be a great opportunity to reconnect.
She pulled out her phone and began to feverishly text Artie.
Hey 3
Double date with Finn and Rachel this Sat? Will be fun, promise ;)
She hit 'send'.
Well, if it wasn't fun, it would be interesting at least.
Which was how she and Artie ended up sneaking away from the other couple to go makeout and maybe do some mild groping behind a giant inflatable dragon at the tenth hole at Putt-Putt's. Because it turned out that Rachel had planned out their entire evening in 15 minute increments (7pm: Arrive at Artie's, 7:15: Practice songs for Regionals in car, 7:30: Arrive at Putt-Putt, 7:45: bathroom break) and no time at all was allotted to Tina and Artie having "quality time" together, and dammit they missed each other.
"We should talk to Finn," Tina said. "Maybe we can go home early? Your parents will be out late at the Lima Theater, right?"
Artie nodded vigorously. His parents out late and they have the house all to themselves?
Hell yes, woman.
Tina wheeled Artie out of their hiding spot, and Artie held up the hot pink golf ball.
"Found it!" he called out to Finn, trying to sound innocent.
"You did?" Tina asked, looking down at him curiously.
"It was in my pocket the whole time," he answered leaning back to smile slyly at her.
"Oh, was that what that was?" she whispered into his ear.
She tried not to look too triumphant when he turned bright red.
Once she spotted them, Rachel adjusted her golf cap on her head and smiled encouragingly.
"You're up Tina! And remember to align your feet with your shoulders this time!"
"Oh," Tina said, and worried the fabric of Artie's dress shirt. "You can have my turn."
"But the score card--!"
"Rach, it's okay. We're just having fun tonight, right guys?" Finn asked.
Tina and Artie nodded.
"You can take the shot," said Finn.
They all watched as the ball Rachel hit barely missed the head of an overweight old man in a Hawaiian shirt. It rolled into the bushes behind the woodchuck statue at the next hole. Considering Rachel went all out with her outfit, she was terrible at mini-golf. She stalked off to retrieve it.
Tina pounced on the opportunity.
"Finn, we need to talk," she started.
"Oh, I know what this is about."
"You do?"
"Sure. I told Rachel we probably shouldn't go to mini-golf what with Artie's condition and all but she wouldn't listen. Maybe we can give you more turns, Artie? So you can catch up?"
"Dude, I'm schooling all of you at this game," Artie said, crossing his arms and frowning.
"Oh."
"Finn," Tina started. "Artie and I haven't really been able to spend time with each other much lately and—"
"Look, Finn, my girl really needs to get up on this. So if we could cut the evening short—"
"Oh, come on guys."
Rachel, of course, took that opportunity to come back with her ball in hand.
"This course is clearly very poorly designed and I suggest we no longer waste our time and money on it. Shall we move on to Breadstix? My itinerary says we would be about a half hour early, but I'm starving and my dietician says never to let yourself go hungry. It leads to binging."
Tina wheeled Artie into the restaurant, skillfully dodging feet and frantic servers. Rachel and Finn were up ahead, following their waiter closely.
"We'll figure out something, Tee," Artie said to her, reaching his hand up to squeeze hers reassuringly. "Although, if she makes us practice singing a medley of Broadway show tunes again, I will end her."
Tina laughed.
"Not if I get to her first. Sit next to me?" Tina asked.
"Of course. We can even play footsie," Artie joked.
But when Tina sat down in a booth, Rachel quickly slid into the booth next to her, and started handing out menus.
"Now, I know this is Italian-inspired American cuisine, but I would advise not filling up on carbs. Ice cream is up next on the schedule. Tina, I see that you're eyeing that grilled salmon. Excellent choice. What were you thinking of having, Artie?"
"Lasagna," he replied darkly from the end of the table.
It was gonna be a long night.
Once everyone finished their meals, Tina not so covertly threw a crumpled piece of paper napkin at Artie and stood up.
"I'm going to the restroom," she announced, pulling her jacket tighter around herself and gathering her purse.
"Oh, I'll go too!" Rachel exclaimed.
Artie watched as Tina's face fell. She led the way to bathrooms, turning back to look at him.
Curious, he uncrumpled the paper in his lap.
Meet me out back in 5. Let's blow this joint, maybe Finn + Rachel can find a taxi home :)
Crap.
Annoyed, he shoved the paper down his half empty water glass.
Well, that plan was a bust.
In the women's bathroom, Tina was just exiting her stall to find a smiling Rachel leaning expectantly against the counters.
Creepy.
"Um…you didn't have to go?" Tina asked as she washed her hands.
"Actually, no. I read that when women go to the restrooms together it's often a bonding experience."
"You're trying to bond with me?"
"Yes! So," Rachel started. "How is sex with Artie?"
"W-What?"
Rachel looked proud of herself while Tina's eyes darted around the room, and she tried to think of a way to politely but hastily leave.
This could not be happening right now.
"I added the Sex and the City DVDs to my fathers' Netflix queue. I really want to have friends, Tina. Usually, I wouldn't care because my career is my focus but, every leading lady needs a support system, not just adoring fans. "
Tina stared at Rachel, mouth agape, hands dripping water onto the bathroom floor.
"What Carrie, et al. taught me was that women oftentimes share tales of their sexual escapades with each other. Well, that and shoes, but you wear those old combat boots and the other day Kurt made fun of mine so…"
Tina glanced at Rachel's feet and her brown mules that looked suspiciously like the pair Tina's Great Aunt Viv wore.
"They're orthopedic," Rachel explained. "They're excellent for posture and posture is very important to a singer. Anyways, sex. How is your sex life? Um…healthy, I hope?" she asked awkwardly.
"We—we don't have to talk about my sex life to bond, Rachel. In fact, can we please not talk about my sex life?"
"Okay. Do—do you want to talk about shoes?"
"Not really," Tina answered as she walked over to the hand dryers. "I can't believe you watch Sex and the City. "
"Only the first four seasons so far. I don't agree with Carrie's choices in partners, but it is quite entertaining and informative. When I move to New York City to become a Broadway star, I'm going to need to know how to navigate the social scene."
Tina smiled.
"Did you see the one with Manhattan Guy?" Tina asked, over her shoulder to Rachel.
"Yes! He hadn't left Manhattan in 10 years!"
"Can you imagine if we don't leave Lima in 10 years?"
"I imagine I'd dramatically, but tragically throw myself off a moving train."
"Now that we've bonded, will you take me with you?"
They smiled at each other, Tina instantly feeling horrible about wanting to ditch Rachel. She may have been determined, career-obsessed, and maybe a little self-absorbed, but she was nice.
The beeping of Rachel's phone interrupted her thoughts.
"Finn wants to know if we've fallen in," Rachel said, reading off the tiny screen.
Tina rolled her eyes. As they both walked back out, Rachel linked her arm with the other girl, head held proudly high as if someone just complimented her on hitting a high B.
When they got to their table Artie was explaining to an enraptured Finn how he used grenades and a sniper rifle to clear a building in Call of Duty.
"I should totally take notes," Finn said. "What kind of sniper rifle did you use again?"
"Finn, I don't think I've ever seen you take notes," Artie said.
And to his credit, Artie only looked incredulous for a nanosecond when he saw Tina and Rachel approach their table, arms linked.
Finn grinned happily.
"You girls ready?"
Rachel stepped away from Tina to give Finn a peck on the cheek and wrap an arm around his waist.
"Ready! You guys ready for ice cream?"
Rachel and Finn were still at the ice cream counter (Rachel was interrogating some poor kid about whether or not the organic vanilla ice cream was really organic) and Artie was tucking into a shared bowl of chocolate sundae when he felt it.
He turned to the offender.
"Did you just chuck a peanut at me?" he asked Tina.
"I did. And for the record, it was a chopped walnut."
Artie let out a mock exasperated sigh.
"That's it. Now you're in for it!" He quickly reached over to still Tina's hand, which held a spoon full of whipped cream that was coming precariously close to his face.
He was too late, though, and he felt the cold confection smear against his cheek when he turned at the last minute. Tina was grinning impishly, and he grinned back.
God, his girlfriend was cute.
Tina swooped in quickly and kissed him on the cheek, tongue swiping against his skin.
"You had whipped cream on you," she giggled.
Artie wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her face close to his. Tina could feel his breath, cooled from the ice cream, against her lips a second before he firmly pressed his mouth against hers. He tasted like chocolate when she slipped him a bit of tongue, and they smiled against each other's mouths. He slipped his fingers into her hair, curling them against her scalp and Tina thought she'd never get used to how that made her stomach feel all fluttery, like she was on a particularly exhilarating roller coaster.
They both pulled away, breathing a little heavier, and rested their foreheads against each other's. Artie brought his hand up to cup the side of Tina's face. He brushed his thumb against her lower lip, and she caught it and kissed it softly.
"Can we go now, please?" he pleaded.
"God, yes. Just let me—"
"Hey you two! You will not believe that guy at the counter. How can he not know whether pesticides are used on their vanilla beans?"
"Hey, Rachel," said Tina and Artie glumly.
Artie pulled up to his house behind Finn's parked car. The night was finally over. To Artie it felt like--well, he felt like he'd just cleared a building in Call of Duty. Relieved, definitely, and maybe a little shellshocked.
"I had a wonderful time, you two! We should definitely do this again!" Rachel said as she exited Artie's van. She waited until Tina finished helping Artie with his wheelchair, and then started to speak excitedly again.
"Are you sure you want to go home now? My dads are at a gallery showing so we could still go over to my place and watch some Streisand movies—"
"Rachel, we love you, and you're our friend—"Tina said.
"But seriously, you have to let us go now. There is a limit to how much we can take! We cannot and will not sit around all night to watch Babs! We can't! We're tired! You've planned out our whole night tonight down to which songs to sing in the car, and what to order for dinner. We can't take anymore. We liked hanging with you, but we'll see in school Monday," Artie said firmly.
God, she wasn't going to cry was she? He hated when girls cried. He looked around for Finn (pissing off a jock's girlfriend had to be horrible idea, right?) and found him already in the car fiddling with the radio dials.
But, instead of crying, Rachel gasped and clutched her hands to her chest, brown eyes glittering and wide. In that pose, Tina thought she looked like a deranged Disney Princess.
She really needed to stop hanging out with Claire so much.
"You—you guys think of me as your friend?"
Tina sighed.
"Yes, we do."
"This is wonderful! You guys are wonderful!" Rachel pulled an alarmed Tina into a tight hug and smiled widely. Tina smiled and hugged back, patting her back tentatively. Artie looked confused and a little scared when Rachel hugged him too.
"I will see you two Monday, then," said Rachel.
A relieved Tina and Artie turned to go back into his house.
"Wait!" Rachel cried.
They stopped and turned to face her. They knew it was too good to be true. What was it now?
"Are you two planning on having sexual relations tonight?"
Shocked. Silence.
"Remember to use protection. I know McKinley leaves much to be desired in the way of health and sex education, but I do hope you both practice safe sex. There is a birth rate of nearly 42 to 1,000 teens according to the CDC. There's also STDs and—"
Just which one of them did she think had STDs?
"Rach, we'll be fine," said Artie holding up a hand to quell her lecture. Tina couldn't see him in the dim light from the street lamp but she knew he was blushing fuchsia—she was too.
"Oh, okay. So, I'll see you Monday?"
"Yep, Moday," Tina replied.
Oh, please just leave, Tina thought. I cannot take any more awkwardness in one night.
They both only sighed in relief when they saw Finn's mom's station wagon turn the corner down the street.
Tina promptly sat down in Artie's lap. He happily slipped his arms around her waist to steady her. The move also served to pull her closer to him, not that he was complaining at all.
"So, Artie. I think we've got a whole hour to ourselves before your parents come home? Got any ideas about what to do?" She slipped her index finger under a suspender and smirked.
Artie laughed and tucked a strand of purple hair behind Tina's ear, fingers brushing the hollow of her neck.
"Oh, I can think of several things."
Monday during lunch period, Tina and Artie were regaling Kurt and Mercedes with tales of their double date on Saturday (they still could not believe that that night really happened) when Rachel and Finn came over. Finn looked a little uncomfortable, but Rachel was positively glowing.
Kurt excitedly scooted over to let Finn sit and Tina moved over to let Rachel and her giant lunch bag in. It was a tight fit.
"Hey guys," Finn said casually. Rachel took out what seemed to be the entire contents of the produce aisle of a grocery store and set about making her salad.
"Hello, Finn," said Kurt.
There was an awkward silence. Kurt and Mercedes were not fans of Rachel's to say the least and to have her sitting at their lunch table as if it was what she's always done was weird and spooky.
"Artie, thanks for tip on the sniper rifle. I killed, like, 8 billion Nazis Sunday night," Finn said, breaking the ice.
"Really? Awesome!" Artie grinned.
"Kurt," Rachel started.
Uh-oh.
"Are those new shoes?"
Kurt's face lit up.
"Why thank you, Rachel. They are! They're my new Prada loafers. Isn't the leather divine?" Kurt preened.
As Kurt and Mercedes loudly steered the conversation to shoes, Rachel turned to Tina.
"See? Sex and the City was right! Sex or shoes are great conversation starters!" Rachel whispered.
"So, Tina and Artie," Rachel started nonchalantly to their lunch group. "I see the both of you are in better spirits today."
They both nodded warily.
Suddenly, Tina halted what she was doing, her Jell-O halfway to her mouth.
Wait. If Rachel thinks it's okay to bring up shoes, then…oh, no.
OH, CRAP.
"Is it because you both finally got to have intercourse?"
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