Disclaimer: Do I own Rizzoli and Isles? Hmm, let's see. Is there Rizzles yet? Then no. And even if there was I still don't own it.
A/N: Ok, so I have this thing going when I'm bored and I imagine what the characters would do when faced with a boring situation. This is the result. You have been warned….
Tales of Meetings and Office Supplies
The meeting had been dragging on for what felt like an eternity, each minute dribbling by so slowly that suicide seemed like a better career option. And it had only been the first half hour. Jane shifted in her hard-as-a-rock-chair and glanced around the desolate conference room at the faces of her equally suicidal colleagues. Her eyes landed on Frost who was chewing on his nail. The fact that this caught her attention should tell you something about this particular meeting. She watched him for a minute before turning to Korsac, who sat to her right. He caught her eyes and made a gagging motion. She smiled slightly, turning to her left where Maura sat.
The good doctor, impeccably dressed as ever in a navy blue modestly cut dress was immensely patient and Jane had to hold back an eye roll at the sight of her intently watching the large, professionally dressed woman at the front of the room, whose name Jane had long ago forgotten drone on and on about… She paused for a moment trying to remember exactly why they had been dragged into this. Drawing a blank she shrugged slightly, not really caring. They still had an hour and a half to go.
A slight smile tugged at the detective's lips when she thought of what the doctor might say about the choice words that were floating around her head about the meeting. Lost in thought, her mind started to churn over ways she could get the doctor to break that perfect composure she had settled into. She went for the long tried and tested method of poking. It annoyed the heck out of her brothers and she had no doubt that it would have the desired effect on her best friend, after all that's what friends were for, right?
She gently poked the bare shoulder closest to her and Maura turned, fixing her with a half-hearted glare and mumbled something about immaturity before turning back to the speaker. Jane smirked, she knew the doctor well enough to know that getting not only a glare but also mumbled words on the first try meant that the doctor was just as bored as she was. She leaned in close to the doctor's ear and whispered "Having fun yet?"
Maura shivered slightly and Jane assumed she had scared the doctor slightly. She nodded in response, not fully trusting herself to speak with Jane that close to her. She had long ago given up trying to deny her feelings for her best friend and most of the time she was able to keep her composure. Most of the time Jane was not hotly whispering in her ear and needless to say her feelings arose slightly, as did her internal temperature.
"Any way of getting us out of this?" She asked, her voice washing over Maura.
"Jane, safety within the office is an important issue" Maura replied in the tone she reserved for reciting facts and Jane could feel the Google talk coming. At least she knew what the meeting was about now. Cutting Maura off mid-sentence she said "the only office hazard they will have to worry about is me when I pull my gun out."
Maura laughed slightly, being careful to keep her voice down least they get into trouble.
"Seriously, we're cops. What's the worst that could happen, a paper cut?" Jane continued, seeing Maura's smile.
"Stapler accident" she replied earning her a smile in return.
"Or one of the office chairs with the wheels could crash" Jane said, accompanying her words with a slight wiggle of her eyebrows.
"You mean when Frost and Frankie drag race with them?" Maura said.
"We'll have to arrest them for speeding" Jane said in that overly exaggerated way only she could make sexy.
They had full blown smiles on their face now at the craziness that only a best friend could drag you into during a time of immense boredom.
A full minute passed before Jane was bored again. Maura had turned back to the meeting, pretending to listen. The speaker was apparently up to 'ways to make cops (and the accompanying crime scene techs who had also been dragged into this) want to jump off the building.' pointless to mention she was rather successful at this stage and Jane was seriously considering the merits of throwing herself into oncoming traffic. Judging by the look on Korsac's face she wasn't the only one.
Another minute passed, Jane all but counting the seconds on the clock. She really needed something to entertain herself with. Her eyes travelled to Maura again, who hadn't moved an inch since she last looked. Korsac smiled when he saw Jane's eyes once again make their way towards Maura. They had no idea how entertaining watching the two of them could be.
"Hey Maura" she said as she leaned in.
Maura's eyes slowly travelled from their position on the speaker (torturer) to meet Jane's Hazel ones.
"Yes?" she replied, trying hard not to show how grateful for the distraction she was.
"What are the chances of an alien invasion getting us out of this?" Maura's eyes widened slightly at the mention of Alien as she mentally prepared all the arguments as to why there was no such thing when she saw the smile on Jane's face and realised she was only joking.
"Don't you think a murder would be more likely?" she replied.
"Yeah but I doubt they will let us investigate the murder of Mrs what's-her-name up there droning on considering I'm the killer"
"Jane really, in a room full of cops?"
"They'll thank me"
At this Maura rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed. Jane just smiled wider and it wasn't long before Maura was smiling with her.
"Well how do you propose we get out of here then?" Jane asked.
"I don't think we can Jane" she replied.
"Ok now I am seriously considering getting my gun and shooting her" she huffed.
"Don't you think your being a tad overdramatic?"
"Not really, no"
They both smiled at each other.
"Seriously though, I am so bored right now that tenth grade math sounds more exciting than this" Jane huffed.
"Yes, the topics do seem rather petty, don't they" She replied.
"Doctor Isles" Jane said in mock-horror.
"Well it's true. After all, this is a room full of police officers; you're in more danger of being shot than you are of becoming the victim of an office accident"
"Exactly"
Jane managed to sit through another ten minutes before she was back to a state of mind-numbing boringness (not that Maura would ever consider that a proper term.) Even Maura had started to fidget or the Isles version anyway, which consisted of small movements such as smoothing out invisible wrinkles in her dress. Her eyes darted around the room looking for anything that could serve as a distraction. Her attempt proved futile and her boredom level increased, if that was even possible. A slight puff of air escaped from Maura's mouth as she turned to Jane, deciding the meeting was a waste of time.
"Is this what school felt like for you?" She asked.
"Nah, at least in school we could pass notes and have epic spit-ball battles" Jane replied, causing a light laugh to escape from Maura's perfectly shaped lips, not that Jane would ever admit to thinking that.
"How else did you pass the time then?" Maura asked, the meeting now long forgotten in both women's as well as their immediate audience's minds. Frost leaned over to Frankie, whispering "How much do you want to bet they get caught?"
"I don't think they will, Jane is pretty adapt at keeping a low profile when it's absolutely necessary" the younger Rizzoli replied.
"Yeah but Maura is with her and I don't think the doctor has much experience at this" Frost explained.
"Good point" he replied, giving Frost a slight nod.
"She is a fast learner though" He pointed out.
"Hmm, true" Frankie replied, a thoughtful expression appearing on his face. They both thought it over for a moment before Frost said "Wanna start a betting pool? We'll split the profit thirty-seventy"
"Fifty-fifty" he replied with a scoff.
"Forty-sixty final offer"
"Please, you need my help. Who else is going to get all the uniform's involved? And besides I'm sure you don't want to go down to the morgue to talk to the lab techs" Frankie said with a triumphant smirk.
Frost nodded, mumbling something about doing it if he had to before they turned to the colleagues around them and word quickly spread around the room about the pool.
Jane and Maura, who were now so absorbed in their conversation the rest of the room had faded away were debating the merits of stapler wars versus fire extinguisher roller derby. Maura had pointed out all the possible injuries one could receive from the two activities to which Jane had replied with what she had dubbed the 'fun factor' in each. Maura then decided on the stapler wars as her activity of choice and Jane had naturally taken the opposite, causing the debate to continue.
"At least stapler wars are easier to make up excuses for, how do you explain fire extinguisher roller derby to Cavanagh?" Maura stated, a smirk dancing around the edges of her mouth.
"Uh Maura, you can't lie, how do you propose explaining either to him?" Jane replied, unconsciously mimicking her expression.
"I wouldn't get caught" she replied, sounding slightly uncertain. She hoped Jane wouldn't notice it but she had no such luck.
"You sure about that?" she asked.
"No" Maura said, shoulders slumping.
"I didn't think so" Jane replied, smirking.
"Well what about the mess, not to mention the noise that it would create?" Maura asked, her smirk re-appearing at Jane's slightly panicked look. She recovered quickly, replying "We'll do it when he goes out to lunch then just make up a story of a suspect escaping custody and making a mess or something. What about explaining all the staples, hmm? It's not like you can just go and pick them all up."
"Vacuum cleaner" She replied, barely missing a beat having anticipated the question.
"Not bad Dr Isles, I seem to be rubbing off on you" Jane replied, bumping her shoulder against Maura's.
"Do you yield?" Maura asked.
"Ok, first of all no-one says yield anymore and secondly no, you should know me well enough to know that giving up that quickly is simply out of the question" Jane replied, rolling her eyes for emphasis.
"What is your argument then?" she asked.
"I don't need one. It's obvious that fire extinguisher roller derby is just so much more fun, anyone can see that" Jane replied with her trademark Rizzoli smirk.
"Jane" Maura said, laughing and shaking her head slightly. Jane returned her smile and two started laughing quietly, oblivious to the eyes that were watching them.
"How is she not noticing the two of them?" Frost asked Frankie.
"I told you Janie was good at this" he replied.
"Yeah and Maura seems to have taken her lead" Frost said. They glanced back at the speaker who hadn't noticed the fact that no-one was paying attention to her. Cavanagh, who was seated in the front row had though he hadn't stopped them, yet.
"You think we can get him in on it?" Frost asked.
"Do you wanna risk it?" Frankie replied, shifting his eyes to the boss and back to his co-conspirator.
"Yeah, the only thing we really have to worry about is Jane finding out" he said.
"Amen" Frankie replied.
Korsac, who had heard about the bets from the person sitting next to him had put ten down on them being caught by the speaker and another five on Cavanagh letting the two get away with it (he had also been watching the pair for a while now so it was a pretty safe bet.) The argument regarding the two activities had somehow morphed into discussing the various sports in the office Olympics. How Jane had managed to talk the ever-scientifically minded Maura Isles into a conversation like that he would never know.
"Sticky note bowling" Jane suggested, earning a nod of agreement from Maura. That one they had actually done before after three days of paperwork with no murders. Needless to say they got the afternoon off after that.
"What about pencil darts?" she said.
"How would that work though, it's vertically impossible to have enough strength to get a pencil to penetrate a dart board, not to mention the aerodynamics of a pencil are…"
"Ok, let me explain it to you" Jane said, cutting off her Google-speak. "So you balance an object like an eraser on the edge of a file box and you stand back and throw the pencil, trying to knock it in."
"Oh, that makes more sense. What about something where you throw the eraser into the box?" she asked.
"Like trash-can basketball?" Jane said.
"Yes, that sounds acceptable" She replied, her smile widening.
"What could we do with empty coffee cups?" Jane said. They both thought about it for a moment before a smirk appeared on Maura's face. Jane sent her a questioning look to which she replied "You could try and make a tower out of them like people do with cards"
"Coffee towers, sounds good. Now what about empty files no wait paper plain flights?" Jane said, turning excited as she thought of the idea.
"Based on distance or speed?" she said.
"We could do both, extra points to whoever can catch it" Jane suggested, Maura making a sound of agreement in reply.
"What about a water sport?" Maura asked. A thoughtful expression crossed Jane's face while she thought.
"Who can snort the most milk out their nose?" she said after a minute, accompanying her words with a shrug.
"Jane, milk is only 85% water, the rest is fat, protein and various other chemicals" she said.
"It's still a liquid though, right?" Jane replied, the same look on her face that she always gave when Maura says something scientific.
"I suppose so. But snorting milk, really?" She said, giving Jane a humorous look.
"We could always resort to drinking games but somehow I don't think we could get away with that" she replied. That caused another round of laughter, slightly louder than the previous round. When the laughter died down the pair looked at the speaker and were amazed to see that she hadn't noticed them. Jane caught Korsac looking at them out of the corner of her eye and she sent him a questioning look. He looked away, refusing to meet her eyes and she turned to Maura to mention it when she realised Maura had just caught a couple of other detectives doing the same thing. They looked at each other, their eyes saying what they didn't aloud: What are we missing?
"Are you sure she didn't see us?" Jane asked.
"Positive, her body language showed no signs of annoyance or irritation and her facial muscles are in a relaxed state indicating that…"
"So that's a no?" Jane said.
"Yes" Maura replied, rolling her eyes.
"They are probably just being weird again" she said.
The pair fell quite for a minute and Jane looked at the clock.
"Half an hour to go, finally" she said excitedly.
"What are we going to talk about to pass the time?" Maura asked.
"Mutant office supplies?" Jane replied. When Maura opened her mouth, no doubt to start a lecture as to why that was scientifically impossible she said "just imagine how funny it would be if a pencil suddenly grew legs and launched itself through Mrs Boredom up there's head."
"It would make arresting and charging rather difficult, wouldn't it?" she replied. Jane held her eyes for all but 2 seconds before the two of them were laughing again.
After a rather interesting discussion of the potential for various office supplies to turn radio-active and eat the speaker as well as a few other individuals, namely Pike they were finally free to go. Jane pushed her way through the crowd of very eager persons to the door, dragging Maura behind her. They made their way down to the morgue and into Maura's office.
"I am so glad that's finally over" Jane said, ungracefully plonking down on the couch. It gave a squeak of protest but complied.
"We did learn a lot about the dangers of office supplies" Maura replied.
"Yeah, when they go all rise of the dead on our ass and eat us" she said.
They both turned and glanced at Maura's desk uncertainly.
"They wouldn't…."
"No, of course not, it's impossible"
They turned to each other and Jane said "dirty robber for lunch?"
"Yes, that sounds like a very good idea Jane."
At the Robber Frost and Frankie were counting the money they had made off the bets.
"Some meeting, huh" Frost absentmindedly commented, shifting the notes through his hands.
"Yeah" Frankie replied, chewing on a fry.
They looked up as the sound of footsteps stopped beside their table.
"Uhhh" They both said in unison, mouths hanging open. Jane was standing over their table giving them what Korsac had once dubbed the 'intimidation stare'.
"Did you really think we wouldn't figure it out?" She asked them, her voice as sharp as steel.
"Umm..." Frost spluttered.
"Well you are a great detective" Frankie started.
"Yeah, really great" Frost joined in, catching on.
"And you know, solve a lot of cases" He said.
"Arrest a lot of suspects too" Frankie contributed.
Jane continued to glare at them, letting them squirm under her stare.
"All right, cut the crap and hand it over" she said.
"But we…ah" Frost trailed off, seeing the look on Jane's face. It was a look that left no room for argument and they gathered up the money that was stacked in piles on the table and gave them to Jane.
"Damn" Frost muttered when she was safely out of earshot.
"How does she do that?" Frankie replied.
Jane slid into the booth next to Maura and handed Korsac a third of the pile and another third to Maura.
"Thanks" she said to him.
"No problem" he replied, "lunch is on me."
A/N: If you have reached this point thank-you for reading :)