Wednesday October 25th 1977 21:15
Prefect duties are actually the worse things in the world. Anyone who tells you any different is a liar. They are boring and generally kind of sad. When I first started out as a prefect I thought I'd be busting couples in broom closets, or catch Black and Potter setting up a prank, or have romantic escapades with my prefect partner. But no. It turns out no one actually snogs in broom closets, and prefect duties is spent wandering the halls alone in the precious hours between the end of dinner and bed that could be spent living my life. I don't even have a handsome prefect partner because I don't have a partner at all. I may have to take that up with Lily. It's a good thing I have mastered the art of writing whilst walking so that after I eventually become famous and then die tragically, my fans can read this journal and know exactly the kind of pathetic teenage years I had. You're welcome, fans.
Wait a second, I think I hear something. Ew, it's just Filch's manky cat. You know, I don't think I really need to be out here anymore. No need to torture myself further.
Wednesday October 25th 21:25
Thank god that's over with. I should probably do that DADA homework now. Ugh. I guess the subject wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have a new teacher every year. Damn that supposed curse. Oh fun, an essay on lethifolds. Can I write 'basically just evil blankets' and have done with it? Where the hell is Benjy, he's good at this crap. Oh, never mind, I found him. I couldn't see him over there with his head down Janice's throat. Those poor first years having to witness this. Right, I'm going to have to actually write this essay.
Thursday October 26th 08:24
God, I love bacon. It's like greasy happiness. Benjy, I swear to god, don't even judge me.
I'm sorry but 'greasy happiness'? Are you serious?
Oh my god, Ben, you can't just write in my journal.
Well, why don't you talk to me like a normal person?
Thursday October 26th 09:13
Transfiguration is boring as hell. When in my life will I need to turn a rabbit into a cushion? Am I stranded on a bunny-infested island and need somewhere to rest my head? In what situation do I need this spell? Hold up, Benjy is reading over my shoulder. Stop laughing at me Ben. Get your own journal.
Oh, here we go. James Potter is causing shit. No one is surprised. Shut up James, you're not even funny. Benjy is laughing at me again. Oooh, McGonagall rounding on Benjy with a 'is something amusing you, Mr Fenwick?' This may end in detention. Serves him right.
Thursday October 26th 12:01
So McGonagall noticed me writing and confiscated my journal until the end of the lesson. Bitch. Probably shouldn't write that in case she confiscates it again. I hope she didn't read it. I have very personal information in here. Oh my god, they have brownies. I love the house elves here so much. I wonder if anyone will notice if I sneak a few in my bag for later.
Oh no oh no oh no oh no. Why did he have to look up at that moment? Why does life hate me? I don't know if I mentioned this yet, my adoring fans of the future, but I like this guy a little bit and by a little bit I mean I fancy the pants off him and he kinda just noticed me shoving like 7 brownies in my bag and I can't tell if the look he gave me was judging or 'I feel ya girl'. I hope it was the latter. Fuck that Remus Lupin. (Literally, hopefully, one day). Benjy, I swear to god, stop reading my journal.
Thursday October 26th 20:30
Wow, what a busy afternoon. And by busy I mean I did nothing. Couldn't even be bothered to write in here. Why are any of you my fans?
I cornered Lily earlier and asked about the prefect partners thing. She said she thinks it's a good idea and will mention it at the next meeting. What a nice person she is. God, I hope my partner is hot. Although, to be honest, it would probably be a terrible idea because I wouldn't actually be able to talk to them. I'm a social disaster. Whoever said Hufflepuffs were friendly were wrong. And I know what you're all thinking 'oh god her prefect partner is going to end up being the guy she fancies'. I wouldn't be surprised. The world hates me.
Friday October 27th 02:17
Oh god why. I'm still awake. I don't know why. This sucks. I'm so tired. Go to sleep, you stupid bitch. Ugh. Someone is making weird noises in their sleep. Oh god, I think their having one of those dreams. You know what I mean. (I'm assuming this journal is only being read by people over the age of like 15). Oh god please kill me. How has no else been woken up by these noises? Fuck this, I'm leaving.
Friday October 27th 02:31
So I decided to go to the kitchens. Warm milk and all that. I hear that helps with sleep. I wonder if there are any brownies left.
House elves currently bringing me some brownies. Love these little guys. Oh god someone is coming in.
Friday October 27th 08: 15
Wow, I left off rather dramatically there didn't I. Yeah, but I bet you can't guess who it was. (I'm kidding, I bet all of you can guess who it was). Of course, it was Remus Lupin (and co. but who cares about them, am I right?) It was a very magical evening and we made sweet love on the astronomy tower. Haha. No, I kind of awkwardly said hi and then awkwardly said bye and ran away as fast as is socially acceptable. Why they were in the kitchens in the middle of the night, I have no idea.
Friday October 27th 13:07
Hi there, Anna's diary. This is Benjy. Anna, you left your diary at breakfast so now I have it and am going to write in it for a bit, just to piss you off. Love you.
I can't think of anything to write. How are you writing in this all the time? What possibly happens in your life to write about? I'll just read a couple of your entries.
Wow, you still fancy Remus Lupin? Bro, you need to get over that, it's been like 3 years. Is he even that good looking? Now, if I was gonna pick a dude, I'd totally go for Sirius Black. He's fine. Is this weird? This is weird. I'm gonna stop.
Friday October 27th 18:32
I'm so sorry you had to experience that. I'm gonna have to keep a closer eye on you, journal. Should probably get back to homework.
Homework is stupid. The library is also stupid. Why does any spend extended periods of time here?
Friday October 27th 21:46
The library is the best place in the world, I love the library. So, recap. Remus Lupin, that guy, you remember him? Turns out he spends a lot of time in the library, who knew right? (I knew). So he sat at the table in front of mine. And let me tell you, it should be illegal to look that good whilst studying, of all things. It was obscene, the faces of confusion he made, the groans of frustration you could hear from him. No one should ever expect to be turned on whilst in the library but I sure was. And get this, he comes over to my table at some point and he knew my name. No joke. He was like 'Hey Anna, are you using that book?' I nearly orgasmed. Seriously, his hair was all messed up from running his hands through it and he'd pulled his tie loose with his top button undone. There are no words to properly describe how god damn gorgeous he looked. And he had the audacity to talk to me whilst looking like that? Rude. So yeah, I just about managed to shake my head at him and then he smiled at me. Someone please arrest him, he must be illegal.
Saturday October 28th 11:29
I love Saturdays. There are no responsibilities on Saturdays. (Well, I do have homework but that can wait for Sunday). And apparently today is the warmest day on record for this time of year. So naturally everyone is celebrating the possible last warm day of the year by relaxing outside. I'm not the most fond of sitting in the grass for seemingly no reason (there are bugs. ew.) but Benjy was like 'Anna don't be such a bitch' in a very loving way and so I decided to join him. Until he fucked off to shove his hand down Doris Jordan's pants. What a traitor. So now I'm sat, leaning against a big tree, writing in my journal, looking like a pretentious cliché and giving no fucks about it.
Maybe the outside isn't so bad after all. Apparently it has been deemed warm enough to go swimming. Who knew the boys of Hogwarts were actually kinda nice looking with their clothes off.
Oh no.
Yes, I'm sure you have guessed. There he is, in all his wet shirtless glory. Don't judge me, I'm a teenager with hormones. I liked to see you deal with this.
Where the hell did someone get a quaffle from? And why did they throw it at my head. Oh, of course. It was James Potter. Disappointed but not surprised.
Oh shit he's coming over to get the quaffle back. No, not James. Remus, obviously. Shit shit shit. What do you say to the guy you like when he's wet and partially naked?
He's getting closer.
Kill me now.
Well, that was awkward. I was awkward, not him. He was super nice, of course. Dick. He was all like 'hey Anna, are you ok? Sorry we hit you, did it hurt you?' to which I replied with unidentifiable mumblings and the he was all like 'oh good (apparently he speaks moron), well see you around' and he takes the quaffle and leaves. What does that mean? Am I really going to be one of those girls who ponders the meaning of 'see you around' like some kind of desperate fish? I mean no offence to girls who do do that and you are by no means a desperate fish. I am a desperate fish. You are a beautiful goddess.
Do you think he wants to see me around?
No, he probably just means like, he will see me. We share classes. It would be impossible for him to not see me.
Saturday October 28th 22:49
We had a prefect meeting today. Three guesses who my prefect partner is. Remus Lupin you say? WRONG. Have another go. You don't know any more prefects? I guess that is reasonable. I actually got partnered with James. Which is weird, because I didn't think Heads did prefect duties but whatever. I'm just glad it wasn't that Ravenclaw guy whose name I don't remember. He seems so boring I don't think I could deal with that for so long.
Sunday October 29th 21:12
Tonight is my first prefect duty with my new partner. You'd think we'd be having so much fun fighting crime that I wouldn't need to write in here. You are wrong. Potter is just talking to his mirror. I always knew he was a bit conceited but really? Bro, you got issues. Holy shit, his mirror is talking back. Wait, it sounds like Black. That's so cool they've got like magic mirrors! I say, in a school for magic people, as a person who can do magic. Wow. Oh, he's looking at me weird. What, you're allowed to talk to a mirror but I can't write in my journal whilst walking around? Rude.
You know how I said I wanted to catch couples in broom closets? I was wrong, I never want to do that again. I feel like my eyes need cleansing.
Sunday October 29th 11:29
Potter stole my journal. And read it. All of it. And now he knows that I fancy his friend. Have I mentioned that life hates me? I'll give you a brief outline of the conversation that followed the revelation.
"So you fancy Remus?" This is James, obviously.
"Pssh, no. What gave you that idea?" This is me.
"It says right here."
"That's from like, years ago."
"It's dated as the other day." It would be good to note that he is most definitely laughing at me as this goes on.
"Ok. Yeah. So what?"
"That's adorable, have you ever even spoke to him?"
"Of course I have. You've read my journal. Just the other day he asked to borrow my library book." Here he just started laughing at me more. It was very mean of him.
"Why don't you just ask him out?"
"I'm sorry, but not all of us can ask someone out 7 times a day for 5 years." I was quite proud of myself for this because he scowled at me. Ha!
"I'll ignore that. But seriously, Remus is a nice guy. He'd probably consider it if you asked him out."
"First of all, no he wouldn't because I am a literal human disaster. Secondly, as you oh so nicely pointed out before, I've never even spoke to him before and that's because I physically can't. Words don't exit my mouth when I'm around him. It's very inconvenient."
"Why are girls so self-conscious?" He said this more to himself that to me.
"Because men like to constantly tell us what we should and shouldn't be?"
"True. We really need to stop doing that."
The conversation kind of ended here. It wasn't a very useful conversation, come to think of it. And he's probably telling Remus all about my awkward and embarrassing infatuation with him and they are all probably laughing about it. I hate men.
Monday October 30th 08:12
So I told Benjy about my little problem and you know what he did? He laughed at me! I need a new friend.
Don't be so dramatic. I'm sure Potter isn't so much of a dick that he told Lupin that you love him.
I don't love him, and what have I told you about writing in my journal? My fans don't want to hear about you.
So Benjy doesn't think I'm going to be famous and that you guys aren't my fans reading this after my tragic death and I'm actually just talking to myself. But fuck him and his negativity. I'm not going to share any of my wealth with him now.
Monday October 30th 12:07
James Potter is staring at me from the Gryffindor table. I can't tell what kind of stare it is. He looks kind of constipated. I gave him what I hope was a confused look and now he's just rolling his eyes at me and continuing the constipated stare. Oh great, now he's coming over. His friends have noticed he's coming over to me. Oh god, Remus is looking at me what do I do. Fairly certain that my hair looks a mess today. James has arrived.
Monday October 30th 12: 29
That was a weird experience. James gave me some romantic advice. Not sure if I should take romantic advice from a guy who's been pining over the same person for nearly 6 years and has achieved nothing. But here's the general gist of the advice.
"So I've come up with a plan for your situation with Remus." He said this with a kind of grin that would worry you.
"What kind of plan?" Normally I wouldn't even consider listening to one of James Potter's plans, but normally James Potter doesn't tell me his plans and they don't usually involve me, so I was curious.
"So, this Saturday is a Hogsmeade weekend. I am going to take you out on a date." At this point I gave him a weird look.
"I'm flattered, but I'm not interested?"
"Shh, I'm not finished. So I'm gonna take you out and we'll go to the Three Broomsticks and Remus will probably be there so we will join him and then I will leave to go to the loo and never come back. Remus is too polite to leave you on your own." After he had finished, he sort of did this weird 'isn't it brilliant' kind of grin which was kind of creepy.
"That's all well and good, but what about the fact that I can't talk to him?"
"Well, at the beginning I'll be there so I'll ease you into it." I thought that was weirdly nice of him.
"What's in it for you?" I was very suspicious, obviously.
"Nothing, I just want to see my mate happy. I think you two would be a good fit."
"You don't even know me."
"Well, if you're not a good fit then I will take full responsibility. Now will you do the plan?"
Of course, I agreed to the plan. I will probably regret it later.
Monday 30th October 19:42
I'm never going to get any work done if I keep going to the library. He sat at the table in front of me again. It's like he's doing it on purpose. Do you want me to fail my NEWTs, Remus? He just took his jumper off and it did the thing! You know, the thing where the shirt comes up with it a bit and you see a bit of tummy? It did that. And what a nice bit of tummy it was. How can one person be that attractive? It's unfair on the rest of us. I should probably stop staring before he looks up and notices me literally drooling. I'm kind of ashamed. Saturday can't come soon enough.
Tuesday 31st October 20:30
I love cookie dough. Like, it is ridiculous how good uncooked biscuits taste. And it's such good comfort food, why? That magical monthly visit arrived today so, naturally, I'm shoving as much food into my body as possible. It's my favourite part of being a Hufflepuff, having the common room so close to the kitchens. It means I can just come here and eat in my pyjamas. A tip for my fans with uteruses, chocolate is magic. Though I'm sure most of you know that. And the best stuff is Honeydukes' chocolate honeycomb, which for some reason the house elves have. Seriously, chocolate honeycomb is, as the kids these days say, the bomb. Oh god, he's here again. Don't I ever get peace from this boy? I feel like the protagonist of a romcom with not nearly enough rom. He's smiling at me, what a dick. Oh crap, I'm wearing my pyjamas with duckies all over them. What did I do to deserve this? I'm going to have to stop writing before he thinks I'm really weird.