What Hurts the Most
Rangiku's point of view on what happened between her and Gin
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach
I don't blame you for leaving and every day that you're gone it rains. The pitter patter of the droplets hitting the roof doesn't bother me anymore. I cry most days that you are gone. I was wondering why. Why did you leave all of a sudden? I asked you that day in the meadow when you said that you were going to become a soul reaper. You told me that you had to. I didn't understand why you would want to be one. As you turned away I wanted to ask you about us but the look in your icy eyes showed that you didn't feel the same way that I did. Now I sit here wondering what could have been if you stayed here with me.
After the winter passed I decided that I would join the soul reapers as well. I trained hard and after four years I was done with the academy. I saw you the day that I graduated you were walking next to a tall brunette and I thought that I had lost you for good... but I was wrong or so I thought. You walked over to where I stood and hugged me as though it was just like old time. You then you introduced the brunette to me as Aizen, your captain. After becoming a part of squad ten I would sneak off to see you and for once it felt as though you returned my feelings. I lost count of how many of those warm nights I was pressed close to your body as we shared and made memories together. But still I could not tell you the words that were written upon my heart.
By the time I became a lieutenant you were already a captain. Stronger than any that I have ever seen but you always wore that fake smile that I saw right through. From the moment you placed it upon your face I knew that you would never reciprocate my feelings. Sake became my friend my rose colored glasses that made me want to believe that smile was real. As I wanted to become closer to you the more you would cling to Aizen. Every time that I saw your friends and you're not by my side I begin to understand that you never did hold any feelings for me in your smile.
After you betrayed I struggled to wake up, get dressed, and live with the regrets that clouded my heart and eyes. The regrets of never telling you my feelings. I was so close to you and yet you walked away. Leaving me here trying to fake a smile like you did and every night I laid awake and cried over what we were and what we could have been. It hurts the most to know that there could have been so much more between us and yet you left to be Aizen's puppet. If I could go back I would have told you everything including what I wish we could have been.
The day of the war I watched as so many people died or seriously injured. You stood there by his side as I was fatally wounded and if it wasn't for your ex-lieutenant I would have died. Then you left with Aizen to go to the real Katakura town. I followed you against Kira's wishes and my own body's demands for rest. I arrived just in time only to be carried off by you. I tried to tell you my feelings but you stopped me. You placed your pale hand on my chest and the next thing I knew I was waking up alone again. Just like every day since you left I cried. Your touch didn't have any love for me in them. I stayed there upon the roof top until I felt Aizen's spiritual pressure facing off against yours.
I arrived to see you sprawled out across a slab of rubble. You were injured and there was blood so much blood everywhere, and Aizen stood there grinning like the bastard he was. He never held any emotions toward you or any of the others that followed him so blindly. Without so much as a care to my safety I stepped between you two. I faced you with tears in my eyes as I looked upon your mangled body. Even at that moment I could not summons the words to explain what I felt. I knew that you didn't have long. Tears started to fall from my eyes and splash against your dirty cheek. I was about to speak when your voice conveyed every emotion I felt for you into two words "I'm sorry."
It took me all this time to realize that your feelings for me were always in your voice the sweet harmony of every syllable flowing from your lips. Smiling through my tears I leaned down and captured your lips in one last kiss. Holding onto every emotion we passed between each other before we broke apart, and I watched you walk away from me for the very last time but at least I can see the love in you this time. Even though I would never know what we could have been I at least know that you love me and that you always have.