Another version of my Breaking Dawn Parody, I re-wrote it because I've thought up some funnier stuff. And flamers that flamed my New Moon one... f'ck you! I don't care what you think!

Italics are thoughts :P

Edward: So yeah, Vampires and shit, s'all good.

Bella: What the hell? Hey, your supposed to be on your stag night.

Edward: (Lost look)

Bella: You know, strippers, sleeping with a random stranger and getting herpes (in head) If you can, getting drunk, even though you can't drink anything...

Edward: Oh, um... nope, no stag party (in head) that I know of, if Emmett and Jasper even dare...

Bella: How do vampire's get drunk anyway? Is it a kind of alcoholic blood you can get? Can you even get drunk?

AnnieCullen: Vampires drink Tru Blood!

Bella: What the hell is that?

AnnieCullen: It's synhetic Blood, duh!

Edward: I... um... I actually don't know what Tru Blood is... anyway, who are you, not Bella person?

AnnieCullen: Bye! (Disappears)

Bella: Anyway... Try now. (Gets vodka out) From all those lonely nights when he left (sigh) you were my boyfriend, Mr. Vodka. (Strokes bottle)

Edward: I- (Gets hit on head with a brick) OW! What the frick!?

Emmett: (From outside) Sparkle boy! Come on, stag party!

Edward: Oh god. Should'a known not to leave them a note saying 'I don't want a stag party'.

Bella: Go on. You can go, but if you get pissed, tell me how you did it so when I'm a vampire I can do it, OK? (Shudders) Ooh sweet sweet Malibu.

Edward: O...K.

Bella: Bye boyfriend/Fiance/Vampire (Shudders AGAIN!) Mmm, gorgeous Watermelon Barcardi Breezers.

Edward: Just incase (Takes bottles)

Bella: (Whiney) Eddie-kins!

Edward: Bella, you might run off with Jacob again.

Bella: You talk like that's a bad thing (Scoffs) Ooh sexy gorgeous wolf fur, I could just do him right now! It's a good job you can't read my mind, Edward.

----

Location: Cullen House (wedding day)

Alice: Dum dum de dum, dum dum de dum...

Bella: (Expressionless) Please stop that.

Alice: (Louder) Dum dum de dum, dum dum de dum

Bella: That's it! Alice, You're fired from being my maid of honor!

Alice: But... I never was you maid of honor to begin with.

Bella: Oh... Alice, will you be my maid of honor?

Alice: YES! OH MY GOD YES! THIS IS THE HA-

Bella: Alice, now you're fired from being my maid of honor!

Alice: Now that's just plain rude.

----

Location: Wedding Reception

Mike: (In Head) Pfft! I hate weddings... so what am I doing here? Oh yeah. Poisen the curry so Cullen dies and I-

Jessica: Mike, your not thinking about poisening the curry again are you?

Mike: (Innocent face) No.

Jessica: Good. (In head) Stupid blonde moron, pfft.

Bella: This is the bestest romantisest day of my life! Ahh! (Falls)

Edward: That's great Bella, but, with your lack of intelligance, let me do the speaking in this relationship, OK?

Bella: Lack of intelligance? Excuse me, who saved you from being Volturi nom-noms?

Edward: You.

Bella: And who listened to the dumb ho, Rosalie?

Rosalie: HEY! I'M NO HO!

Bella: (Dumb voice) Hehe, No Ho.

Rosalie: (Scoffs) You married a moron! Come on, Emmett.

Emmett: But Mike has-

Rosalie: NOW!

Bella: Anyway... where were we?

Edward: You were... talking about McDonalds. (In head) Good save, Eddie-kins... oh shit, that damn nickname. Note to self - kill Alice slowly with her straightners.

Bella: Right, so I was eating the Happy Meal and they forgot the toy! Forgot the toy!

Edward: Why did I marry you, again?

AnnieCullen: (Whispers) You didn't.

Edward: Shut up, I'm not a clone from Star Wars! Anyway, I don't remember you being on the guest list.

AnnieCullen: That's my cue to vamoosh! (Vanishes and reappears) I'll be back later (Vanishes).

----

Location: Isle Esme

Bella: Sex now?

Edward: You've been drinking again, haven't you?

Bella: I want Sex! SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX! (Deep Voice) Give me SEX!

Edward: (Lost look)

Bella: Pleeease?

Edward: (Sigh) Very well, you did say please. I'll get your b-

Bella: (Grabs bag and runs) Meet you in the ocean-lake thing over there. (Arrives in bedroom) Mua ha ha ha. Sexy Lingerie... Ooh lacey.

AnnieCullen: (Appears with hands over eyes) Your meant to be naked.

Bella: Arrgh! Get out of my room!

AnnieCullen: No arguments there! I'll go see Edward get un-dressed and hide in the bushes (Disappears) (In distance) Ooh yes!

Bella: (Trying to walk sexily to the beach, but just looks like an idiot) Eeedwaaard!

Edward: (Panicy) Bella, you won't believe what happened, I had someone watching me undress in the bushes and-

Bella: (Again, trying to speak with a sexy voice, and again, sounding like an idiot) Shh, don't speak.

----

Location: Bedroom (I think)

Bella: Mmm, great sex, it was great sex, wasn't it?

Edward: (Nervously) Mm-hmm

Bella: I'm officially not a virgin now! Yippee!

Edward: I'm a monster.

Bella: In bed?

Edward: No. Look at your body.

Bella: (Gasp) Bruises! No wait... yes, they were from when I fell over last week.

Edward: No, those bruises!

Bella: (Looks down and sees Bruises shaped like an 'E')

AnnieCullen: You should be more careful.

Edward: You're making me feel bad!

AnnieCullen: Sorry. (Disappears)

----

Location: Bathroom

Bella: Day four of throwing up diary. That's pretty much i- (Throws up)

AnnieCullen: (Throws leaflet at Bella)

Bella: OW! What the he- (Throws up)

AnnieCullen: Ew. Anyway, read the leaflet.

Bella: Why? I can't exactly have read whilst throwing up.

AnnieCullen: Just do it.

Bella: (Reads title) Why did you give me a leaflet about pregnancy?

AnnieCullen: (Obvious look)

Bella: Oh.

AnnieCullen: Well...

Bella: No, thanks. I think I'd know if I was pregnant.

AnnieCullen: Do the words 'Lack of Intelligance' ring a bell?

Bella: (Shakes head)

AnnieCullen: Aye Aye Aye! (Disappears)