A/N: Hi! I'm back :D ...with more angst. Honestly, it just keeps catching up with me. I can't get away from it! I'm trying my hand at some present tenses for a story the first time and it's something pretty new to me. So if you see any mistakes, please let me know! I needed some time to think up some new ideas and most of them are half thought-up and kind of incomplete, but for this story, all it took was just a night of repeatedly listening to Lawson's 'Standing in the Dark' and 'When She Was Mine'. A very angsty songfic two-shot. Warning: Prepare your feels kit!
Disclaimer: I do not own K-On! or Lawson's songs that are being used in this story.
Someone Else's Angel
It has been years since Mio and Ritsu broke up, but Ritsu has never stopped loving Mio.
It all ended three years ago. Right on their fourth anniversary. How ironic, Ritsu thinks. She treasured her relationship with Mio more than anything and it all ended on a ridiculously typical dark rainy day. But who the hell cares about the weather when the love of your life decides she doesn't want you in her life anymore?
"Ritsu... We can't go on like this any longer. We're… We're too different in our personalities. I mean for goodness sake, we fight nearly every freaking week! I think... I think that this would be best for both of us," Mio says to her. She sits Ritsu down on her bed and looks seriously into her eyes. "I've been thinking a lot about it."
"Wait, what?" Ritsu asks, taken aback. Confusion flits through her eyes. What on earth is Mio talking about now? Ritsu notices something different about Mio, though, and it scares her. She is acting even more serious than usual. Ritsu definitely wasn't expecting this 'talk' after the romantic dinner Ritsu had prepared for them. Well, right after that they had a slight argument about whose turn it was to wash the dishes, but that was the usual routine. "You're breaking up with me because of some stinking dishes?"
"N-No, that's not it… Ugh, see? You can be so dense sometimes." A frown appears on Mio's face. She seems to be frowning a lot lately, Ritsu thinks. It didn't suit her. Not one bit. Ritsu misses the times when she would be able to put a smile on Mio's face, as easy as snapping her fingers, and that was it―Mio would have a rare dazzling smile on her face and maybe even let out an adorable laugh.
"Well I thought you loved me for who I am! I may be dense, sure, but that's a part of me. And you love me, don't you?" Ritsu looks at Mio, with hopeful and expecting eyes. She waits to hear the three words she loves so much coming from Mio. But it never comes.
Mio shakes her head, her eyes looking just above Ritsu's eyes because she didn't want to meet them. "I don't know what I feel anymore, Ritsu. I feel like everything is just… Everything's just crumbling down. I don't know how to fix it."
"Fix what? How do you fix something that's not broken? All couples have these little arguments once in a while, Mio, it's perfectly normal." Ritsu tries to hide her hurt at Mio's confession about not loving her, but it shows. Disappointment shows in her amber eyes, her mouth is turned upside down and it screams 'I'm hurt!'. The tears swimming in her eyes aren't helping either.
"Why can't you see Ritsu?" Mio snarls in frustration. "Our relationship is going to end. Our personalities clash too much. And if we don't end it now it's going to hurt both of us really badly. I go crying to Mugi once a week, I don't think you can call that normal!"
"We've been together for so long Mio, and I'm not just talking about our romance. I'm talking about our friendship! We've been okay for so long, why do you want to just end it now? I'll try. We have to try, Mio, I can't just let so many years spent with you go to waste so easily. I'll change. I promise," Ritsu's voice takes on a slight desperation. She reaches over gingerly and places her hand on Mio's. The feeling is familiar and comforting. But it is not enough for Mio.
Mio pulls away carefully. Hurt flashes in Ritsu's eyes again. "You always say that, but you never change! I'm sorry Ritsu, but someone needs to be the sensible one here. It's best for both of us."
"Tell me Mio, did you ever love me?" Ritsu's bangs hide her face. She trembles.
"…I don't see why it's necessary to answer that." Ritsu's heart breaks, when Mio doesn't reply with the answer she wants immediately.
"Just tell me!" Ritsu snaps her head up and shouts. Thick drops of tears roll down her cheeks. Mio is stunned, because Ritsu hardly ever cries.
"I… Yes. I did. I loved you." Ritsu smiles a little, which looks like a pained grimace. Her heart breaks again at the past tense used.
"…Thank you then. For loving me," Ritsu says and stands up. She goes over to the door slowly, wishing Mio would grab her hand and take back everything she said. And they would go back to being in love again. She turns her head and Mio can see the longing, the hurt and the love in her eyes. "Goodbye, Mio."
Ritsu turns on the radio and pours herself a glass of wine. It's dark, and she's all alone in the apartment she and Mio once shared. Now she is all alone.
Everywhere I go
Everything I do
Reminds me of you
Just a picture on the wall
Ritsu walks to the table. She holds up a photograph, framed and everything, of them. They were laughing, pure happiness showed on their faces, having a snowball fight. Ritsu remembers that day of course, as clear as glass. But she would rather not think about her. Ritsu ponders if she should throw the photo frame on the ground and watch it break into pieces, just like their relationship did.
Then she decides not to, because cleaning up the broken pieces would be a hassle and she really didn't need anymore frustration right now.
I'm surrounded by it all
Gotta walk before I fall, yeah
Fall out, out on the street
Streetlight, light over for me
So far from where I used to be
When she was mine
Everything was easy
Everything was simple
Never felt so good
When she was mine
I wanted to remember
Never missed a second
Now I wish I could forget
Forget when she was mine, mine, yeah
Ritsu sips her wine. Mio would like this wine, she thinks, it's not that bitter and it leaves a heavy warmth on your chest. And for Ritsu, the warmth covered a painful ache in her heart.
What I miss the most
Is talking up all night
We laughed until we cried
Now I'm breaking at the seams
-x-
"Ne, Ritsu?" Mio smiles serenely up at Ritsu who is stroking her hair.
"Yeah?"
"We'll be together forever, right?"
"Yes. We will." Ritsu's voice sounds certain and steady. Mio closes her eyes at that assurance and they fall asleep just like that, Ritsu's arms wrapped around Mio. How it was always meant to be.
-x-
Ritsu allows a tear to fall at that particular memory, just because she's alone and there's nobody to see her cry. She hastily takes another gulp of the wine, sighing when that warmth rises up her chest and rests there comfortably.
Dropping to my knees
Nothing left of me, no
Like stone turned into dust
My heart wasn't enough
So far from where I used to be
She never used to be alone. Mio was always with her wherever she went. And she was always with Mio. Like two peas in a pod, Azusa would say. Inseparable, Mugi would swoon, with sparkles in her eyes. Always together, forever, Yui would say, just because she thought that they were meant to be.
"I used to think that too, Yui, until I realized there's no such thing as forever," Ritsu chuckles drily to herself. A tear falls into her wine, clear liquid mixing with red crimson. She takes no notice.
Wonder if she's out there
Wonder where she goes, she goes
Wonder what she's doing
Will I ever know, yeah
Ritsu drags her fingers along all the photographs placed neatly on shelves, bookcases in the house. A smiling shot. A kissing shot. A shot of Mio hitting Ritsu on the head who was holding up a sign that read 'I'm a masochist and Mio's a sadist!'. Ritsu smiles at that familiar gesture. And it disappears almost immediately, because Mio would never do that to her again. A shot of them sitting together on the swing at the playground where they met. A shot of them holding hands. A hugging shot. So many pictures, countless memories, infinite amounts of love.
It surrounds Ritsu, chokes her, threatens to overwhelm her. She downs her wine and replenishes it, needing the alcohol badly because the damn tears just do not stop falling. She misses Mio so much, so so much, especially on lonely nights like this. She just wants to curl up on the couch with her again and watch some movies, never mind if it's some sappy romance flick, she just wants to be with her.
Down on my knees
Gotta see her, gotta see her, gotta see her
Tried to forget
But I need her, but I need her, but I need her
Down on my knees
Gotta see her, gotta see her, gotta see her
Tried to forget
But I need her, but I need her, but I need her
The song on the radio ends, just as Ritsu drops her glass of wine. It shatters on the white ceramic tiles, bright red wine and broken sharp pieces of glass flying everywhere. Ritsu does not even flinch when a piece hits her foot, creating a bleeding wound that's the same colour as the wine. She bends down, tears flowing freely now, and through the haze that heartbreak is creating, she thinks, 'I guess Mio wouldn't like that.'
She laughs, tears dripping all around her, surrounded by broken pieces of glass and red liquid. That is probably what her heart looks now. A mess. If someone comes in right now they would think that she is mad. And she is. She is mad with heartbreak, with grief, with love and hurt.
The last time Ritsu saw Mio was their break up. Mio had moved out, taking all that she had with her, leaving the photographs and everything they shared with Ritsu. But she left a crown and some angel wings that Ritsu had made just for her. Carved into the golden crown are the words: My Dangerous Queen. When Ritsu had given Mio the angel wings, it made her itchy to no end.
-x-
"So, Mio, do you like it?" Ritsu grins.
"Yes! Yes I do, they're beautiful. Thank you, Ritsu. Why did you make these for me though?" Mio lights up with joy. She always loved to receive presents.
"Because you're my angel. You're the only angel I believe in." Ritsu lets a small smile form on her lips, feeling a little itchy because of how corny it sounded.
Mio blushes intensely at her words and nearly hits Ritsu from embarrassment but instead chooses to give her a bone-crushing hug, to Ritsu's surpise.
-x-
The next morning, Ritsu wakes up to dried tear tracks on her face and a horrifying mess around her. Mumbling something about a headache, she gets up and starts another boring day by herself. She looks at the clock and groans. She is late for work again, but it doesn't actually matter because she's the boss of her restaurant.
She washes up and leaves the house, looking tired but still presentable enough. When she arrives, the entire kitchen is in disarray because of the lunch crowd. She quickly takes her place as the head chef and plunges into cooking, letting her mind focus entirely on cooking to perfection. The thought of Mio doesn't once enter her mind as she goes about her busy culinary job. She thanks the heavens for her busy job, so that she doesn't suddenly break down in the middle of cooking.
"Ma'am, are you sure you're okay? You look tired," Ritsu's apprentice, a small wiry boy around twenty, asks. He is smart and caring, and Ritsu is grateful to him for asking.
"I am tired." Ritsu rubs her eyes. The lunch crowd is gone and the kitchen is much more peaceful now.
"Then may I suggest that you go home and rest, ma'am?" the apprentice offers. "After all, we've got enough hands here. We'll manage."
"But-"
"Really, it's fine, ma'am." The apprentice smiles softly, a little worried for his boss. She is usually cheerful and upbeat around the kitchen, but for the past few months she was incredibly down and depressed and was often late for work. "Get your energy up, and we can go back to being the best restaurant in town!"
"… I guess you're right. Thanks, Kurichi. I'm sorry for being such a head chef. I just need some time, okay?" Ritsu announces to the entire kitchen.
"We'll wait for you, boss!" The kitchen crew replies enthusiastically. Everyone loves Ritsu. Who wouldn't?
More A/N: Pretty shitty way to end the chapter, but I couldn't really find a way to end it other than this. The next one will be much better. If you like it please review and favourite ^^ Thanks for reading! I've already written the other chapter, but I just need to brush it up and wait for a couple of days and I'll post it.
x
Joeh