A/N: Hey everyone. This was some random drama thing that popped up in my head as I was once again suffering from insomnia… It's a oneshot and I'm pretty sure this will never turn out to be a multi-chapter thing. I hope you guys enjoy it anyway. Leave a review if you like, I really enjoy those. They make my day. Thanks for reading.
It has been a week since I broke up with Edward. And he hasn't been to school ever since, I haven't seen him, or heard from him ever since. And I knew full well why, I had hurt him, I broke his heart. I probably shattered it. Which was even worse. The pain was so eminent in his eyes when I told him how I truly felt. This wave of guilt had washed over me, I still felt guilty, but it was for the best. For both me and him. Of course he didn't agree, but he was in love with me, of course he wouldn't agree! I had never really expected him to. He had even proposed to me at some point, that was when I decided to break things off. After the proposal it had taken me months to work op to the moment I would break up with him. The truth was, I never had been in love with him, not at all.
The first day we met, which was my first day at Forks High School, he had seemed a little weird. Jessica had, kind of, introduced them to me, and honestly, they all were a little weird. They were also kind of famous, everyone knew of the Cullens. Several people had tried to gain enough confidence and courage to ask one of them out, but none of the students had succeeded. They stuck to themselves, as Jessica had said. They hardly ever spoke to 'out standers'. Only when it was absolutely necessary, and whenever they spoke to someone, they were very polite. That was what Jessica and Angela had both told me. That was all I knew about them, other than their names and knowing that their dad was a doctor and they were all adopted because their mom couldn't have children of her own. I met Edward in my biology class, we were lab partners. That first day he didn't seem so polite to me, he kept staring at me, with a death-glare I might add. It was only later that I found out he had quite a hard time keeping himself from ripping my throat out. It explained the death-glare well enough. After he saved me from being crushed by Tyler's van our friendship developed himself. He was the first person ever to show an interest in me, for reasons other than sex or anything related to it. He was nice. He was interested to hear my stories. He wanted to learn about me. He wanted to know as much as possible, every detail. He had grown to be my best friend. But obviously, he felt something entirely different for me. When he asked me on a date, how could I refuse? It was obvious he loved me. I loved him too. Him being a vampire didn't at all bother me, in fact, his whole family were vampires, and that didn't bother me. I wasn't afraid of him. I could see the love smoldering in his eyes, and I knew he could never hurt me. I trusted him well enough. After all, he was my best friend. I thought that, since I loved him so much as a friend, I could handle a relationship with him. And I could, to some extent. I felt bad about lying to him, he thought I loved him the same way he loved me. But he was wrong. Because my heart was never his to begin with. It was someone else's, someone else held my heart in their hands, and they didn't even know it. I wasn't planning on telling them either, since they were happy with someone else already. Edward seemed like a good alternative, actually, it was a very selfish move from me. Seeing as Edward was my only connection to them. It wasn't fair at all, I had used Edward. For two years I had used him, while he loved me so intensely. And after him asking me to marry him, I dumped him. No, I was being unfair. But I couldn't continue living a lie. Not anymore. It had to stop. And if that meant giving up everything I had gained, a potential husband, a very sweet one at that, an awesome family and an eternal life as a vampire, so be it.
I sat in the cafeteria on my own. For the millionth time I was over thinking the reason of me being with Edward. And my biggest fear of breaking up with him. It wasn't that I was afraid he'd hurt me, or get angry. He wouldn't. He'd be hurt, yeah, he was hurt, really bad. But he wouldn't hurt me, I knew that. I had always known that. The real reason I procrastinated breaking up with him was that I was afraid to lose the rest of the Cullens. I was afraid that the person who held my heart, would leave. That they would be angry with me, for breaking Edward. For lying to him. And they had every right to be. They should be mad at me, all of them! Every single Cullen should hate me for it, I deserved that much. I had crushed their brother and son, I had… I had shredded him to pieces, that was probably what it must've felt like for him. And I hated myself for it. I regretted every move I made in the past, how could I have let it go on for so long. I should've been honest with him, I should've told him from the star t that I wasn't in love with him… That he wasn't the one holding my heart, I should've told him that it was his sister. His favourite sister, his very cute, beautiful and funny sister. Alice.
"Hey, Bella," I heard a high pitched voice coming from behind me. Speaking of the devil, there she is. I turned around, even though I was angry with myself, I couldn't help but smile at seeing Alice's gorgeous face. Her hair looked perfect as always, and her golden eyes were smoldering. She had a sweet smile on her lips, but I could see the hurt on her face. She didn't like to see her brother hurt, it hurt her, too. I had hurt Alice. Maybe that was my biggest regret, because 2 years ago, I had sworn never to hurt that angel. And I'd done it.
"Hi," I muttered. She sat on the chair next to me, she didn't speak. Neither of us knew what to say. But the silence was killing me. I hated awkward silences.
"How… How is Edward doing?" I asked, again a huge wave of guilt washed over me. She smiled softly, still looking hurt.
"I don't know, I don't think he's coping very well. But we're doing all we can to help him," she smiled at me and then looked down at the table. Her eyes avoiding mine.
"Alice… I'm… I'm so sorry. It's all my damn fault, and I don't get why you're not angry with me! You should be, Alice! You should be screaming at me, he should be screaming at me! I've been such a bitch and-
"Shh!" Alice shushed me and lay her hand on mine. "It's not your fault, Bella. It's nobody's fault. You shouldn't blame yourself for not feeling that way anymore. It's not fair to blame yourself for that!" Her hand was still on mine and I felt comforting tingles all through my arm. She was just so amazing!
"You don't get it, Alice…"
"Then help me understand…" She looked at me with those beautiful golden orbs and I can to look away. I could feel a faint blush appear on my cheeks, but I couldn't tell her. It wouldn't be right. She was already happy, with Jasper. She didn't need my crap. And besides, if I told her, she'd hate me. And she should, she should hate me. I should tell her. I should be honest with her, I've been lying to Edward all the way through our relationship, the least I can do now is be honest with Alice. But…
"Alice, I can't," I whispered. My voice cracked halfway through. She seemed to understand, for she had this understanding look in her eyes. Her eyes spoke for her so often, every emotion, every thought, it was all in her eyes. I'd never met someone whose eyes were so… meaningful.
"Hey lil' sis, what's up?" A booming voice interrupted our conversation. I didn't have to guess who the voice belonged to. Emmett of course. As I looked up I faced his impish grin. And for me, it was just impossible not to smile back at him when he was like this.
"I'm not your sis anymore, Emmett," the sad tone was still there. I didn't know what else to say, it hurt. I loved this family as if they were my own, but they weren't. And now that I'd finally broken up with Edward, this was the price I had to pay. I had to say goodbye to my family.
"That's bullshit, you'll always be my lil' sis!" Emmett's grin was impossible to erase. As it always was. Rosalie looked down at me with pure disgust on her face. It hurt, a little. But on the other hand I was glad, she should be disgusted with me, they all should. And they would, if they knew the truth. If they knew why I was with Edward for two damn years. If they knew how I felt about their sister. Jasper knew, I was sure he knew. He had to know, he felt whatever I was feeling. And I knew that the love I felt towards Alice was something he couldn't have missed. But he hadn't been mean to me or anything, not at all. Even though he knew I loved his wife, he treated me as his sister. That guy was awesome, let me tell you.
"Thanks…" I muttered. And that was it. The Cullens went over to their own table, save for Alice, who stayed with me. I wished she'd go as well, of course I loved it whenever she was with me, but I was too afraid I'd slip up. Telling her was no option. It would only cause more trouble. Much more trouble.
"Do you… Want to get out of here, Bella?" She asked. My eyes widened as I realized what she was suggesting. Me skipping school! Edward always insisted on me going to school, as he didn't want me to miss anything. But Alice was so different from him, so much more free and open. So much warmer. He was my best friend, but Alice… Alice was the love of my life.
I nodded at her and she took my hand, she pulled me with her, whispering something. Probably to her siblings, tell 'em where we went or something. When we reached the parking lot she ushered me into her car and drove us off somewhere.
"Alice, where are we going?"
"I was going to suggest we'd go shopping, but I didn't think you'd agree. So I'd like to take you to this place I always go when I need to think about stuff. It's a few miles away from the house, so Edward can't pick up my thoughts there. It's a really beautiful spot, actually." She had her eyes on me the entire time, I should've been afraid she'd crash the car. But with Alice's foresight, I knew that wouldn't happen. I smiled softly at her and nodded. "That sounds nice," was the only thing I said.
Alice drove us to the edge of the forest and then told me to get out. Of course we'd have to walk the rest of the way, which meant she'd have to walk and I just had to keep my eyes closed to keep myself from going nauseous. She gently picked me up and carried me through the forest. It took her about 10 minutes and as soon as she sat me down on the damp forest floor I opened my eyes. We were on a cliff, and I could see miles ahead of me. It truly was a gorgeous place and I understood why she'd chosen this place as her 'thinking-spot'.
"Alice, this is gorgeous!" My eyes were wide open and so was my mouth. Alice giggled at my expression and sat down next to me. Her feet were dangling over the edge and I felt this fear of her falling, but of course that would never happen.
"Yeah, I know. It's pretty impressive, huh?" She winked at me, which caused me to blush once again. My blush always gave me away, and it wasn't nice. I nodded at her and smiled a small smile.
"Now, Bella. Let's finish the conversation we were having before Emmett rudely interrupted us," she suggested. She really wasn't going to drop it, damn. I knew that sooner or later I would cave and tell her everything. But I'd rather it be later, because I wasn't ready for it. Not at all. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Alice yet, I wasn't ready to get my heart broken. I knew it was unfair, though, for I'd broken Edward's heart so ruthlessly. But it wasn't like that didn't hurt me. Because hurting him like that was killing me, it had killed me for 2 years and after 2 years I had finally decided to do the right thing. I knew it was the right thing to do, the most honest thing, but it still hurt. I knew Edward was probably in agony now, and the thought of my best friend in agony was… well… agonizing.
"I can't, Alice," I said, softly. Hadn't she been a vampire she wouldn't even have heard me. But she was a vampire, so she did hear me.
"Why not, Bella? I can see that you're hurting, so why don't you tell me what's the matter? You said I didn't get it, but what don't I get, Bella? You broke up with Edward, the only reason I can imagine is that you didn't feel the way you should anymore. What is there not to get? Did he do something to you? Because if he did, I swear-
"NO! Alice, he didn't do anything. The only one to blame is me! I hurt him, I shattered his heart, and for what?"
"Bella, it was the right thing! If you weren't in love with him anymore, it wouldn't have been fair to him if you'd lie to him about your feelings," she said. Her eyes full of love and understanding, again. But she was so wrong, I had lied. I was unfair! I couldn't keep it in anymore and I felt the tears escape my eyes. I cried, and cried, and cried. And Alice was there, next to me, holding me. Alice was always there to comfort me, to hug me, to take me shopping, to make fun with me. But that was all it was and all it ever would be. I had to just accept that, I couldn't force her to feel things. That wouldn't work.
"Bella, honey, don't cry. It's alright, whatever it is that's bothering you, it'll be alright! I'll get you through this!" She said the words while caressing my hair, my skin. Every inch she touched was tingling, in a pleasant way. I sobbed some more, after a few minutes I buried my face in her cold neck. She smelled so good, her scent was comforting me and it didn't take me too long to get back up and dry my tears.
"Hasn't Jasper told you already?" I asked her. She frowned at hearing Jasper's name and I figured he hadn't told her, like I thought he had.
"Told me what? Bella, what the hell is going on?"
This was it. This was the moment I had to decide whether I would tell her the truth or not. The whole story, or some made up lie, which probably wouldn't be very convincing.
"I lied to him. Everything was a lie." Alice was quiet, waiting for me to go on. She didn't look angry, or sad… Not even confused. Her face was blank, as were her eyes. But not blank as if she were in a vision, just void of emotion. She was just waiting for me to tell her the tale.
"I was never in love with him. I liked him, sure, but there was never love. I know what I did was wrong, and I hate myself for it. I truly do. It was unfair to Edward, he didn't deserve this. Because he's a great guy and he should get so much better than this. But I was selfish, so selfish. I wanted something else and I just used Edward as if he were some kind of tool. Alice, I've been such a bitch! I've been so selfish and it hasn't worked out at all. Now all I've done is hurting people, I'm only hurting people. Everything is fucked up now!" I had started crying again. Alice was looking straight ahead of her, not speaking a word. We sat like this for a while, a deafening silence. After a minute I broke it, because I couldn't stand it anymore.
"Alice, please. Say something. Yell at me, call me bad names, just anything!"
"I don't know what to say Bella. You obviously want me to hate you, or judge you, but I can't. I don't know the reason behind your actions." She lay her hand on mine and squeezed it softly, as a gesture of support.
"It wasn't anything good, Alice. You should hate me, it's the only logical emotion for you to feel towards me right now. I wish I could just… Tell you the truth. Tell you what's going on, but I can't."
"Bella, I don't hate you. I love you, okay! I could never hate you, don't ever think that! I don't care why you lied to Edward, I will admit that it wasn't the right thing to do. But I couldn't ever, ever hate you! Ever." Her words were obviously final, the strict tone of her voice made sure of that. I lowered my head, I couldn't look her in the eyes. I was ashamed of myself. Disgusted with myself.
"I… I love you, Alice." She looked up at me, and for the first time in minutes I looked her in the eyes. They were beaming.
"I love you, too, Bella." I couldn't do it anymore. It was just too much. For 2 whole years I've been in love with her, I'd been with her brother. I'd been kissing him, holding hands with him. Going out on dates with him, all the while imagining it was Alice who did those things with me. And now she was here, and I was so close to her. We were all alone, I loved her so much.
I leaned forward and captured her lips with mine. A short, soft kiss was all I did to her, then I leaned away and looked away again. A cold hand was soon cupping my left cheek and tilted my head back up, her eyes were once again beaming. So full of love. She kissed me this time. Her soft, yet cold tongue traced my lips and as I opened my mouth for her she deepened the kiss. This was heaven. This was what I'd been waiting for for 2 years. Even though I regretted what I'd done to Edward, I knew it was worth it. Even if it would only be this one kiss.
"By the way, Jasper and I are not together, we haven't been for over a decade, in case you were wondering," she smiled and kissed me again. We sat like that for hours. Talking, cuddling and kissing. Suddenly the world looked a little brighter, Alice could do those things. She was the 8th world wonder, she was perfect and one smile of hers could lit up the entire world.
"How long?" She asked.
"Since the moment I first laid eyes on you," I smiled and kissed her once more.
Facing the family would be hard, especially facing Edward. And I was sure he'd never forgive me for this, I wouldn't forgive myself for it either. How would I be able to do that? The one thing I didn't regret was kissing Alice, and being with her would make me happy. Some people I knew I wouldn't have to worry about. Emmett and Esme for instance. They'd be happy for both me and Alice. Emmett would probably think it was 'hot' or something like that. He'd throw some inappropriate comments that would make everyone crack a smile and things would eventually be alright. Esme, being the mother she was would just envelop us in a hug and tell us how glad she was for us. Rosalie was a whole different story, she'd probably be angry. With me, mostly. She'd never liked me and this was just one more reason for her to hate me even more. Carlisle, I didn't know. He could like it or not. He could be angry with me for hurting his son, or maybe be thankful to me for making his daughter happy. I didn't know. As for Jasper, he was a little unpredictable, I figured he'd want Alice to be happy and so he'd tolerate me. Yes, I was nervous for facing them. But I'd have Alice.
She kissed me once more and took my hand.
"I love you."