You and me, we made a vow
For better or for worse
I can't believe you let me down
But the proof's in a way it hurts
I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't make myself believe it. Every time I did, my breath would catch in my throat and my vision would blur with unshed tears. My heart felt like it would be ripped out of my chest and stomped on. But I had to face the facts. I had to believe that the person I had loved for all these years was leaving me behind.
It had started as nothing but a one night stand. He was one of Jean's friends. One I had never met. That was surprising in itself since Jean never left our group unless Marco was involved. Jean was hosting one of his legendary house parties. His parent's were loaded and were hardly ever home. Jean took every opportunity he could to throw wild parties. I shouldn't have gone. If I had stayed home with Mikasa, I wouldn't have my heart broken now, but I hated being told what to do. So I ended up at Jean's house and then ended up in bed with a hot, short stranger.
Said stranger ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was different than most people you would meet. His bluntness was something I got used to fast. I appreciated it. There were no lies, no sugarcoated words. He was truthful to me and wasn't afraid to call me out on my stupid ways. Before I could help it, I fell for him. Most people would say we rushed things. Getting married at twenty was frowned upon by most. I was to drunk in love to care.
For months on end I've had my doubts
Denying every tear
I wish this would be over now
But I know that I still need you here
We had been married for two years when it started. Levi would text me, telling me that he would be coming home late from work. I didn't think much about it. Working at minimum wage while renting an apartment, called for overtime. I couldn't even count how many times I would work more hours than I was scheduled just to be able to put food on the table. So when he started coming home way past his scheduled end time, warning flags didn't pop up.
The late night shifts became more frequent. Three months passed before I got fed up with it. We've fought before but not like that.
You say I'm crazy
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done
But when you call me baby
I know I'm not the only one
"I'm just tired of you coming home at all hours of the night."
"It's none of your damn business Eren. I'm working and I'm not having this discussion anymore." Levi snapped. His grey eyes glared at me from across the room. I sighed before giving up. A single thought filled my mind and I couldn't stop from letting it slip from my lips.
"Are you…Is there…Is there someone else…" I didn't want to look up at him. I refused to look into the grey eyes I had fallen for, but I did. Bad idea. He looked at me like I was crazy. Like I was stupid for even thinking such a thing, but in his eyes was sadness and regret. I learned all too fast that the only way to read my husband was by watching his eyes. He was an expert at keeping up the mask of indifference, but he could never hide his emotions.
"Eren…" He took my hands in his. "Baby, I would never hurt you like that. Why would you even think that? I love you. No one else. Only you. And you are an idiot if you think I would ever cheat on you."
I wanted to believe that he wouldn't hurt me, that I eventually let it slip my mind. His late nights stopped for a while after that. He would come home and everything went back to how it was. It was nice while it lasted.
You've been so unavailable
Now sadly I know why
Your heart is unobtainable
Even though Lord knows you kept mine
Everything was fine for six months. I let myself forget the sliver of doubt in my head. That was until he started coming home late again, except it was worse now. He would come home and not even acknowledge that I was there. If I tried to talk he would cut me down with a glare. The love that had once filled those gray eyes was replaced with annoyance. When I tried to get close he would pull away. He wouldn't let me touch him in anyway, no kisses, no hugs, not even a comforting touch.
I have loved you for many years
Maybe I am just not enough
You've made me realize my deepest fear
By lying and tearing us up
Our three year anniversary was fast approaching, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I loved him. I always had and I always will. There won't be a day that I'll go without wishing things were different. I started being insecure in everything I did. I couldn't look myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted. Once upon a time I had been something that Levi could love. Now, I was nothing. Something had gone wrong and now I was nothing but a waste of space. I was nothing to the man I loved with my whole being and It hurt.
I wanted to confirm my suspicions, so I went to the store Levi worked at. When I look back, I wish I hadn't. Blonde hair, muscles, and the size of Captain America, that's what I would never be. I was never enough for him. I fled the scene as fast as I could.
You say I'm crazy
'Cause you don't think I know what you've done
But when you call me baby
I know I'm not the only one
I know I'm not the only one
I know I'm not the only one
And I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, and I know, know
I know I'm not the only one
So here I was, drinking away the pain in my heart. I still didn't want to believe what I had seen with my own eyes. It shattered my heart every time I thought about the way Levi had smiled up at the taller man. The way that smile stayed on his beautiful face as they kissed. I didn't want to think. So I took another drink of the almost empty whisky bottle. That's how he found me, sitting on the living room floor, whisky bottle at my lips as I took another swig. He took a step towards me, concern in those beautiful eyes, eyes that reminded me of a perfect storm. Eyes that I would never trust again, no matter how hard I tried.
"Eren…What's wrong." His voice always made me melt, but it only brought rage now. He reached out to grab my hand, but I pulled away.
"Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me." The pain I felt in my heart was pushed aside as the anger set in. I stood up as best as I could, the alcohol in my system making me unstable on my feet.
"What the fuck Eren?" He made to help me but I pushed him away.
"I said don't touch me!" I glared at him and he stepped back. Hurt crossed his features before he composed himself again. I let a bitter laugh escape my mouth as I pushed past the man I once loved. "Don't pretend you care. I know you've been fucking that blond bastard. Don't pretend you fucking care about me." I stumbled up to our room. He didn't follow. I knew he wouldn't. I threw some clothes in a bag, texting Mikasa to meet me down the street. I couldn't wait for her in this apartment. The place I called home was nothing but a lie now. I felt none of the warmth it usually comforted me with. I made my way downstairs. Levi was still standing in the stop I had left him. I shook my head and with one last burst of rage, took the wedding ring, I had cherished all this time, off. I threw it over at him, ignoring the look of pain that made its way into his eyes. With one last look at Levi, I left the place I once called home.