Disclaimer: Everything mentioned from here on in,Rasputin,Harry Potter,Lego,Duran Duran,400 year old Presbyterians,bad 80's pop music(not meaning Duran Duran!)....belongs to people who are not me.Sob.Oh yes,this is a parody of that bad 80's pop song 'Rasputin' by Boney M.Funnily enough Alan Rickman actually played Rasputin once too.Laugh!
Potions Man!
There lived a certain man in Hogwarts long ago
He was tall and dark in his eyes a flaming glow
Most students looked at him with terror and with fear
But to Fanfic chicks he was such a lovely dear
He was such a slimy,greasy creature
Who would raise your ire
But he also was the kind of teacher
Students would desire
P-P-Potions Man!
No one excites us like you can
You are our literary pawn
P-P-Potions Man!
You're better than Jean Chauvin
It's a shame how we make you carry on
He's been an alien,an angel and rock-star
But as Potions Man he is really wunderbar!
In all plotlines he never fails to please
But he is the best when he has a man to squeeze
For he really hasn't had a say in
All the things he's done
He's a closet werewolf loving softie
And Harry's secretly his son!
P-P-Potions Man!
No one loves you like we can
I want to wash your greasy hair
P-P-Potions Man!
Sexy little lego man
Is that all you've got to wear?
But when the slashing and lusting and the blatant perversions
became known to more and more people,
the demands to do something about these outrageous plotlines
became louder and louder......
"This fic's just got to go!" declared J.K. Rowling
But the Fanfic chicks begged "Don't you try to do it, please!"
No doubt the Potions Man had lots of hidden "charms"
But to those of Hufflepuff naivety it just sent them up in arms
Then one day those of moral standing
Had enough,it was such a shame
"No more NC-17," they kept demanding
And it was never the same.
P-P-Potions Man!
You always cause such a scene
Show me some 'tricks' with your wand
P-P-Potions Man!
Hogwarts greatest love machine
So much better than some pureblood blonde!
P-P-Potions Man!
I am your biggest fan
You really are truly divine
P-P-Potions Man!
I bet you like Duran Duran
One day i will make you mine!