Chapter 1: Away from the Sun

AN:

Hey people,

Here's my first ever story. I just had this crazy idea one day, and 'Andi and Megz' (xMainstreamEmoBrdlineHardcorex) made me go ahead with it. Thank you guys, for all the encouragement. They even edited this chapter for me, despite having 5 other absolutely awesome stories that they're working on, making it a lot better than before. I'm enjoying writing this story and I hope you enjoy reading this. You'll need to tell me if you think it's any good at all.

Here it goes....

This is the edited chapter. I recently got myself a beta-the beta-Bronzehairedgirl620. You must have read her stories, if not, then you must, specially Stop, Drop and Roll...you'll love it.

Thank-you Bronzehairedgirl620...you're awesome!

DISCLAIMER: Not mine. It all belongs to SM. I'm just spending some 'quality time' with her characters 'cause I'm SO in love with 'em.
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"Okay, that's it," I yelled, making him jump.

"Whoa! What was that about, Bells?" he asked, sitting upright and looking at me with slightly wide, annoyed eyes.

Okay, so maybe yelling at someone like that, within such close proximity… extremely loudly… wasn't the best thing to do. But when you're desperately trying to get a sensible response from someone after having tried every polite way to get them to talk...It seems like a good way to go...and it worked, apparently.

"Yeah, right. Just keep playing innocent Jasper. A lot of good it'll do you."

He sighed, more resigned now. "We've been over this before. I'm fine."

Heaven knows why this guy even tries pretending around me, even though he's the one with the uncanny knack to know what people felt, especially the ones he was emotionally close to, because seriously, when it comes to him, my best friend since forever, I didn't need any freaky mood reading talent… I just knew.

"Sure you're fine." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah. Perfectly fine."

Yeah, right. The melancholy look on his face could be detected from a mile away. Really, this was all getting beyond ridiculous. I sighed out of real exasperation and he looked up at me and attempted at a smile, only it looked more like a grimace.

I couldn't keep the 'I'm-mad-at you' look I'd been trying to hold on my face there any longer. I felt sad again: sad for him, sad because this happened to him. I knew he instantly detected the change because the next moment he gave up any effort to keep up appearances and his eyes were back to the gloomy ones they'd become since that fateful day.

He turned away and slumped against the tree again, our favorite spot on campus that was in a secluded corner of the garden. This was where we would talk about anything and everything.

"Jazz," I said, but he didn't look at me. "Jazz, listen...at least look at me?"

No response. He just sighed.

I inched closer and rested my head on his shoulder while reaching out for his hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. He sighed again and rested his head on top of mine; this was how we usually sat for hours on end, watching movies, hanging out or staring off into space.

"Just let it go, Jazz. You need to let it go." I continued softly, not wanting to hurt him, but this was the only way. He had to get over it.

"I know, Bella. I just can't. I mean, it's not like I want us to be together again after all that." he gave me a sigh and eye roll which I understood to be a 'no chance in hell' look and then continued. "But it's just that...well, it's...it's sad, and depressing and unnerving, you know? The fact that she could wound me so easily. The fact that I myself gave her the power to do so...only by liking her so much, and that she actually did hurt me. Her knowing that I trusted her so much. I trusted her with everything and then I find out she'd thrown it all away. I don't know." Jasper shook his head.

"I'm so confused and so...just so..." he looked like he was at a loss for words. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and while keeping them closed, he told me something I wish I'd never heard cross my Jasper's lips.

"Bella, I feel… I feel stupid, weak...and...I feel like I don't know myself." he responded in a frighteningly vulnerable voice. I hated to see him like this. The Jasper I knew was always so confident and so sure of things. Why would such a thing happen to someone as nice as Jasper?

"I went and made an absolute fool of myself. What was I thinking?" Jasper dropped his head into his hands. I didn't know what to say; I just held on, hoping to say or do something to make this better. He had a way of making me feel better at the worst of times. I wanted to do the same for him.

"Jazz, look at the better side. I mean, she clearly wasn't the one for you, she was just bidding her time, so just be glad you got this over with now, you know. Be happy that you didn't take it any further with her. I mean...I don't know Jazz...you're the most awesome person I've ever known, and trust me when I say that you're going to find the most awesome person to make an awesome couple with."

Wow, I didn't know that I could put 'awesome' in a sentence that much…

I continued with true conviction. "Just learn from it and move on...be careful next time, make sure the person is very special. Make sure you're ready to let them be close to you. Make sure you two are on the same page before getting into anything serious with them. And, well, don't be sad about things going the way they did. I mean, Jazz, she just wasn't worth your time. You were too good for her, really, so just be glad you can spend your final year concentrating on making it to your favorite college...your music… and…me!"

I looked at him with a smile that took some effort as I realized it was our last year together in high school, seeing as he was a year ahead of me. Great, Loner Ville. Population? Me.

He looked back at me. "Yeah Swan, you… us. We've made a great team, what will you do without me next year? You being in Loner-Ville-"

"Population: me." I cut him off and we both gave a pretty pathetic attempt at a chuckle.

I squeezed his hands again. "Just save a seat for me in whichever college you go to, okay? It's just a year, and we do need our own space, don't we?" wow it sounds like we're breaking up.

He chuckled. "Yeah, we've been on each other's case since, like, forever."

Jasper and I had clicked since the moment we met. Renee came to Jacksonville after her separation from Charlie. It was the house her mother's parents had left her, as she was a very darling grandchild to them and they had a heck of property. She had initially wanted to sell it after settling with Charlie, but who knew she'd move to that house one day. Jazz's family and we were neighbors. He was always my best friend, quickly becoming the protective big brother I never had. Loving, caring and sharing, and I, well I was the little sister he'd always hoped for...

I sighed deeply. Jazz was quiet again. Wow...what happened to the good ol' days when we used to joke around all day long, when he would strum his guitar and I would sing along? I hated her. I hated Maria with a passion.

This all happened three months ago. They'd met at the club Jasper had gone to for his gig. She was a senior like him, but they never got a chance to interact before. Apparently she had had a crush on him for a while, but she had mistaken Jazz and my friendship for something else.

Once she found out that he was single, she pounced on the opportunity. They talked for a long time in his car as he drove her home. Jazz told me all about it that very night. He called me well past midnight, not caring about the fact that I was an early sleeper. We met at my terrace at the dead of the night and he told me all about what happened at the club.

I was never the one to go club-hopping or partying. I just couldn't get myself to socialize with unknown people, and my going would have only distracted Jazz, as he gets really protective. Jazz totally understood and never made me go there with him, even for his gigs. He used to make me sit with him during his practices instead, the only time he'd ever make mistakes and cuss and what not.

Jazz was really excited about this girl. I could tell. I'd never heard of her, and I wasn't surprised. Jazz and I existed in our very own bubble.

Time went by and in about two month's time they were really getting along. Jazz was really happy about it, and I was happy for him. I'd met her a few times. She was gorgeous of course. She was also a bit dominating, or so I felt. Jazz had started spending a lot of time with her.

Then she had to go and shatter his heart in a million pieces. She cheated on Jasper, two months and some days into their relationship. Jasper saw her making out with some guy in the parking lot. He just couldn't bring himself to say anything...couldn't see anything other than Maria's unrepentant face...couldn't hear anything other than the shattering of his heart. He never found out who the guy was. He didn't want to, either. He only wanted to cut that whole part out of his life, whereas I just wanted to cut Maria.

He wouldn't talk about it for about a week. He would just lay with his head on my lap or my shoulder, or he would take us to the beach and just stare at the sky or just strum his guitar meaninglessly, and he kept saying things like how he was so glad he had me in his life, or how he was so thankful for me. We both were always thankful for each other, but it was the first time one of us said it aloud.

I was thankful too that he didn't try to shut me out; thankful that he knew he could still trust me, despite the severe blow his trust had received from Maria; thankful that I'd found something so meaningful, so pure and so true.

Then one day he finally spit it all out; how he'd gone to the parking lot to collect his laptop from his car for some project work when he saw them, after several minutes he brought himself to whisper her name and interrupt their session and she just coughed, or maybe she was saying something but Jazz just couldn't decipher it. Sometime between the very intense minutes Jazz spent staring at Maria disbelievingly the guy left the place.

Maria was the first to speak. "Oh please Jasper, stop staring! It's not like we were engaged or anything! Fool."

And she just walked out. Jazz couldn't bring himself to react; he was too numb and his brain just wouldn't function.

The next day she'd waved at him like nothing had happened; she had come to sit next to him during Math and said something about wanting to be his friend. She apparently considered her cheating on him a minor detail, and well I… I just lost my cool after that. I tracked her down after school the next day, meaning to give her a piece of my mind. I shouted my head off at her and I said a lot of things I'd never dreamt I'd say. Ever. And yet it wasn't enough for me. I closed the little space between us in a few steps, and was just about to punch her in the stupid cheating mouth of hers when Jazz caught me from behind and literally carried me away from there, mumbling about not wanting me to get into any trouble.

I wasn't one for violence; I guess that witch just brought it out in me.

She finally got her voice back and started yelling profanities at me. That's when Jazz put me down and looked right at her. His look must have silenced her because she shut up as Jazz spoke.

"Stay the hell away from us."

What can I say; people could killed for a friend like that. How did I get so lucky?

It had been about three weeks since that day and Jazz was still not back to his fun-loving self.

He suddenly spoke. "Ugh. I'm sick of it all. God, I miss our careless selves. I just don't want to deal with all this crappy depression. I want out...I want to sort my life out. I want my life back."

"I guess finally we're 'normal teenagers'..." I sighed.

We'd always joked about this during happier times. We were forever joking about how teens were. There was so much curiosity, how everyone was trying to figure themselves out, how every simple thing was blown out of proportion and how everyone was frustrated with the way things were. How everyone wanted things made easy. How everyone loved that they were finally the decision makers of their life and at the same time how the realization of a million responsibilities was so frustrating.

We thought we were slightly above it, until now that is. We had each other to bank on. We were forever laughing and joking around. We hung out and we studied too, regularly. Jazz played the guitar and I used to sing with him, but right now we were both in the full-blown emo mode. Oh, the joys of being a teen...

'Emo.' we used to laugh about this too. He'd once found this site where you could enter your real name and they'd generate your 'emo' name. Mine was 'Stab my tears because you're so controversial'. We'd laughed for hours and hours. He found the reference to tears really funny, seeing as I used to cry at the littlest things when we were younger.

He sighed. "I'm not going to fall in love or anything for a long, long time now... it's just too complicated, and I don't know if it's real at all." he looked at me with caring, thoughtful eyes. "You shouldn't either."

He was looking out for me. Like always, so I smiled at him and said, "wasn't planning on it."

No way did I ever want to feel firsthand the pain that I saw in his eyes. I sure as hell was not going to fall in love any time soon. It was sort of frightening. I mean, I'd grown up with Renee lecturing about teenager's infatuations and what not. She'd always state her example, how she'd married right out of high school and then separated when I was a baby.

She assured me that she never regretted me, but she said she'd have been happier if things had happened a few years later. And then I'd always wondered about how love was too huge, powerful and all-consuming force to be dealt with in the beginning of your young life, it was a point of no return. It couldn't be taken lightly and I knew I wasn't ready enough for it. But does love happen to you when you're ready for it? Doesn't it just happen at random?

Love was about trust; you had to lay everything about yourself in front of your object of affection and hope for them to take you the way you are-forever. You have to love them for what they are, and then you've got to believe that they'd always respect your love, never grow out of love with you, never hurt you, always be there for you, and always understand you. Then there were compromises to be made. Did 'happy endings' really exist? How do you know it is love in the first place?

Love; it was too huge a concept. Did I even begin to grasp it yet? It was like jumping off a cliff with only the hope of your 'someone' to be there to catch you and then never let you go. Or was it about a way to climb down to them, or a way to get them to climb up to you-you know, the safer way out? Would I be able to take a chance? Would anyone want to be with someone like me at all? Or was I to die loveless?

What did it take for someone to fall in love with you? I don't know...maybe you had to be really pretty, really smart, really special...

Did love really exist, at all?

"Bella!"

It was my turn to jump out of surprise now. Jazz chuckled slightly; he was used to me getting lost in my own thoughts.

"Time to go, Bells. Lunch is over."

He took my hand and helped me up. I was glad to see a slight smile on his face. We walked towards the building, hand-in-hand.

"I'll wait by your locker after school...see ya." I said, He just waved and went to his class and I made my way to my own, hoping his went fine. He shared his last period – Math – with Maria. I sighed… I knew this was hard for him.

At the end of my last class I made my way to Jazz's locker. He arrived a few minutes later, all downcast and gloomy, yet again. We made our way home in total silence. I remembered how we used to sing along to whatever songs were playing on radio earlier and a wave of anger washed over me. I could kill Maria for this.

This had to stop, and soon. If only we could get away from all this, cut it all out, something like… like a fresh start.