Visitation Hours
He crawls into her window like he always does, except he hasn't been doing this in two weeks. He's still dressed in his dark clothes, his mask. It's late at night, so he's quiet, not making a sound as he moves. His footsteps are light as if he was never there, as if he was a ghost. As if he was already gone.
It's dark, there's no source of light but he makes his way through for her. He passes the little table, the chairs. He passes her discarded shoes and makes way for the bed. She's in there, kept underneath the covers. She's asleep, with a frown laced along her face. He frowned but kept himself calm. Kylo leans down and runs his gloved hand over her matted hair.
"I know you're here," she breaths, her eyes still shut.
"When?" he asks. He murmurs.
"The second you came through my window," she opened her eyes at him, staring at him blankly. It's dark but she can still see him. Rey sat up and watched him as he settled himself on the bed. He sits in front of her so there's no other way for her to look.
"You sound disappointed," he says with an indifferent tone. He hides his sadness by not feeling anything at all.
"You usually come every few days," she countered, her eyebrows furrowing. She sees his hand make his way for her but she swats it.
"I didn't think you would miss me."
She can hear it, him smirking. "I don't," she said cruelly, gritting her teeth together. She clutches onto the bed sheets tightly, avoiding all types of contact with him.
"You're mad at me," he observes condescendingly, letting his voice settle in to her nerves. It startles her about how much he's on her mind and how much he was amused by it. He enjoys it, that bastard. He enjoys being stronger than her with this, with love.
"Of course I am," she snapped, raising her voice. She shouldn't be involved with him with everything going on but she is and she hates herself for it. She hates herself for submitting to her weakness. To his advances. Charms. Voice. Eyes.
Kylo leaned to hold her hand but she pushes him away out of instinct. No. This is wrong.
Instead of trying to hold her hand again, he remains quiet.
She winced from her actions, from his frozen response. She hates when he shows any sign of emotions. She hates when she hurts him and the complication of this, their involvement with each other. This was wrong but why did it also feel wrong to reject him?
"It's funny," she began, letting a sigh. She's confused. Angry. Hurt. She knows better but she doesn't want to follow through. "I've forgotten what we were fighting about two weeks ago." They hold grudges against each other and yet half the times they don't remember why. It's kind of funny and...sad. All at once.
"Me either," he whispered. He's calm because he knows he's at fault with this - with whatever they were fighting about. "I'm sorry," he forces the words out. She examines him, his shoulders tensing. He's not good with apologizing or words for that matter but she knows he cares.
Rey touches his hand then, interlocking his fingers with hers. "Take off your mask," she ordered. She stares at it, the hand she was holding. She was holding the hand that was chopped off months ago by his mother. With gloves on, you couldn't tell which one was the real hand or the fake hand but Rey knew. She knew his body well. She knew every scar and edge, she knew everything about his body.
He obeys without any refusal. He wants to see her with his own eyes and not with the mask that clouded his judgement. There's no expression on his face - he's good at it while she's not. A small smile was developing in Rey. Kylo smirked then and kisses the corner of her mouth. "I love you," he says. Declares. Breathes.
Rey swallowed her pride and kisses him harder. What is love? She wonders. She doesn't know what it is but she knows it was simpler than this, that it was easier. She knows that real love isn't this sick or twisted but he's the only one that's ever said it to her, that ever did love her. Her body's shaking again while her senses are telling her something else.
This was painful. Heartbreaking. They'll never end up together - this, this was just borrowed time.
"Don't hurt me," she shut her eyes, trying to stop herself from trembling. She only says three words but he knows what she means. She was saying: If you hurt me, I'll hurt you back. I'll hurt you three times as much. He's on top of her, nuzzling her neck. She should be disgusted with him but she's not. She enjoys this. She enjoys him.
"I won't hurt you anymore," he promises.
They both know he's lying.
She watches as he puts his clothes on in the dark. She's laying in her bed, covered in nothing but the covers. Her clothes are scattered all over the floor but she stays there, in the bed.
He always leaves after they have sex. He always leaves immediately, not allowing her to take him in or feeling anything.
They were living on borrowed time. They can't love each other, they're not supposed to. There was nothing for them if they're together.
"Whatever happens," he begins, not bothering to look at her. "If you're imprisoned or if I'm imprisoned, we'll always have visitation hours."
Rey shuddered from his words - that he still expects that things will still stay the same with them. This can't go on forever, she wants to tell him but she doesn't. "But what if one of us gets killed?" What if you kill me? What if I kill you?
Kylo turned at her and locked his eyes onto hers. "We both know that we won't let it happen."
to be continued?