Another Tragic Tale
Or, The Not So Brave Death of Sir Hunter Alastair Brynmon Celyn Topaz-Smythe.
Two months had passed in Underland since the oh so sad, devastating and tragic death of Herenna Jadestar Rowena Sapphire-Smythe, and the land and its inhabitants had not yet fully recovered from the shock and grief. Oh wait, yes they had. In fact, they were down right giddy with joy and elation. However, not everyone felt this way. One person, in point of fact, was actually shocked and devastated that she had been so cruelly chomped. This was her twin brother, a brave knight by the name of Sir Hunter Alastair Brynmon Celyn Topaz-Smythe. He was the youngest soldier in the White Queen's army, having joined when he was ten years old, when it was discovered that he could wield the mighty SwordofGaristuness. This was a strange weapon, and could only be wielded by one who was absolutely and utterly perfect in every single way. Of course, Hunter fit that description to a tee. Why, there wasn't another man in all of Underland that possessed his beautifully tanned and muscular body, his deep purple eyes, his long, flowing, curly navy blue hair, and his quick, sharp mind. He was, of course, a genius. Why, sometimes even Absolem himself would come to him for advice. He went around clad in the finest armor that had ever been made, and it gleamed and glistened with harsh brightness even on the cloudiest of days. On days when the sun was out, it was best not to look directly at Hunter.
Anyway, to continue with the tale-Hunter had made a decision. He was going to find the big ugly monster that chomped his lovely sister in half and…well, he hadn't thought that far yet, but he was certain that whatever he did would be the exact right thing to do. Because, as everyone knows, perfect people can do no wrong.
He strapped his MagicalSwordOfGaristuness to his side, and then set off on his...mission…quest…thingy. As he stomped down the path, he began to sing a song of anticipation. That or it was a song about bunnies. No one could ever understand Hunter when he sang, you see, because he sang in the ancient language of Stupiditish.
"I sing whenever I sing whenever I sing!" he warbled, causing several bread-and butterflies to drop from the sky at the sheer…um….complexity of the harmonious melodies. Hunter stomped over them, and continued down the path.
He suddenly stopped, realizing that there was a big something blocking the path in front of him. He looked closer, smiling in wicked triumph (revealing his perfectly white teeth) as he realized that at last he was about to come face to face with the vicious and horrible fiend that had cruelly murdered his perfect and beautiful twin. 'Soon, you will be avenged, Rowena', he thought savagely.
He walked up to the creature, which stared at him with malevolent eyes, and drew his magic sword with the appropriately overdone flourish. "Now, foul beast!" He intoned deeply, "Prepare to meet my wrath! For I, Sir Hunter Alastair Brynmon Celyn Topaz-Smythe, am going to mete out revenge for the terrible and tragic death of my sister, whom you chomped in half!"
He chopped at the monster, and the MagicSwordofGaristuness promptly broke in half-which came as a great shock to Hunter. He stared in petrified stupidity at the once beautiful blade, and said something that sounded like "bbbiilleee".
The monster chuckled evilly, and spoke in a deep, muddy voice. "Foolish little man! Both you and your sister are better off dead. You are a pox, a plague in this land-and I am the one that is charged with ridding all of Underland of your kind. I cannot be killed by any of your methods, and the White Queen herself allows me free reign."
Hunter looked at the monster. "What are you, you foul fiend?"
The monster smiled evilly, and then stepped towards the frozen Hunter. "I am GudWriting, and you…you are my dinner."
The last thing Hunter remembered was a searing pain in his legs.