CHAPTER ONE: The Things We Do For Love

"Why are you doing this?" The words echo in her room and all of a sudden it's like they're both back in middle school, stuck at a crossroads, with no way out in sight.

"I'm sorry, Lucas."

She reaches him in two hesitant steps, her gaze lost in the deep green of his emerald eyes, her willpower in the verge of drowning in her own gathering tears, as the silence in the room grows thicker and the last sunrays of summer welcome the night. Of all the terrible goodbyes she'd had to pull through for the last couple of weeks, Riley was sure this would prove to be the hardest one. Nevertheless, as much as it broke her heart to know she was breaking his too, as impossible as it felt to imagine life without the smile she had just erased from his features, Riley was painfully certain this was the right thing to do. If not for her sake then for Lucas's, she had to set him free, he deserved that much.

"I know you don't see it now, but this is for the best." Her trembling hands cup his cheeks and he can tell how hard she is trying to smile, even if it doesn't stop her voice from breaking "And we will still be…."

"No. Don't give me that 'just friends' crap." Lucas snaps, removing her hands from his face abruptly as he begins pacing "We've tried it, Riley! It doesn't work, not for us, that's not who we are! We aren't just friends, we never were and we don't know how to be! How can you not see that?"

The worst of all of his nightmares, his ever recurrent fear, was now not only taking shape right in front of him, but threatening to take away the future he had dreamed about and worked towards now for over half a decade, the future he knew they both deserved. As he stopped in his tracks, studying Riley's face, all he could see were the same ghosts from a past he believed they'd long left behind, all of these years later coming to haunt him yet again.

"Why is this so easy for you?" He all but yelled, frustrated, desperate. Lucas ran a hand through his hair, wrecking his brain for a solution, for he refused to believe there wasn't any. Still he couldn't think, he could only feel and even so he couldn't begin to understand or describe the rush of emotions running through his entire being. He would lose her. No, he couldn't lose Riley, not again, not ever. However, helplessness flooded over him as a sense of inevitability, as well as familiarity, started to hit way too close to home.

She was still right here, right in front of him, just a few steps away and yet Riley had never felt more distant, more dethatched from him, from reality even, so much so Lucas was afraid he'd move and she'd vanish. If he allowed himself to, he'd see she was barely just keeping it together herself. But he couldn't, Lucas couldn't hear her silent pleas or see past her poorly built walls, all he could hear were his own heartbeats, rapid and deafening, the only proof his heart was still in one piece inside his chest, all he could see behind his own tears were the blurry outlines of Riley's bedroom and the memories piling in every corner of it. Memories, everything they've been through, that's all those moments would be if he let her go through with this, the mere thought of it sending a chill all the way to his core.

"How do you do it Riley? Tell me, help me here, I'm begging you. Because I really don't know how to get through this, so please, just show me how you make it so easy to give up on us?"

"Lucas…" She averts her gaze, her whole body shaking.

"I'm serious!" He laughs exasperated, his voice so loud Riley can't hear her own thoughts "There must be a way, there has to be! Otherwise this would sound just as ridiculous to you as it feels to me. But it doesn't! Somehow it doesn't and I'm tired of being left; I'm tired of having you give up on me every time you're afraid we won't make it, every time you come up with reasons to believe you'll lose me! You won't! The only way to lose me Riley is if you tell me to go, because I don't want to leave you, not now, not ever."

He takes a few deep breaths trying to regain his composure, Riley is still not looking at him, standing like a statue with her hands folded on the center of the room. So he reaches for Riley's chin, lifting it gently, and once her eyes are finally back on his Lucas intertwines their fingers together. Her skin is cold, her eyes are puffy and red, she is on track shorts and an old t-shirt, her hair is a mess and she is still the most beautiful sight he has ever laid eyes upon.

"Please don't let me go, Riles. Please don't let us go."

"I'm not letting us go, Lucas." She whispers, her hands tightening around his. In a second of pure bliss, she watches Lucas's stunning smile find its way back to his lips and Riley does her best to savor every little detail of this moment with him, the warmth of his skin, the smell of his cologne, the look on his eyes. But just as soon as it comes his hopeful grin fades, once she lets go of his hands and takes a step back, a sad smile on her lips. You're doing this for him, she replays in her head as if it could ease the pain on either of them "I'm setting us free."

Lucas's shoulders fall, those few words knocking out the last ounces of strength he had within him. It's over, the certainty hit him as he looked down. He had nothing else to give, nothing more to fight for, he had told her he'd never leave unless she wanted him to go… and she did. That was when Lucas realized it, there was no point insisting on a relationship Riley didn't want to be a part of anymore, no point on trying to force her to be with him when he was no longer what she needed or desired. He loved her. Lucas loved Riley more than he had ever loved anyone or anything, that he was sure of, heartbreakingly so. But loving her meant putting her wishes above his own and, if he wasn't able to make her happy and fulfilled anymore, she deserved someone who could, even if it destroyed him to even consider having Riley love anyone else.

So he granted her that final wish, that last thing she wanted from him if anything at all. Lucas finally looked up, nodding in understanding, silently resigned. He didn't dare one last touch or even one last look, he couldn't trust himself with it, because deep down Lucas was sure even the slightest glimpse of the woman he loved would dissolve his resolve irretrievably and he couldn't afford to be selfish with her.

"Goodbye, Riley." The only words he could muster as he stormed out of her room and out of her life.

Her bedroom's door slammed closed, the sound echoing so loud she could feel it reverberate in her chest. Riley didn't move as the reality of what just happened started to set in. Lucas Friar, the only guy she had ever loved, was now gone. She tried to find comfort on knowing whatever pain she had to endure was on his best interest. He would go to the college he had always wanted, to make the biggest of all his dreams a reality. She had been a part of that, even if he'd never know. He'd get everything he deserved in life, he'd be happy. It should be enough for her, she knew so. Love was about sacrifice and she had just made the biggest of them all. However how could this be right when it felt so wrong?

When she was once again able to move and back to her senses at last, a few minutes or lifetimes later, Riley honestly couldn't tell, her room was already completely engulfed in darkness, an unwelcoming chill coming from the open window. Tonight fall would begin. In a couple of weeks almost all of her friends would be parting. Farkle and Isadora were off to Harvard. Zay would soon be on Julliard. And Lucas… Lucas would be on Texas A&M as he was supposed to.

Riley walked to her closet changing into her PJs, the NYU hoodie Lucas had bought her several weeks ago, once she received her acceptance letter, now staring back at her. She quickly turned away and closed the closet's door, unable to look at it any longer. He would never know he could have had a matching one. She tossed and turned all night trying to find some peace on dreamland, where she could do only what she wanted, not what she had to, but every time she closed her eyes flashes of Lucas's pain-itched features punched her awake.

Giving up on her failed attempts to escape the consequences of her own choices, Riley decided there was nothing to do but to embrace them, face the life she had settled for after having chosen one for Lucas. So she forced herself back to the closet and put on the NYU hoodie. She walked to her desk and picked up the box Lucas had given her on their first anniversary. It was now almost two years later, but she could have sworn only a few days ago they were returning hand in hand from a certain Ski Lodge. Sitting cross-legged on the bay window, the box on her lap, Riley finally found the courage to open it, unlashing all the memories she knew she'd never get past.

-x-

"I really wanted to give you something special today." He led Riley to the bay window, sitting beside her with the wrapped gift on his lap.

"Lucas, you shouldn't have bought me anything! We agreed we wouldn't…"

"I know." He rested a hand on top of hers "Which is why I didn't."

"Okay so, why the gift?" She asked carefully, more than a little confused.

"Oh this?" He faked surprise, looking down at the gift, as if Lucas himself hadn't noticed he had it until now "I didn't buy it. I made it." He couldn't help but chuckling at Riley's stunned look "See, I'm not gonna lie, I did try looking for the perfect gift. But I couldn't find anything good enough, nothing felt right. So I thought back on all the amazing moments we shared together, not only over the last year, but since the very first day we met, and I realized what I want to give you… is a reason and a way to always remember what's really important."

He finally handed her the box and Riley didn't even mind trying to hide how curious and excited she was to discover what hid behind the wrapping paper. As she tear through it, she found herself staring at a heart-shaped wooden box, neatly decorated with drawings of flowers and hearts, as well as a distinct picture of the Eiffel tower and 'Paris' written all over it on beautiful calligraphy.

"You did all of this by yourself?" Riley looked at him, half amused half suspicious, those drawings seem a bit too familiar.

"Well…" Lucas scratched the back of his neck, smiling nervously "I came up with the idea and I did make the box myself. I also chose everything that's inside it" Riley's eyes widened, surprised that there was even more to find within this already wonderful gift "But yeah, I had Maya help me with the decoration part. I wanted it to be perfect." He finally stated, blushing slightly, and Riley couldn't resist but pecking his lips.

"It is." She smiled at him and then back down at the box "Can I open it?"

"Of course!"

So she did. She opened the box to find all their important mementos inside. There was a subway ticket, a library card, the miniatures of a crown, a basketball and a bear and two small pieces of paper, one with Riley's favorite quote from Romeo and Juliet and one with a quote from Sense and Sensibility they both could particularly relate to. Finally her eyes fell on the red ring box and the purple jellybean, she wasn't sure how he had taken them without her realizing, but in the moment Riley really didn't care.

"Lucas…" Words failed her as she tried to express how grateful she was not only for the gift, but for him, for everything he was and everything it meant having him in her life.

"So you like it?" He smiled hopeful.

"Like it? I love it!" She put the box aside launching herself into his arms and connecting her lips with his. As she pulled away too soon Lucas was about to protest, but her soft hands on either side of his face silenced him in a second. She needed to look into his eyes for this, Riley needed to stare deep into her favorite shade of green and have Lucas know she meant the next words with every fiber of being "I love you."

"I love you too." Even as he said it, Lucas realized he had never been so sure of anything in his entire life. He was about to kiss her once more, when Riley jerked her head back, rising one brow at him with a half smile.

"Why is it Paris themed, though?" She faked confusion.

"I think you know." Lucas practically whispered, delighted to see a knowing smile overtake Riley's lips a second before they found his again.

- x -

As she went through each of the items on the box, overwhelmed by the avalanche of memories and feelings they brought, Riley finally reached the item she had been looking for to begin with. Hidden under all those important pieces of their story, rested the letter… Lucas's acceptance letter to NYU and Riley's wake up call. She tugged at the ends of her hoodie, almost afraid to touch the piece of paper, but all it took was looking down to remember her clothing itself was a reminder of the reason she had to hide the letter in the first place.

"Who knows, maybe soon I'll be getting one of my own." He said as he helped her put on the hoodie.

He'd sounded so happy, so hopeful and content with the prospect of being on NYU… with her. But wasn't that the problem? He would have accepted, he would have stayed and he would have never given A&M a second thought until it was too late. Riley couldn't count how many times Lucas had told her about Texas A&M, about what a great school it was, about his father's time attending there. She couldn't take it away from him. He wouldn't choose NYU, he would choose her. He would choose her in spite of his own dreams.

Lucas was wrong. Riley didn't fear he would leave her. He had helped her grow out of those insecurities a long time ago. She was sure he loved her, almost as sure as Riley was she loved him. And for that exact reason she couldn't accept having Lucas miss out on something as important to him as A&M's veterinary program. She hated lying to him, she hated that she had to do it for so long, she hated that she'd become good at it to the point Lucas didn't even suspect. But she loved him. And he'd be happy. So it was worth it.

Riley finally picked up the letter, reading through it for probably the billionth time. Of course he had been accepted, he was brilliant, way more than most people realized. She hugged the letter to her chest, the tears rolling freely down her face, staining her skin, her hoodie, the letter itself. She needed to cry them out, all of them, now, before morning arrived and Maya with it, so they could start packing Riley's things. She'd be sharing a dorm with her best friend on the college they had always talked about. She had gotten her dream too right? Why did it suddenly didn't feel like enough? Why did she feel so incomplete?

As the sun rose Riley gathered everything back in the box, placing it on her desk again. She showered and put on some makeup, on her best effort not to look like she'd spent the night crying her soul out. She could only hope Maya's excitement over College would blind her to Riley's inner turmoil. It was captivating to see Maya finally hoping for things and allowing herself to be excited about the future and Riley really didn't want to ruin that for her. So she would do what she had learned to do best. She would fake. She would smile and pretend her heart wasn't breaking.

"Ready for the first day of the rest of our lives?" Maya squealed excitedly, smiling ever so big as she came through the window.

"Ready." Riley forced a smile. God, how she wished she could mean it.