AN: Finally! This one's been in the works for a while; big thanks to Shewhoisawesome for helping me with a few names and stuff! And… man, this one was hard to get started! Hopefully the chapters'll get longer later! Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 1

"Hey, turn that frown upside down!" A booming American laugh echoed throughout the already noisy shopping centre. "We're here to relax, Ivan, and all you can think about is work!"

"Well, we must remain on top of things, da?" The taller man spoke in a soft Russian accent.

"Du-ude! All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy…" Spying out of the corner of his eye a golden arch, he finished his sentence with a not-so-obscure movie reference. "Aand here's Johnny! C'mon, there's nothing like a mall McDonalds!" Yanking on his companion's scarf, he led the way to the fast food restaurant; attracting many awkward stares in the process.

"Alfred, you must calm down, da? We will be recognised by a citizen, or… worse…" He looked around and winked conspiratorially to Ivan, a nearby potted sunflower (wilting in the air thick with the scent of grease), and a young girl who he thought he recognised but realised he didn't when Alfred bounded up to the counter to order. Hopefully no-one would realise their… secret identities. Wink, wink.

"We want two shakes, four hamburgers, and… a couple of those things on the poster outside that have the name blacked out."

"Alfred, I don't really want two hamburgers, and those things look dodgy-"

"Dude, what are you talking about? You still have to order."

"…Oh. Da. I, uh…" He stared at the menu emblazoned above the counter for a few seconds, clenching his teeth and looking around awkwardly with violet eyes. The bored attendant rolled her mascara-soaked eyes and shoved a Happy Meal towards him.

"The boss told you not to bring less profitable people than yourself around here, Al."

"I know, Cindy, but we're trying to unwind. It's the third anniversary of this McD opening!" Cindy sighed and dabbed a bit of eyeliner on top of her smudged kohl.

"You get so excited about this stuff, Al. I've been trying to get a better job for all of those three years."

"Hey, mister, move it!" A small girl poked Alfred in the back, provoking him to spin around and point at her.

"Kid, do you know who I am!? I am the-"

"Alfred, no!" Pulled away by his friend, he was forced to sit down.

"You'd think the citizens would be more grateful!"

"Oh, they don't know who we are, we can't expect them to revere us like they do when we're-"

"Heroman and Scarfman!" A wavering, female voice was heard - just above the background chatter - but enough to get the attention of the two. "I-I… I…" She backed down a little, before frowning and shouting, in a menacing voice that hushed the mall. "That I should be so fortunate to see you here!" The unassuming girl's hair burst from the roots into a fiery red, her high collar bust downwards - revealing a swarming nest of plantlife that spread down, consuming her clothes and giving her a modest gown of thorny vines and roses sprouting at her shoulders.

"Ohh, crap, dude!" Alfred stumbled out of his seat, with a hamburger stuck in his mouth. "Quick, Ivan!" Pulling off his bomber jacket, the previously unnoticeable blue tights worn underneath were clear; long with the large 'H' spread across his chest.

"Da!" Removing his coat, and turning it inside-out, Ivan yanked a bit of his scarf over his head; rendering him melded with the background, sans his utility scarf - which glowed with a small, sunflower-shaped logo.

"Heroman! To the rescue! You'll never keep me from endorsing fast food!"

"Scarfman! To the rescue! You'll never prevent burgers from becoming one with Mother Russia!" There was a pause as they nodded to eachother, ensuring that they'd say the next sentence in unison.

"…Poison Iwy!"