Title: Your One and Only
Rating: PG-13
Category: Humor, Romance
Genre: Het
Pairing: McGee/Ziva
Warnings: None
Summary: McGee has a problem. Can Ziva solve it?
Spoilers: Definitely none.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: Hangman prize for iheartGibbs. She requested some McGiva with jealous Abby. We'll see if this meets her expectations.
"Ziva, I have a huge problem." McGee sighed and flopped down in his desk chair.
Ziva nodded, not looking up from her computer monitor. "Yes, McGee."
He pouted. "So you're not denying that I have a problem?"
This time, she did look at him. "What is there for me to deny? You just said you had a problem and I was simply agreeing with you. You gave me no indication that I should do otherwise."
He huffed. "Well, usually when a person makes a self-deprecating comment to someone else, the someone else assures the person that he or she is completely wrong in that assumption."
Ziva stared at him for a moment, then announced, "That makes no sense, McGee." He buried his face in his hands, shaking his head, and Ziva decided to take pity on him. "Alright, what is your problem?"
He let his hands drop. "What? Just because I said . . ."
"Your huge problem, McGee!" Ziva interrupted. "What is it?"
His face began to pinken as he struggled for words. "I, uh, well . . . I don't know that I want to tell you."
She threw her hands up in frustration. "Then why did you even mention it to me?"
He continued to stumble. "Well, I was planning on, um, elaborating, but you seem like you're really busy, so . . ."
"Nonsense," Ziva insisted, smiling wolfishly. "I have plenty of time for your secrets, McGee."
McGee let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. "It's not a secret, Ziva. It's just . . ." He sighed again. "Abby."
Ziva raised an eyebrow. "Abby is your huge problem?"
"No," he started, then hedged a bit. "Well, kinda . . . Okay, yeah, Abby's my problem."
Ziva nodded slowly. "She is not pregnant, is she?"
McGee gave her a bewildered look. "What? No, she's not pregnant. What would even make you think that? We haven't even . . ." He trailed off, blush returning.
Ziva smirked. "You have not what, McGee?" She chuckled a bit, continuing. "It is okay, you can say it. Your tongue will not be caught." She stood from her desk and walked to his, leaning over so their eyes were on the same level. "Sex," she whispered lustily.
His face reddened even more and Ziva let out another soft chuckle. "No, that's not . . ." he started, shaking his head. "Abby and I have . . ." He trailed off again, realizing that he didn't really want to be telling Ziva this. "I think she's mad at me. So why sex?"
Ziva shrugged, walking back to her desk and intentionally saying her hips as she did so. "You were thinking about it, yes?"
McGee kept his eyes focused on her nether regions. "I am now . . ." he muttered to himself, then quickly raised his head to make sure Ziva hadn't heard. She was sitting again, and smirking, which meant nothing, really, because that was pretty much a natural state for her.
"What is she angry about?" If she had heard him, she wasn't acknowledging it.
McGee frowned and shrugged. "I don't know. That's the weird thing. She just shooed me out of her lab when I went down there, saying something about how I'd rather be up here."
"Ahh," Ziva said, understanding dawning on her.
He narrowed his eyes at her. "What?"
She continued to smirk. "She is jealous."
"Of who?" McGee snorted. "My computer? Gibbs?"
"No," Ziva replied matter-of-factly. She looked him directly in the eye. "Me."
He gave her a dubious look. "Why would she be jealous of you, Ziva?"
Rather than be offended by the insensitive comment, Ziva smiled and shrugged. "There must be some reason for it . . ."
McGee continued to study her, brow furrowed in thought, then spoke. "Wait. You don't think she's jealous jealous, do you?"
Ziva rolled her eyes. "You are entirely unsufferable at times, McGee." McGee frowned at that as she continued. "Yes! Of course she is jealous jealous, as you put it. She has seen the way you act around me and . . ."
"Wait, wait," McGee interrupted her, holding up a hand. "You're telling me Abby doesn't like me being around you," Ziva nodded, "because you flirt with me?"
Ziva snorted. "You are not entirely innocent in this yourself, McGee."
He rolled his eyes, but was secretly enjoying the conversation. He looked at her. "So if I'm flirting, and that's what Abby is jealous about, then why hasn't she just said she wants me back?"
"Perhaps she doesn't."
McGee frowned. "She's jealous, Ziva."
She raised a finger. "I think Abby misses your attention, and is simply jealous that you do not want her anymore."
He gave her a look. "Let me guess – you're saying I want you instead, right?"
Ziva shrugged, still smirking. "You said it . . ."
McGee rolled his eyes. "Don't play games, Ziva."
"I am not," she insisted, then paused. "I will not run away screaming if you admit you want me. Or laugh in your face."
"That's reassuring," McGee muttered.
"On the contrary," she continued, still looking him directly in the eye. "I would be very pleased. Because it is not often that I do not get what I want, McGee, and I would hate to have to convince someone as nice as yourself to be with me."
The statement was made so seriously, so straight-faced, but Ziva's eyes registered a softness the rest of her expression lacked. McGee smiled as he saw that look in her eyes.
"As I would hate to have you resort to that, Ziva," he agreed.
Ziva smiled. "What are you going to do about Abby?"
He smirked. "I'm sure she'll live. She has Tony. And Gibbs. And Ducky . . ."
Ziva grinned. "So in other words, I am all yours, yes?"
He returned the grin. "Only if the same is true for you, Ziva."
"I can assure you of that, McGee."
He continued to grin a silly grin at her, then realized he should say something. "So, uh, what next?"
Ziva shruggged. "We could make Tony jealous."
McGee's grin widened. "I love the way you think."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
When Tony arrived in the squadroom later that day, his mouth dropped open at the sight he saw and his voice trembled as he called out, "Gibbs! Boss! Someone . . ."
Ziva gave him a seductive smile. "Something wrong, Tony?"
He glared at her. "Gibbs is so gonna kick your ass."
"I highly doubt Gibbs wants to be in Ziva's position," McGee announced.
Tony gave him a dirty look. "I was talking to both of you, McRulebreaker." He laughed to himself as he sat down at his desk, propping his feet up and lacing his hands behind his head. "I can't wait to see how this one plays out."
A sharp thwack to his head interrupted Tony's lounging and he quickly sat up, as Ziva scrambled back to her own desk.
"Won't have to wait long now, will ya, DiNozzo?" Gibbs' voice entered the conversation.
Tony let out a nervous laugh. "Guess not, Boss."
Gibbs smirked at him, then turned to McGee and Ziva, stern-faced once more. "You two, elevator." McGee blanched, as Ziva tried to hide her anger. "Now!"
The duo stood from their desks and walked to the elevator, stepping inside and allowing the doors to close behind them.
Gibbs watched the doors slide shut, then sat down at his desk, straightening some files.
"Boss?" Tony's voice came. Gibbs looked up, glaring. "Uh, aren't you gonna follow them, give them a talking-to?"
"Nope." Gibbs turned back to his paperwork.
"But Boss," Tony sounded desperate now, "Ziva was sitting on McGee's lap! Who knows what they'd do in an elevator together!"
Gibbs looked at him again, smirking this time. "Ya think I hadn't thought of that already, DiNozzo?"
Tony's eyes widened. "You . . ."
He was interrupted by a scream – a woman's scream, coming from the elevator.
Tony quickly looked back to Gibbs, who was still smirking.
Gibbs spoke. "That's what you get for predicting my course of action, DiNozzo."
THE END!!