Author's note: Hello readers! I am writing this fanfiction based on a lot of my own personal experience. With that being said, I hope I can bring this story to life! Also, I want to say that I will try to update quickly but I'm going through an intense training program right now.

The title comes from the song I hate you, I love you by Gnash ft. Olivia O'brien. It has inspired me to write this story.

I own no rights to any of this content.

Without further adieu, here is there story!

"Have a great day! Thank you for choosing Sandy's Sweets!" The lady picked the cake up off the counter and hurried out the door. This was the last customer of the day and I was grateful to get done work so I could go back to my dorms. Not that my job wasn't fun. On the contrary, I loved my job. Being able to work in a bakery had become my dream.

"Orihime, if you want to go home you can! I can clean up everything." Ender was always so nice to me. He was going to school for something math related so he would help his mom manage her finances for the bakery. Recently, he has been helping out with other stuff as well.

"No Ender, if we work together it'll get done faster." I looked over at him and smiled. It was nice of him to offer. Ender had kind green eyes and dark brown hair. It was about the same length as Ichigos. He was quite a bit taller than me. He smiled back at me.

As we worked together to clean up the bakery, I thought about the homework I had to do when I got home. It wasn't much because most of the classes taught me hands on skills. However, I had to take nutrition management and food safety management. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm skilled enough to own my own bakery but I loved getting to make sweet foods to bring other people happiness.

The only times that my job got hard was when I had to make wedding cakes. The familiar ache filled my chest at the thought of weddings. I had chosen a school far away from all my friends just for that reason. After everything settled down, Rukia decided to live in the world of the living. Why? Because Ichigo had admitted his undying love for her.

We finished cleaning up the bakery and made my way out the front door, locking it on my way out. Ender offered to walk me home but I assured him that it wasn't far. I stuffed my hands in my pockets and made my way to my dorm. It wasn't a far walk and I didn't mind the cold much. It was already the beginning of March but the weather hadn't gotten warm yet.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I tried hard not to think about Ichigo and Rukia and over the past 2 years, I had gotten better about it. He had proposed to her not long after they had started dating. We had all been friends for so long, I guess they didn't need much time to realize that they were made for each other. Everything had happened so fast. I still remembered that day all too well. The heartache that I had felt was unreal. We were having a big get together to celebrate graduation. Everyone was there. Uryu, Tatsuki, Chad, Rukia, Ichigo and a bunch of other people from our classes.

Ichigo and Rukia had been attached to each other. Ichigo kept looking at her with this look of love and admiration. Rukia was giddy as can be. All smiles and complete bliss. They looked perfect together and every time their eyes met so many unspoken, intimate thoughts passed between them. With each of those looks my heart broke more and more. Every touch destroyed me inside. I thought it couldn't get any worse until at one point, he had led her outside.

At first, I thought maybe they couldn't take the passion that was practically bursting off of them and decided to go make out or possibly more than that. I couldn't get that thought out of my head at the time. I hated thinking like that. But every time I thought about them, my mind always thought about how Rukia got to do things with Ichigo that I would never get to do. She got to hold his hand, hug him, kiss him and probably make love to him. That thought always made me sick. I kept sipping the drink from my cup. I was much of a drinker but the alcohol numbed the pain that I felt. My friends were all either goofing off playing some board game or watching TV. I was on the couch pretending to watch whatever was on the screen and tried to keep to myself. We were all startled when the front door burst open.

"Guys! We're getting married! WOOHOO!" Rukia jumped for joy as she announced to everyone. She clung to Ichigo's arm and was practically glowing. All of the pieces of my heart, shattered even more into completely irreparable pieces. I knew now that it had gotten to a point where there was absolutely no hope that I could ever be with him. Everyone ran over to them, congratulating them. Except for Tatsuki who was by my side in instant. I could feel the tears in my eyes, threatening to spill. She quickly put her arm around me and led me outside. No one noticed when we slipped out.

As soon as the door closed behind us, I fell apart and started sobbing. Tatsuki led me back to my apartment. She hugged me tight. She was the only one who knew just how broken I was. At first, I didn't tell her and I thought I did a good job hiding it. But of course, Tatsuki could see right through me.

After that, I broke down and told Tatsuki about how I had been planning on attending a college in America. They had offered me a full ride and I needed to get away. I just couldn't stand looking at them together. I hated that I couldn't be a good friend and just be happy for them. Tatsuki was silent but she had said she'd understood. She told me I'd have to buy a laptop so we could email and Skype whenever we wanted.

As I made it back to my room, I turned on my computer to see if Tatsuki was online. It was so much easier to instant message each other. It was like she was right there with me. I hated that I had to leave and be away from her. It had been almost 2 years since I left Japan. Tatsuki hadn't been able to afford to visit me and I stayed in America over summer break to work. Ichigo had emailed me a handful of times and I had chosen not to respond. I know that made me a horrible friend but I just needed my space.

"Hi Tatsuki! Sorry if I'm slow to respond today, I have to do homework while I talk to you." I sent her a quick message while I opened my Ebook and started reading.

"It's okay Orihime! How was your day?" We chatted back and forth for a while until I finished my reading and decided to head to bed. It was boring material so it took me longer than expected. Looking at the clock I realized it was after midnight.

"Sorry Tatsuki but I have to be up at 8am for class tomorrow. I should get to bed!" We had been messaging back and forth but it was mostly just small talk. I missed how I used to be and I wonder if Tatsuki could tell how I wasn't as talkative as I used to be. I tried hard to stay upbeat so she wouldn't worry about me.

"Orihime wait, there's something I need to tell you about.." My curiosity spiked and I hoped everything was okay, "So I know I told you that it would just be me coming to see your graduation but, some of our other friends were also able to save enough money to go." My heart dropped. Of course I wanted to see everyone but I had worked so hard for this day and I had really wanted it to be just Tatsuki. I wanted to feel successful. I didn't want to have feel inferior to Rukia on such a big day for me.

"Oh that's great! They didn't have to waste their money on me like that though! I feel so bad… it's not such a big deal, it's just a graduation." I tried to ignore the sinking feeling in my heart.

"Orihime! Come on we're all so proud of you! Chad, Uryu, Ichigo and Rukia are all coming.. If you want me to tell Ichigo not to come I'll kick his ass for you." I laughed because I know she totally would. It made me feel better about it.

"No Tatsuki I have no problem with them! I'd love to see them." It was such a bad lie. I felt my heart sinking just at the thought.

"Orihime.. You don't have to do that.." I smiled to myself. If only I had a choice. Ichigo had been one of my best friends before he started dating Rukia.

"Tatsuki, it's fine. I'm fine! It'll be great! I really do have to bed now though, sorry! Goodnight!" I quickly shut off my computer before she could try to force more answers from me.

I quickly changed into my pajamas and flopped onto my bed. I stared at the bottom of the bunk bed above mine. My roommate had let me have the bottom bunk because she rarely slept here. She was always at her boyfriend's place or at her sorority house. I thanked the heavens for that because many nights I cried myself to sleep. Closing my eyes, I saw his face. I saw those intense brown eyes staring at me as I boarded the plane. I saw that scowl that he always wore. 'Yeah except for when he looked at her..' I thought bitterly to myself and laughed a broken laugh.

At this point, I was so broken that the pain in my heart surprised me. How could I face him again? I wanted to be strong but I felt like if I saw him again I'd crumble. At that, I felt tears rolling down my cheeks onto my pillow. I had to face him and I had to face the reality that they were getting married. I put my hand over my mouth to stiffle the sobs that were inevitably pouring out.

When I left Japan, of course he was there with Rukia attached to his arm. I tried to ignore them and just focus on Tatsuki and everyone else. I glanced his way while I boarded the plane and saw him staring at me with an intense look in his eyes. I quickly looked away but, I could never get the look out of my head. Or the fact that Rukia was glued to him. They looked perfect together.

How could I ever have thought that I could compete with her? I was nothing compared to her. She was beautiful and I was just weak and useless. I decided to make something of myself. I knew I would never love anyone like I had loved Ichigo. That was another reason why moving to America was good for me. I had learned to take care of myself and I had to get comfortable with the thought that I was always going to be alone. Because I knew I could never have Ichigo. I had my friends of course but it just wasn't the same.

He was just perfect. In every way. Except for the fact that he would never be mine. I always wondered what would have happened if I had kissed him before I went to Heuco Mundo. Honestly, that probably would have just made things worse for me. He probably saw me as a sister and he would've been grossed out. Then things would be so much more awkward. 'But, if I could just feel his lips on mine just once… Just to feel his warmth…' I forced those thoughts out of my mind. I couldn't think like that when he was with someone else.

'It's been almost 2 years and I still can barely imagine facing him. I can't imagine facing them together… Maybe seeing them will help me move on and get closure." I took a deep breath and tried to think about my other friends. Oh how I'd missed everyone. I let my wander back to the days before everything got so complicated…

Ichigo's POV

Things hadn't been the same since Orihime left. I always thought that I only saw her as a sister but the day she left for America, I just felt strange. I watched her get on the plane and realized I'd miss having her around. She'd been a part of my group of friends for such a long time. I felt guilty whenever I started to think about her because I started to wonder if I had only seen her as a friend. Now that I was with Rukia, I couldn't think like that. To make matters worse, she didn't reply to any of my emails. It was strange not hearing for her for almost two years. Tatsuki gave us updates occasionally which made me even more confused. Why would she talk to Tatsuki on a daily basis but not me? Hell, she even emailed Ishida and Chad occasionally. She was such a good friend of mine, of course I'd miss her and want to hear from her every once in a while.

Currently, I was getting ready for a date with Rukia. We went on dates frequently. We hadn't made any majors plans for our wedding yet. I was currently attending a local university for a bachelor's degree in business and I have been working as a pharmaceutical salesperson. I was lucky to get the job that I had. It would require me to travel around the world once I graduated. Rukia hated that idea but the job would pay well. Rukia had been trying to figure out what to do with her life in the world of the living. I tried to encourage her to do whatever she wanted but she seemed unhappy. She currently was working at a clothing store at the mall.

I just hoped that she figured out what she wants to do soon. She seemed to feel out of place living in the world of the living. Lately she has been distant. I knew that she was planning a trip to the soul society to visit with her brother and some of our friends. The trip she was planning was going to be the same week as Orihime's graduation. Rukia was mad that I had wanted to go to America instead of to the soul society with her. I had tried to tell her that it wasn't every day that someone graduates and that we could go to the soul society anytime. Well, that just ended with a fight. She thought that because Orihime hadn't bothered to email either of us, we shouldn't waste our time.

Why did women have to be so complicated? The first year that Rukia and I had been together had been great. We had gotten engaged 6 months into our relationship and not long after, Orihime had left for America. That's when things started to feel strange. I knew that I loved Rukia but she had started acting different. Or maybe I was the one who changed first. I can't remember anymore. For a while, things were okay and I told myself that I was just missing one of my friends and that it was normal. But, then Rukia just started to seem unhappy. I had spent all of the time since Orihime had left trying to make things better with Rukia. As time went on, things just seemed to get worse.

Regardless of the reason, I wanted to be there for Orihime. I knew that if she could, she'd do the same for any other us. Orihime was asked to give a speech at her graduation since she had the best grades in her class. I wanted to be there to show her support. The graduation was only 2 months away now. I decided to type her a quick email again just to let her know I was going. I had told Tatsuki that it would be both Rukia and I originally. But plans change.

Dear Inoue,

I hope this email finds you well. Have you decided what you want to do after graduation? Are you moving back home?

Anyways, I haven't heard from you but I wanted to let you know that I'll be at your graduation. Rukia won't be able to make it unfortunately.

Congratulations on being chosen to speak at your graduation!

Hope to hear from you soon,

Ichigo

Orihime POV

The first thing I always do when I wake up is check my email. It was a habit that I had just to make sure nothing was cancelled. The first thing I noticed was that Ichigo had emailed me. Since he was going to my graduation, I decided that I probably should respond this time. After reading it, it took me a minute to decide how I should respond. How do you address someone that you love so deeply and yet you've ignored them for almost 2 years? Hopefully he wasn't too angry. Although I doubted that because he was probably too busy with Rukia to even care. Honestly, I hadn't decided what I wanted to do after graduation. I knew that I couldn't run forever. But I was relieved to know that Rukia wouldn't be at my graduation.

Hello Kurosaki-kun,

I am doing very well. Thank you for asking. I have yet to decide what I will do after graduation. I really do like it here in America. I'm glad to hear that you will be at my graduation although I'm sad to hear that Kuchiki-chan can't make it. I'm sure she has a good reason though! There are plenty of more important things.

Thank you Kurosaki-kun! I look forward to my speech. How are you doing? How has school been? Have you set a date for your wedding?

Hope that you are doing well,

Orihime

Half of what I had written was a lie. I wanted to move back to Japan to spend time with all of my friends again. I really wasn't doing as well as I had said. Academically and in my career maybe but inside I was still broken. I was dreading my speech and I really didn't want to know about their wedding either.

Pushing away from the computer, I got ready to start my day.

~Later on~

I got back to my dorm after work and sat at my computer. Ender had worked with me again even though it was slow. We talked about random things and I told him stories about my life in Japan. Ender was a good listener and he was really curious about what it was like to live in another country. At one point he told me that he had started helping out at the bakery more because his girlfriend of 3 years had cheated on him and he needed to get his mind off of it. He still seemed upset by it when he was telling me about it. I felt so bad because I knew that pain all too well.

Ichigo hadn't cheated on me but he had crushed my heart nonetheless. I was just grateful to have a friend that I could relate to. It was a bit strange because in Japan, I felt like the friendships were different. I would never talk to Uryu about my heartbreak over Ichigo. That was something you only told your closest friends. It must have been cultural differences. I never told him about what happened with Ichigo for that reason.

Pulling up my email, I couldn't stop myself from checking to see if Ichigo had emailed me back. I had to remind myself not to get excited when I saw that he had.

Hello Inoue,

It's good to hear from you. I am glad to hear that you're doing well. Rukia can't make it because she has plans to visit the soul society. Don't say that Inoue! Your graduation is very important. We're your friends.

I recently started working as a pharmaceutical salesperson and school is going well. What about you? Are you working? We haven't made any plans for our wedding yet.

Everyone misses you here. We all hope that you'll move back home after graduation. But, if you really like America that much then you have to make that choice.

Hope to hear from you again soon,

Ichigo

This email caused so many emotions to stir in my heart. I knew he was speaking as a friend and I had to remind myself of that. Honestly, the email felt somewhat formal. Like talking to an acquaintance. 'I guess after two years of not talking, you can't expect much more than that.' I thought to myself sadly. I was glad they hadn't planned their wedding but also kind of hoped they would get married before I finished school so I had a good reason not to go.

Taking a deep breath, I started typing my response.

A/N: Soo? Interesting? Do you guys like it or have any comments? My updates may be slow because I don't get a lot of free time so bear with me! Hope to hear some feedback! :)