Studies in English class of epic poetry like the Iliad and Odyssey and the Song of Roland kind of inspired me to do this. At first it was a serious endeavor, but I realized the dialogue could sound really ridiculous and funny in medieval style, so it turned into sort of a parody. I might do more; if I do I promise it'll be less verbose next time, because this dragged on even for me. It is delicious tl;dr you must read it.
THE EPIC OF YU-GI-OH
-Part 1-
Three milennia past, in the land of sands, Egypt, the Nile's jewel
Great pharaohs waged miniature wars with monsters of magic stone
To prove their mettle to the gods above, the gods who rule
O'er affairs of life, death, the earth and the beyond, alone
Amongst themselves in their Olympic domain. But had they power
To bridle the beasts, and to prevent destruction as lyrical
as foretold in the epics? In fear even the sphinx did cower,
And sealed away in seven was the power of ancient miracles.
---
Now, when water flows into homes instead of the delta Nile
A boy of hair in burgundy, with rain of gold to hide his face
Sits by the window, looking out, o'er busy Domino, while
A voice of Brooklyn cries, "Hath your head been lost in space?
Wake up, friend Yugi, keep eye on the duel, as at any time
Your foe could pull an unseen move, and you mourn your focus."
The voice was of fair-haired Wheeler, and in did a partner chime
"Let Yugi alone; he be one to teach you the duel, and choke us
If we say none better has the skill to teach the subtle fight."
The second voice was of noble Taylor, though novice at the game
Had the spirit and the appearance of a chivalrous young knight
With pointed visor reclined upon his crown to better see. Then came
Fawn-haired maiden Gardner, quoth, "A duel of such length must be
Filled with cards of monster and magic, each bearing numbers round
To represent attack and defense. Look hence! Friend Tristan, see
How he hath sent forth the shadow fighter of bluest flame, and found
Opportunity to attack his foe's points of life." "Strong move,"
said the strange-haired boy, "yet your effort, while valiant, falls
Short of victory." And here he played the drake of black land smooth
And defeated fair-haired Wheeler. "Joey! Your arrogant calls
Of superiority hath been disproven. Your skill is as false as your
boasting." "Heckle not the novice," said Yugi to Tristan, "for he
hath no proof of skill; yet it means not a lack of it. Yon door
Of the Game Shop sits afront its owner, my grandsire, and unto me
He hath bestowed a stronger deck. Perhaps I may ask on your behalf
for his aid." "Lo! you are a beacon of light, friend Yugi, and I
Shall gladly accept your invitation." "Let's go!" he said with laugh,
"perhaps I may show you his rarest card. Class dismissal is nigh!
We shall leave to see it soon." And overheard was he by a youth
A youth of blue eyes, peering o'er the pages of Nietzsche to see
The talk of interest. "This talk be suspicious, but perhaps a truth
may reside in his words. May it be the card I seek," thought he.
---
"Lo! grandsire! May you bestow upon us the sight of your card,
the white dragon of the blue eyes, the stuff of legend." So wise,
wise old Solomon took out the card and displayed it. "How hard
it was to obtain," said he. The others stared in awe, their eyes
Locked to the item, except noble Taylor, who said, "It seems not
to mine eye to have value," and inspected it in his hand. At this
wise Solomon took back his card, and shouted, "Your fingers rot
The value of this priceless object. Only four of these do exist
In all the world." "Then I shall buy it," proclaimed fair Joey,
"Ask your price." "There is no price," said Solomon, "you cannot buy
A card as this." "Then let it be so; I haven't the resources," said he.
"Show me the cards to build a worthy deck." As Solomon began, a spy--
Or was it merely the boy from class?--burst in, and came forth to
the counter. "May I be of service?" asked grandfather Solomon, and
said the youth, "I fear not." The four students, shocked by who
Had come, asked, "Have you not a business to run, or does a plan
Distract you from your work? What brings you here?" Came the reply,
"Word has reached me that this elder Solomon hath great knowledge of
the cards." Asketh Joseph, "Have you too great interest in yon high
monsters of the Duel? Perhaps we may hold a duel one eve." From above
A turned cheek, he said, "A game of solitaire would be greater test
Than to duel you. I am Seto Kaiba, of highest rank in the country,
And favorite to win the championship of dueling beasts. Even your best
fight would last not two strokes of a clock hand." At this, fair Joey
Grew dark of face in rage, and lunged to strike blue-eyed Kaiba when
slight-bodied Yugi leapt between them. "Strike not your foe with fists,"
said he. "Sir Kaiba brought it upon himself," said fair Wheeler then,
"with the very boasts you chastise in me." Kaiba smiled at this,
And asked aloud if the shop carried cards of value--but then his eye
Caught the dragon with eyes as blue as his. He rushed for the card
In wonder, but wise Solomon shut its case. "Is there anything more I
may help you with?" At this, tall Kaiba slammed his briefcase hard
Upon the table, letting it fall open to display its bounty. "I give
Unto you this entire case for that one dragon." The others stare
In wonder at this multitude, but wise Solomon refused. "I have lived
With this card, a gift of a friend, for years. I will not sell. There
Is no cost of it you can pay." And dwarven Yugi added, "No matter what
the rarity of the card, my honored grandsire would feel same toward
that which is the gift of a friend." Tall Kaiba cried out, "Tut!
Such a shame you are overcome by such silly sentiment. Move forward
Past your senility. Excuse me now, I must be leaving." And so left he
In chauffeured limousine. "Heart of cards, it is a lie. Duels are about
power, and power as the Dragon's shall be mine, I vow it." "Sir Kaiba, we
Are in possession of remaining three." "The elder's is the last, and out
From his clutches it must be coaxed. But first I must retire. I hath
Many things to do tonight." And so he drove home with his loyal goons
At the ready to do his bidding. "Before the end of my morning bath,
Bring me the elder one." And in this service left his loyal goons.
---
At break of dawn, three goons in the Kame Game shop did appear.
"Our master Kaiba challenges you to a duel," said they. "Do you
accept?" "What if I decline?" "Listen, old man, if you can hear,
Hear this. We insist you come with us." "Outside young Kaiba's view
Is the true meaning of the cards, the Heart of the Cards. I will
Teach him what I know, that he may understand." And they disappeared,
all four. When next the heroes returned, they found the shop still;
No Grandpa stood sentry over the register. The young four all feared
That fate had befell him, until the phone's peal distracted all.
"Hello, who is this?" asked young Yugi, answered by blue-eyed Seto.
"Your grandfather hath caught a plague, small Yugi. I wished not he fall
Into illness, but he has. I lament disrepair of my private jet, oh,
For I would take him to the hospital of my own accord. So, Yugi, come
and take him for help." In shock, they rush to his aid in Kaiba's lair,
Only to find him barely conscious on the tile floor. "Dear Yugi, some
Tasks simply cannot be accomplished by old men. I know you would dare
To avenge my loss. Teach him, Yugi, teach him the heart of the Cards."
And fair Joey here asked, "Swindling dastard! What foul hath thou done
To the grandfather of my friend!" "Your aid is late; his lack of guard
Caused him to lose this duel of cherished cards. He did in confusion run
From my system, my virtual simulation system, and the champion with it."
"Cheater!" cried maiden Gardner. "Thy victory must be false, I swear."
Out pealed the laugh of blue-eyed Kaiba. "Impossibility! Not one bit
Of dishonesty lies in my dueling." He held the card, and began to tear
It in two. "Heavens, no! How could such travesty befall my treasure?"
cried Yugi's grandfather. "Decks may hold monsters only in triplicate,"
said tall Kaiba, "and I destroy the fourth only as defensive measure,
that it may not become my enemy. If you wish to avenge him and relate
To me the history of the cards' hearts, then leave him with friends,
And I shall accept your challenge." Maid Gardner and fair Joey cried,
"Go forth, brave Yugi! Force yon rich, spoilt child to make amends
For his crimes. We believe in you, Yugi, and we are on your side."
---
With a friendship pact in marker, and Grandfather's deck to aid him
Up stepped young Yugi to agree to the duel. Maiden Tea and noble Taylor
Left with their elder to seek help as fair-haired Wheeler bade him
luck with the coming trials, and luck to Yugi also. Like phantom jailer
Loomed tall Kaiba in his stadium, outlining regulation and rule.
"Playtime hath ended!" shouted childlike Yugi, as the Puzzle's spirit
claimed his body. The intensity caused cold-eyed Kaiba to lose cool,
confused by sudden appearance of an adult before him. To clear it,
Kaiba activated the system, virtual system, and set forth a cyclops.
In shock, the other Yugi recoiled, exclaiming "What trickery is this?!
The monsters come to life, to life! Perhaps this is how the bubble pops,
How Grandfather was defeated." And his winged drake with fiery hiss
Destroyed the one-eyed monster. Forth ran sweet child Mokuba, brother
of Seto of the house of Kaiba, cryeth, "Brother, brother, fare you well
Against this newest foe? Never before have I seen you against another
With such lead against you. Please, be strong!" Called Joey, "O hell!
Fight bravely, Yugi! Thou art stronger than this blue-eyed scum."
And here played Kaiba a clown, but he be no fool himself; though it had
Merely thirtyscore attack points. "Canst thou take what soon will come?"
asked he, playing a card of magic to triple its power. "Are you mad?!"
Cried other Yugi, as his winged drake was destroyed by evil clown.
"Or do you merely know this game through and through? I must trust,
however, in the deck of Grandpa, as his heart is in the deck." A frown,
and he drew a leg, and, seeing no use, defended with another. "I must
Sacrifice another, as I cannot defeat it with this." And the clown slew
his defending monster. So continued the duel until shouted tall Seto,
"You fight like your dying grandfather, and you are just as weak. You
stand no hope to win." "Here you are in the wrong, Kaiba--I let no
Man insult my grandfather, especially one who shalt never rival him.
His heart is in the deck, I say! I feel his spirit. May my faith
Reward me with this card--Gaia, fiercest knight, of armor ebon dim,
Destroy this fool, and his clown as well!" And the dark clown-wraith
Was destroyed. Yet the blue-eyed boy played a blue-eyed white drake
Like the one he had torn asunder, and slew the knight to Joey's surprise.
"Achieve thy goals by any means, as do I; I hath two more to take
from you your vict'ry. If ye not win, shall you defend 'til your demise?"
---
Up rose another dragon to destroy imp and vermin, yet unwavering be
The wild-haired young duelist. "I surrender not to you, and I play
the sealing swords of light to defend me." In his hand, he held three
Limbs of the Forbidden; what would they do? "A puzzle, be it may;
Assemble them for victory," called a phantom of his grandsire. He
continued, "None before hath solved it." "Make your move, opponent,
or ye forfeit the match," said Kaiba; "yet no matter what thou drawst
victory be still unreachable to you." Another arm is drawn, and then
A judge of Kaiba, and a dark mage of Yugi sent to destroy the foe.
Yet unfettered was the blue-eyed foe, and drew he another white drake
To slay the mage. "What is your faith? Next turn, my dragons shall go
Forth to destroy you in triple." Yugi's hand wavered on the uptake
Of his draw; yet friendship's tie on the inked hand gave him strength.
"Draw your last, and end this," sayeth Kaiba, and with final thanks
To his friends, Yugi lifts the card in faith-filled hand at length.
And rewarded is he by the Forbidden One--most powerful of all the ranks
Of monsters in the game. Victory leaveth blue-eyed Seto and joins
With Yugi as the triplet dragons are vanquished. "Brother, o brother, why
Hast thou lost thy first loss?" cried young Mokuba. "Yug! The coins
of victory are in thy hand!" shouted Joey in triumph. "But how--I
Played my strongest," said Kaiba, to which Yugi said, "And that be
Your weakness, sir. You play for power and not for faith, and so
you have lost, rightfully. With heart in the cards, naught is beyond he
Who wishes most." "Yet my own wish was not empty; why, I must know."
"If wish thou to know, you must rid thyself of avarice. Mind Crush!
With this puzzle I smite the evil in thy heart." Ere Kaiba fell
To his knees in defeat. And his faithful brother Mokuba rushed
To his side to console him. Grandfather here awoke, knowing well
That Yugi had won. And far away, in island palace, sits Pegasus,
catching word of this news, and plotting, plotting by the sunset sky
Of matters unknown. "Mmm, we shall see what comes of this, and thus
A plan I shall form." And sinister flashed his golden Millenium Eye.