SO THE FIRST EPISODE OPENS WITH A SHOTA VOICE PROPOSING TO A POOL. COOL. I HAVE NOT SEEN SUCH ANIMES AS THIS ONE BEFORE.
SHOTA! HARUKA: THE WATER IS LIKE A RABID SEA CREATURE BUT I LOVE IT
SHOTA!HARU: * VAGUELY SENSUAL DESCRIPTION OF SWIMMING*
SHOTA!MAKOTO AND NAGISA: WE DIDN'T CHOOSE THE SHOTA LIFE, THE SHOTA LIFE CHOSE US
SHOTA!MAKO: WE HERE NOT TO SWIM BUT TO STALK HARU.
SHOTA!NAGI: BUT WOW WHO IS THAT HOT PIECE OF SHOTA ASS?
SHOTA!MAKO: I THINK HE'S MY NEW RIVAL FOR HARU'S AFFECTIONS.
HOT PIECE OF SHOTA ASS: *SNAPS GOGGLES ON HEAD* OW WHY DID I THINK THAT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA MY SKULL IS POUNDING NOW
HOT PIECE OF SHOTA ASS: BUT I MUST PUT ON A BRAVE FACE SO I CAN SHOW MY SKILLS TO MY LOVE INTEREST
SHOTA!MAKO: OMG HE'S DUMB TOO
SHOTA!NAGI: HOT PIECE OF SHOTA ASS IS FAST
ME: ARE THEY RACING EACH OTHER, I CAN'T TELL
SHOTA!RIN: WE'RE RACING EACH OTHER
SHOTA!HARU: I THINK THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE IN MY WATER BUT I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW
SHOTA!MAKO: HARU TOUCHED MY HAND, HE TOUCHED IT, SUCK ON THAT RIN.
SHOTA!NAGI: GUYS DON'T START A PAIRING WAR.
SHOTA!RIN: I'M YOU'RE BIGGEST FAN I'LL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME
SHOTA!RIN: OR UNTIL I BEAT YOU.
SHOTA!HARU: I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
*SUDDENLY, PUBERTY HAPPENS*
HARU: GOOD MORNING LOVE, YOU'RE MOST BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU'RE FRESH FROM THE TAP.
…
ME: OMAIGAWD MUSIC, WATER, SINGING, I THINK THE OPENING IS SHIPPING—HOLY SHIT DON'T CRY NO STOP YOUR FACES ARE TOO PRETTY TO BE SAD BUT ALSO IT IS KIND OF HOT
…
KITTY: MEOW!
*CLOSEUP OF MAKO'S BUTT*
MAKO: I ALSO WENT THROUGH PUBERTY, HOT DAMN
MAKO: HARU WHERE ARE YOU—HOLY JUMPING CATERPILLARS ON A LOG—ABS
HARU: I CARE NOT FOR ABS BECAUSE WATER DOESN'T HAVE THEM.
MAKO: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU COOKING FISH IN THE MORNING?
HARU: DON'T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE.
…
*FROLICKING GIRLS!*
BLOND HAIR: *CRASHES INTO CUTE GIRL*
BLOND HAIR: SRY NOT SRY I'M LATE FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE!
CUTE GIRL: WTF
…
HARU: I MADE FISH FOR BREAKFAST BUT I DIDN'T PACK A LUNCH.
MAKO: GODDAMMIT HARU.
BLOND HAIR: GUYS IT'S ME!11111111PUPPIES
MAKO AND HARU: SHIT WHO COULD THIS BE, DO WE KNOW ANY SHOTAS WITH BLOND HAIR? WAIT OMG NAGISA?!1111111
NAGI: THE SHOTA LIFE DIDN'T CHOOSE ME, I CHOSE THE SHOTA LIFE
NAGI: I ALSO CHOSE TO GO TO DIFFERENT MIDDLE SCHOOL THAN YOU GUYS.
HARU: WHAT A JERK, WHO LEAVES THEIR FRIENDS TO GO TO ANOTHER SCHOOL?
MAKO: ONLY JERKY JERK-FACES.
NAGI: SO HAVE YOU SEEN RIN, HARU-CHAN?
HARU: *HAS FLASHBACKS OF SHOTA!RIN*
SHOTA!RIN: I'M LEAVING.
SHOTA!HARU: IS IT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
SHOTA!RIN: BYE
HARU: WHAT A JERK.
NAGI: HEY LET'S GO TRESSPASSING TONIGHT!
MAKO AND HARU: K.
…
MAKO: WAIT NO I TAKE THAT BACK, THIS PLACE IS FUCKING CREEPY.
NAGI: TOO LATE, LET ME SHOWER YOU WITH SALT.
HARU: IT DOESN'T TASTE LIKE SALT.
MAKO: WE ARE GOING TO GET CHASED BY GHOSTS AND DIE.
OMINOUS SHADOW: DID SOMEBODY CALL?
…
NAGI: THEY STILL HAVE OUR PHOTO, WE'RE FAMOUS.
HARU: *MORE FLASHBACKS OF SHOTA!RIN SURROUNDED BY FLOWER PETALS AND WATER, BUT MOSTLY WATER*
SHOTA!RIN: LET'S BURY THIS SHINY TROPHY IN THE GROUND, FOR IT IS THE TRADITIONAL MATING RITUAL OF JERKS. ROMANTIC, ISN'T IT?
SHOTA!HARU: YES.
MAKO: I CAN TELL YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE, STOP.
NAGI: MORE TRESPASSING, NOW WITH 50% MORE DIGGING! ONWARD!
GHOST: *APPEARS AT THE END OF A DARK HALLWAY*
MAKO: DO YOU THINK THAT SUGAR WILL WORK IF I WISH FOR IT HARD ENOUGH?
HARU: WAIT IS THAT—
*SUDDENLY, RAP MUSIC!*
GHOST: YO.
NAGI: WHO IS THAT?
MAKO: I CAN'T TELL!
ME: YOU ARE THE WORST AT RECOGNIZING PEOPLE EVER.
GHOST: *SNAPS THE BACK OF HIS CAP, WHO EVEN DOES THAT, YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS*
MAKO AND NAGI: OMG RIN?!/1?!/!?fdsAFDSJLAKF
HARU: OH NO HE'S HOT.
RIN: SWIM WITH ME FOREVER, HARU.
HARU: OKAY.
MAKO: YOU JUST DITCHED ME, HOW COULD YOU DITCH ME, I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL.
NAGI: I LOVE ALL THIS EXTRA TRESPASSING WE'RE DOING.
RIN AND HARU: *OBLIGATORY ANIME RUNNING WHILE GLARING INTO EACH OTHERS' EYES SHOT* *GUYS WHAT IF YOU SLIP AND FALL AND THERE'S NO MORE ANIME*
MAKO: YOU'RE BOTH IDIOTS.
NAGI: OMIGAWD THAT IS SUCH A CUTE MOUSE IN THE EMPTY SWIMMING POOL.
HARU: WHAT IS A POOL WITHOUT SWIMMING. WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT WATER.
RIN: SHIT, NOW THERE'S NO WATER TO DISTRACT HARU WHILE I WOO HIM. TIME TO MAKE MY ANGSTY ESCAPE. *DROPS SHINY TROPHY TO THE GROUND*
HARU: THIS WAS A DREAM SEQUENCE. ALSO THE ANIMAL CROSSING SOUNDTRACK IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND.
MAKO: THAT WASN'T A DREAM, RIN IS JUST A JERK.
HARU: MAYBE HE WAS A GHOST.
MAKO: STOP TALKING ABOUT GHOSTS, OMFG.
CUTE GIRL BEHIND THE BUSHES: I GOT MY SUBTLETY AND SNEAKING SKILLS FROM MY BROTHER.
…
GUY WITH SOME AUTHORITY IN THE SCHOOL: SHAME ON YOU FOR TRESPASSING!
NAGI: NO.
…
HARU: SOMEONE RANG MY DOORBELL BUT I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A HOT DATE WITH MY BATHTUB.
HARU: SO NO.
GOU: WOW IT'S YOU TWO, FANCY MEETING YOU HERE, HOW DID YOU SNEAK UP BEHIND ME AND CAN YOU TEACH ME BECAUSE MY BROTHER IS NOT ACTUALLY THE MASTER OF SUBTLETY. SPEAKING OF MY BROTHER, HAVE GUYS SEEN HIM?
MAKO: SO WHAT DID HE FINALLY COME BACK FROM AUSTRALIA AFTER BEING A JERK FOR SO MANY YEARS?
GOU: HE'S STILL A JERK BUT NOW HE'S A JERK THAT GOES TO SAMEZUKA ACADEMY.
NAGI: …HEY LET'S GO TRESPASSING AGAIN.
MAKO: SUDDENLY WE HAVE APPARATED INTO HARU'S HOUSE. WE ARE TRESPASSING MASTERS.
HARU: NO, I HAVE AN ANGSTY BACKSTORY WITH RIN AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN.
NAGI: BUT!
MAKO: THERE'S A POOL.
HARU: *SPARKLES*
…
MAKO: MAYBE WE SHOULD TRESPASS WHEN THEY'RE LESS PEOPLE AROUND TO WITNESS.
HARU: *STRIPS*
MAKO: GODDAMMIT HARU.
*SUDDEN SKIP TO NIGHTTIME! DID THEY SERIOUSLY JUST STAND IN FRONT OF SOMEONE ELSE'S SCHOOL FOR HOURS? AND NO ONE SAW THEM?*
HARU: I HAVE FOUND MY TRUE LOVE.
NAGI: SKINNYDIPPING!
MAKO: I'M TIRED OF YOUR SHIT AND DRIPPING WET BUT I THINK I CAN HEAR THE FANGIRLS SWOONING BEHIND THE SCREEN.
FANGIRLS: HE'S EVEN HOTTER WITH HIS SHIRT OFF
NAGI: MATURITY WATER FIGHT!
RIN: *APPEARS*
NAGI: I FORGOT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING FOR YOU!
RIN: CONGRATS, YOU FOUND ME. NOW GET OUT.
NAGI: WHY HAVE YOU CHANGED SO.
*BUTTSHOT OF HARU*
RIN: O HEI
*DUBSTEP!*
HARU: *SPARKLES*
RIN: OKAY
MAKO: DID THEY EVEN SAY ANYTHING MEANINGFUL TO EACH OTHER
NAGI: WHY AREN'T WE IN THE FRAME ANYMORE?
ME: I THINK THEY'RE GOING TO RACE EACH OTHER.