It had been five months since I left Forks, Washington DC. Five months since I last laid my eyes on Bella. Her expression as I told her lies the last day was imprinted in my memory forever. It was a mixture of torture, misery, and complete shock.
"You don't want me anymore?" She asked, her voice a low whisper. It was so hard to lie to her, to make her feel unwated, and disliked. I was expecting her not to believe me so easily but she did. She often said that she didn't feel worthy to be loved by me. How wrong she was. I didn't deserve her; she was too special, too great for a soulless, cold-hearted vampire.
Many times in the past months I have fought against myself. I desperately wanted to return to her. She was the happiness in my life. After decades of being a lone, with no one to love I felt warmth, acceptance, and love that I had never fel before. Now that I think back, it was selfish to hold on to Bella when she could do so much better. She is a human, and I am a monster.
I never got to express how much she meant to me. I told her many times that I loved her, and that she's the only one I ever have, and ever will love, for the rest of my dark existence but I could never really tell her that she meant so much to me. It was very upsetting that I couldn't tell her what I felt. There were no words for the feeling.
Once I left Bella, I started hunting Victoria. But I was very bad at it and I followed the wrong trails. I went as far as New Zealand, thinking she was there. But she wasn't, so I returned back to America hiding in the forest and eating animals for survival. I often thought of my vampire family. I hadn't spoken to them since the day we made the decision to leave Forks. Alice tried to call me a couple of times in the first few weeks but when I didn't answer, she stopped. I was very tempted to answer, incase Alice saw Bella's future and something terrble was going to happen, but no vampires would go lurking in a small town without other vampires there. Thats why we had to leave, Bella was hurt so many times and it was all my fault. I couldn't protect her from my own kind, and it caused be so much greif to see her moaning in pain as she slept. While she was awake, she said she was fine but when she slept the truth spilled out...
"Edward..." she spoke my name softly, I laid beside her breathing in her scent, resisting my thirst. "Please Edward!" she cried, "Make it stop! It hurts so much! Please Edward! Help me!" I felt utterly and completely helpless, I didn't know what to do. She was in pain, her facial expression and her words gave it away. I picked her up and then I layed down on her bed with her still in my arms. I laid her down, stomach first, and her head was on my chest. I lifted her head a few inches and slided a pillow underneath. Then I grabbed the blanket and drapped it over us. I didn't want her to get chilled, but not warm either. She was fevering up, and my cold skin will help. "Edward... I love you!" she mumbled. I massaged her back, giving it small pressure, trying to help her relax, calm down and heal.
"I love you to." I said to fast for her ears, but she was asleep. So it didn't matter what I said. I looked over at the time and it said 3:23AM. I sighed out load, it was going to be a long night. I wish I could take away the horrible nightmares and replace them with wonderful, happy dreams. One's that had no pain, no sadness, no tears but just full of love, happiness, and her and I together.
I closed my eyes, pretending I was asleep. Memories began to flash before my eyes. The first one was when Bella went to town with her friends. She went by herself somewhere, very foolish for Bella, and was nearly attacked by large, ugly men. Anger erupted within me, I had to breathe deeply to calm myself. I wish I had gone back after I dropped Bella off, and murdered them for even thinking about hurting her. Everyone who thinks about hurting Bella in anyway, deserves death.
The next memory that went by was when Bella and I went to the meadow in the forest for the first time. I was hesitant. I didn't want to scare Bella off by how my skin was in sunlight. I walked, in the shade, to the other side of the forest. I looked at her face, trying to analyize what emotions were there. I took a step forward, not taking my eyes off of Bella's beautiful face. Her expression went from confused, to amazement. She also stepped forward, putting her hands out. I took them and gave her a hug. She hadn't said anything yet. I was worried.
"Bella?" I asked, taking her hands again. I gave them a gentle squeeze. She blinked and looked into my eyes. I looked into her beautiful brown ones.
"Wow." Was all she said. I knew she was alright so I laid down on the green grass. Putting my arms behind my head. Bella crouched down. She began to trace a finger down my arm when a sudden breeze came from behind her. The monster within me growled. I got up immediatly and turned away from her. I stopped breathing for a minute. It wasn't until I noticed Bella had sat down and laid against a tree that I realized what it looked like.
"I'm sorry." She cried, her face full of worry and pain. I instantly felt horrible, I came beside her.
"Bella, it wasn't you. A breeze came by and I nearly lost control. It was my fault entirely, not yours sweetheart." I said softly and lovingly. I took her arm and put her wrist right up to my nose and breathed in. I had to get better control. How could I be near her when I wanted to drink her blood? What kind of monster am I? A vampire, a voice in the back of my head answered. A horrible monster who doesn't deserve a beautiful girl like Bella. We walked back to the road and I drove her home, she fell asleep a few times much to my amusement. Once she was fast asleep, I left her house and went out to hunt. I couldn't loose my restraints around Bella, I had to be strong.
My thoughts were interrupted when I heard voices that disturbed me. I began to listen with great intensity.
Look at the babe. She is so fine, nice ass, nice set of racks. A voice said, I looked towards them and noticed a young woman walking down the street. I wonder if she'd go home with me. I'm going to give a try! I sighed with disgust. The human male brain was full of sick fantasies. All they wanted these days was to have sex with woman, not caring to even know there name. They have no manners, no respect to woman, and no understanding. My thoughts lead back to Bella. I hope she gets with a man who has respect, manners and can help her when she hurts herself with her clumsiness. But if she chose to stay with me, I... I'd do my best. I'm not good for Bella, no --
Ew. Why is that man staring at me? The woman muttered, she began to walk a little bit faster; becoming more uncomfortable by the minute. I gritted my teeth, this was much to familiar. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. Suddenly my phone rang, it was Alice. I pressed ignore and turned my cellphone off.
"Hey Sweetheart, where you headed?" The man said, catching up to the girl.
She didn't answer him. Why is that bitch not replying? Am I not good enough for her? His thoughts yelled in my head. I wanted to tune out there annoying thoughts but I had nothing to think about but Bella, and that lead to pain and great sadness. As I stood there, in darkness so no human eyes could see me I began to think of my 'family'. Carlise, Esme, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie. I wonder if Alice saw what was happening and what I was going to do, it doesn't matter to me. If a young woman is being attacked my a dirty man, I shall stop it.
"Please! Please stop!" Someone cried out frantically. I immediatly got up and walked towards the voice. The man was grabbing her and forcing her to the ground. He was laughing, and she was crying. He grabbed at her clothes, tearing her shirt off exposing her breasts. Before he got any further I pulled him from her and threw him away. He hit a building, shattering the cement walls. I could hear his rib cages crack, and his rapid heart beat. He was still alive. I took off my coat and gave it to the half naked woman and looked away so she could cover herself.
The girl looked up at me in awe, covering her body. She had brown hair, and brown eyes. I blinked a few times, this woman's looks were almost-. Wait, this was not Bella.
"Are you alright Miss?" I asked softly. I smiled, but then realized my mistake. Human's found my kind very attractive. I regreted smiling at her. It could be applied to many different things, and I didn't want to share any of them except for Bella.
"I'm...I'm fine." She stuttered, her voice a high pitch. She stood up slowly, and grabbed her torn shirt. She covered herself, gave back my coat and half-smiled in my direction.
"Good." I stated, and swiftly turned around. I didn't want this conversation to go any longer. I walked back to where I was hiding before.
Oh my god! He was so handsome. Why did I stutter? I always do that around cute guys. Damn it! And he saw my boobs, that isn't the best first impression I wonder if he liked them. She said in her mind, I heard her as though she was right beside me saying it out load. I felt her eyes on my back until I emerged into the shadows. I wonder if he has a girlfriend? Does he like me? His smile was so cute! I think I'm in love. She sighed out load and then turned around and walked dazely back onto the street.
That night I hunted two large deer and my hunger was still not satisfied. I remembered Alice calling me and I turned my cellphone back on. I had missed 64 calls. I looked at my phone list and five of them were Bella's. My heart began racing and I ran straight towards her house, as fast as I could. I got there after a minute or two and Bella wasn't on her bed. Her bedroom door was open slightly. I whipped around, taking a deep breath. She was in the bathroom, I knocked softly on the door and said it was me. After a second or two, there was no answer. I knocked again, a little louder but still no answer.
I listened into Charlie's thoughts as I, quiety as possible, broke down the door. There she was, laying head first on the tile floor. I plugged my nose as I saw blood pooling around her naked frame. I lifted her up, ever so gently and held her tight. She was still alive, but her heart beat was very light, and wavering slightly. I called Carlisle and then I looked for the reason of so much blood. Both her wrists were cut open, right where the major vein was. There was a cooking knife in her left hand and in her right there was a note.