Drinking Buddies
By: poopontoast123
Disclaimer: Don't own anything. If I did, there would be more character bonding time like this.
Warnings: Drunkedness. 8)
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Being the professional shinobi they were (bored children,) Sasuke and Naruto had both decided that breaking into Tsunade's secret sake stash would be a good way to test their shinobi skills (kill time.)
Extremely bored in the cramped office, Sasuke would've taken any excuse to escape the mountains of paper work he was forced to do. It was one of the many boring tasks that came with being in ANBU. Being in ANBU didn't mean all missions, and Sasuke had learned that the hard way. When he had first been promoted as captain, sure there were missions and the title and stature, but that all lasted for a little.
So when Naruto just happened to pop into his office and nonchalantly, casually suggest they do a bit of romping, Sasuke was all ears.
"I'm bored. Wanna go break into Tsunade's office and drink her sake till we're sloshed?"
Sounded like an innocent enough proposal.
Looking at the looming stacks of paper work he was doomed to finish sooner or later, Sasuke shrugged. Guess it would be later then…
- - - - - - - - - -
Sasuke sat slumped against Tsunade's desk while Naruto lay haphazardly sprawled across the floor. Empty sake bottles littered the floor, the stench of alcohol thick in the air. Bottle after bottle both shinobi drank until they weren't even able to stand on their own two feet. Sasuke hiccupped as he placed his head to the desk. Naruto giggled quietly, pointing every so often at a spot on the ceiling that he found particularly funny.
- - - - - - - - -
After managing to bust into the office stealthily, meaning walking through the unlocked door, the two were surprised to find no one inside. Naruto being the trouble maker he was smiled knowingly as he led the way to the Godaime's desk. He opened up a drawer revealing bottle after bottle of sake. Obviously he had done this on more than one occasion.
Sasuke's brows arched up in surprise. He knew the Hokage was a big drinker, but this? It astounded him that she was even half sober enough the time to run a village with so much alcohol so readily available. Naruto looked over to Sasuke, clearly pleased with his reaction. Lips quirking into that infamous foxy grin, Naruto nudged Sasuke.
"See? See? She's got it stocked! You ready to get drunk?"
Sasuke looked away and sniffed. Him get wasted? Uchiha Sasuke, 25 year old ANBU captain, did not drink until he got hopelessly drunk. He was a man now and surely he could hold his alcohol. He had high expectations for himself, and it was only a matter of self control. Just a few drinks and that will be it, he thought. What could go wrong? But oh how he was mistaken.
"Give me a cup Naruto."
The grin on Naruto's face spread even wider, as he slapped Sasuke on the back.
"ALRIGHT! We are going to get so wasted!"
- - - - - - - - - -
Naruto groaned from his position on the floor. Not bothering to lift his spinning head up from the desk, Sasuke slurred an incoherent, "Whassit now?"
Standing up to his feet suddenly Naruto stumbled to the desk, banging his fists on it.
"More sake! More sake! Sasuke, you weakling, I… I defeat you this time! Lessee who can drink more now?!"
Sasuke giggled. Yes, giggled.
"Hehhh… Naruto I thinkin' you is the weakling," he slurred.
"No offense Sasuke, but that sentence isn't grammatically correct. It should be, I is thinking you is be thinking… wait no you is… should be...? Uh… the weakling! Yeah there you go. That's it."
The obnoxious blonde's loud voice was anything but helping the pounding headache Sasuke now felt coming.
"Naruto… shaddup. I know how to speak good."
"Hehhh. I think… we're drunk."
Sasuke stopped lolling his head around the desk for a moment as he stared at Naruto pointedly.
"I can't get drunk… FOR I AM SASUKE!" He declared standing up and placing his hands on his hips, only to become very dizzy before sitting down again.
"So I guess this now qualifies us as best friends."
"No."
"No?"
"We are best friends… forever," Sasuke said grinning at him lopsidedly.
"Right you are!" Naruto said slapping him on the back.
After pouring himself and Sasuke another generous helping of sake, Naruto leaned back teetering dangerously to the side while he watched Sasuke.
Sasuke, instead of taking the cup and drinking its contents like a good boy, laid his face down into the cup making faint gurgling noises.
Naruto stared at Sasuke completely appalled and horrorstruck.
"Bitch drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"
Sasuke looked up for a second, eyes heavy lidded, before dropping his head again.
"That's right. Drink, drink it alllllll."
While Sasuke gurgled, Naruto continued his mindless babbling.
"Ya know Sasuke. I once used to be in looove. Yesssir, that'sright! With… with… durr… uh… Neji? No, that other girl… Jesus, what was her name again? Oh yeah! With Sakura!"
At the sound of her name Sasuke's head snapped up his full attention now on Naruto.
"But s'ok. Now I got Hinata! She's greaaat. And pregnant! I hope it's a boy… so then… so then… I would name him after you Sasuke! But sometimes I think Hinata's nuts. The other night she started screaming at me for mangos. The woman's a real nutcase. It probably runs in the family... 'cause you know, Neji's a physco. But I think it's ok, I still lurve her..." Naruto drifted off as he laid his head down on the desk and mumbled an almost inaudible, "Goodnight, I looove you Sasuke."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. After Neji and Hinata's little stint during the Chunin exams, throughout the years, Neji had grown fond of her. It was hard not to fall for her sweet and quiet demeanor. The cousins grew closer and Neji now felt her more like a younger sister to him. He would do anything to protect her and with Hinata being pregnant that was all the more reason for Neji to be worried. And for Sasuke to be worried for Naruto's well being.
"Naruto, if anything happens to Hinata or the baby-"
As if on cue, Naruto's head snapped up again as he quickly cut off Sasuke. "Uh-uh boyfriend." Snap, snap, snap. "Save the drama fo yo momma." He said, waving his hands around and snapping his fingers as if to add emphasis.
"Neji will kill you."
Naruto waved a hand, dismissing his friend's word of warning.
"Yeah, yeah, I've gotten that threat at least five times already today from him. But you're lucky Sasuke, since you've got Sakura. She's not crazy. I bet it's the hair. Sakura digs guys with chicken buttish hair. That's what it is isn't it? There can't be any other reason why she rejected that other jerk."
Sasuke smirked satisfactorily at this. In an attempt to flip his hair out of his face proudly, he managed to smack himself in the face before replying.
"Yes, that is why. I am thought to be quite handsome. And I do let her stroke it on occasion…"
"Ooooh ahhhh. My best friend forever is such a great husband."
Sasuke nodded as the silence ensued, the two now sipping quietly on their sake. Not even bothering to pour the intoxicating beverage into a cup, Naruto drank directly from the bottle gulping the sake down like it was water. Sasuke looked at him slightly disgusted as he sipped daintily from his own cup.
Naruto gasped suddenly in the middle of a particularly large gulp, causing him to choke and splutter sake everywhere. After watching him hack up what seemed to be a lung for a minute, Sasuke whacked Naruto on the back in an attempt to quiet the blonde's noisy bout of choking.
"What was that?"
"Heh… heh... I just thought of something so hard it made me choke. Heh, it felt tingly. Doesn't that ever happen to you?"
Naruto was met by an incredulous stare from Sasuke. Drunk as they were, it still didn't make up for Naruto's stupidity.
"Yeaaaah. But hey, hey Sasuke," Naruto smiled mischievously as he looked up at the stoic man.
"What now?" The ANBU captain frowned, getting irritated as his patience was running thin.
"Could I stroke your hair?"
This time Sasuke gasped and choked on his sake. As if Naruto had just made a rude remark about his mother, Sasuke looked horribly offended.
"What makes you think-"
"Awww come onnnn Sasuke! Just this once!"
Naruto was once again met by an incredulous stare.
"Do you know how long I conditioned it this morning? No, keep your filthy hands away from me."
Naruto growled as he reached forward attempting to grab a strand. Ninja instincts kicking in, Sasuke quickly leaped away out of the other man's reach. He would do anything just to protect his hair.
"Sasuke! You stubborn bastard! You WILL let me play with your hair and braid it into pretty little pigtails!" Naruto roared as he blindly lunged forward.
Sasuke paused. What? The man was obviously drunk and not to mention insane. Now he was even more determined to stay away from his heavily inebriated companion. Pausing was a mistake though, because Sasuke was now being knocked to the ground by Naruto.
The two wrestled on the floor kicking and clawing at each other. Sasuke could have also sworn he felt biting from Naruto. The noisy blonde was clearly enjoying himself while Sasuke on the other hand was getting quite peeved and really did intend to hurt Naruto badly. He wasn't usually provoked this easily; maybe it was the alcohol or just being around Naruto for too long.
Sasuke's hands found their way to Naruto's neck, attempting to strangle him as Naruto giggled madly.
"HAHA! Sasuke! What are your hands doing on my neck? And why are you squeezing them so hard? HAHAHA, I feel faint… Heheh… Ehhhh someone's feeling friskaaay."
The two continued wrestling, Naruto giggling insanely as Sasuke really tried to kill him. And all for the sake of hair. The loud noise and commotion caught attention quickly as Shizune ran into the room to see what all the trouble was.
"Naruto! And Sasuke? What on earth are you two doing here? On top of each other… on the floor… looking flushed and out of breath… ahem. And why are all these empty bottles everywhere? Don't tell me-!"
Quickly leaping off of Sasuke, Naruto stood up quickly gathering himself together before explaining. Sasuke stood up slowly, brushing his clothes off and fixing his hair as if nothing had happened.
Shizune glared at the two adult men before her, as they stared back looking like guilty little children. She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited.
"Well?"
Naruto looked to Sasuke and pointed.
"It was all him."
- - - - - - - - - -
After being scolded and berated by a furious Shizune the two were sent back to their work, of course after cleaning up their mess.
Sasuke sat down at his desk. After sobering up enough to get back to work, meaning barfing out his innards a few times, he was feeling much better. Next to his paperwork he found a note. Eyeing it closely he picked it up recognizing the messy scrawl right away. The note read:
Hey drinking buddy.
That was fun. Let's do it again sometime soon.
And next time you will let me stroke your hair.
Sasuke lifted an eyebrow at this but continued reading. He shuddered at the sight of colorful little hearts adorning the signoff. The man was still obviously drunk when he wrote this.
Love and XOXO's, your BFF,
Naruto
Sasuke laughed inwardly. He did have to admit, drinking with Naruto was enjoyable. It had helped him get away from work for a while and who didn't like getting drunk in the middle of the day? Perhaps they should do it again sometime.
"HAHAHA! You'll never catch me!"
Sasuke looked up as his inner thoughts were quickly interrupted with Naruto speeding down the hallway.
"NO! I won't let you put me down for a nap! Don't worry Sasuke! I'm coming for you next! We're busting out of here!" With that, Naruto continued shrieking and cackling wildly down the hallway as Shizune and Tsunade both pursued the still very much intoxicated shinobi.
Sasuke blinked a few times out his door. He turned back to his paperwork, quietly getting back to work. On second thought… he never wanted to be seen with Naruto ever again.
- - - - - -
Author's Note: Idea came to me in the shower of all places. And like with most ideas, I ran with it. I ran out of the shower and wrote it all down. :D
Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!