AN: Yeah i know i said i wasnt going to upload anything to this account but i lied. Whoops. Okay yeah this is really rushed and im just ranting about some personal things and im sorry this is so bad *hides in hole* (;-;)
EDIT: Yeah so i went back and edited this cause ugh, it was really all over the place and rushed and just meh. (lmao it still is whoops).
0o0o
She´s drowning.
And all she wants is to laugh. If there is anything that has never been able to hurt her, that has always been her main support, it is water. Her hands shake at the cruel irony in her pain.
She wants to cry. And scream. And throw tantrums and scream scream scream-and just not drown.
But she is.
She is drowning from his touch to that smirk he gives her and oh my god that fucking smirk will be the end of her one day.
And when they speak all she can feel is this cocoon of butterflies in her throat and how they move through her veins to her hands and she can feel an adrenaline that makes her feel alive and how is she still breathing so normally when he is so close to her.
And once they finish their conversation she is shocked (but relieved) that she isn´t some puddle of goo on the floor. And then he gives her a smirk as he waves goodbye and fucking hell the butterflies are back almost as fast as they left.
She'll then wait patiently for him to leave before she walks away calmly, looking for a private place where she can quietly jump up and down in excitement and just breathe.
She continues her day with a hum and if anyone is giving her a strange look, she doesn´t notice. And when the day is over and she is in fairy hills she will walk by the other girls with a polite nod until she is in the confinement of her own room, and only then does she let her smile that she knows will leave her cheeks sore in the morning.
For a moment she is floating.
0o0o
But then there are times where he will push her away and he is so cold. Ignores her in front of everyone. Walks off with other girls in his arms at night. Or turns her down so fast without a second thought (as if it came as easily as breathing) and sure its not like its the first time Juvia´s been rejected by someone (her past rain ahs always made sure of that) but it still carries the same sting and burn like the first.
And then everything starts hurting again and she is gasping and struggling to breathe anything but the truth that pushes her down. That tells her-shows her how hopeless it is to reach him. How he won´t reach for her, no matter how hard she wishes he would.
And it hurts hurts hurts.
And suddenly all she can feel are bodies of butterflies and how slowly they are dying inside of her and all they leave in their absence is a cold that runs straight through her bones and tells her to stop.
So quietly she'll go on and drowns the butterflies in her stomach a little more every time.
And when he gives her that look in his eyes that others infer as love, she smiles.
Because they are wrong. They do not know.
And he is not there and he won't be there.
She knows exactly why.
0o0o0o
AN: Okay yeah this is dumb im sorry. i just wanted to rant and i was like why not use gruvia to talk about my teen angst. :D i am such dumb trash. ALSO ANYONE ELSE HAVING FEELS ABOUT NATSUS NEW HAIR IN THE NEWEST CHAPTER? im a total sucker for it.
anyways later