R E J E C T E D
Word Count: 1052
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
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Everyone thinks that she is completely oblivious to everything that goes on around her. That she is a total innocent, unaware of things that everyone else knows. But, the truth of that is, while she is indeed an innocent, she is not as oblivious as everyone seems to think. Orihime is perfectly aware of the matters around her.
For one, she knows that Ichigo will only ever feel friendship for her. She can't help but care about him anyway. She can't help it because he doesn't love her and he still continues to rescue her time and time again. But that doesn't make her oblivious to his true feelings for her.
She knows everytime he looks at Rukia.
She knows everytime they're together; they just fit.
She knows because he belongs with her. They're both of the same kind, after all. She isn't.
But, she could never hate Rukia - ever. That's just not possible. Rukia has enlightened Orihime's life in ways she never would have expected, and she's very thankful for that. Though, just because she doesn't hate Rukia doesn't mean she isn't the slightest bit envious of her. Even a little angry at her. If it wasn't for Rukia, Orihime might still have a chance.
Of course she's jealous. Who wouldn't be if they live everyday knowing the man they love wants someone else? Especially someone as amazing as Rukia.
No, Orihime doesn't hate Rukia. She looks up to the shinigami as if Rukia is her older sister. Rukia has taught her so many important things that Orihime will use in her life. How could she possibly hate someone so important to her? Rukia has become her best friend after all that has happened. And she knows Rukia deserves him. Though, that will never halt the fact that Orihime wishes she could be as important to Ichigo as Rukia is.
She can't help but also feel a bit mad at Ichigo, too. Why does he have to keep coming to her aid? It makes her feel a false sense of importance. One that immediately goes away when he turns to Rukia. She guesses that it's probably her own fault. She's too weak to be of any use. That's why Ichigo always tells her to stay back during a fight. Why she has to watch him fight with Rukia, who is completely capable of taking care of herself. Ichigo has only had to save Rukia once.
Orihime can't count how many times he's saved her.
Rukia's tough. Orihime's weak.
Rukia is just what Ichigo needs. Orihime wonders why she isn't. Why she can't be.
She's tried to learn from Rukia, has tried to be just like Rukia, but it never works. Orihime can't stop being Orihime. She's accepted that.
That doesn't stop the hurt.
She can't help but to fall in love with him either. She's let herself care too much about him. She's tried to stop, but every time he does something else that makes her fall back unexpectedly.
Maybe that's why she and Rangiku hit it off so easily. Orhiime wonders if this is how Rangiku feels about Gin. Yes, their situation is a bit different from hers, but she's sure it feels the same. Rangiku's pain. Rangiku feels pushed to the side for better things, Orihime's sure. She's sure Rangiku doesn't want to feel so much for Gin, but she can't help it. The same way Orihime feels about Ichigo.
Maybe Orihime should just settle for Uryuu, who's been there for her all along. Granted, he hasn't saved her nearly as many times as Ichigo, but he looks at her the way she wishes Ichigo would. She's not oblivious to Uryuu's feelings, she just pretends to be. When he made that dress for Rukia, Orihime was simply hoping that Uryuu had come to like the violet-eyed shinigami. That maybe Orihime had just imagined the deep connection Ichigo and Rukia have.
The deep connection Orihime wishes she had with Ichigo.
But, she won't. She's not Rukia. She's Orihime and maybe she should have just accepted what life had to offer her before all this mess. This arrancar madness. She's willing to give herself up now, for all of their safeties. She's not as important as any of them - she's not as needed as any of them.
Sometimes she closes her eyes, hoping it is all just a crazy dream. That she'll wake up now and find herself where she was a few months ago, sitting in class, yearning for the orange-haired boy named Kurosaki Ichigo. She does this now, hoping with all of her heart that this will just turn out to be a horrible nightmare. But, when she opens her eyes, she sees herself exactly where she was a minute ago. Standing next to an injured, sleeping Ichigo. And at the sight of him, her stupid heart skips a beat.
She leans down to kiss the boy she's loved for what seems like forever to find that she can't. She can't do it. She can't do what she's longed to do since before any of this. He's not hers. Orihime can't cross this boundary even now when she's practically betraying everyone she has ever cared about.
And when she's in Hueco Mundo, after she's sworn herself to Aizen and his desires, Orihime thinks of the people she has left. She can't help but to think that they're all much better off without her. She can't help but to think that she had only been holding them all back. She can't help but to think that she was just a waste of their energies in the end.
She'd only ever been good at being saved - never at saving. She'd trained herself to be able to save, but her attempts proved to be useless. Much like herself.
Yes, they'll all be better without her. They won't have to worry nearly as much anymore.
As Orihime looks to the perpetual night sky of Hueco Mundo, she knows no one is coming to save her. She's not worth it. She was never really needed in the first place.
She thinks it's funny how she has the power to reject reality when it seems that life has rejected her all along.
Yes, no one is coming to save the rejected princess...